This next section: Problems

I mentioned previously taking notes on a big sheet of paper. It helped, but it was also pretty disorganized, jotting things down as they occurred to me. I went through again and broke them down into three rough categories: problems, wants, and to do.

These are the things that I am going to be focusing on for this next round of self analysis and (I hope) progress. Nothing should be too  unfamiliar, but when I spread out writings so much, it is helpful sometimes to have an outline. This week the posts will be going over the three columns.

There is one other thing segment that ended up being written across the top, but I think I will get to that next Monday.

After that, going forward there will probably be many blog posts about these things, and there will be journal sessions that may not be replicated on the blog, and other experiences, but this is what I am looking at.

So many of them have already been at least partially covered that I am going to include links unless there is something new that I already know is new (as opposed to things that I have not figured out yet, but will). These posts will act as handy references while I am going through this.

Problems:

Disconnected from Body

I had actually made some progress here, and then slid back a bit. It is not automatic yet, so requires consistent effort.

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2015/01/getting-back-in-touch-with-my-body.html

Ashamed to cry, have negative emotions

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2014/12/a-week-of-sad-things.html

Ashamed in general

This comes up in pieces in lots of places, but I'm not sure I have ever really delved into this persistent feeling that something about me is bad. That might be something I have to do.

Fat

This one is kind of outdated. Well, this is a topic that will come up again.

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2008/01/sporky-pig.html

I don't believe I can be loved

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2008/02/sporkphelia.html

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/05/badly-drawn-girl-my-first-comic.html

Trouble trusting

I'm not sure that I have any posts that are really clear on this. It comes up in fragments in other places.

Can't drive

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2008/01/sporkfuls-secret-shame.html

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2010/09/things-i-am-not-working-on-driving.html

Worried about Mom

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2015/06/the-loneliest-part.html

Bad feelings about Dad

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/06/in-which-i-blame-my-father.html

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/04/it-was-not-just-guitar.html

Nothing left for me

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2015/04/something-left-for-me.html

Shoulders ache

I did mention this a little in the previous post about the mattress. I did get a massage, but it focused on my neck, which had some issues left over from a soft tissue injury. I think it is less likely that it is fasciitis now and maybe shoulder impingement, but I need to ask my doctor about it. I am scared it will be expensive, because even when it's just co-pays, those can add up. But I have to do something. It really hurts. I don't know if any of it is emotional, but one time when I was thinking of my responsibilities, and worrying, it suddenly came to me "No wonder my shoulders ache!"

Feel burdened

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2015/04/irony-and-grace.html