Priorities

One thing that I didn't really get into with yesterday's post, though it is implied, is that you have to make decisions about what is important and where you allocate resources. Part of why I have been thinking about that is due to some ads supporting Ballot Measure 91, in favor of legalizing recreational marijuana.

The ads take an interesting angle, with people from law enforcement and courtroom backgrounds talking about all the wasted resources that go into enforcing these laws, when they could better use their time solving murders.

The ad tactics make sense. My first thought might have been that there would be a lot on benefits of smoking pot, or comparisons to alcohol, or something like that, but I think most people probably already have heard as much as they are willing to hear on that. Anyone who is going to be swayed by those arguments is probably already there, but you might be able to convince some people who despise potheads that this really is a law and order move. A lot of libertarians are already pro-legalization, and a lot of people who are registered Republican lean libertarian, so that's the ground you might be able to gain.

I can appreciate the logic of that, but what goes through my head is the thought that a lot of priorities are set by revenue. Traffic patrols do matter, because that people generally obey the laws of the road makes being out on the road safer for everyone. It is still really common for people to assume that when they are pulled over that the officer is trying to make a quota.

Are there really quotas? For motivation to obey traffic laws, fines do make sense, but it can't possibly be good for that to be a needed source of revenue. Many of the articles we have seen about Ferguson show a very abusive relationship that essentially funds city hall, but that has also led people from other areas to talk about inaccessible city halls that play scheduling games and it becomes an important source of revenue.

We put a lot of money into the war on drugs. Without stopping drug use, it has filled the prison systems, kept down communities, justified harassment, and led to the militarization of the police. That is not good. Legalizing marijuana won't help much with that.

That's not about this specific ballot measure. Mass incarceration is a problem, and prison privatization is a problem, but also other issues frequently come up. It does take having an actual goal.

If the purpose of the prison system is to protect the public from criminals, is it doing that well? Do the people who are dangerous end up off the streets? Do people go into the prison system and come out more or less dangerous? Are there more effective ways to keep the public safe? For example, could we do early investment to keep people from becoming dangerous instead of warehousing them after they're dangerous? And "which one is cheaper" is a reasonable question to ask for that, but it is not the only question to ask.

Is the purpose of the whole system to punish bad people for being bad? If so, are we comfortable with that purpose? Is it working the way it's supposed to? Does it only punish or does it do other things? If it only punishes, what is the effect of that on society?

I mention this because I don't think we realize how often some things come about and stay in place merely because of tradition, and those traditions often started in bad practices. Are we content with that?

And maybe, if the system works for you, you are content, but there are people for whom that system really sucks. It may be uncomfortable to be caught in the currents of change, but those changes matter, and to get good changes it takes thinking. It takes open eyes and open minds, and it takes open hearts.

What do you think?

Job creators

I'd recently heard a reference to the 47% again, and while that one did really get to me (http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/10/100-wrong-about-47.html), lately I have been thinking more about something else Romney said.

It came up because it was related to things he said during the presidential race, but apparently this quote came from his failed Senate campaign in 1994. Maybe that's why it didn't draw too much attention, being older.

"This is a different world than it was in the 1960s when I was growing up, when you used to have Mom at home and Dad at work. Now Mom and Dad both have jobs to work whether they want to or not, and usually one of them has two jobs."

I am still surprised that this, and his more recent comments about even mothers of young children needing to work didn't get more attention. I think I know why, and that is the people who supported him imagined he was referring to single mothers who don't work at all. If you were against Romney he said so many horrible things that you need to prioritize, but I think this merits some discussion. Why are we willing to accept that it might take three jobs to support a family?

This isn't about lazy people - one job can drain you pretty well, and he is saying it takes more. That is saying that even in a two parent home, at least one parent might be working 60-80 hours a week, with the other working 40.

Maybe it bothers me more since the death of Maria Fernandes.

Her name may not be familiar to you, but you have probably heard the story of the woman who was working three jobs, and died napping in the parking lot of one job.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/29/maria-fernandes-low-wage-work_n_5736790.html

Okay, she was working part-time, low-wage jobs, but does anyone doubt that she was a hard worker? Does anyone doubt that if she could have found one job to pay all of her bills that she would have taken it?

There are a lot of things that could be said here about minimum wage and heartless corporations and a devaluation of human life that is sociopathic but supported by people who should know better, but instead I want to talk about Henry Ford for a moment.

Yes, his innovation of the assembly line was clever, but something else really cool that came out of there was letting his employees have a higher wage and Saturdays off. It wasn't a philanthropic move - he wanted his employees to be able to have the means and the motivation to buy his cars - but it changed the standard.

As long as Ford Motors was taking job applications, then other employers in the area had to have similar offerings. That meant even more people who could then afford cars and have time to drive places, so it continued to benefit Ford, but it was also great for the workers in the area, and it did not kill the other employers.

During that brief period when I was an Intel employee, I had phenomenal wages and pretty good benefits. When I came back as a contractor the benefits were not as good, but they compensated with more money. That wasn't out of the goodness of their hearts, but at the time there were a lot of good jobs out there, and employers had to be competitive. The economy did great. No one's stock fell because they paid good wages. If the rising tide didn't raise all the boats, it raised a lot.

Favoring employers can be helpful when they are already hiring, but it doesn't make them hire anyone. It didn't in Kansas, and they gave it a harder shot than anyone else:

http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/6sn82w/sam-brownback-s-conservative-kansas-experiment

Somehow it doesn't seem to matter how many times you can go back and show that raising the minimum wage doesn't cause inflation, or point out that most people receiving benefits also work, or that Wal-Mart costs taxpayers $6.2 Billion in aid to workers, but gets $1.2 Billion in tax breaks, some people just don't want to hear it.

(For those last two, http://www.forbes.com/sites/clareoconnor/2014/04/15/report-walmart-workers-cost-taxpayers-6-2-billion-in-public-assistance/ - and we all know how liberal Forbes is - plus http://www.walmartsubsidywatch.org/)

Right now we need both more and better jobs. It is not going to happen with tax cuts. It can happen with mandated higher wages. Even if it doesn't create new jobs, if some of the people who are working multiple jobs can afford to go down to one, then the extra jobs they relinquish are new openings. That can be three jobs, and better quality of life for all three workers.

More jobs will not automatically be created by raising corporate taxes, but if those funds are used to create jobs, it will still have a valuable impact on the economy. There are plenty of things that need to be done. Have childcare workers affiliated with employment centers. That could have been good for Shanesha Taylor. Do road maintenance. Do job training.

Often those who are against raising the minimum wage will point out that people should not be staying in minimum wage jobs, ignoring the fact that employers will not pay more than they have to, whether it be due to legislation or competition. Well, if the government is hiring people at living wages with good benefits, than private employers will have to offer those things.

This isn't even choosing between alleviating human suffering versus doing good things for the economy. This is about both. Anything aligned with supply-side economic policies will do neither.

Ask Kansas.

Books that the movies always get wrong

I have been thinking about doing this one for a while. I guess I always felt that there should be three books to really make the point effectively, and at times I have thought that Frankenstein should be the third, but I am not committing to it.

For now, there are two that especially bug me, and they bug me in specific ways. It is not that a favorite scene or character was dropped, or that they missed good parts; that is something that happens and is kind of necessary. In this case, it is that the movies miss the entire point of the books. I understand why it comes out that way. Suffice it to say, there are spoilers coming up.

The first is The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. I should clarify that this is one of my favorite books. Well, it's more of a novella I guess - it's pretty short - but so gripping and well-written that I just adored it on the first read. I know other people have found it too dark to be enjoyable, but it just didn't have that effect on me.

If you are only familiar with the story from film and television adaptations, you probably think that Dr. Jekyll was trying to rid himself of his evil nature, and that not only did it fail, creating an alter ego with all of the evil qualities, but that he could not control it after trying it.

That's not how it happens in the book.

Dr. Jekyll likes doing bad things but does not like that his conscience bothers him. He wants to separate his two sides so they can both do as they like. That doesn't sound quite as noble, but it gets worse. He finds that while his Mr. Hyde form has no compunction about anything, and follows many of these evil impulses, his Jekyll side still wants to do the bad things.

Jekyll hasn't accomplished what he wanted, but since he does still like doing the bad things (despite pangs of conscience) he continues drinking the potion to turn into Hyde. It is only after repeated uses that he loses control. He could have stopped the whole thing once he found that it didn't work as intended, but again, he was not a noble man.

That may be part of why the movies change it. The protagonist as written isn't really sympathetic. Also, there are no love interests. The movies will often add two, one "bad" girl and one "good" girl, and then the bad girl usually ends up dead, though there are factors there that are probably part of another discussion, so lets just move on to The Time Machine, by H.G. Wells.

I think part of the problem with these adaptations is again the need for a love story. The time traveler saves Weena's life, and she's a female, he's a male; obviously they have to fall in love!

Except they can't have a real meeting of minds, because she is like a child. All of the Eloi are. Actually, they are more like cattle. Yes, the Morlocks eat the Eloi, which seems horrible and scary, but the Morlocks also provide shoes, clothing, and food for the Eloi. The Eloi were once the upper class, and had intelligence and abilities, but they were content to push the Morlocks underground, and give up all thought and effort until they were essentially cattle.

In the movies the solution is always to destroy the Morlocks, and then the Eloi can live in peace. Actually if the Morlocks were gone the Eloi would freeze and starve miserably, changing their placid lives that have just moments of terror to gradually increasing misery ending in death. At least cows can go on eating grass.

The Guy Pearce movie paid a little bit of service to the idea by having a computer that could teach the Eloi, but even though the Eloi were uneducated in that version, in the book they have devolved: incidents that happen don't go into long-term memory, their language is simplified, and they have physically shrunk. You can't fix that with a talking computer.

Besides which, the scales of justice are still imbalanced, because all the reckoning is on the side of the Morlocks, who have become savage, but were relegated to this savagery by the Eloi (or more accurately their ancestors). But the Eloi are prettier so they have to win, and let the crude and unattractive (and lower-class) be the monsters that must be destroyed.

Remember, speculative fiction may be set in the future, but it is talking about the present, and human nature being what it is, it will often still be sadly applicable to the present several years down the road.

Anyway, I've always wanted to get that off my chest. Also, we might be talking about economics and class in future posts.

Band Review: Matt Lande

One reason I reviewed Hot Apparatus yesterday is that they have a Dracula song, and I knew that I was going to want to make it a song of the day as we got closer to Halloween. Similarly, as Matt Lande does stand-in and double work on "Grimm", as we approach the season premiere on October 24th, it seemed like it was time to get to him.

That is how we ended up with such Portland-focused reviews, but it still seems like a pointless story, except for a thread of little things leading together and combining that seems relevant to Lande's music.

The music is not forceful, but there is a quiet strength to it that builds. It was something I had noticed, but not really thought about until watching a short video where Matt speaks about his music, available on his Youtube channel.

Without intending it, Matt started learning how to play guitar. In pursuit of a girl, he ended up in a Christian rock band. Starting to sing and getting into his next band, Heaven is Where, by his telling almost sound more like things that happened to him than things that he did. However, each step led him to the next thing, working together, so that he can now play guitar, sing, and write music. It now includes writing songs for a novel written by a Twitter connection.

There is often religious imagery from the Christian tradition in the music, but at the same time it does not really feel religious, but kind of more Zen. He could have easily stopped or resisted at some point, but it appears to have been a good path. My overall impression is of water gradually carving and wearing down stone, which feels like the most Portland part of all.

If some of the signposts on the path were girls, perhaps it is not terribly surprising that the songs seem to come from the heart of a romantic, and you will hear that on many of the tracks

Personal favorites for me are probably "Ease Disgrace", "Beautiful", and "It Was You", so I think one of them will be the song of the day on October 24th, but I'm not sure which yet. There needs to be a little suspense.

http://www.reverbnation.com/MattLande

https://www.facebook.com/mattlandeofficial

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV8HjXuX_L-z_OvDZ8yWvTw

https://twitter.com/mattlande

Band Review: Hot Apparatus

Although Hot Apparatus does follow me on Twitter, I was aware of them before that through working with band member Alison Dennis.

This seemed like a good time to do the review, because they recently released a new album, Hot Apparatus, available as a free download from Bandcamp.

There are many other tracks available, especially via Tumblr, but I have focused my listening primarily on the new album.

Hot Apparatus feels very Portland, in some different ways. One is that the vibe often tends toward the weird. By their own descriptions they perform both psych-pop and improvisation. Not having been to a performance yet, I don't know how the improvisation goes, but their recorded tracks often veer far from the conventional, and are more arty. That is pretty Portland.

In addition there is sometimes a strong retro feel. It's not all referring back to the same era, but comes from different times and places, becoming an appropriate soundtrack for browsing at a thrift shop. Again, that seems pretty Portland.

My favorite track on the new album is "Disconnected", but "All I Feel Is Yes" has a way of sticking with you. Also, Alison's sweet vocalizations on "Astronaut" are beautiful and haunting.

Music by Hot Apparatus is easily and freely available.

https://hotapparatus.bandcamp.com/releases

http://hotapparatus.tumblr.com/

https://soundcloud.com/hot-apparatus

https://twitter.com/HotApparatus

Suicide

As long as we are dredging up painful memories, I have more.

I once had tickets for MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. That part is only a little embarrassing. I also had tickets for Billy Idol and Faith No More, as well as Nelson, during that time period, so mainly I think it shows a fairly diverse musical taste. I made it to the other shows, but not to MC Hammer.

Somehow the tickets disappeared the day of the show. We did have some workmen come over to work on the furnace that day, I did share a room at the time, and also, I have lost other items before (though never concert tickets), but I never found them.

It felt worse because it affected someone else. I was going to go with Matt Davis. He was one of the guys on the basketball team I managed, and we weren't particularly close, and we definitely weren't crushing on each other, but we had decided to go, and when he came to pick me up I was still frantically searching my room. The evening was cut short.

That is not the painful part. The painful part was later, when I was away at college, and my sisters called to tell me Matt had killed himself.

I know he didn't kill himself because of the missed concert; there were other things going on. I did still wonder at times if going to the concert would have gotten us closer to each other, and maybe I would have been keeping tabs on him, and known it was getting bad.

Or maybe if he and Mary had gone out on that date, it would have changed things. There was a girl he liked, and I knew her, and she was new at the school so didn't know a lot of people. I tried to fix them up, but she didn't want to. Maybe that would have changed things.

In reality, I probably had no ability to affect it. It didn't stop me from mentally trying to find all sorts of ways to undo it. That's what happens with suicide. Our mind recoils not just at the loss of a life, but that it was intentional. Something went terribly wrong and we struggle to reconcile it.

I suppose I have been thinking about more since Robin Williams died. It wasn't just him, though that affected a lot of people. Locally a young mother had gone missing, and there was a lot of publicity until she was found, and discovered to have taken her own life.

I had written a little about how frustrated I was with the press releasing details on the methods used, and the news coverage in general. I could write a lot about how horrible people can be in their responses, especially via web comments, for those cases and others. The thing that is working on me now though is how it gets misunderstood.

I understand why people call suicide selfish, though it does feel an awful lot like name-calling, which wouldn't be a good response in general. That's not how it works though. You may think that they did it with no regard for anyone else, but for many of them there has been this voice in their head repeating over and over that they are ruining everyone's lives, and that everyone else would be better off without them.

They're wrong. Most of them are way wrong. Some of them may make life more difficult in some ways, and they feel that. The logic breaks down if you really go into whether everyone would be better off without them, but usually when I am dealing with it, it's teenagers. Not only do they have less perspective on life, not having lived very long, but their pre-frontal cortex isn't fully developed and there are things they just aren't going to grasp yet.

The adults should be better able to fight it, and they often are. That reminds me about one other thing, especially with Robin Williams though, is that then people felt like everything was a cheat -- that when he was laughing and making others laugh it was all a lie. That's not true either. They can still have good times that are real. If they have any tendency toward bipolar, they may have really intense good times. The lows still hit.

I don't know what happened with him specifically. Sometimes it is just a matter of the urge hitting harder at a time when the opportunity is there. What I can say is that anything that I do understand now is only because I have listened. It's so easy to avoid the uncomfortable conversations, and to dismiss the thoughts that seem ridiculous, but it's not ridiculous to them, and they are more uncomfortable than you. Sometimes you can disrupt that dark moment. Yes, more dark moments will come, but only because they lived longer. It gives another chance.

And that can be enough. There was one more person from school whom I didn't know well, but I knew from another friend that he seemed to know an awful lot about suicide, and things that could happen when you tried. And yes, it's a stereotype, but he did dress Goth. So, I worried about him, and it seemed like he moved, or wasn't around anymore, and I always wondered.

One day he showed up on Facebook, and he has a family and work, and a good life. That happens too. People can make it. Always remember that.

Not the most annoying kid ever

One thing that worries me for others, but I do it myself, is a tendency to see ourselves as so much worse than we are.

Picking up from where we left off yesterday, gaining maturity is a process, and older and wiser people are often willing to cut you some slack. Their more mature perspective probably helps, but it looks different to us. We may know that they are being gracious, but think that they are still marking down a demerit, and the cringing continues long afterward, when it probably doesn't need to.

A couple of months ago I was visiting with a friend, and we spent some time with her mother as well. We have been friends since third grade, so we go way back.

As I was getting ready to leave my friend's mother said how nice it was to see me because she had always liked me. I expressed surprise because I thought of myself as being a really annoying obnoxious child. That surprised her. She had thought I always had something interesting to say.

That was nice to hear regardless, but I started thinking about why I thought I was annoying, and really it came down to two incidents, which I shall report right here, right now.

The first one came when we were watching Auntie Mame on television. Mame's nephew brings an annoying fiancee home, and she keeps repeating  "I can't tell you how pleased I am to make your acquaintance." Because she way annoying, and repetitive, I made some joke about how for not being able to tell her, she was sure talking a lot, or something like that, and I didn't think anyone picked up on the joke, so I repeated it, and then I realized that it had been heard, it just wasn't funny.

The other time was that they had given me a book, The Wind in the Door, and she asked me how I liked it. There had been a printing error with the book, where one section of the book had repeats of previous pages instead of the correct pages, so there was a chunk of the plot missing, and I started telling her about that when I was sure later that the appropriate response would have been "Thank you. I liked it." It wasn't badly intended - part of my need to talk about it was that I was so surprised that such a thing could happen, and I was still wondering what happened in those pages, so it was on my mind, but I felt like it was a major gaffe.

As a sane adult now, I know that I would not hold those things against a kid. As the kid, I'm still embarrassed.

There is some value in this. I am pretty sure the incident with the book was where I became really good about thanking people. I can't say that I never tried too hard on a joke again, but I at least have a better chance of recognizing it.

It is interesting looking back because while I have this collection of embarrassing incidents, involving multiple people, that I don't like remembering, it's when examining them that they lose some of their power. Yes, my lack of mortal enemies could also work as an indicator that maybe I haven't been too horrible, but reinforcement is nice.

There were things already in place that made it easier to feel a sense of wrongness. There have been a lot of memories coming back during the reading, and why some of them impressed on me so forcefully makes more sense now. We will get into that eventually, though I think I may be getting political for a little while, or maybe get more into Halloween.

The point for today is that not only was I probably not the most annoying kid ever, though I am grateful for that. In addition, it is possible that you have similar concerns, and yet probable that you were in fact a very good and likable kid, and still someone good now.

Childhood development

I saw something at church a while back that stayed with me.

I have favorites of the little kids. I don't deal with them much, so if there are secretly ones that I like more than others, I don't think it's that bad. Obviously, if I ever get an assignment with children, I'll have to adjust my thinking.

Anyway, one of my favorites had a bad day in easy view of me.

Her mother was not there that day - maybe sick - and I guess that meant less attention to go around, which she was probably feeling. Her brother was ignoring her, coloring, and she suddenly took a crayon and drew a line down his page.

Based on her smile, this was a playful move for her, but it was an annoying move to him, and he shoved her. The shove wasn't terribly hard, but the way she said his name after that was so reproachful and heartbroken.

She had been standing, but then she got up and sat on her seat and did not look at anyone. Her father tried to reach out to her, but she was not having it.

Watching her from a few rows back, I felt like I understood her perfectly. There was that mix of emotions, but there wasn't quite the maturity to understand what to do with them. There can be appropriate ways to ask for attention, especially if you can admit to yourself that it's really what you want. Sometimes you have to accept not getting attention right away.

It also reminds me of watching an episode of "World's Strictest Parents". I had never watched the show before, but the premise is that kids with behavioral problems at home are sent to parents with well-behaved children to straighten out. I watched it because a girl I was familiar with through Twitter was on an episode, and she put up a link.

There was a point in the show where she sounded like a 4 year old. It's not that she was having a tantrum, but there was a catch in her voice that made her sound very young, and I could just feel that mismatch, of knowing that you are not quite right, but you are still hurting and don't know how to make it right.

Maturity needs to be learned. Some of it may be observed before you do anything too awful, but sometimes we learn by getting it wrong, and there is chastisement or mockery or maybe people are nice about it but you still know and there is the burn of humiliation.

I doubt my little favorite will remember this incident like I do. She may only remember part of it, like feeling bad because her brother shoved her. The whole thing may fade like so much of childhood does, but there may be a result where, without knowing why, she never writes on someone else's page again.

I do know that her father doesn't hold it against her. I don't hold it against her. I know her behavior could count as bratty, but I don't think of her as a brat. Her brother might for a while, which will work itself out, but adults tend to understand that it takes time, and they are willing to allow that time.

That became more clear to me with an incident that I will write about tomorrow.

Band Review: Falling Here

Falling Here is a pop punk band from Rome Italy, and I have really enjoyed reviewing them this week.

I had some concerns that I could be biased in their favor. I am half-Italian, and one of their videos shows Rome at Christmas, where we hope to be this year, so there could be some sentimental favoritism going on there. There have been plenty of bands that I have wanted to like and not been able to though, so I believe my judgment is fair, and that Falling Here are actually good.

Songs are energetic and fun. Videos can be a little obnoxious, with unnecessary birds and rudeness (because punk), but at the same time the band remains likable. (Again, punk.)

There is a full-length album from 2013, Wrong Ways, which is pretty good. I especially like the way that "Friendship >Fame" builds, as well as "Start Over Again!" However, do not overlook the 2012 EP Life Gets Easy. There are only four tracks but they are strong.

https://www.facebook.com/fallinghere

https://itunes.apple.com/it/album/life-gets-easy-ep/id567736729

https://www.youtube.com/user/FallingHereTV

https://twitter.com/Fallinghere

Band Review: Loaded Guns

Loaded Guns is a Miami-based rock band with strong metal influences. At various times they remind me of Metallica and Tommy Shaw, but I hear more modern hardcore influences as well.

There is a good energy to the music. "Too Bad" is a good example of how they thrash, but then you hear some surprisingly delicate themes on "In Your Name". "Haunted" is just interesting; it goes interesting places.

Currently there are nine tracks available on Soundcloud, as well as one music video on the Bryan Stars channel.

The video is a little lackluster. The band is pretty good-looking and charismatic, so I believe there is some unrealized potential to capitalize on in the video field.

Here's wishing them good luck.

https://soundcloud.com/loadedgunsusa

https://www.facebook.com/official.loadedguns

https://twitter.com/LoadedGunsUSA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POd4upqqgxE

Web comics

One of the challenges of this period of my life is learning the best way to do things.

Some of that is a matter of networking, but there are also technical aspects. Yesterday was the first time that I published something to Kindle. The formatting is probably not as good as it could be. The cover is kind of dull.

That's okay - it's a learning experience. I learned things from going through the process yesterday, I am still learning things as I try to send out a couple of review copies and track sales (two so far), and I will know more the next time I put something up.

I need to re-examine my profiles, because I have more things to link to now with the book and with the 6-page scripts. Using Wattpad may not be the best place for what I am doing with the 6-page scripts, but I am exploring. Posting the first had some stumbling blocks, but it is going smoothly now.

Some questions are more cosmetic in nature - how do I make it look right - and I am not even sure what to call the question of getting people to see things, especially people who might pay for it, but also, a lot of what I do has different goals.

I want to sell the full-length screenplays to someone who will film them. I don't want to make any money on the blog. I do want individual readers to buy the book. I don't expect to sell the 6 page screenplays, but if I could leverage them so that people who might buy the full-length screenplays realize that I can do stuff, that would be good. I would like to sell Karate Kat and The Bear in the Net as children's books, but in their current forms they are freely available on the internet (but better forms are possible).

The most questions happen with the comics. I do want people to read them and be amused. I do not expect to sell any of them as long as I am drawing my own. I would not be against working with someone who could draw, and then that could be for money. But also, I am not good at displaying it.

I have mainly focused on my frustration with not being a very good artist, but at the same time, scanning in drawings as PDFs which I then load to Dropbox has not been completely satisfying.

Some of that appears to be the PDF format, and I should be working more with JPEG or some other type of file. I could then use Tumblr or DeviantArt to gather them together. I haven't decided which makes the most sense.

There is still the primitive nature of the art. There are two things that I want to draw right now, but very dark shades are needed to set the right mood, and my pencils will not manage it. Do I put in scraps of black construction paper? Can I do some of it on the computer without investing in new software and a tablet? I don't know.

I will be started some books soon that I hope will be helpful, but the other thing that I am starting now is exploring the long list of web comics that I have been meaning to explore. (Seriously, the list keeps growing without me even trying to find more.) So expect some reviews of web comics coming soon.

I don't know how well I can do at this. Marketing myself has never been a strong point, and then there are all the new things that I need to figure out as well. However, there are two things that are really good for me: learning and being creative. Those things are happening.

Cara

Today I uploaded my first novel to Kindle Direct Publishing. 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00O9A9QV6

I started writing it shortly after graduating from University of Oregon in 1996. It was about a girl who returns to U of O after her mission, and she falls in love with someone who is not a member of the church.

It is obviously not based on my life, because I fell in love before my mission, not after, and we didn't end up together, but it was still close to my heart. I may have been doing customer service in the tech sector for income, but the plan had always been to write, and now I was really getting started.

Because it was LDS-themed that limited the market. I knew of three publishing houses to try, so I sent it to all of them, and they all said no.

That was disappointing, especially because I had started imagining all of these other love stories happening in between Portland and Eugene, and I thought I would write all of them, and then it was like, okay, that's not happening.

A few years later I was cleaning some files, and I found my rejection letters and re-read them. They had been better than I remembered. I guess what I had learned by then was that no matter how much publishers might think readers would enjoy reading your novel, they have to give even more weight to considering whether they can get anyone to buy your novel. I may think I write better love scenes than Jack Weyland, but I do not have his name recognition.

I felt better about my writing. These letters were complimentary, and the people whom I had let read it, which included at least one person who wasn't a member, had liked the book. At the same time, it seemed too late. For one thing, the book was now essentially recent historical fiction. There is one chapter that hinges on not getting a letter. People had cell phones when I was writing it, but they weren't very common. Now not only are they more frequently used than land lines, they have pretty much abolished long distance charges.

Also, I would think about all of these parts that were maybe too preachy, or trying too hard to tie it to Eugene, which would only be interesting for people who went there, and it felt like any attempt to go back to it wouldn't be worth it.

Fast forward to 2014, and I am trying once more, very hard, to break into writing, and I started remembering Cara. Something else I am going to work on soon will be set in 1994 and 1997, so that could be part of it, but I started thinking maybe I could put it up, just to see. I opened the file to take a look.

Okay, I did see where I used too many words, and that there were parts that were kind of clunky, but I forgot that there were things that really moved me too. There were things that were funny and touching and it was about people that I really liked. So I did go through and make a few improvements, but it is basically still what it was, and it is in the process of publishing and will soon be available to anyone who wants it for $2.99.

I'm not pinning a lot of hopes on it. There is still a limited market, I think, but I am giving it a chance as part of giving me a chance. And it's practice, because in November I am going to convert the Family Blood screenplay into a novel, and when I upload that I will have already had some experience with the process.

(And I have a better business plan here, because I intend to give the sequel away for free, and I believe that will drive interest in the first and third installments. Plus, vampires have a pretty wide audience.)

It's really just one more thing in a week where I am doing a lot of different things, but it feels good. It feels like things are happening. I'm ready for that.

Putting it all out there

This morning I uploaded a new screenplay to Amazon Studios. It can be viewed, along with other screenplays, at http://studios.amazon.com/users/70821.

That could be significant on its own, but that is not all that is going to happen this week. Tomorrow I am going to put a novel up for sale. I will explain more about that in tomorrow's blog post.

Wednesday I will link to more comics I have drawn, and blog about things I am trying to do differently in terms of making them more accessible. I will also be updating my LinkedIn profile, and checking out the submission guidelines for a couple of places, and trying to find a publisher for The Bear in the Net and Karate Kat, both of which I think could do well as children's books.

Also, as I said I would Wednesday, I am publishing one 6 page script per day this month, viewable here:

http://www.wattpad.com/user/GinaHarris827

That will become progressively more impressive as the month progresses.

It's a lot of stuff, and it does relate to the long reading list, and to being restless, and the other things I have mentioned.

Part of it is that I just have a desire to share. As much as it is try that I write for myself, I then still want other people to read it.

A lot of it is that I just want to be a professional writer.

Everything I have ever said about needing to write anyway, whether I am paid for it or not, is still true, but I want to be paid for it. I want to have the freedom to focus on my writing rather than it having to be the thing I fit in with my other responsibilities. I have always wanted that. I have tried for it before, but I haven't been as aggressive as I could.

It's hard to really believe in yourself, at least it has been for me. Putting yourself out there is one thing, and then actively promoting yourself is even worse. I still have to figure out how far I want to go with that. There are some people who encourage others to buy their book several times a day, and that seems not only annoying but probably also not effective.

I don't know what will be effective, but I need to try and figure that out. I need to believe in me and take a chance on me.

To some extent I do. I like my writing. As I stretch myself and try new things, I know I can do it. The hard part is trusting other people to see it, and having the confidence to ask them to look.

I have to manage it though, because it is the only way to get the life I want, and also, it is for those people I care about. If I tell them to believe that good things can happen and to be brave, and I won't do it, how can they trust me?

As I blog about the reading over the next few months (that's my estimate; I'm not really sure), that will be something I keep coming back to. How do you believe in yourself? Why don't we?

Maybe sometimes the only answer is to throw yourself in.

Album Review: Hesitant Alien by Gerard Way

The unintended theme of this week's reviews (other than New Jersey) is me looking at genres I was not really familiar with and coming away with new perspectives. In the case of Gerard Way's new solo album, Hesitant Alien, the genre is glam rock. Whether that new perspective can be explained coherently remains to be seen.

When I first saw Way's new photos, I immediately thought of David Bowie in "Modern Love". Technically, I don't think Bowie was even considered to be particularly glam there; I believe that look and sound falls more under post-disco/New Wave. Then I saw the first video, for "No Shows", which takes place on an intergalactic television program, with an audience that looks ready to participate in the "The Time Warp", and that led to thinking more "Starman" and "Ziggy Stardust", and about what being a hesitant alien means.

In an interview performed with the Pink Station Zero host (which it is possible should not be taken completely seriously), Way refers to never having felt like he fit in, but then he decided that was how he fit in, and that there was a need for that. When you go into space, you are the alien, and I believe there are feelings of hesitation, but that it has ultimately been embraced.

One thing I noticed re-watching "Modern Love" is that there is a range of styles being worn by the various performers. Some of them have similar style, but not all. That carries through in the "No Shows" video. The guitarist and the singer are more tailored, the bass player and the drummer are more casual, and there does not really seem to be a unified color palette, but it all works together.

The reason glam had never made sense to me was that the various bands it referred to didn't really seem to have a lot in common musically, but perhaps that was never the point. If instead it was about breaking boundaries and shining, then there can be infinite ways of doing that. Once you give up on needing to fit in, it no longer matters that you can't, and suddenly there is room for everybody.

Which is a lot to say without describing anything musically at all, but I think this album fits in well. There is a fuzziness to the sound which reminds me of old radio transmissions, and it seems equally plausible that they could be coming out of the past or from outer space and deal more with the future.

The intro on the very first track, "The Bureau" reminds me of Hendrix, but that is just one aspect of a diverse and complex album. "Brother" has the most layered textures I have heard all year, including some lovely keys.

The album is not too closely anchored to any one type of sound or year, another way in which the space theme seems appropriate. Still, my biggest mental image is very earthbound. It started from "Action Cat", but not only there, and it's like being out at night after a rain, and seeing streetlights reflecting off of the wet streets. It has rained, but there is still light. It is might even be lonely, but in the next moment you could down the road to the next adventure, or you could turn around and walk straight into an Edward Hopper diner scene. That may  not make sense, but that's how the record sounds to me.

Hesitant Alien is available via both iTunes and Amazon for download, but you can get CD and vinyl bundles via Way's site.

Also, if you are interested in following Way's progress, I recommend following not just Way, but also LolaPlusG on Twitter, who sends out news updates.

http://hesitantalien.gerardway.com/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt27MCKTkEqDyKQxRiimL5Q

https://twitter.com/gerardway

https://twitter.com/LolaPlusG

Band Review: Science

Science is one of those bands that I had been meaning to check out for a while. Having finally gotten around to it, I am so glad I did; they are really good!

I can't remember ever hearing any other band reference "qualitative properties" in a song, but Science does in "Less Is More", and it works. I do seem to remember reviewing at least one other band that listed Nikola Tesla as an influence, but I know no one else mentioned Carl Sagan (or George Carlin for that matter).

Speaking of things that I found on their Facebook page, their genre is listed as Frog Rock, which could just be adorable, but the biography refers to "melodic prog rock", which casts everything in a different light. Prog rock on its own indicates a willingness to be experimental and is generally accompanied by a high level of skill, all of which is here. Sadly, prog rock also often forget to be at all enjoyable to listen to. By not forgetting to be melodic, and by keeping the sense of fun that might cause you to refer to "frog rock", Science is good listening.

The closest comparison I can make is to Reggie and the Full Effect, where there is that mix of lightness and quality. Science is not quite as obviously silly, possibly because of all the scientific terminology. I haven't checked to see if all of the terms are being used correctly, but I suspect the science is good, because Science is good and so it follows logically.

I know I am using the word "good" a lot, but I want to emphasize that. The reason I have been meaning to check them out for a while was hearing good things often, and yet I see that they do not seem to have a large following. I realized that all the praise that I have seen has come from other musicians.

There are two things with that. First, it shows that people who know music pretty well think highly of them, which is often a good sign. Mainly, though, I just think more people should check them out.

So check out some Science! There are a variety of links posted.

My personal favorite tracks are "Beat Test" and "Emulsify Our Hearts". Quod erat demonstratum.

www.sciencenj.com

https://soundcloud.com/sciencenj

https://www.facebook.com/sciencenj

https://www.youtube.com/user/ScienceNJ

http://sciencenj.blogspot.com/

http://trustinscience.tumblr.com/

https://twitter.com/sciencenj

PS: Normally this week I would be covering the other two bands from last week's concert, but I find I could not do them justice at this time, so I am just going to owe them reviews for now. Science felt like a good bridge between last week and tomorrow's review, and because they were such a good band to cover, it makes me very optimistic for when I get around to This Good Robot.

One month, 186 pages

Today I have started a new challenge.

I had written about two years ago about this idea of having a month where I wrote one six page script every day. I could never really justify it, because there were always other things that I needed to work on.

Also, I wasn't sure that it would really be that beneficial. Obviously writing six pages a day on a project that I hoped to sell would have value, but what would I do with 31 short pieces. (It had to be on a month with 31 days, or it was wimping out.)

I started thinking about it again since I have been thinking about deliberate practice. That would be a way of stretching myself, certainly. I wasn't sure if it would be a useful way, but the idea wasn't leaving me. If there has been one thing that has been consistent for me, it's that when I feel like I need to do something, I need to do it. So, I'm doing this.

Right now what I have is a page of notes. It has one column of different genres, one column of different titles and plot points that I might work on, a short list of things that I have never done or don't like doing that it might be good to try, and also a short list of different monsters.

It is October, and that might be a reason to work more with frightening subjects. Also, I know from experience that when I am keeping it short there is less investment, for the writer and the reader, and so it is easier to go dark or weird or absurd. That's not just me; I have seen it with many novelists whose short stories are twisted in a way that their long fiction never was.

The way I see this working is that I will have an idea in mind the day before, and while I might have the plot worked out, I will not write anything until its day. I will then write the six pages before work so that I can have some time to come back with fresh eyes before publishing that evening. It's not a lot of time, but it's not that many pages either. Obviously there may be some limitations on quality, but I want them to be entertaining.

I am going to be putting them up on Wattpad. I used Ficwad for the long one, but that seems more geared toward fan fiction, and while some of these will use established characters, not all will. The link is http://www.wattpad.com/user/GinaHarris827, but there is nothing published now.  (There is a draft of Disney Avengers.)

I am going to try for publishing around 8:00 PM (Pacific), and then I will link via Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.

It's already hard. I was planning on doing Disney Avengers eventually, but that wasn't what I thought I would do today. I started one thing that was humorous, but I realized that it wasn't funny enough for six pages. I could add content, but it would still be the one joke, that was maybe only good for three pages. However, I think I can subvert it, so it may still come up.

For the record, I am writing in Final Draft 8. Generally one written page is one minute filmed, so if I am using pages and minutes interchangeably, that's why.

There is a lot of writing happening this month. Be warned!

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/09/practice-writing.html