If you don't know yet,
women who have been sexually assaulted or harassed are setting their Facebook
status as "Me too". It's kind of a roll call.
I have not put that
status yet. When I wrote about one assault, I mentioned at the time how hard it
was to call it that. There is such a strong feeling that it could have been
worse, that it shouldn't really count.
Women do that a lot.
There was an article recently from a woman who was describing her gratitude for
never having been harassed, except in the article she also describes two pretty
clear incidents of harassment. There's not even a hint of her thinking that
they should count; just that they were uncomfortable and she was lucky.
Something else I know I
have mentioned is that every time I post something about sexual assault, some
woman I know will say something revealing her own assault. It doesn't matter
how many of them I already knew about, there are always more.
The numbers are really
going up today. I imagine it can be very triggering for some, depending where
they are at in dealing with their own memories. I sympathize with that. I think
it can be helpful for others, and I hope it is.
My initial reaction has
been a lot of sadness, then one friend posted this:
"Of course me too. I
am a woman, aren't I? So me too, more times than I have any stomach to list
here."
Then I got mad.
I get that some people
may be concerned with this putting harassment and assault and rape all
together, because that increases the results. I'm just going to tell you that
they are interconnected enough that it makes sense. There are similar root
causes. Yes, some are worse, but women do enough minimizing on our own. We
don't need any help with that.
And still I feel like I
can't post it as my own status, because nothing has been bad enough. And still
I keep thinking about this one, that I haven't really written about before. So
it needed a blog post, because that's how I deal with things.
I was at a concert that I
had really been looking forward too, but then I was in a weird state of mind
leading up to it. I was worried and insecure and just not doing well. I was
really there for the opener, I didn't take in anything from the second band, so
I decided to just get out of there before the third. As I was on my way to the
train, a group of guys approached me and as they were passing one of them
grabbed my breast.
It was over before I
could even react. I just kept going, as they did, but in completely different
frames of mind. They were laughing, because it was funny for them. I had been
feeling pretty horrible before, and that validated all my concerns about being
insignificant trash. Why wouldn't I be a crude joke to them?
So it's really not that
bad, almost nothing, except I still remember it, especially today.
Women also blame
themselves a lot. I can assure you I was not dressed sexily (though I was
walking by myself at night) but I really believe that part of it was the frame
of mind I was in. I was less aware of my surroundings, so I didn't notice that
anything was happening until the contact was made. I was more vulnerable by
being down. It doesn't mean that it can't happen on a good day or to an
exhilarated person, but I felt like it was a factor.
And it says something
about those -- it's tempting to call them boys, but they were probably in their
early 20s. They were legally adults and certainly capable of knowing better.
But, if I am right that they picked up on me being down, and their response to
that was to invade my space in a sexual way, to ignore any humanity and grope
me, and that was amusing to them, well, why am I thinking of myself as garbage?
Because I don't do things like that.
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