If you have been following along, there were four
components to dressing up. One was going bare-legged more. I may take a break
on that one for a few months, but it was the easiest to do.
Next up was trying cosplay. I did that at Comic-Con
and it was fine. That brings us to Halloween.
Because the point of this is reconciling with my appearance
- as I am - I had been leaning toward Ursula from The Little Mermaid.
She is full-figured and still owns her sexuality. She may be evil, but her
self-esteem is strong. There were Ursula costumes available, but the tentacles
seem to drive the price up. In a way very similar to Comic-Con, the date
started sneaking up on me where I would have to do something soon or miss it.
One of the first things I realized is that a big
part of my not dressing up for years is the dread of trying to find something
my size. Everything is standard, and standard is smaller than me. Still, the
internet has made shopping easier. I searched on plus size Halloween costumes
and started finding some options, including options for me.
I am very grateful for halloweencostumes.com.
Suddenly there were many options, and they weren't even all sexy. There were
multiple choices available, with some out of stock and some much more expensive
than I could justify. The best option ended up being Snow White. From new
Disney villain to original Disney princess? I hadn't been a princess since
fourth grade. But somehow there I was ordering it.
Even though they had extended sizing (as opposed to only
regular and extra large), so it was reasonable to believe it would fit, I was
still scared. I have gotten so used to feeling like a freak and a monster that
I had to have a backup plan, where if it didn't fit I was just going to wear
all black and the witch hat I have from a few years ago. It fit. I could be a
Disney princess.
I had wanted to wear it somewhere to really make it
count for growth and achievement, and there just wasn't anywhere to go. I had
been thinking karaoke, but before Halloween I had been invited to another
karaoke thing, so really, all I did was hand out candy. There were two things
about that.
First of all, the younger kids seem to enjoy having
the door answered by someone in costume. I don't remember it happening when I
was young, so I wasn't expecting that. But anyway, okay, dressing up can
involve thinking of the children.
The other thing was that I did still feel like I
needed to do something more with it. Make the most of it. I'm trying to heal
years of self-doubt here. I figured out what to do, and that will go up
tomorrow.
That just leaves dressing up nicely sometime over
the holiday season. That can involve using clothing I already own, which will
be very helpful. It will need to involve going out though.
At some point I will figure that out, and it will be
a blog post. With photos!
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