Accelerating

I need to learn how to drive.

It was always part of the plan, but it was always the most difficult. It is difficult due to needing someone to practice with, and it is difficult due to all of the emotions that have been tied up with driving since I hit that car and my father got mad at me and stopped speaking to me for two and a half years, starting the day before my seventeenth birthday.

Because of the baggage, I always had in mind that driving would be the last thing to happen. I would fix everything else, and it would free up so much mental energy and strength and time that I would be totally ready for it.

Then Mom's car battery died.

We have been having her drive less anyway. She is still pretty safe, but she enjoys it less, and her reflexes are slowing down. We know that it will be something she needs to give up eventually, but if there are still a few places she can get to (mainly church), and doing so keeps one part of her mind open, that felt worthwhile.

It turns out that doesn't work the car that much. This is the sort of thing that can cause the exhaust system to not get dried out so that the battery corrodes and it dies. I think I've got that right. Anyway, the car was totally dead. No sputtering. No radio or lights coming on. It was dead.

This could be a reason to let the car go completely. We thought about it, but that didn't feel quite right either. Keeping the car functional (after a long charge to get it functional again) by driving for at least an hour every week puts a lot of pressure on Mom.

I think it needs to be me.

And then that opens a lot of things up. I can take her places where she would not be confident driving, which can provide more stimulation and enrichment for her. It means we can be more useful to the household in terms of accomplishing certain things while Julie and Maria are at work. It removes some concerns about our distance from her neurologist and the temple. For those reasons, it is the best solution.

It is also scary. I will be practicing in the dark rainy part of the year. I can do some practicing with her, but I should go places that she would not want to take me. If I am going to do this, I want to be good at it. Who will take me onto the freeway and into downtown and over bridges? Am I crowdsourcing that? Do I have reward tiers for hours of driving practice and where?

It raises financial questions too, like paying for insurance, but if I am only driving her around for now, I can stay on permit for a while. It looks like they are good for two years now, so that's helpful.

Still scary.

And scary in the sense that it is just one more thing being thrown at me, fast, and where I don't know if I'm ready for it. That was true before we elected a racist demagogue, but even more now there is this sense of needing to hurry up, to learn everything and heal everything fast.

It still ends up being one step at a time. Next week I need to go take my test. Then some time on a weekday in the church parking lot with Mom. Then... I guess I work out my crowdsourcing plan.