A month of book selfies

About two months ago I wrote about not being satisfied with my selfies, especially due to a sense of repetition. I had some thoughts for shaking things up:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2019/02/selfie-aware.html

Having now completed the first idea - a month of book selfies -  I once again have great concerns about how repetitious they are.

In an effort to shake things up I tried different poses and locations. One book had "jump back" in the title, so I tried jumping back while taking the photo. The first time I didn't time it right, the second time I did but the picture was quite blurry. I have never been an award-winning photographer.

That doesn't make it a waste. It has gotten me thinking more about shot composition, and there is the sheer value of setting a goal and making it.

I do feel that the ways in which my life is most interesting are now largely internal, which is hard to photograph. And yet, I don't take the selfies to be interesting; I do it to assert my own worth and to remember who I am and that I matter as that person. Posting is an important part of that, though, and since I am posting I feel like they should be interesting. It creates a pressure that may not be necessary but then makes me think more deeply.

Anyway, I probably will go through other themes, but I will not do themes every month.

The other thing you have probably noticed is that I have not been posting regularly.

I have written enough about current time constraints and concerns that I suspect any regular readers can figure out that days without posting just mean that I am busy, which is always true.

It is also true that right now I am in the middle of learning so much that I kind of worry that anything big I write about, I won't do a good enough job on yet. That may not be a reason to avoid all topics, but then the time constraints come up again. My mother is starting to need more time, and it has to come from somewhere.

One blogging concern has been some musicians for review with huge catalogs, where I don't know if I can even give enough listening time. Giving up reviewing music does not feel like an acceptable loss. However, I can get through some of them this month, only reviewing one a week instead of two, and then see how it goes. Mom likes music; I may just need to find a way to include her, at least if the bands are any good.

The leads to one more concern, with a sub-concern. It occurred to me that all of the blogging gaps will probably lead to reader loss. The days where I didn't end up posting until around midnight were already not great for page hits.

I could almost shrug that off, because my blogging is still primarily for me. However, the band reviews can kind of be helpful for the bands, and having a smaller audience could make my reviews less helpful.

I'm going to not worry about that one too much, because it seems that the music reviews and the other posts have somewhat different audiences. I don't think I'm getting anyone signed, and recording contracts don't mean what they used to anyway.

There was still this nagging feeling that if I do have important things to say, should I try and cultivate an audience? Applying for a one-time live-tweeting thing, it occurred to me that there are some advantages to increasing follower counts. I do know things I could do to increase that, except that I like that my social media is built on relationships.

Weighing this conflict of whether I should try and keep readers led to this kind of bitter thought that with everything else I am losing, why wouldn't I lose that? Most of the losses that have already hit have been financial in some way, but there are these pieces of loss that are going to culminate in one really big loss. I don't know if a reader base even counts against that.

Except, it could be something that matters in the future, that part that is unknown. Which brings me back to another earlier post:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2019/02/in-between-some-things-but-not-zombie.html

It goes back to the liminality. I am in between things. I might have an idea about what is on the other side, but they are only guesses. Anything I shed off now, I might not even need then. If there are other things I will need, then I believe I will somehow manage to hold on to them, or to find them again later.

What though the sea with waves continuall   
Doe eate the earth? it is no more at all:          
Ne is the earth the lesse, or loseth ought:   
For whatsoever from one place doth fall   
Is with the tide unto another brought:   
For there is nothing lost, that may be found if sought.   

-- Edmund Spenser