A hard ask

I don't like asking for things in general.

I'm sure some of that is feminine socialization. More of it might be the specific inferiority complex that I picked up from my childhood, where I knew that we were poor and felt like I was a nuisance. 

As much progress as I have made, a lot of that lingers. "Leaning in" would be difficult.

Obviously, being in worse financial circumstances now, that is going to come up more.

There were some battles with my sisters over the years, but we have worked through that, where I can ask them for help now, though I do try and limit it. They are going to get the brunt of the garnishment, especially Julie.

There was something else that I had to do. 

Somewhere between where I knew the garnishment was coming and before it started, I was asked to help a friend with updating his resume and generating a cover letter. He said he would pay.

I did not say that he did not have to pay, but I also did not set any specifics because I was not planning on charging him.

There are a few reasons for that. Certainly, if people need help job hunting, I am generally assuming they don't have money to spare. If you're my friend I want to help you. Also, I don't have any special expertise in job hunting materials. Any ability I have with that comes from my language skills and knowledge of psychology, but the last time I was actually taught how to do it was Personal Finance class in high school, meaning I always have to check current trends when starting a new one. 

Is it even reasonable to charge for that?

(Internet research also revealed that those who do charge ask for $125 to $175 for a cover letter. That seems high for the amount of effort required.)

Another development related to Maria often asking me to do things for her. They are usually more busywork or artwork for her classroom, and says she will pay. Historically I have not pressed, and often payment was forgotten.

Lately I have been having her pay. If it is actually worth something to her, why not?

So it occurred to me that I needed to ask for payment for the cover letter.

I hated doing that so much. Even just writing about it now -- when I have already received the money and spent it -- my stomach knots up thinking about it.

It's not his fault. He agreed, sent the money quickly, and would have paid more if I had pressed. (Obviously, I did not charge $175.)

I think it was important to do. I don't like it. I may have to do more of it.

I know some people have this philosophy that everything happens for a specific reason for you... I don't. A bunch of free agents crashing around within the structures that were built by previous generations creates plenty of opportunities. Sometimes the reason is that some people are just jerks.

However, I also believe in the possibility of divine intervention, and frequent guidance, and I believe we should learn things from our experiences.

I may have an issue I need to resolve.