Letters to Aaron

Occasionally when I am writing about writing, I mention letter writing, and there is more story there, and I feel like I might as well explain that one now. Yes, I have a prison pen pal;no, it is not like that.

My sisters and I met Aaron at church. We got along well, but we did not get particularly close. At the same time, with our tendency to look out for people who might need someone extra looking out for them, he was one of them. We left him an Easter basket anonymously once, and we would remember his birthday, and once they gave him a ride home. (I was doing something else at the time.) He was always really appreciative and grateful, and glad to see us, but we didn't see him all the time, and we didn't really socialize outside of church.

We don't always know why we feel like we need to keep an eye on someone, but with Aaron there were some pretty good indicators. He was the only member in his family, and they were on the other side of the country, so he did not necessarily have the greatest support system to start with, he had money and employment concerns, and he had a bit of an attitude about racial issues. Aaron is black, and besides feeling isolated at times by the lack of diversity in the area, and having some anger about prejudice and some of those common issues (all of which is completely understandable), it often seemed that he found a conflict between honoring his racial heritage and honoring his religious beliefs.

He did end up in jail for about a month one year, and by the time we found out what had happened (we knew something was wrong, but were not sure what), he was out, and our card was returned.

Right around Christmas 2010 I was leaving to go visit my mother in the hospital (knee surgery), and the caller ID flashed on the television and said Washington County Jail, but it hung up after one ring. I knew it was Aaron. I worried about it all the way to see my mother and back, but when I got home I got confirmation, as I had learned a little about navigating inmate information from the last go-around.

I don't really want to get into the details of the criminal case at this time, but basically desperation for money caused him to do something stupid. It was not a malicious action, but he did know better and he should have chosen differently, and no one's denying that. At that point, all we could do was be supportive.

So we started writing. While he was in Washington County Jail, pre-sentencing, we could only send postcards, but I think it's been about a year now that we have been able to do actual letters once he was transferred into the state system. (I have also gotten pretty good and navigating prison mail rules.)

The entire household takes an interest in him, and Julie and Maria are pretty good about sending cards and postcards, as well as getting cards for Mom to send. Most of the actual letter writing ends up being me. This can be largely attributed to my always having more to say.

In terms of lonely single women writing to convicts that they have only read about, I don't think that's really healthy for anyone, but if every prisoner could have loved ones writing to them I think it would do a lot of good. There is a lot of loneliness and isolation and boredom. It's not supposed to be pleasant, but if we are thinking about what kind of person we want to have coming back out, the punishment should not rule out growth. There are a lot of different programs that you read about and whether it is a GED program or training troubled dogs, it seems like the article always mentions that it decreases the rate of recidivism. Maybe a lot of them just need something to care about.

I know we are good for Aaron, not just for the letters but also for the books. He had shared "Losing My Cool" around Washington County, and now everyone is Snake River is excited to read "The New Jim Crow". I've got to say, I feel really good about that.

Writing to him has also been really good for me. First of all, there has definitely been improvement in my discipline for that. As much as I need to write, it can be hard to make time, and I have never been a good letter writer in terms of frequency (though when I do write the letters are awesome). I am horrible about writing to my sponsored children, and I volunteered to write to a missionary a few months ago, and I'm just embarrassed about my frequency there. I have been pretty good about writing to Aaron though. How can I not be, when it means so much to him? (I think this is the point where I need to clarify that this is not romantic in any way. I don't think it sounds that way, but just in case, I he's like a younger brother.)

In addition, it has made me better about journal writing, because those letters are a big part of my journal. I will at some point update the travel blog, but currently the only reason I have recorded anything about our Mexico vacation is because I wrote to him about it. (And I wrote in exhaustive detail, knowing that long letters are better.)

Also, sometimes I end up writing to him about something first, and then blogging about it, and so I've had multiple runs at organizing my thoughts before they go out to the public. And sometimes I send him blog posts, if they relate. Oddly, he just asked about something that I had journaled about extensively, and will probably blog about, but by the time you get it, I will have written about it twice, and that should make it better.

I remember that first time, when he was only in for a month, but also there were two girls in the ward who had severe illnesses, and I started thinking about Matthew 25:35-36:

For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

It had never seemed so literal to me. Usually we think we are dealing with emotional and social needs, but there right in our ward there were members sick and in prison, and it made me wonder if there was anyone hungry or in need of clothes.

We were already trying to keep our eyes and our hearts open, but there is always room for more, and there are great gifts in it too. I am a better person for my association with Aaron.