I should
start out by saying that I hear such similar things from gaming conventions
that I suspect anything that does work out for comics conventions should work
for gaming as well, and probably science fiction and fantasy.
Going back
to the previous two posts, my thoughts were running on how - in overly
simplified terms - women suffer from not speaking up on their own behalf and
men suffer from not being called on their actions. That's not to say that the
suffering is equally distributed, or that those are the only problems, but I am
focusing on them because they can solve each other. As I have also recently
read the comic Martin Luther King and the Montgomery Story, my thoughts
went there.
The Civil Rights
struggle did target specific laws, but it was also targeting mindsets, and it
was based in love and compassion. Jim Crow and institutionalized racism were
reprehensible, and the people who reflected that racism could and should have
known better, but the movement banked on it being possible to teach those
people and win them over.
I recently
saw a tweet that may have helped as well:
If someone
makes a racist/sexist joke, say, with total seriousness, “I don’t get it, can
you explain it” Then watch them crash & burn.
That's
pretty brilliant. It's more effective than telling them that their joke is
stupid or racist, or explaining to them why. It raises one question and puts
the burden back on them, where it belongs.
It seems
obvious what a perfect response that is now, but I had never thought of it.
When something is wrong, I think it's a natural response to feel a need to fix
it, where the listener takes the responsibility. That just tends to lead to
aggravation. It is also a natural response to think it's better to ignore it,
but that doesn't feel great either. So this is a third option, where you are
placing the burden of the offense on the offender.
I think
this can work at a convention setting. One other thing about the Southern
Christian Leadership Conference, and other groups within the movement, is that
they did extensive preparation. They held workshops and drills where they
practiced. When you are on a panel, and one of your fellow panelists starts
asking you lewd questions, maintaining the presence of mind to find the perfect response would be pretty
difficult. If you have practiced it multiple times though, and discussed common
issues with other people who have had similar experiences, then it can be
easier, because you are ready.
That may
sound like a lot of work, but there is a lot of work that goes into it now,
with women giving out warnings and being hyper-vigilant to make sure they don't
get trapped and to keep an eye out for anyone else who might be getting into
trouble, not to mention the emotional toll that comes with everything that
can't be prevented. Women are bearing the burden of the bad behavior of others.
I believe the tables can be turned.
Everything
that I have read tells me that there will be no shortage of material for workshops
and drills. That the situation exists is unfortunate, but when you're getting
ready to fight having plenty of ammunition is good. I believe that the simple
process of sharing experiences with others and discussing appropriate responses
will be empowering in itself because of the mutual support, and that first step
in giving voice. That will build as the lessons are applied.
Let's look
at MariNomi's experience, and this is totally being a Monday-morning
quarterback, which would be the point of doing workshops and drills. When the
fellow panelist starts asking lewd questions, maybe start with a simple "Why
do you ask that?"
That would
allow some people to realize that they are being inappropriate and stop. If it
persisted, maybe a brief statement that given the panel's topic, taking things
in that direction could only devalue it. It is worth spending some time
hammering out phrasing. The other statement that might be worth hammering out,
because I am amazed at how many times it comes up, might be something along the
lines of "Actually, he is my husband, not my owner, so your apology should
really be to me." Anyway, I think it's worth trying.
I am under
no illusions that it will all be fun and games. At the very least there will be
some embarrassment. That will be stressful for the conflict-averse, but it is
necessary. Part of maturation is realizing that some things aren't really funny
or cute or okay anymore, and that is awkward but that's how it works. It's
survivable.
Some people
will be very offended, and even hostile. It wouldn't hurt to maintain the buddy
system for a while. However, a big part of why some can get away with being so predatory
is the tacit acceptance of creepiness. They will resent having less acceptance,
but it will also diminish their power.
The thing
that bothers me the most is that I think, at least in the early stages, it will
need to be women only. The SCLC was open to allies, and while that is a good
attitude, I can see that making the places feel less safe and less open, so being
detrimental. That makes me start thinking about other marginalized groups. Most
of the convention stories I hear are about men harassing women, but I know that
other minorities are not well-represented in the industry. If there is not
equality there, then there could be abuses of power in other ways.
However,
there is something else that makes me optimistic and believe it can work out,
even though the story is very extraneous. One of my high school English
teachers said that often when a student's writing has multiple problems,
addressing one fixes the others. The source for the different problems was an
error in how they thought about writing, or while writing, and once the
thinking was adjusted it fixed everything. Looking at one symptom of a systemic
issue could address the larger issue.
Making
conventions safe for women won't automatically make them safe for everyone
else, and it won't necessarily square up hiring practices, but it might lead to
surprising things. Also, seeing that one thing can be fixed, and how, can make
it easier to address the next issue.
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