One more personal truth

In April I went to see Timothy Snyder speak:

https://www.pdx.edu/judaic/event/11th-annual-sara-glasgow-cogan-memorial-lecture-timothy-snyder?delta=0

I was really impressed by his book, On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons From the Twentieth Century and I think everyone should read it. Obviously, I was excited to get a chance to hear him, and he did a great job.

Out of many memorable things he said, the one that is pertinent to this post is when he said of the things that we see there is one study that can tell us more and predict and that is history. It gave me a little thrill, because I have always felt that, and that is a big part of how history ended up being my thing. Yes, maybe some of it is just wanting to know everything, but I also want to know what to do, and how you fix things, and history is better for that than anything else.

Over the past section of my life, I have been learning things about myself. That includes learning that I have value, and understanding that some previous beliefs were false, and even gaining some perspective on things that seem contradictory but aren't (like yes, you deserve downtime, but this particular way of spending downtime does not work well for you).

In addition, lately I seem to be discovering three defining traits. I am a caretaker. I am a writer. I am a historian. If all three of those are essential to me, then that could explain a lot about me.

I might have previously guessed that my religion was more defining. It is important to me, and it affects a lot, but there are lots of Mormons who manage to feel very differently and act very differently. If I broaden the definition from being Mormon to Christian, it's still true. Taking care of others feels like a natural extension of my religious beliefs, but maybe that is who I would be anyway, and that part of me is something that responds to the religion.

And it is something many other people don't seem to interpret the same way, but maybe if there is another care-taking student of history out there who has to write about everything, maybe we would have a lot in common. Because I know that when Snyder said that, that thrill wasn't only that this is something for me, but also that I am not the only one who feels that way.

There is something wonderful about finding your people, but it is also pretty good finding yourself. It's not that I didn't know that writing, caring for others, or history were important to me before; I knew.

Instead, this is more that hey, this is you. It is good and you need it, and you will do good things with it. Hang onto it. It is a call and response in conjunction with the universe. It is connection both with self and beyond self.

And no matter how different those answers might be for a different person, I believe they are out there all the same.