But was it cathartic?

Probably not.

I believe it was when I was writing about Thunderbolts* and its emotional effect on me that I got a little hung up.

I was simply trying to write a sentence about how it wasn't exactly catharsis but -- instead of saying what "it" was -- I got hung up on the concept of "catharsis". 

I thought I had read once that catharsis was a myth, but people say things like that about many concepts. Often the concept is still useful.

I also recall Alice Sebold being frustrated when people would tell her how writing The Lovely Bones must have been cathartic for her regarding her own rape. No, that was not how she felt about it. 

So, even when we use the word (whether in noun or adjective form), we might be getting it wrong. 

Probably one good rule of thumb is to not reference other people's trauma just to sound smart.   

As concept, "catharsis" has medical, psychological, and dramatic constructions, and even multiple meanings within those categories.

For example, from a therapy standpoint, there is disagreement about whether catharsis for getting anger out helps to dispel or to reinforce anger.

I had not thought about anger so much. My idea of catharsis was that something brings out the sadness so you cry and feel better. 

The word "purge" is sometimes used. 

A lot of it is predicated on it being common behavior for people to repress or ignore their pain and problems. 

That totally happens. Then catharsis is supposed to be bringing it out into the open so it can heal. 

There are questions about whether something setting off that grief for pain is effective too. In fact, some of the theatrical disagreement is that if the play gives the audience catharsis then they are not motivated to change things. That can make the art a total failure, relegating it to bourgeois pap. 

Okay, that was mainly Brecht.

Allow me to add that right now I am reading a book called The Myth Of Closure. One thing it argues is that the pursuit of closure can prevent growth, especially if we are waiting for it to act.

I am leaning toward agreeing with that. "Closure" sounds more final than anything in my experience.

For a long time I would find movies bringing out a disproportionate amount of tears, but that never brought significant relief.

For one source of the tears, I first became aware of it around 2003, but the next real leap forward in understanding and coming to grips with it happened in 2018. I may be a slow learner, but there were a lot of experiences and reflections and things along the way. 

What I learned in 2003 was important and did make a difference, but there was a limit to how much I understood about it then. Now I understand it better, but there is still a limit to how much I have been able to put it into practice.

I do remember being afraid that at one point there would be an insight that would incapacitate me emotionally, where I would only be able to cry for three days. When the next big realization came, it was fine, and even anticlimactic. 

I believe that was because of many tears -- working out the emotion -- and many insights -- working out the understanding -- along the way. When everything finally came together it did so easily, if you don't count all the years that went into it.

Hearts and heads are not always (maybe not even often) in sync. 

There can be great peace in them coming together. 

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2022/10/all-better.html