Birthday Dinner - The Chinese Meal

When my birthday plans were karaoke chaos, I decided on it and sent out invitations in November. That seemed like a very long advance, but it worked out. This time I sort of made my plans in July.

One of the books I read for my long reading list was Fat Is A Feminist Issue 2 by Susie Orbach, and it had several visualization exercises, some of which were surprisingly powerful. One was "The Chinese Meal". Obviously you were visualizing being out for Chinese food, but there were various questions that were asked as to how the food was being served, and if anyone else there had food issues, and did you feel like you could have what you want?

Initially, I did not. I love Chinese food; my family does not. Even the friends I have who like Chinese food tend to like different things, so sharing isn't usually a real option. What if I wanted to have both a pot sticker and an egg roll with my entree? That could never happen, because you can't order them individually and no one else wants the same things, so it's too much food.

As I went through the activity I started to think, well, there is such a thing as leftovers. What if I just decide that this is what I want, and I am going to have it? If other people want to share, or not, that's okay. I started to imagine being with people I trusted, and also trusting myself, that I could have what I want, and neither short myself nor glut myself, and just be okay with it.

It started to seem feasible. I had not completely committed to it back in July, but as my birthday got closer I realized that seemed like the best thing to do - the birthday activity that would be the most helpful and gratifying. I started to agonize over dates and times and whom to invite, and then I just went decisive, picked 6 PM on my birthday at Jin Wah, and sent e-mail or Facebook messages to the people I wanted.

The lead up was more emotionally taxing than you might expect. I was going through a rough spot and that made some of the declines hurt more than they should have, I guess. That whole thing is probably something I am going to get into later. I thought many times that maybe I should just cancel the whole thing, but I didn't.

And then it was really wonderful.

I had decided that what I wanted to order one order of spring rolls, one of pot stickers, and an order of Peking Duck, all to share. The first two things are just things I like, but the third was something I had never had before, and it sounded interesting. For some restaurants you need to order in advance, but not at Jin Wah. Then everyone could have their entrees. If there were leftovers, fine, and if not that was fine too.

Peking Duck is a complicated dish, coming out one tray with skin, meat, steamed pancakes, sauce, and green onions, and another tray with the rest of the meat and bones. One friend had eaten it before, and was explaining it to us, but then one of the wait staff gave us a tutorial.

It was good, but then I read after that it involves force feeding, so I was thinking I could never have it again, but then also the dish normally is all skin without much meat, so I kind of wonder if maybe they make it with a regular duck, and maybe that is why they don't require special notice.

Everyone tried some of the duck, had one spring roll (out of four), and one pot sticker (out of six). Between those and the individual entrees, there was a lot of food, and a lot left over.

I was planning on paying for the three shared items and my entree, but I was ready to pick up the other three entrees too just to be safe. My friends split the check three ways, even though they had all brought gifts too. I objected, they insisted, and they won, and so I spent no money and had boxes and boxes of leftovers.

It was good before that, because even though I was the only common bond between the three, they got along well and talked and everyone was interesting and kind, and I needed that time with them. And I was safe and loved, and was able to get what I wanted and needed and try something new.

It doesn't mean that it will always be that way, or that it even should be that way. I mean, there is nothing wrong with only having an egg roll or a pot sticker or even with getting salad rolls because that's what someone else wants. This was my birthday, and so for that I was making it special and more than normal, which worked. It is very powerful to see that you can have what you want and it can be okay. Maybe for a lot of people they already know that, and it's not a big deal, but it was for me.

I suspect next year's birthday will be based on "The Ideal Kitchen" exercise, and it won't really be about the kitchen.