Back to that being religious thing from yesterday, I
know a lot of people through church. Many of them are more in the age group of
my sisters, so we are not Facebook friends, but they are friends with my
sisters. I hear about them sometimes, and I don't have anything against them,
but saying "friends" might be overstating it. This post will refer to
people in that category.
Anyway, my sisters told me about one of these
acquaintances whose approach to Christmas gifts for her children was one want,
one need, something to wear, and something to read. This was several years ago,
but I thought it sounded great, and very balanced.
I have no idea whether my source was the originator,
or if she got it from somewhere else, but I have been hearing of more people
doing it and this year it is the 4 Gift Challenge! We dare you to stick to it!
Here's some other things I know about through my
sisters. One of our mutual acquaintance bought their child a chandelier one
year, because that was what the child wanted. We also know a family where one
child has a miniature horse.
Those gifts might seem over the top, but I love that
the child has a chance to be an individual. A child who gets a lot of toys and
a chandelier is overkill, but the child who decides that what they really want
is something beautiful to look at, or the child who wants a pony more than any
other thing, and will sacrifice other things to get that, I see a lot of good
there.
The 4 Gift idea is solid. I know that a mountain of
gifts doesn't increase happiness - in fact, the happiness boost starts diving
after four or five. Also, the line items make sense. As an adult I am more
inclined to check out from the library, but the importance of children owning
books is well-documented. Growing kids change sizes, so new clothing will always
make sense. Knowing that needs are essential but acknowledging that wants
matter too, and that meeting some of those wants is a priority for the parent
of the child - that is all good stuff.
There is still a difference between something being
a good guide versus a vital rule, and then when it becomes a challenge, we've
gone back into that weird competition about who can have the purest Christmas.
When I was a child, I saw that it was a thrill
opening presents. I remember once wrapping some random items and stowing them
away to unwrap later. I don't remember how long it was until I got back to
them, but even though I wrapped them, and they were all things that I already
had in my room (including two AA batteries that might have been dead), it was
exciting. It can be okay to play into that. Maybe a single gift will consist of
multiple components that are wrapped separately, or they can unwrap clues for a
scavenger hunt. That will not automatically make an emotionally hollow Christmas.
I also remember that after the Christmas unwrapping
was done there was a letdown, but if there are other family traditions that are
still coming - like everyone playing a new game or doing a new puzzle together,
or writing thank you notes, or cooking something for the Christmas meal
together or serving dinner at a soup kitchen - then if there is a letdown it
won't last long. There are so many options!
It can just as surely become a burden. Maybe the
real difference between rules and guidelines is the pressure exerted. This will
not make your Christmas any more merry.
I suspect that a lot of people don't really trust
that they can get it right coming out of their own heads, but in addition to
the unnecessary lack of confidence, don't assume there is a right Christmas.
There are many potential good Christmases.
May you end up with a Christmas that is good for
you.
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