Band Review: Liberty Deep Down

Liberty Deep Down is a five member alternative/pop band from Columbus, Ohio. Formed in 2011, their first full-length album, Blackout, was released in February.

My favorite track is probably "Bad Girl" which is on the new album, but first appeared as a single in 2013 and on the 2014 EP Love Worth Making. The rhythm and percussion work together well. There is a pronounced funk influence on the pop. Actually, I can see fans of 'N Sync really enjoying Liberty Deep Down.

The songs are overall enjoyable. I do feel that they lack heft. My instinct is that they need to take a good women's studies class so they can view male/female interactions at a higher intellectual level. It's the first time I have thought that specific thing about a band, but it's probably not a bad idea for others.

Of course pop does not need to be deep. They are stronger instrumentally than a lot of similar bands.

Some songs that get there more emotionally are "Best For You" and "Leaving You For Me", which not only have heart but nice musical detail.

http://www.libertydeepdownband.com/

https://www.facebook.com/LibertyDeepDown

https://www.youtube.com/user/LibertyDeepDownTV/feed

https://twitter.com/LibertyDeepDown

Band Review: Avera

Avera is a band from Valdosta, Georgia, or at least they have been. Based on a broken link in their Twitter profile and not much recent activity, they may not be currently active. (The existence of another band named Avera that does Latin dance music does not help.)

I started following them when member Will Oliver followed me, so even six months ago the band may not have been active.

The ephemeral nature of young bands is nothing new, but sometimes it seems like more of a shame. This band had it together at least well enough to collaborate with Sleeping With Sirens' Kellin Quinn, get music embedded into their Facebook profile, and create five pretty-good looking videos. My favorite is "Leave As You Came", which with its quiet and earnest delivery becomes an affecting meditation on mortality and identity.

The other thing that stands out to me is that in addition to having some fairly hardcore songs, like  "A Life Worth Living" or "The Surface Beneath", that isn't all they do. They have two videos for "In Motion", including an acoustic version, and it may be that interest in interpreting the same material in different ways that leaves them more open to nuance.

Even if the band is no longer active, it is always possible that the members will end up in new bands. Along with Oliver, that includes Kade Williamson, Brad Singletary, Anthony King, Dalton Page, and Ryland Shipman. Here's wishing them well!

https://www.facebook.com/AveraGeorgia

https://www.youtube.com/user/AveraBand/feed

https://twitter.com/AveraMusic

Current location

Much like replacing the mattress, reading a month's worth of screenplays was a thought that I'd had and dismissed.

It wasn't an immediate dismissal. I could see where it would be valuable, because it would expose me to different writing styles and ideas, and had the potential to both improve my writing and give me a creative boost. It was just going to take too much time.

The advantage of realizing that fine, this is what I need to do, is that then it liberated me from the pressure that I need to pound out two high quality screenplays that someone will buy and then my financial worries will finally be solved so I have to get that done RIGHT NOW!

That's not the schedule that I'm on.

Having slowed down, other things have happened. One thing is that my email inbox is looking a lot better. Some of the messages are old and I am hanging on to them so they will remind me to do certain things, which I am slowly getting done. That is relieving some stress.

Although I felt terribly guilty doing so, I could not resist signing up for a couple of MOOCs. I have just finished going over the material for "Microbes Rule the World: Effects of Disease on History". Technically the class was ended by the time I started, but still, I have now read and listened to everything. The tests were deactivated, but there isn't really credit, just a certificate. I was there for the learning, so it works. Some of the material corresponded with some story ideas that I have had, which was reason enough to take it right there.

I now need to start my other class, "Religion and Hip Hop Culture". That is still ongoing, so I am behind, but will be caught up. It will finish in time for "The Rise of Superheroes and Their Impact on Pop Culture". And there's that sewing class.

I guess the first thought is that it's like a sickness with her (but not a microbe-based one) - she knowingly overloads herself. Yeah, kind of.

At the same time, the writing shouldn't become drudgery. As much as I love it, it's hard to believe that could happen, but with enough pressure it might. And I need to have things to write about, so I can't become a complete hermit and be a good writer. There needs to be some balance, and I am feeling more balanced since making the decision.

This space right now is feeling pretty good. I am learning a lot. I am accomplishing things. I am feeling pretty good. Answers are coming.

There are still a lot of questions left, but I am starting to get ideas for what I need to pursue next.

At this point, it is quite possible that I am going to take a few weeks off of writing about my personal journey to write about television and movies and things. There are some things that aren't worked out enough to write about yet, though after this weekend, that could change. I had a long journal writing session that happened before I could write this today.

It looks like April will be about getting caught up on everything other than writing. Reading scripts will go on through May 7th or so. I hope at that point I will be able to launch into some aggressive writing. I had some ideas for how I want to structure my writing time before that got put on hold, which I think are still valid.

I question all the time whether I should take a break from blogging, even just a temporary one. So far, I still seem to need the outlet more than I need the time stopping it would provide. I will still be around. At least for now.

Something left for me

I was heading to the store recently and thinking about money, which is not uncommon for me. My thoughts ended up focusing on how with my tax refund money and my incentive payment - the only big cash boosts that I get in a year - it felt like they hadn't done anything for me.

That is not a fair statement. The bulk of it went toward replacing the stove. That is something that benefits me. While I was generally pretty pleased with how well we managed without a stove, it is a lot easier having one. It's a good model and should last a while. It's not like it was a waste or anything, but stoves aren't cheap. Also, we finally got the space converted from drop-in to slide-in (this gives a lot more options and makes future work much easier, so that's valuable) and that cost extra money.

That didn't take everything, but it was the largest part. I did get some new clothes (which were really needed) but mainly I spent it to help other people, some household members, some not.

I love helping people, so when I have the chance I want to do it, but the phrase that hit me as I slid into the car was "There's nothing left for me."

I do that. Sometimes I do that with my time and strength, though I am improving there. Sometimes I do it with money.

It sounds whiny - which I hate - but if that is something that I do to myself, and if it is a problem, then I need to fix it. I can't expect anyone else to stop me.

I wasn't sure how to go about it, except that I should probably stop and ask myself what I need on a regular basis. Trying that didn't really feel like it was working, except maybe for the nap I took Saturday afternoon, but I had a moment of clarity in the shower. I need to replace my mattress.

Asking wasn't working because I wasn't listening. I had been thinking about getting a new mattress. Mine is caved in, and I think that partially explains why my shoulders and neck hurt so much. I do think fasciitis plays a role too, and I need to look at remedies for that, but I also totally need to replace the mattress.

I had been thinking about that and the bed, because the foot board is falling off the bed, and it's pretty old too. However, the bed is still holding its shape; the mattress isn't. I had ruled that out as a possibility currently, because mattresses aren't cheap, but I need it and I can make it work. Money will be tight; but it already is. Apparently my most pressing need is not to hurt so much.

This entire process has been a pattern lately. I think that I don't know what to do, but actually the idea was there, and I was discounting it because it didn't seem possible or practical. Later I realize that it can be done, if for no other reason than that it needs to be done, therefore it must be possible.

So it looks like a good skill for me might be not dismissing the right answer so quickly. Maybe it's okay. If I still get there reasonably quickly, and am more sure because the idea didn't go away after being dismissed, maybe that's enough.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. I don't know that it's terribly significant, but my moments of clarity frequently come during or right after my shower.

Moderate Changes

I have been holding off talking about diet, because everything associated with weight and body is so fraught with emotions and social pressure. That still seems to be where we're heading now.

"Moderate Changes" itself came about specifically because of work. There are programs we can do to earn a discount on our monthly health insurance premiums. Actually, that was last year. There had been similar but different programs before, and it's somewhat different this year too. Anyway, I needed some more points, and the only way to do it was to design my own program.

I was thinking about the things that I felt that I needed, and none of it was groundbreaking, which was helpful, but it also required tracking or it did not get done. A spreadsheet would allow me to track it, and submit it for credit.

My rules were that I needed to have one serving of whole grains each day, plus three different fruits and vegetables, and with a goal of exercising for at least thirty minutes at least five times a week, 150 minutes of exercise weekly.

As luck would have it, the six week period on the spreadsheet included our vacation to Disneyland. I worried about that. I know there are healthy choices available there, but often the other options are going to look better.

I got in the habit of trying to get things in early. If I could get my whole grain and two fruits or vegetables in at breakfast, then I knew that getting one more fruit or vegetable in would be relatively easy. For exercise I was very opportunistic. Often this simply meant walking back to our hotel instead of catching the shuttle, but we were making the choice for extra activity, so it counted.

I am quite sure that this isn't the plan for everybody, but it has been good for me. It reminds me to get nutrients that I need, but it's also manageable. I understand the value of tracking what you eat, and I tried that many times, but then I would always forget to write something down and get confused, or I would eat something that I didn't want to write down, and I would give up.

It helps for me that I am okay with a certain amount of monotony. My whole grain is almost always the same thing, and then the fruits and vegetables repeat a lot as well. As long as they fill my needs, the repetition doesn't bother me. Whole oats did not fill my needs, so I changed to a whole wheat bagel most mornings. I would keep other grain clusters on hand for backups. Sometimes I throw in something else, but not that often.

I have thought about raising the requirements, like going up to five fruits and vegetables daily. I find that I am often getting more anyway, which takes away some of the urgency. It could also make things harder and lead to me falling behind. I have thought about trying to get in more colors, because there are days where oranges and carrots are both counted, or tomatoes and red peppers. That is some variety, but not as much as it could be. I know.

At the same time, it feels like this is just about the right amount of effort, where I already know that I am juggling a lot of different things, and the thought of kicking things up another notch just makes me feel tired.

The other thing that makes me feel tired is knowing how many people would criticize various food choices. I eat wheat and potatoes and corn and meat and sometimes there are juice and sauces and a lot of it is cooked and people can be really comfortable writing off any ways of doing things other than their own. Listening to all of them wouldn't leave much, so I am just going to listen to me.

The real strength of this program is that I am making a point of giving myself things that I need, and that are good for me, and that I am doing it while simultaneously respecting my current abilities. The next phase will most likely involve keeping a better eye on the clock so that I don't let the morning pass me by until I will eat anything fast. I will probably deal with that by keeping a stash of granola bars that are not only commercially made but are also chocolate-coated. The horror!

Many people will tell you that diets don't work, but that you need to commit to a lifestyle change, and a future mode of eating that you can stick to. I agree with that, but there can also be a need for intermediate steps. For example, I had been trying to be better about both whole grains and produce, so when I started this it was not a total shift. If you are only eating processed foods and trying to move away from that, I recommend a gradual buildup. The whole grains and the fruits and vegetables are going to be a big increase in fiber. Work your way up to save some drama.

I think the most important part of this is respect for yourself and your body. It is easy to only see what is wrong with your body, and to hold all of the blame for it. That is not productive. Other people may have good advice, but the things that work for them will not necessarily be the things that work for you. So listen, but listen to yourself too. Notice what feels good, and what doesn't, and believe that you deserve to feel good.

Band Review: Anthony Green

One of the advantages in reviewing a young band with a small catalog is that you can learn it pretty thoroughly in a short time. You can spend much longer on someone who's been around a while, and still feel like you are only scratching the surface.

That's where I am with Anthony Green. I have been listening a lot, but I still feel like I am missing a lot.

It may have been helpful to spend more background time listening to Saosin and Circa Survive, because I haven't spent as much times with them as I would have liked either. However, my general impression at this point is that while there are similarities in the sound, that as a solo act Green gets much more personal, and also considerably softer.

It's not that the music is soft rock - it probably fits best into indie - but the music does seem more tender and focused on connections. I could be superimposing some of that based on listening to the commentary for Green's most recent release, 2013's Young Legs, but it does come across as more longing, and plaintive.

It covers a lot of ground. I was surprised to find an instrumental, with "Springtime Out The Van Window" (from Avalon), but then also surprised by the track's beauty, and how effectively it conveys that feeling of traveling past a spring landscape. From the same album, "Drug Dealer" lulls you in a way that could convey narcotics. There's a nice drama on the intro to "Breaker". All together, the effect of the craft is impressive.

Having said all of that, the song that struck me the most was "You Have To Believe It Will Happen", because it is the one that applies most to my own life at this time.

With an artist who puts so much of his soul into his music, it stands to reason that many different people will be struck at different times.

There is a lot there to discover.

http://anthonygreenmusic.com/

https://www.facebook.com/anthonygreen?_rdr

https://www.youtube.com/user/anthonygreenmusic

https://twitter.com/AnthonyGreen

Band Review: Now Is In Effect

Now Is In Effect is a one-man project, consisting of Dan Potter of Vancouver, BC experimenting with Guitar Metal Fusion.

He describes it as progressive and challenging, which is true, as well as atonal, which is generally a sign that it is not going to be my thing. That being said, I do like the other music on his video channel, because he is not always doing metal fusion, and Dan Potter is musically talented.

It is also worth noting that of the Now Is In Effect music, it was not all equally enervating. I liked the most recent tracks best. I really liked "Echelon Fracture".

The low point for me was "E

So, just because it isn't my thing doesn't mean that it won't work for anyone else. Fans of Industrial and Art music might want to check it out. Also, while he does not really sound like Rush, the progressive and experimental nature of the music might attract fans of Rush. Still stretching, fans of Luigi Russolo and Mark Ribot might enjoy.

http://nowisineffect.bandcamp.com/

https://soundcloud.com/nowisineffect

https://www.facebook.com/nowisineffect

https://www.youtube.com/user/twistswitch/featured

Next phase of screenwriting

Even though I was looking for ideas over the weekend, a few had already been nagging at me, and that's where I'm going next.

The main one is that I was feeling like I should have a month of reading screenplays. With my preference for tidiness, I wish I had figured out to do that in time to start on April 1st. I started yesterday. It seems most likely that I will go through May 7th, or I might try and have a few days where I read more than one screenplay, so that I just read 30 screenplays in April, I am not sure. I might find that I am reading in screenplays every day for a month, but not necessarily finishing one a day. It's okay for it to take shape while it's still in progress.

Yesterday I read the screenplay for Dear White People. I was sent a copy a few weeks ago, because I had helped with their initial crowd-funding.

It was nice, because I haven't had a chance to see the film yet, and part of my level was that there was supposed to be a character named after me, but the IMDB listings didn't show a Gina. She shows up pretty early in the screenplay, but IMDB lists the character as "Curls". Well, that could work as a nickname for me too.

Going forward I will be relying on various script web sites. I hope to get a mix of different genres and time periods, as well as a mix of movies that I have and have not seen. It has been a while since I have read a screenplay that I haven't written, and I am probably due for a refresh.

I don't know if I will not start writing my next screenplay until I have finished the reading. The two things could coexist, but might not. For feeling my way, this is a first step.

There are a couple of other things that should be going on during this time. When you publish a book to Kindle Direct Publishing, you get a confirmation that it is up, but it comes with ideas of things you can do to promote it. I realized that there are things I haven't done that might be beneficial, like posting previews on Goodreads. That is something I will look at.

When it is time to load a screenplay to Amazon again, I have also been thinking that I should add more materials. I don't think I could shoot a trailer, but you can upload a storyboard. Drawing a storyboard would be an awful lot like drawing a comic. My art skills aren't great, but for the scenes I have in mind, I believe I could manage it.

I had at one time thought that I would like to draw a few scenes from each of the screenplays. The drawing has been on hold, but I might be ready to bring it back. I am thinking of illustrating a scene from Family Ghosts, though the one I have in mind would be quite hard to draw. That doesn't mean I won't try it.

Anyway, that's the current status. Tonight's script is probably going to be Interstellar.

Irony and Grace

Currently I have a large sheet of paper (it's the back of March from my at-a-glance calendar) with words and phrases and connecting lines all over it. I am trying to impose some order on it, and I'll get there, but right now it contains things I want, things I believe I need to do, and things that I know are problems.

One of the things that I want is to dream of flying again. It was something that I used to do as a kid. I don't remember when I last had a flying dream, but for it to be possible I believe that I felt free and unencumbered.

It is more common now for me to have dreams where my access is blocked, like closed gates or upside down stairways, or I have endless tasks. I do know when the endless tasks dreams began. I started working at McDonald's in high school. It was not unusual for me to work four closing shifts a week, and I was tired all the time.

I would have dreams where I knew I needed to wake up, because it was time to get up, but in the dream I had a line full of customers in the drive-through, and I had to help all of them before I could wake up. That changed to customers at the cash register when I started working at K-mart (which was not open as late, but I did still get tired) and it has morphed into other things, but I do always feel like I have a lot to do, and it pervades the dreams.

It occurred to me that if I ever have a flying dream again, that would be a good sign for how I am feeling. Since I want that, I work very hard on doing the things that can help me get to that point again. Ironically, that can leave me feeling more burdened, and more likely to have the other kind of dreams.

I don't know exactly how that will unfold. I am sure that I will always have responsibilities and things that I want to do, but it is absolutely possible that there will be times when I will feel more pay-off, or less burden, or more possibility. Something happened this weekend that seems to go along with that.

It was the General Conference for our church. That means that various leaders speak, and it is broadcast. It is a semi-annual event, and I try to go in open to what I need to hear, and be thinking about where I could use some inspiration.

I had thought that any guidance on my writing, or healing, or family harmony, or maybe family history or fellow-shipping for some other things I am working on. That's not exactly a razor-sharp focus, but I figured it would be okay. I would come away knowing something that I needed to do. That is not what happened.

President Eyring spoke first in the first session. Most members of the Church have some leaders that they connect to more than others, and he is one of mine. It happened almost right away. I mean, I just brought up the recording, and right after he said it I hit pause, and it is the 47-second mark.

"When we offer succor to anyone, the Savior feels it as if we reached out to succor Him."

He then references Matthew 25, and yes, that's what it says. If we do it unto one of the least, we do it unto Him. I know that, but I really felt it then.

It had been a week where I had reached out to a lot of people. There had been expressions of gratitude there, including two people telling me I had made their day, so it was there. It's not like I don't remember that it happens, exactly, but I am always really aware that I am just offering a little emotional support while the problems that led me to offer support remain.

It doesn't feel like much, but in that moment it was sanctified, less than a minute into the first talk.

That does not mean that the projects and self-improvement are off; they're still on. It was nonetheless very moving for me that I was going in looking for new assignments and ways to be better, and instead I was reminded of my goodness now.

Things I need to do come into my mind all the time. That includes contacting the people I contacted. So, maybe I didn't need more to do, as much as I needed relief.

The light that you need is out there if you will stay open to it.

Some thoughts on healing

Let me start right off by saying that intellectually I tend to think of healing as a journey without a well-defined destination, so "getting better" is a continuum, not a place. That sounds logical to me.

Despite the logic, I have still been thinking about what "better" would look like. How will I know I am there? What will be different?

That came about at least partly because I am starting to have thoughts on other things I should do, as well as thinking about things I am already doing. Since I am actively working on this, it does seem like there should be progress markers, and results, without necessarily knowing how tangible they will be.

That may already sound like it's getting a little confusing, but there was a new wrinkle. As I started trying to visualize what a better life would be in the context of healing, there were other things that crept in, for the ideal life, that wouldn't automatically come with healing.

Or would they? If you get healthy enough, does it allow you to get things that you have wanted that have been out of reach? Because there are probably some things that you won't feel the same desire for after getting better, but it's a nice thought that anything could be possible.

It's a bit of a moving target.

This is probably too abstract to make any sense, so let me try and be more concrete.

Some of the ways in which I have been broken have involved my ability to trust others. This is largely a reflection of my own feelings of self-worth, because why should they care about me?

Healing would definitely involve knowing that I have value, but would it also involve finding it easier to trust people? People can still be pretty horrible. Should it be a goal to trust other people, or just a goal to accurately understand my worth?

If I do become trusting, then do I trust someone to love me and have a relationship? Like in this life, pre-Millennium? I honestly have no idea.

Possibly it's just that some of this is too far ahead, but some of it involves things outside of my control. Gaining an accurate sense of my value is one thing. Finding someone I would like to marry, who would reciprocate, and be free to do so -- that's a lot of moving parts there.

I am fairly comfortable with that. I don't think it hurts to try and glimpse the big picture or the future, but most of my thoughts need to focus on the concrete things that I need to do next. That seems most practical.

It can also be helpful to take a look back. There has been a lot of growth.

One year ago, I was still reading the books for this. I was going through the exercises that I wrote about last week. I was blogging about topics that I had been wanting to get to for a long time, and I was writing in my journal, but I wasn't getting much creative writing done.

That was then. I finished up the reading in the fall. I did the month of 6 page screenplays in October. Since then I have published three books: first revising one old novel, adapting a second novel from a screenplay, and then giving it a sequel:

http://www.amazon.com/Gina-Harris/e/B00OC0N218/

Things are happening. They aren't even happening particularly slowly if I allow common sense to overrule my impatience. So what happens next?

I feel like my next two screenplays will be pivotal, but I have been facing a lot of obstacles getting started on the first of them. I may be on the wrong track, and need to correct. We'll see.

For the blog I am going to spend a little more time writing about what healing looks like, and what I am doing and still need to do. There may be some answers in there.

Album Review: Echoes In The Dark by New London Fire

I originally reviewed New London Fire back in September when I took an interest in their Kickstarter campaign. That campaign was successful, rewards have been sent out, and now there is a new album, Echoes In The Dark.

My first impression was that it is quietly beautiful; downbeat but not depressing.

That's not a false impression, but of course with more listening more things come through. That impression can be carried by the opening track, "California", and the gorgeous "My Own", which has a video. It's just not all there is.

"Momma" has strong blues-y notes, while "Walk and Then Run" has traces of jive running through it. I don't know that I can defend this, but "Calling Me Home" reminds me a little of Sgt. Pepper-ear Beatles. There are all of these disparate elements, but they combine together, united by voice and guitar, and it sounds like New London Fire.

One of my favorite things about the band in general is that there will be these small, subtle details enriching the song. That's here too. The best example of that may be "I Got It Wrong". There's an interesting texture on "Hey Ray".

I could go over all twelve tracks, and point out interesting and cool things about them -  it is well worth paying attention to lyrics - but more of that would make this review feel very redundant, and the album does not feel redundant, so that's probably the wrong way to go.

Perhaps I should just return to quietly beautiful.

Echoes In The Dark is available through iTunes and Amazon.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/echoes-in-the-dark/id961286044

"For My Own" video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBrN0_R7Yz0

http://newlondonfire.com/

https://twitter.com/newlondonfire

Band Review: First Things First

First Things First is a pop rock band from Philadelphia.

I initially thought they were more pop punk.

(Actually, if any regular readers liked Falling Here, the pop punk band from Italy, you might enjoy First Things First.)

I can see where it is more pop. The vocalizations and the lyrics are very much on the side of pop, and in that regard they seem to lack some heft. The instrumentation, while not exactly heavy, goes more in that direction, as if there might be some metal influence. (Check out the intro to "Stuck On Repeat" for an example of that.)

The band feels young, so it seems possible that there will be a move more into one direction or the other.

For now my favorites are probably "Let The Good Times Roll, Kid" and "We All Fall Down".

https://www.facebook.com/FirstThingsFirstMusic

https://www.youtube.com/user/FirstThingsTV

https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/first-things-first/id423714234

http://firstthingsfirst.storenvy.com/

https://twitter.com/FTFtweets

Exercises from a professional

The other exercises I did were from Fat Is A Feminist Issue II, by Susie Orbach. Where II differs from the first book is that it is meant to be used beyond reading. People reading the first one had set up groups, and so this edition gives information on running a support group effectively and includes several psychological exercises.

There were about nine, which were primarily visualization exercises. Some did not do much for me because they were going after issues I had already resolved. There was one, "Mirror Work" that did nothing for me and I'm not sure why. There are some body issues that I seem to have skipped, and that might be the reason. I know that sometimes there was wording that indicated an expectation that the participants have been at their ideal weight, and I never have been, at least not knowingly.

That's okay. The introduction stresses that if your mind goes somewhere else, or it wanders and comes back, or if you initially aren't good at visualizing, that any of those possibilities are okay. You just need to be open. For me, there were three that were especially meaningful.

The Chinese Dinner:

My birthday this year was based on this one. It helped me see that some of the things that I worried about were not necessary, and that there were alternatives to some legitimate obstacles. It's easy to get weird about food. Since food is a necessary component of life and a frequent component of socialization, that needs to be dealt with. I found this one helpful.

The Ideal Kitchen:

I think I will base my birthday next year on this one. It was helpful in looking at what I want and need, and one key realization was that I don't like to cook.

I don't hate cooking or dislike cooking, and I do get some satisfaction from the fact that I can do it, but it is not something I would do for fun. It is frequently necessary, but it is also completely reasonable to look for shortcuts and ways to make things more convenient. When I am trying to improve nutrition in a specific area, if it is going to significantly increase my workload, I'm probably not going to do it. A does of realism is often helpful.

Fat/Thin Fantasy:

This was definitely the most emotional for me. You are supposed to visualize yourself at a party first, and in detail. Once you have that picture set, you have to imagine that your body is growing, and you are becoming quite large. After adjusting to that, you shrink to your ideal weight.

The purpose is to see how the different sizes change you, and what you do differently, but the hardest thing for me was the feeling of scrutiny. That anyone would be seeing me getting fatter in front of them was so mortifying, reducing should have been a relief but that was excruciating too. I don't like people seeing my body, in any of its forms.

That is a problem, and I guess the Throwback Thursday photos are one way of dealing with that, and then weekly or daily selfies will probably be the next stage. I'm still growing mentally. Physically, I may not be ready to shrink yet.

At some point I will probably need to go through the various exercises again. Some of them are meant to be done multiple times, because you can focus on different aspects (especially Part of the Body).

I will say that right now that thought doesn't thrill me. Some of them were really hard. However, I know that I learned things. I also know that I can face my weakest points and survive, and be okay with myself. That's important to remember too.

When you're working on yourself, these things happen. You just need to expect it.

And Family Ghosts is still under review.

House/Body exercise

Another crazy day, but Family Ghosts is publishing. I was hoping it would be done now, but it has not been the full possible twelve hours yet.

I keep thinking about whether I should take a hiatus from the blogging, but it still feels necessary for now. So here I go.

The other exercise that came from my mind started as a completely different thing. I had done a series on earthquake preparedness, and wanted to do a home audit of things we needed to fix.

That idea grew into an idea of a full home audit for things needing repair and improvement. Initially I had been thinking of big things, like bolting the house to the foundation, and small things, like switching to closed loop picture hangers. What I realized was that beyond earthquakes, there would be similar combinations. Some things could be done quickly by me, or fairly inexpensively by a professional, but the idea of the assessment was to know.

I don't remember exactly when the idea came to go over my body too, but I live in this body, like I live in my house, and it would be paying attention to my environment.

I thought I would be looking for specific areas to improve. Since most sources claim that targeting specific areas does not work, I was not sure there would be a point, but it felt like the thing to do.

I have already repaired one minor home thing. I have also shared the list with my sisters so that we can establish some consensus and buy in.

They have only seen the home list, but that part had been a good experience.

The body audit was more interesting.

I can see lots of flaws all over my body, for most of which the only potential way of improvement is a general focus on improved diet and more activity. I also found good things.

I ended up seeing that there are some body parts that function well. They have strength.

My worst spot, other than my stomach (really the abdomen if we are getting specific) is my right leg. That's where the infection and fever left it scarred. The skin is rough and discolored, and there is a bulge.

I was able to feel compassion on that area. It's not the leg's fault I got sick. Despite its appearance, it functions well. I can walk for a long time. I hadn't thought about it for ages, but I remembered how much my leg hurt then, and it hurt for a long time. I am grateful that is done. It is also a reminder of what can happen, and that I need to take good care of my immune system and blood sugars.

I have known what is wrong with my body for a long time - that's why I disconnected. There is also a lot that is right with my body, and it was important to take time to remember that.

A week of exercises

No, I don't mean aerobic exercises, though that is happening, and there is a physical component.

In this time of self-examination, I had mentioned having various exercises to get through, though I did not write about them in detail. They came about through a combination of intuition, internet searches, and sometimes they were even things that professionals wrote to do in books.

The exercises in Dennis Rozema's Behind the Mask: Adolescents in Hiding did not do a lot for me. Reading about his patients was more interesting, and I felt like I might be missing something if I did not go through the questions, but it's been a while since I have been a secretive teenager. His patients tended to be more self-destructive than I ever was, so even when I was fourteen it might not have been as revelatory as it could have been. Now, almost three decades later, and a lot of time and effort put into openness, it loses some of the impact.

That doesn't mean it might not be helpful for another adult; these things are context dependent. There were things I did that might not be helpful for anyone else. Some of them did not seem like they would be helpful to me, or they worked differently than I thought they would.

I guess one important point in that is that you need to be open to feeling your way. That means a willingness to listen to subtle things, but also it means being open to various kinds of discomfort. You may think that something sounds stupid, but it still feels necessary. That means you need to be open to being silly, and vulnerable. You will not always be confident.

(But actually, those things are kind of necessary for dealing with your issues anyway, so it is not remarkable that they would be helpful in finding ways to identify and deal with the issues.)

My "silliest" thing was trying to clear out my chakras.

I knew that I was disconnected from my body. I did a Google search on "getting in touch with your body" and before I could finish typing it out, one of the suggestions was "getting in touch with your chakras". I was drawn to that.

I did my regular search too, and it led me to http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14660/20-ways-to-get-in-touch-with-your-body.html. I have tried many of those, and many have been useful. Some I will try when I get a chance. Some felt silly. Notice that theme.

Anyway, the chakras search led me to http://www.eclecticenergies.com/chakras/open.php.

I decided I would do this. I planned on it several times, and then didn't get to it. I finally did do it, and felt nothing.

That wasn't too surprising. I really hate yoga. (Judge me however you want.) Many of my friends love it, and the things that they tell me that they get from it, I get from different sources, so I don't worry about it too much. However, having felt nothing with this particular exercise, I had still felt that it was important to do. I tried to figure out why.

I think I found it toward the bottom of the page:

"Warning: don't use this meditation for the Crown chakra while you don't have a strong Root chakra (you need a strong foundation first)."

Looking at it a little more, there are two things that I am taking away from that. One is that I have areas where I am strong, but they are built on areas where I am weak. I am not going to reach my full potential without going back and strengthening that foundation. What I have done despite being weak in the first three chakras is great, and I am happy that I could do it, but it is time to stop neglecting them.

I also got a visual image of all of the different areas being connected, and that it is best for everything to be balanced. That is merely a flash of a mental image, and yet it conveys connectedness and progression, and other thoughts may be added to that later. These are images I will go back to.

So even thought it felt like nothing, it was something. You need to pay attention to that.

I know this is very late. I am quite busy now, but part of that busyness is that Family Ghosts will be out there tomorrow, so I would say one great thing that you can do for yourself is buy a new book.

Band Review: Cult Fiction

Cult Fiction is a Norwegian Alternative Indie Rock band, formed in Oslo about three years ago.

Most of the Scandinavian bands I have reviewed have been metal, so I was not surprised by the existence of darker threads in the music. Coming through as alt instead, the songs can sound gloomy at times, especially the first few times listening. There is still real emotion coursing through the songs, and sometimes passion.

One of the most interesting tracks is a cover of Pink Floyd's "Welcome to the Machine". With less effects than the original, it also has more heart.

"Ink" is one of my favorite tracks, and has some interesting guitar work. "Unspoken" and "Scoundrel" should also be checked out.

While the band did not list many Seattle influences other than Hendrix, I think fans of Soundgarden and other Chris Cornell projects will enjoy Cult Fiction.

https://www.facebook.com/Cultfictionofficial

https://itunes.apple.com/no/album/roundabout/id842858975?i=842859035&l=nb

https://soundcloud.com/cultfictionband

https://www.youtube.com/user/cultfictionofficial/videos

https://twitter.com/CultFictionBand

Band Review: Drop the Anchor

Drop the Anchor is a pop punk band from Indianapolis that has been together for three and a half years. They have one EP, In A Way It's Everything, as well as three separate singles.

The energy and guitars are generally good, but sometimes the sound is a little muddy, with the different parts not standing out. That is a personal preference, but their better defined songs are more engaging. Based on that, I would call the best tracks "Consummation Proclamation", "Actions", and parts of "Casino Destroyale", but for a completely different sound "The December I Won't Remember" makes an impression.

https://www.facebook.com/droptheanchorin

https://www.youtube.com/user/dtatube

http://droptheanchorin.storenvy.com/

https://twitter.com/droptheanchorin

1493 and all that

The other book I wanted to have read first was 1493 by Charles C. Mann.

I thought it might provide some context for the next round of reading focusing on Native American history, but it ended up being much more global. 1491 was about the Americas before Columbus, but 1493 was about how that contact affected the rest of the world.

The impact was huge. From the effects of new crops on dietary patterns, farming practices, and population growth to the way the supply of silver at Potosi affected Chinese currency markets, the book is full of fascinating stories of different groups and their impact on each other. It was not specific to Native American history, but it went along well with something else.

Early in February actor Orlando Jones suggested a hash tag focusing on historic people of color that could be represented in film and television. The hash tag he originally proposed, #HistoricPOCForFilmAndTV, was a little long for Twitter, but he wisely asked Mikki Kendall for advice, who suggested #HistoricPOCMedia, and that was the thread that happened:

https://twitter.com/hashtag/HistoricPOCMedia?src=hash

(FYI, I have gone there and found things missing, so refreshing can be in order.)

Jones himself is working on a feature film about cult deprogramming pioneer Ted Patrick. He also suggested Bass Reeves, an idea that I had once wanted, and then got discouraged on. Still, it could work.

There were many interesting ideas, and one nice thing about updating the tag to focus on Media, is that you can look beyond film and television. Many of my ideas have centered on comic books, but there may also be things that work for web content.

My initial ideas focused on black women, because that is where my head has been lately. Of course I will want to see media focused on Ida B. Wells, but it also occurred to me that Becoming Rosa Parks could be an excellent mini-series. Every activist has a history that leads to their activism, and probably many of those stories could be good. With Parks specifically, I think with her early investigations of sexual assaults and the other work she did that it could be both good drama and educational.

One thing I have noticed in passing is how many people who traveled abroad seemed to have run into James Baldwin, so perhaps "James Baldwin in Paris" could be interesting. Paris wasn't just a gathering place for fascinating people when Hemingway was there.

I thought it had come from the thread and I can't find it now, but Cora Strayer could make a great character. She was a private detective in Chicago around 1900. Her ads appealing to women show some savvy marketing, but also, she was a private detective, in Chicago, in 1900! She also seemed to enjoy the company of younger men, which some people could find interesting.

http://paulreda.com/corastrayer/

The suggestion I posted that got the most positive feedback was Rear Admiral Grace Hopper, early computer programmer. At least online, people get excited about programmers. This could be the place for a web series.

There's another point here, where if you look into the history of computing, women were very much a part of it. The perception of that changed, but the truth hasn't. Screenwriting was largely done by women in early Hollywood. Cowboys were very likely to be of color, both in North and South America, though that doesn't come across in early Westerns. There is a tendency for the doers to be remembered as white men, but that's not accurate.

That leads us back to 1493. One reason slaves from Africa were valued is that they were often-skilled with horses and metalworking, because those were things that they did back in Africa. Some of them were great at leading rebellions because they could use their military skills from back home. This included women like Aqualtune. (There is lots of story potential in Palmares.)  Interesting stories, and interesting people, and it does not conform to the stereotypes that so many people still hold.

Also, the silver trade led to Japanese samurai working as guards, first in the Philippines and then in Mexico. That's pretty interesting.

There is a sad tendency to erase all of that richness. No, there wouldn't be black people there, or women wouldn't do that. Even in the time period, there was a whose series of Mexican "casta" paintings showing the different racial combinations that ignored the Asian population.

Some people will call a request for representation "political correctness", but the greater representation is more correct. People from all over the world have been bumping into each other - trading with each other, living as neighbors, making babies together - for a really long time.

I could go on and on about this, and this is already kind of long, but add that as another reason for representation. Not just because it is important for all kinds of people to be able to see themselves, not just because seeing different kinds of people builds empathy, but because the world has been interesting and diverse for a long time, and the idea that it hasn't is a lie that serves oppression.

On that note, I wish to conclude with a referral to the Tumblr page, People of Color in European Art History.

http://medievalpoc.tumblr.com/

Look at the eras on the side, and how far they go back. It's worth checking out.

Related posts:

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/12/positive-words-and-images.html

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/12/madiba.html

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2014/07/no-television-pilots-here.html