Tuesday, September 17, 2024

Unplanned

As I have been reviewing this phase of my life, I keep looking for an organized plan of action for how I am going to contribute to the world: this is what I can do and I am going to do it!

It just isn't gelling.

It could be worse. I mentioned trying to organize keeping in better touch with people. I do not have a plan for that, but I keep making contacts. I see someone's birthday is coming up or a thought crosses my mind. I am probably doing pretty well at staying connected right now.

I also did have one very strong thought regarding working on things for my mother, in that it is important that I don't stop thinking about senior health care when it stops being a personal worry. Someday I will not need to worry about her anymore, but other people will be dealing with the same issues that I have dealt with. I will need to remember that and be a voice regarding that.

(Though I then had a dream where I was yelling at a legislator about children's health care, so I am not sure how broad a scope it will be.)

I am interested in a lot of different issues, and it would not be realistic to work on all of them. I had been hoping that there would be more focus. Maybe it is health care, or maybe it will be more like contacting people, where I will research things and write letters as ideas pop into my head. 

Does that even sound effective?

With days counting down until the election, it seems more important to have a plan and a timeline. If there is any possibility of me exerting a positive influence on that, I should not delay, but is that a possibility?

One thing I do know is that making a better world requires constant effort. Yes, the Democrats have considerable moral high ground over Republicans, but they still essentially adhere to capitalism and corporate interests and supporting institutional power. Not being viciously anti-social is important, but it's not enough.

Thinking about writing letters and pressuring legislators and following information is important, but it only has a chance if Harris wins, and there's a deadline on that. 

It all feels so critical, and here I am not sure what to do. 

I think my problem is that I don't know the future. It will still come. 

Friday, September 13, 2024

Dances of the day, July songs

It started with Tap.

I saw a reference to the movie and looked it up. I knew Gregory Hines was in it, but not that it also had Sammy Davis Jr. and Savion Glover. What an amazing link between generations of tap dancing!

More than I knew.

The challenge scene brings in six other dancers between the ages of 62 and 71, and they are amazing. 

There were also pictures on the walls and in the credits of classic dancers. I was sure the Nicholas Brothers were in those pictures, but did not realize that was Harold Nicholas sliding into and springing up from splits as if no time had passed. I was thinking Stormy Weather was older than it was. It was "only" from 1943.

Harold Nicholas was 68 years old in Tap, 1989. I checked to see and his brother Fayard was still alive. Maybe he wasn't dancing? Well, there is a tribute to dance from 1990 that shows them dancing together, except that Harold tells Fayard to do the splits and Fayard says he won't because it hurts.

I believe him, but based on the level at which he was still moving, if you are a dancer, keep it up. Maybe even try starting now. It seems to do wonders.

Anyway, I started thinking about all of these amazing dance numbers, and decided that would be July's theme. 

There were some difficulties. I couldn't always find the clips that I wanted, of course, but also, choreography can be a tricky thing.

For example, in Stormy Weather, the choreographer is listed as Katherine Dunham. Well, that's fine; I know she choreographed at least one of the numbers and possibly two. I don't believe she choreographed "Jumpin' Jive". I suspect that was mainly the Nicholas brothers themselves, probably with some collaboration with the director and the set. 

In fact, Hines has an "improvographer" credit on Tap, because he was making up some stuff as he went along. That was definitely for himself, but maybe also for others in the Sounds of the Street sequence (for which I really wanted to find a good clip).

Also, with A Chorus Line, the movie choreographer was not the Broadway choreographer, but I have to believe there was an influence. It makes sense to adjust for having a camera; I just wonder about the process.

I wrote notes, sometimes copious, on almost every day... there is too much to say about them, except that I love dance.

Well, I love it when it's good. I was excited around 2006 when two new movies (Take the Lead and Step Up) came out, but they didn't make me want to dance or even buy the soundtracks. A little musicality, please! 

(That is one reason I have no interest in the Magic Mike franchise, though not the only one.)

When it works, it's magic.

Anyway, when a dancer or choreographer or song comes up more than once, I have underlined it. It covers such a wide time period that there aren't a lot of repeats.

Movies are mostly in chronological order, but Strictly Ballroom gave me such difficulty finding clips it ended up out of place. I hated the way the scenes on Youtube were cut, but how can you leave it out?

7/1
“Got a Feeling You're Fooling” from Broadway Melody of 1936 (1935), with choreography by Dave Gould and Albertina Rasch. Performed by Robert Taylor, June Knight, Nick Long Jr., and ensemble
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t29pGYd_X30

7/2
“You Are My Lucky Star” from Broadway Melody of 1936 (1935), with choreography by Dave Gould and Albertina Rasch. Performed by Eleanor Powell, with Roger Edens on piano.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1G9aQEmfyQ

7/3
“Jumpin' Jive” by Cab Calloway from Stormy Weather (1943), with choreography by Katherine Dunham. Performed by the Nicholas Brothers, Fayard and Harold Nicholas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNKRm6H-qOU

7/4
Audition scene featuring “Largo Al Factotum” and others from Tonight and Every Night (1945), with choreography by Jack Cole. Danced by Marc Platt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSx4fbSUWQ8

7/5
“Good Morning” from Singin' in the Rain (1952), with choreography by Gene Kelly and Stanley Donen. Performed by Gene Kelly, Debbie Reynolds, and Donald O' Connor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyMU8O2B2Vs

7/6
“Saturday Afternoon Before the Game” from I Love Melvin (1953), with choreography by Robert Alton. Performed by Debbie Reynolds and ensemble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoqdzT95wc4

7/7
“The Barn Dance” from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954), with choreography by Michael Kidd. Performed by ensemble, including Mark Platt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbzJtP75NqM

7/8
“Zip” from Pal Joey (1957), with choreography by Robert Alton. Performed by Rita Hayworth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXr2rbI-qYg

7/9
“Step in Time” from Mary Poppins (1964), with choreography by Marc Breaux. Performed by Julie Andrews, Dick Van Dyke, and ensemble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSCdFVc6DoY

7/10
“The Laendler” from The Sound of Music (1965), with choreography by Marc Breaux. Performed by Julie Andrews, Christopher Plummer, and Duane Chase.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUFBOC6lQoo

7/11
“Everything Old Is New Again” by Peter Allen from All That Jazz (1979), with choreography by Bob Fosse. Performed by Ann Reinking and Erzsebet Foldi.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRVv2b-hL_0

7/12
“The First Time It Happens” from The Great Muppet Caper (1981), with choreography by Anita Mann. Performed by Miss Piggy, Kermit, and ensemble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWSba6qTTGk

7/13
“Footloose” by Kenny Loggins from Footloose (1984), with choreography by Lynne Taylor-Corbett. Performed by ensemble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-OG0EyJyV8

7/14
“I Can Do That” from A Chorus Line (1985), with choreography by Jeffrey Hornaday (presumably inspired by Michael Bennett). Performed by Charles McGowan (and Greg Burge).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nZRjGKIbfM

7/15
“One” from A Chorus Line (1985), with choreography by Jeffrey Hornaday (presumably inspired by Michael Bennett). Performed by ensemble, including Charles McGowan and Greg Burge.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrLcbi68R_A

7/16
“Prove Me Wrong” by Robert Plant from White Nights (1985), with choreography by Twyla Tharp. Performed by Gregory Hines and Mikhail Baryshnikov.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImzkWZkaIIM

7/17
“Hands Off” by Maria Vidal, from Once Bitten  (1985), with choreography by Joanne DiVito. Danced by Lauren Hutton, Karen Kopins, and Jim Carrey.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyPc-1QdzSE

7/18
“Try a Little Tenderness” by Otis Redding from Pretty In Pink (1986), with choreography by Kenny Ortega. Danced by Jon Cryer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmKckJTwwzs

7/19
“(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life, by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes, from Dirty Dancing (1987), with choreography by Kenny Ortega. Danced by Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, and ensemble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpmILPAcRQo

7/20
“Challenge Scene” with stop-time piano being played by Henry LeTang from Tap (1989), with choreography from Henry LeTang and Chester A. Whitmore. Danced by Arthur Duncan (64), Bunny Briggs (67), Jimmy Slyde (62), Steve Condos (71), Harold Nicholas (68), Sandman Sims (71), Sammy Davis Jr. (64), and Gregory Hines (43).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Zd6GnFCfck

7/21
“Shall We Dance” sung by Taeko Ônuki, from Shall We Dansu? (1996), with choreography by Toshio Watari. Danced by ensemble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=487Ps-TBKN0

7/22
“Fiesta Pa'Los Rumberos” by Albita from Dance With Me (1998), with choreography by Daryl Matthews. Danced by Vanessa Williams, Chayanne, and ensemble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-gMGPbPCoo

7/23
“Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps” by Doris Day, from Strictly Ballroom (1992), with choreography by John “Cha Cha” O’Connell. Danced by Paul Mercurio and Tara Morice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzOtTXOVc9A

7/24
“Tango a Trio”, from Tango (1998), with choreography by Carlos Rivarola and Ana Maria Stekelman. Danced by Cecilia Narova, Mia Maestro, and Juan Carlos Copes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP8I8NIoAqI

7/25
Final dance, with excerpts from “The Way You Make Me Feel” by Michael Jackson; Mendelssohn’s “Symphony No. 4 in A, Opus 90”; “If I Was the One” by Ruff Endz; Tchaikovsky’s “The Nutcracker” and “Sleeping Beauty, Opus 66”; “We’re Dancing” by P.Y.T.; and “Canned Heat” by Jamiroquai; from Center Stage (2000), with choreography by Susan Stroman. Danced by Amanda Schull, Ethan Stiefel, Sascha Radetsky, and ensemble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uywJ9hNa0fs

7/26
“Canned Heat” by Jamiroquai from Napoleon Dynamite (2004). Choreographed and danced by Jon Heder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiAwpYIkRmU

7/27
“You Can’t Stop the Beat” from Hairspray (2009) with choreography by Adam Shankman. Danced by ensemble including Zac Efron.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZnt-0fEiT0

7/28
“You Make My Dreams Come True” by Hall & Oates from 500 Days of Summer (2009), with choreography by Michael Rooney. Danced by Joseph Gordon-Levitt and ensemble
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2VGpqq2-I8

7/29
“Dirty Tap Dancing” from The Artist (2011), with choreography by Fabien Ruiz. Performed by Jean Dujardin and Bérénice Bejo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC20KdIDiEY

7/30
“Rewrite the Stars” from The Greatest Showman (2017), with choreography by Ashley Wallen. Performed by Zac Efron and Zendaya
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO28Z5_Eyls

7/31
“Rain on the Roof” from Paddington 2 (2017), with choreography by Craig Revel Horwood. Sung and danced by Hugh Grant and ensemble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reyeX6ajeUw

 

Tuesday, September 10, 2024

Student overachiever

I tend to impose a lot on myself; I always know that there is more that can be done, and I can think of ways to move things to a higher level.

It is no surprise that I am doing this with school. Naturally, I think my ways of being extra make perfect sense and are quite wise.

It really comes down to three things in general (though as I make decisions on prepping for my first proctored examination, there may be some extra-ness there too).

The first thing to know that may help all of this make sense is that my degree plan consists of twelve classes, taken consecutively. (I have passed the first class, and have scheduled the final assessment for the second class for Thursday). 

My goals are basically focused around those twelve classes. Obviously I want (and need) to pass each class. In addition, for each class I am thinking of three things.

Interview one person connected with the industry (Education and Instructional Design).

Almost as soon as I announced that I was pursuing this degree, friends were letting me know contacts they had that did training. I also know many teachers, whom I believe will  have good insight.

I have interviewed one person. She was previously unknown to me, and is probably a good contact to have.

Now, is the more important part of this goal getting insights from other people or making new contacts so that I will have a network in place by the time I am a recent college graduate?

I don't know. I mean, I suppose I could add some contacts without interviewing them.

Either way, I need to make my second contact soon.

Read additional material.

From my undergraduate work, I can think of at least three textbooks where we were only assigned some of the chapters but I read all of them.

I am not saying I will do that with everything we read a portion of; that would be completely impractical. However, sometimes there are books that are referenced that seem like they could be valuable. Reading books comes very naturally to me.

For Learning Technology, it was Metaphors We Live By, by George Lakoff and Mark Johnson. It was a bit repetitive (as philosophical works of language tend to be) but the ideas were pretty interesting.

Now, for Assessment and Learning Analytics, I have requested Universal Design for Learning: Theory and Practice, by Anne Meyer.

It seems like a safe bet that each class will mention at least one title that I will think is interesting. Of course, that will tend to put me further behind on my other intended reading, but I want to know that I am really getting this material, and not just scraping by.

Building a portfolio.

This was a suggestion from my first interview, so that I have a body of work demonstrating that I can do things. 

In this case, I am not planning on one per class, which I suspect will not be practical. Well, if some of the position papers will count, then maybe I will have twelve, but this is the area where my ideas are the least solid. Some of the coming classes will have projects that lend themselves very well. I will need to see as I go.

Right now my main project is cleaning my room. For the proctored exam, there is an extent to which it needs to be clear you are not trying to cheat by leaving notes and reminders around. I am almost certainly taking it to neurotic extremes.

Plus, there is this other area. I will get to that next Tuesday. 

Friday, September 06, 2024

Summer Reading Challenges!

On the same day I found summer reading challenges from both the local library (Aloha) and the local book store (Powell's). 

I have a hard time resisting a challenge. I also had lots of other things to read, but there were some of them that I could make fit.

I completed both, though a lot of the books were disappointing.

Powell's challenge was set up like a Bingo card: 25 spaces with different requirements, though the middle space was free. Well, "free" meant that that it could be any type of book, not that a blackout was really only 24 books. 

The library had three rows of four books. Combined that would have been a total of 37, but some did double duty. I also read some books that didn't fit anywhere. (There were about twenty of those, though most of them were children's books and some comics.)

They are all listed below with some notes, and I have underlined the books that did double duty.

The most important thing came up with reading a friend's favorite book. I put out an open call on Facebook, sure that I was going to get Outlander. (I did not.)

Nine friends responded. Most of them responded with multiple books, though that wasn't a surprise. 

Remember, I am trying to connect more. I picked a book (the shortest one), but it did not feel like enough. 

Anyway, my Book Sections document has a new column: Friends. 

I will get to them all. Will we then meet and discuss the book? What if I didn't like it? I don't know. I am just reading more books, knowing that they have meaning to people I know.

As always, you can find more on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/1734486-gina?shelf=read

Aloha Community Library Adult Summer Reading Challenge

Read a non-fiction book: Fevered Lives: Tuberculosis in American Culture since 1870 by Katharine Ott (6/18-6/22)

This was referenced in a book from my 2017 Native American Heritage Month reading, Separate Beds by Maureen Lux. I felt like there was a lot more to know about tuberculosis, but not from this book, which meanders painfully and inconclusively.

Read a book adapted into movie or TV show: The Egg and I by Betty McDonald (7/10-7/12)

I originally got this because it was a Pacific Northwest author, and I liked Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. I kind of don't anymore, which is sad. I tried watching the movie, and it was even worse.

Read a book by an Oregon author: Before They Were Artists: Famous Illustrators As Kids by Elizabeth Haidle (8/4-8/7)

This was just luck. I am slowly working my way through the works of illustrator Jerry Pinkney. This was pretty well-done, and gave me a new illustrator to look up (Yuyi Morales), but also Haidle is based in Portland.

Read a book of poetry: Tripas Poems by Brandon Som (7/14-7/15)

Som could fit into two different heritage months, but when I needed a prize-winner for Powell's, I found him as this year's winner of the Pulitzer for Poetry.

Read a book set in another country (Denmark and Australia): The Seven Skins of Esther Wilding by Holly Ringland (8/4-8/7)

This had struck my interest for a mention of grief, but it was overly precious bloviating with some really unhealthy relationships. It did show me how much easier it is to write expound on what you don't like about a book, which is a little disappointing.

Read a book with a one-word title: Rifqa by Mohammed El-Kurd (8/5-8/8)

This is from https://images.dawn.com/news/1192543, 20 books for you to read about Palestine. I am only at 4. Feelings run deep.

Read a book by an indigenous author: Becoming Kin: An Indigenous Call to Unforgetting the Past and Reimagining the Future by Patty Krawec (8/20-8/21)

This was one of my favorites from the challenge. It was one of three books that Julie got off of a list and wanted to read herself, but assumed I would too. This added extra pressure to my reading goals, but two of them met challenge requirements, and this one was good. Recommended.

Read a book translated from its original language (from German): Heidi by Johanna Spyri (8/26-8/27)

This is an old favorite, my equivalent of a "cozy" book. The other option was Jane of Lantern Hill, but that was written in English.

Read a book recommended by a friend or family member (my friend Cathy): An Italian Education by Tim Parks (7/4-7/10) 

Parks is more unaware of his sense of British superiority than I can be, which was annoying. However, it was set in places that were familiar to me, which was interesting. It had also been on my Italy reading list.

Read a book with a color in its title: Acting White: The Curious History of a Racial Slur by Ron Christie (7/20-7/24)

This was on my Black History month reading list. I wish I could remember why I added it, because it was terrible. He starts with Maxine Waters criticizing his political choices, leaving him grievously martyred for his principles, which makes me love her more. For all the cherry picking of what to include, he should have been able to make a point that at least looked stronger.

Read a book with an unreliable narrator: We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson (8/9-8/10)

I could not think of anything with an unreliable narrator on my existing reading list, but an internet search brought this up. Shirley Jackson is a good writer, generally about unpleasant things. I may decide to just read everything I haven't read by her someday, maybe next October.

Read a book by a debut author: The Viral Underclass: The Human Toll When Inequality and Disease Collide by Steven W. Thrasher (6/17-6/21)

This was mentioned in my spotlight on Alice Wong, but also really well-written with important things to know. Recommended. 

Powell's Summer Reading Challenge

Banned/Challenged: On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong (6/29-7/2)

This could go with my Pride reading and it was mentioned with my APAHM reading. His prose is poetic, but it is also bleak. 

Award Winner (2024 Pulitzer Prize Winner in Poetry): Tripas Poems by Brandon Som (7/14-7/15)  

Also under the library challenge. I should mention it's pretty good too. In some ways it reminds me of Gloria Anzaldúa's writing.

Released in 2024: My Black Country: A Journey Through Country Music's Black Past, Present, and Future by Alice Randall (6/10-6/17)

This really enriched my Black Music Month listening and taught me a lot. Recommended.

Funny: Yellowface by R.F. Kuang (8/22-8/23)

Maria saw this recommended and requested it for me, even though I had decided not to read it. It is well-written, and I guess it's funny in a dark way, but it makes me glad I am not trying to publish anymore, and think even worse of Yale.

BIPOC Author/Protagonist: The Viral Underclass: The Human Toll When Inequality and Disease Collide by Steven W. Thrasher (6/17-6/21)

Also under the library challenge. Recommended.

An old favorite: Heidi by Johanna Spyri (8/26-8/27)

See under the library challenge.

Graphic Novel: The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen (6/22-6/23)

This came up as a suggestion under some things for Pride reading. The art is beautiful, and looking at traditional tales with their similarities and differences was interesting. I did want to slap a priest.

Non-Human Protagonist: School for Extraterrestrial Girls #1: Girl On Fire by Jeremy Whitley and Jamie Noguchi (7/26-7/27)

This was from https://bookriot.com/underrated-graphic-novels/ and really good. I may check out the rest of the series. (Although this list also recommended Cosmic Pizza Party and that was just really for kids. Sometimes when they say for kids AND adults, they are wrong.)

Disabled Author/Protagonist: Say Hello by Carly Findlay (6/23-6/27)

Findlay has ichthyosis. A lot of my reading this was remembering this girl I knew in the dorms, and realizing I had not known much about her condition. I hope she is doing well.

PNW Author: The Egg and I by Betty McDonald (7/10-7/12)

Can see under library challenge, but it was not great.

Not "Your Style": Acting White: The Curious History of a Racial Slur by Ron Christie (7/20-7/24)

Can see under library challenge, but it was not great. 

Poetry: Rifqa by Mohammed El-Kurd (8/5-8/8)

Can see under library challenge. It was good, and it is important to know more about Palestine. 

Your Choice: We Are Not Free by Traci Chee (6/22-6/24)

This came up as a suggestion looking at things related to interment of Japanese-Americans in WWII. It was really good. 

A Friend's Favorite Book (Casey): Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck (8/12-8/13)

There are things I don't like about it, but it gave me another view on Steinbeck that helped clarify some things for me about other works I have read.

Set in the Summer: The Seven Skins of Esther Wilding by Holly Ringland (8/4-8/7)

Can see under library challenge, but it was not great. 

Written before you were born (1951): The Sea Around Us by Rachel Carson (7/12-8/2)        

I wanted to love this, but it was a bit too ponderous. That could be easy to blame on the ocean itself for being so vast and mysterious. There is some of the beauty of Silent Spring, but it gets weighed down.

Nonfiction/Based on true events: Fevered Lives: Tuberculosis in American Culture since 1870 by Katharine Ott (6/18-6/22)

Can see under library challenge, but it was not great. 

Book with red on the cover: Clockwork Curandera #1: The Witch Owl Parliament by David Bowles, Raúl the III, Stacey Robinson (7/2-7/3)

This was from a different list of comic recommendations, https://bookriot.com/most-underrated-comics-according-to-goodreads/?utm_source=pocket-newtab-en-us. While I am sure I will read more on the list, I thought this one sucked. Unbelievable characters and dialogue and too much telling instead of showing. For all of the steampunk/magic/alternative history, it really shouldn't be so flat.

Set in Oregon: The Enduring Legacy of Portland's Black Panthers: The Roots of Free Healthcare, Free Breakfast, and Neighborhood Control in Portland by Joe Biel (8/15-8/22)

I read an article about this and bought the book, but hadn't gotten around to reading it yet. It's a little amateurish, but there were some good sources listed, including a graphic novel about the Black Panthers that I will probably read this weekend.

Mystery/Adventure: Escape from Camp 14: One Man's Remarkable Odyssey from  North Korea to Freedom in the West by Blaine Harden (8/23-8/25)

I have had this on my APAHM reading list for quite a while, but decided to get to it before writing up this last round because of another book, A River in Darkness. That was also about an escape from North Korea. That escapee had not been in a prison, except to the extent that the entire country is a prison which it kind of is. Harden's book is pretty good but also frustrating.

Memoir/Biography: Gentle on my Mind: In Sickness and Health with Glen Campbell by Kim Campbell (8/25-8/29)

I stumbled across a music video that led to a documentary that led to this book, due to my very personal interest in dementia. An easy (and very religious) read about a hard subject.

Has magic in it: The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna (7/16-7/18)

This was the library's September selection for their Shameless Romance Book Club. Given that, it was pretty fun and only a little annoying. Faint praise, but praise nonetheless.

About love or friendship: Three Keys: A Front Desk Novel by Kelly Yang (7/28-7/29)

A sequel to a book that came from reading challenged books, but also fit with APAHM reading. I enjoy Yang's writing in general, and sometimes when something seems unrealistic, it turns out it really happened.

Set in a place you've never been to (Bhutan): Radio Shangri-La: What I Learned in Bhutan, the Happiest Kingdom on Earth by Lisa Napoli (8/8-8/11) 

Pretty interesting, but a smidge self-satisfied, and didn't really tell me as much about Bhutan as I'd hoped when I put it on my APAHM list.

 A how-to book: The Intersectional Environmentalist: How to Dismantle Systems of Oppression to Protect People + Planet by Leah Thomas (8/13-8/15)

This was from the same list as Becoming Kin. The problem was that it (and the one that didn't fit, Emergent Strategy, Brown) is that it seems to be written for the Tumblr/oral history generation, where things shift back and forth and repeat and might even have a strobe effect. It makes some good points, but it probably makes them better to someone younger than me.

Tuesday, September 03, 2024

More aware

Over the last two weeks I have sent cards and Facebook messages and texts and made a phone call. It was more social contact than than usual, but it didn't happen in any organized manner. I kept remembering different people and things I wanted to say, then doing it.

My caring about people isn't new, but there is something that has changed. It's a culmination of a few things.

On the last weekend in July, my sisters and I went to Bend to see the Stray Cats concert. This story branches in two directions.

First of all, we loved the concert. I have always liked the band, but going to concerts was a really big deal when I was young. I went to a total of three before I turned 18. I absolutely needed to see Charlie Sexton, A-ha, and the Monkees, and was lucky they came here.

I have seen many bands from the 80s later, but they are getting older now (so have I). A few are too frail, or have developed conditions like tinnitus, or have died. When we look at different bands coming, we have to keep in mind that this may be the last chance to see them. Maybe there will be other chances, but we don't know. I had tickets to Modern English a while back, but it was canceled when one of the band members needed surgery.

One drawback with the concert was that the air was very smoky. It was getting worse, and there had been some talk of evacuations. If the concert had been a few days later, I can imagine it being canceled or at least postponed. It's not just the health of the band, but of the planet.

Nonetheless, this concert happened, and it turns out I had a friend there. We ran into each other the next morning. I realized I had not seen her in person since around 2012, when we saw the Gin Blossoms together.

I had been thinking about all of these things, and then the other thing happened.

A different friend holds a get-together at the beach every year. It was the same weekend as the concert. 

I obviously couldn't go, but if I am not going somewhere with my sisters and it's not easily accessible by Trimet, I probably can't go. Getting other rides might be possible, but it's embarrassing not driving and hard depending on other people and I just don't.

Another friend who generally does go died right before, but I found out right after. I don't know if anyone else was expecting it, but I sure wasn't. 

Two days after I learned that, a different person from school died, though not one I had known.

I remember years ago thinking that when someone my age dies it feels wrong, but there will probably come a time when it becomes more normal, and you are more aware of your own mortality. 

This might be an in-between stage. These deaths do still feel wrong, but not as shockingly wrong. I am not feeling death creeping closer to me, but there is a growing awareness that I just don't know how long I have with anyone.

It is easy to put things off anyway. I am tired all of the time, and I still have this tendency to hunker down for the difficult times to pass, and then it will be easier to reach out. 

For example, I had chatted with someone about getting together, and was going to suggest a date, but then the thing with trying to find a new PCP for Mom happened and that was really distracting me.

The problem is that the difficult times don't pass. They shift into different difficult times, but there is always going to be some reason to wait. 

My big change is a new awareness not to wait.