My most offensive blog post ever!

Some of you may not find this post that offensive, but I assure you that when I broach the subject with people I know, they get defensive. Like most situations when this happens, I know I'm right.

The last time it came up was in February. I was so irritated, and heard the usual defenses, and I decided the best thing to do was wait a few months and then blog about it. If I start noticing a lot of glares coming my way at church, I will know the post got passed around.

There is a very popular dance class in this area. It often seems like every family with a daughter in the stake has her in this class. I first became aware of it when I attended a luncheon for senior sisters. (A few not-senior sisters were asked to go to help the seniors get there.)

The entertainment was the dance class, like this was a recital for them. The first thing I noticed was a distinct lack of choreography. You know what there was no lack of? Costume changes!

That bothered me. If I were sending my child to dance classes, I would want her to learn some moves. I mentioned this, and everyone has the same answer. This is a free dance class. They actually spend more time dancing than they would if they were learning regular dance routines, because then they would be broken down into groups, and each group would probably only perform one number.

Seriously, everyone says this in pretty much the same way, so that must be the spiel that they are given. I tried to accept that. After all, movement is good, so this class gives them opportunities for exercise and socialization. I can support that. Then I saw them perform again.

Part of the context is that I had recently attended an adult talent show, and while it was a good experience it appeared that some people had not rehearsed or prepared very much, including choosing to sing a cappella rather than dealing with an accompanist.

Okay, these are busy adults, and it was good for them to get the chance to share something again. Also, no one individual act took that long. I can make some allowances.

The little girls prepare. They have practices. They have music. They have seven costume changes! They just don't have routines.

I mean, there is kind of an idea of tapping your foot here or circling there, but as simple as it is, they are still looking at the teacher who is motioning from the side, and some do kind of wander the floor in a daze.

I admit to being impressed that there aren't more collisions, given how little of an idea any of them seem to have of what they should be doing in a given moment. Some of this may be due to the presence of older students too, but I kind of felt like the older students should be embarrassed. If at this age you decide that you still like dancing, isn't it time to look for a real class? Shouldn't you be learning something by now?

(This is not getting into the fact that one song was written by the teacher's grandmother about herself, which seemed a little egotistical, or the absolutely ridiculous segment about flowers - whole living flowers instead of petals or seeds or something that wouldn't be killed by being uprooted - getting blown up onto the mountain by harsh winds, being in danger from the dark, and then being blown back down.)

I can totally conceive having the first few months be mainly free dance with a few moves taught, and letting the children improvise with each new move, but as you start getting closer to the big performance, maybe this is a good time to learn an actual routine. Maybe you do break into groups at this point. Yes, that means that not every single girl gets to be a pirate and a butterfly and a flower and a snowflake and a fairy and a princess, but that's actually the part that bugs me the most.

They aren't learning complicated routines or moves of increasing difficulty, so the thing that differentiates one number from the next is the costumes. And they are cute costumes, and they are cute little girls all together, but when more attention is put into the costumes than the routines, what does this teach them? Your job is to look cute. We neither expect nor want anything else of you.

What a wonderful message for young girls! I could not be happier with that. Sure, it will suck a little when they hit their awkward stages, or they end up not being that cute compared to other girls around them, or when while they are in fact cute, they do not believe that they are - I mean, that never happens!

The odds of them becoming professional dancers were low anyway, but so are the odds of being professionally cute, and a lot of those professions are kind of demeaning. Yeah, but they dance more than they would in an actual dance class!

So, fine - I'm the mean, childless, grouchy spinster, but I will take it. I get that it's not ballet. I get that it's free form by design. Lack of comprehension of the philosophy is not my problem. I concede that it's helpful for the local craft and fabric stores.

I remain convinced that it sucks.