Introvert, and my love language is Chinese food

Okay, one of those things is a joke, but there is some pertinent information there too.

Actually my love language is physical touch. While it is not hard science, I find it a helpful paradigm. I find it more helpful than Myers-Briggs types or star signs, though I certainly know people who find those helpful.

(Actually, I'm not sure that anyone other than INFPs and maybe INFJs cares about Myers-Briggs results, and even the people with the best anecdotal backups for astrology can't seem to describe a Capricorn personality, so make of that what you will.)

When I say that I have gained insight over this last time period, most of that has been about what makes me tick, and what I need. A big part of that is that I am an introvert.

Remember, that primarily means that I recharge by having time alone. It's not that I don't enjoy people, or need social contact or hugs for physical touch, or that I don't get any value from time spent with other humans. Good conversation definitely feeds my soul. I still sometimes need to be alone.

I am not alone very much. As my mother reaches a place where she needs more active engagement, there is less alone time available. There are aspects of work to it where even an extrovert would get depleted eventually, but my introversion is a specific reason that I need to be able to get away sometimes. It makes sense, but I had never specifically identified it before.

One of the things that knowing this helps me understand is my complete failure at establishing a successful sleep pattern. I stay up late. I keep meaning to go to bed early so I can get up early and do things before my sisters leave for their jobs, but I keep staying up because after everyone else is in bed there is breathing room. That emotional space is mine. I still think early to bed, early to rise is a better policy, but I might have more luck trying to use my nights productively.

One of the ways I realized this is because of my growing cravings for Chinese food as I go between breaks. It didn't seem that unusual because I like Chinese food anyway; it's my favorite. However, historically I eat it alone.

For my younger sisters, Chinese food is Panda Express, which is to Chinese food pretty much as Taco Bell is to Mexican food. That's not to say that I won't eat it sometimes and even enjoy it, but ultimately our palates differ. Recently I had Chinese food with my mother and older sister. It's not that it was bad, but it didn't satisfy that need. That's when I realized that it was more about the solitude.

(I am still more likely than not to choose Chinese food, given the option.)

An important part of all of the realizations was the last respite time that was really successful, which I wrote about under the provident living blog:

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2018/10/planning-for-pastimes.html

This was useful in a couple of ways. Coming exactly four weeks before the "breakdown", it gives me a pretty clear time indicator of when I really start losing function and hating everyone. I mean, I do feel myself getting more tired and discouraged and longing for death, but that only helps on a reactive level. Knowing the time frame can help me be proactive.

Also, it helped in that it was kind of perfect. I had Chinese food, at my favorite place for that. I walked outdoors and got fresh air. I explored a place I had been meaning to check out. I had a book and got to do some reading. I do think that the eye problems made everything worse. Reading is the one thing that I still reliably get to do, and it was harder. It was important that I was alone, but without doing it deliberately, I modeled my perfect respite. Having that example really paved the way for understanding it, besides being good on its own.

Because it worked. I felt recharged after, and happy again.

Imagine how effective it could be to not push that off to the last minute.