Getting back to the screenwriting, if you look at my
list of projects submitted to Amazon, not only did Jade Mask and Hungry
get their start with dreams, but so did Out of Step and Family Blood.
If we look at the 6-page scripts that I did last
October, Kate, Holly, The Taking, Future Shock, Jen, and Theme Park also all
started with dreams:
Clearly I remember my dreams and take inspiration
from them. I may miss higher meaning from them because I get so caught up in
stories. That's not necessarily bad. Stories are a normal way for me to think,
and there can be symbolism and layered meaning in a story, with potential to
view different aspects at different times.
I have also had dreams that were clearly symbolic,
or revealed emotions, or contained deeper messages, but there was this concern
that I could be missing something.
The dream reading list was supposed to be done
adjacent to the gardening reading list, and I had set them for the beginning of
the year partly because I wanted to have greater gardening knowledge when it
was time to plant. I was going to alternately read dream and gardening books
right after finishing the Native American Heritage reading.
That didn't work out. I was dealing with a lot of
emotional pain and financial anxiety, which are still hanging around, and also
I was concentrating on writing, which seemed like the right thing to do.
Eventually everything does get read anyway.
At some point I realized that the reason I was
trying to put all of those books together then was to try and get in touch with
something both more earthy and more spiritual.
I spend my days on a computer. That's how I write,
that's how I research, and that's how I earn a living. It's a lot of screen
time.
Spirituality is also important to me, and receiving
guidance. That happens in my life, but it happens in a very matter of fact way.
I will often think "Oh, I should do this" and when I see someone in
distress I know what to say, but it happens in a very business-like manner.
Often when I am reaching out to people and
comforting them, it is through the computer anyway. My eyes will be drawn to a
tweet, and I will know exactly how to respond. It's brief and easy, but
sometimes it really matters.
I am glad to be there for that, but I also remember
times when it was much more common for me to get chills or be moved to tears
spiritually. I have a friend who is doing some heavy spiritual lifting right
now, and she has some amazing experiences happening.
That caused me to question whether I am really where
I should be. Should my life be bigger right now? Because of that I was thinking
that maybe I needed to reconnect with the dream world, and work the earth, and
get in touch with my non-digital side.
(Or, if we think of it as a data-driven side, going
along with my solution to everything being to read more about it, then we could
see some irony in my thinking that reading more books would be the answer.)
I think there are still valid questions there, but I
am also accepting my current state. One thing that I see with my friend's
experiences is that they are exhausting, and I do not have the resources for
that. I have so many demands on my time and patience that I cannot afford to be
overwhelmed. That's not necessarily a good thing, it's just where I am now.
One thing that I have been able to remember is that
life goes through different phases. The year before I was in the garden plot
almost every day, and did a lot more. This year I couldn't see that, so I just
planted a few things outside my door. It was less ambitious, but there was
still some satisfaction in that. Next spring something new will take shape.
In this phase of my life, I have to be efficient,
and there might not be room for messier things. That could change surprisingly
quickly, and I will adapt to what comes next. That's all I can say for this
time.
Each season brings its own fruits.
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