My 2020: Displaced

My first two posts in this series were (I thought) pretty well organized. Even though both covered a fair amount of ground, they were each about one thing.

Monday's post? Not so much. Last week's posts were about things that I do mostly understand now, and this week is about things that I am still figuring out.

Take me writing: I knew that I had a problem when a Twitter friend asked where to find my novels. I did show her, but I also tried to talk her out of reading them, which I believe I did successfully. She seemed willing to buy them, and I was like, "Oh, don't do that."

My saving grace is that I didn't actually say that they were bad, and I don't think that they are. I believe that they are mostly good, if not amazing. However, I don't know where they fit.

They are definitely not literary fiction, and I don't care about that because most of that has no appeal for me. There's a big market for YA, but my characters are aged a bit past that. If you are looking at an older market, my novels are probably too short. (Though they are not a bad length for YA, which is often short unless you have a magical savior narrative; those books can get pretty thick.)

There is a market for short erotic fiction, and that could especially work for the vampire series, but it would be highly inappropriate for the singles ward series, and not really appropriate for me. I totally could write very hot prose if I wanted to, I am sure, but that doesn't feel like the right fit.

(Not to mention that everything is through Amazon now, even some of the tools that previously were not, and I have some ethical concerns about that.)

So I am not quite sure where my books fit from a marketing perspective, and I find that also reflects my concerns about their writer.

After spending four years as a broke care giver, I actually did expect to have some issues adjusting. It was much more consuming than a regular job, and yes, I surrendered bits of my identity along the way. 

I mean, I am definitely still me, but parts of me had gone dormant. It hasn't been great for confidence.

I still believe things will turn out, but I am still frustrated that I don't know how. Realistically those first three months without a job were probably necessary. It worried me when my applications weren't getting any responses, but now that I have had some interviews I can see that I have been able to display some energy and personality that was not available earlier. 

If that delay had a purpose, maybe this one does as well, though not knowing what it is lets me second-guess everything I do.

What I have been able to remember, though, is that you can't always do everything at once, no matter how much of it is good, or could be.

If I am not reviewing music and interviewing people now, at least I have done it, and I am glad for those experiences. I hope I get there again.

I also look forward to having money again. If love of money is not the root of all evil (that is probably more the love of power, and love of money ties into that), lack of money can still be a great source of stress.

I would be very happy to not ever have that stress again.

But also... https://smile.amazon.com/Gina-Harris/e/B00OC0N218