How's your mom?

Have you seen Origin?

Directed by Ava DuVernay, the film goes over the genesis and content of Isabel Wilkerson's book Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents. 

I assure you that description does not do it justice.

This post is just based on one very small bit, though, where in asking about someone's parents, the answer is given "They're slowing down."

I have said that so many times, and I have heard it from others. I had just said it recently, so it stuck out more.

It's an accurate response, but realizing how common it is highlights how non-specific it is.

There are reasons we do that, and I think I want to get into that more next week.

This week, I want to answer the question.

Yes, she is slowing down. As she was starting to fall more, she has been spending more time in a wheelchair. She has always had a tendency toward swelling in her ankles, so they switched to a Geri Chair, which allows for some foot elevation and reclining.

It has definitely helped. There have been no falls and the swelling went down. 

It may also make it easier for her to doze off, but that wasn't hard before.

Recently we had been in a pattern for our visits. I would arrive and she would be dozing, but I would take her hand and she would wake up and start chatting. Although she is kind of past where her speech is coherent, there would be times when I could tell she was joking, or at least being kind of funny. Then she would get a little tearful, cheer up again, and doze off. 

The entire sequence would take about fifteen minutes. 

That had been the phase. We have been through other ones. There were times when she would talk for much longer, and it was speech I could follow, even though she was referring to events that never happened, or talking about recently being with people who were long dead, or naming children who never existed.

In the recent phase, it is not just that her words don't really make sense, but also that I can tell she is not really processing the things she hears and sees well. I say something, and she will look puzzled, then find something to say, but it doesn't relate.

This has alleviated fears I had that she would switch back to Italian and no one would be able to understand her; communication is not about words now.

She does hold my hand very firmly, so I feel like that's the most important thing I do now.

Well, there is value in getting a visual and staying on top of things... that would be important even if she were completely unresponsive. In terms of what she notices, though, I think the hand holding is now the most important thing. That is a change, but dementia is a process of constant adjustment.

So, here's the thing: on my last visit she barely woke up. 

She opened her eyes a few times,  and said a few words, but it was another downgrade.

My overall feeling is that she is sinking further away from the surface. Getting to her is harder. 

But that's such a long answer, and I don't know how long it will be accurate.

She's slowing down.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/08/more-about-my-mother.html

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/09/the-next-mourning.html