When my mother's dementia started, at first it was
just that she wasn't taking in new information; she still knew all of her past.
More recently there has been a split, where she
sometimes thinks there is another home and another set of twins. She misses her
home and her youngest children and worries about them, even when she is in her
home with them.
It doesn't help that we only have very old pictures
available. The most recent family portrait is about twenty years old, but most are
older than that. My mother looks at pictures of my sisters when they were ten
and twelve and is not confident that these forty-year-old women are the same. My sisters weren't even blonde yet when they were twelve.
It's because we all hate having our pictures taken.
We mainly wish we were thinner, though we might also wish for more hair or less
hair or smoother skin. That last family portrait was taken after my father
left, and it was a way of affirming that we were still a family. Maybe my
sister-in-law pushed for it. I know she said we would take the next one when
someone else got married - just one more reason to avoid marriage!
(This aversion to pictures among the family is also
why pretty much every adult picture we have of my brother contains his now
ex-wife.)
I knew it would be a hard sell, but I thought we
needed to take some new pictures for Mom's sake. We were getting together on
Easter; let's just take a few. No one fought me too much, because we love Mom.
There was still some feet dragging when the time came, but everyone pretty much
cooperated. I can see where a professional would do better.
My favorite picture was not posed. I was getting Mom
and Maria into position. Honestly, I was snapping to create a feeling of there
being no point in resisting, so just smile and pose. This is not a good
picture, and it is blurred, but I feel it captures something.
I did get a regular picture with Maria, but then
Julie got in, and the old pictures that confuse Mom are of the three of them. We
decided on this group shot. I like it.
Julie took my picture. I was a little horrified
about the size of my arm - is it really that big? (Some of that's the angle,
but it is big now, isn't it?) Still, we have to keep going. This is for Mom.
Then came my biggest challenge.
"Can you smile more?"
"That will take a lot of work."
I started trying to tell jokes, but I was taking too
long to set them up. If I had been capable of suddenly expelling any gas loudly
- regardless of which end it came from - that would have done the trick. Of
course, when he does laugh, he moves.
I probably spent too much time on that one. The
battery was starting to get low, and Mom was getting a little tired of smiling
- the downside of being the only one in every picture. Still, I kind of feel
like this captures something too.
So that's my family: flawed, frustrating, and funny.
I can't rule out that we should do an actual
portrait again at some point. My brother does intend to get married again,
probably. If we do, do I trust the professional to be able to get him to smile?
Do I make everyone eat a lot of fiber before we go? That poor photographer!
We'll work something out.
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