I guess this week will continue to be about my care-giving experience.
I have mentioned the tiredness before (pretty often, I think). I have quite likely mentioned how it is frustrating to not have energy for all of the things that I want to do and think I need to do.
This is not about the respite time. When I go longer without respite, I may very well get more tired, but what I notice more is the growing feeling of hopelessness and that there is nothing good in life. The tiredness is its own thing. It is frequently accompanied by a low-grade headache in the back of my head that is probably not a tumor. The headache isn't always there, but the tiredness is.
As I was feeling some of that frustration recently, I had to firmly associate it with my mother's condition.
That was probably helped by noticing that my sisters are also more tired than they should be, generally speaking. It occurred to me that some of that is the emotional toll of the disease that is sometimes referred to as the never-ending death.
There is that, and it is for all of us, but then for me there is being the first to notice each new loss, and there is a physical toll as there is always more to compensate for, and a mental toll of trying to find ways to make things better. There is even a nervous toll from all of the interruptions that come just as I settle down to get one thing done.
I had a manager once who would come over two aisles to my cube every time any little idea or question came into his head. I talked about saving things up, and maybe we could schedule regular time to go over those things, but it never really sunk in, and he would come over again. He was a profoundly dishonest, greedy, and petty person, but that was still the worst part of working for him. The difference is that I never loved Rick, and I love my mother deeply.
So recently when I was feeling this insuperable tiredness, I felt that it would be with me for the rest of my mother's life. Though I will not miss it, I will miss her.
Because of that, I realized that I could consecrate my tiredness for her. When I feel it weighing me down, I can feel a warmth of affection for her, and the good things about still having her and being able to do things with her and for her.
That does not make me less tired, but it does make me feel differently about it, and better.
It's something.
Tuesday, February 26, 2019
Monday, February 25, 2019
Not knowing
It is so much of a theme of my life right now that I do not know how things will turn out. That was brought home to me (again) yesterday, but in a pretty positive way.
I often think about things that will be good for my mother.
One important thing for her used to be talking on the phone with her friends. I remember it as being like when something was bothering her, she would need to discuss it with three friends before she would be okay with it. Also, after we bundled phone, cable, and internet, international phone calls got really cheap and she started calling her sister more. That was good too.
Her sister has been dead for about a year and a half now, and two of her closest friends have been gone for quite a while. That really just left one good friend, except that I remembered that there was another friend. After she was widowed and moved out of state to live with one of her children, she and Mom had kind of lost touch. Mom had tried calling the new number, but there was never an answer.
I had this idea that maybe they could be back in touch if I worked with the daughter.
I probably had the idea in November, but I actually sent the message on December 2nd. I quickly heard nothing.
Okay, maybe it wasn't a great idea. Or, maybe I wasn't the one who should be in charge of it. I tried offloading the idea to Julie. Still nothing.
I just heard back Friday night, and the friend called Saturday. Disappointingly, the call was over in two minutes. Was it not really a good idea? Could it have been a good idea if I had gotten on it sooner, but I missed the window of opportunity?
I exchanged another set of messages with the daughter, explaining more about what would work in a phone call (don't ask her if this is a good time; that will just worry her that it isn't). Yesterday they had a long visit by phone, and I think it was good for both of them.
I was ready to trash that idea so many times; it wasn't even that long a time period. Three months.
I did it anyway, which is probably my main point with this. There is just always a lot that you can't know.
Way back when I worked at Intel, one of the "values" was risk-taking. We were supposed to value risk-taking and look for opportunities where risk could bring reward. I was always terrible at it because I would look at whether something was a good thing to do.
(Fortunately "Do the right things right" was also a value.)
I suppose the point of "risk" is not knowing the outcome, but it may still not be the best focus of decision making. This feels right. This is a good thing to do.
Things may not always go the way I would like, but as I aim for "right" and "good", I do not regret it.
I often think about things that will be good for my mother.
One important thing for her used to be talking on the phone with her friends. I remember it as being like when something was bothering her, she would need to discuss it with three friends before she would be okay with it. Also, after we bundled phone, cable, and internet, international phone calls got really cheap and she started calling her sister more. That was good too.
Her sister has been dead for about a year and a half now, and two of her closest friends have been gone for quite a while. That really just left one good friend, except that I remembered that there was another friend. After she was widowed and moved out of state to live with one of her children, she and Mom had kind of lost touch. Mom had tried calling the new number, but there was never an answer.
I had this idea that maybe they could be back in touch if I worked with the daughter.
I probably had the idea in November, but I actually sent the message on December 2nd. I quickly heard nothing.
Okay, maybe it wasn't a great idea. Or, maybe I wasn't the one who should be in charge of it. I tried offloading the idea to Julie. Still nothing.
I just heard back Friday night, and the friend called Saturday. Disappointingly, the call was over in two minutes. Was it not really a good idea? Could it have been a good idea if I had gotten on it sooner, but I missed the window of opportunity?
I exchanged another set of messages with the daughter, explaining more about what would work in a phone call (don't ask her if this is a good time; that will just worry her that it isn't). Yesterday they had a long visit by phone, and I think it was good for both of them.
I was ready to trash that idea so many times; it wasn't even that long a time period. Three months.
I did it anyway, which is probably my main point with this. There is just always a lot that you can't know.
Way back when I worked at Intel, one of the "values" was risk-taking. We were supposed to value risk-taking and look for opportunities where risk could bring reward. I was always terrible at it because I would look at whether something was a good thing to do.
(Fortunately "Do the right things right" was also a value.)
I suppose the point of "risk" is not knowing the outcome, but it may still not be the best focus of decision making. This feels right. This is a good thing to do.
Things may not always go the way I would like, but as I aim for "right" and "good", I do not regret it.
Sunday, February 24, 2019
Band Review: Gordon Chambers
One of my EdX classes last year was Vocal Recording Technology, taught by Prince Charles Alexander through Berklee. It was mainly an exploration of what you could do with Pro Tools.
Every function was demonstrated on a small sample from "Get To Know" by Gordon Chambers. I didn't count the number of times I heard it, but it was a lot. I decided to check out the artist's total body of work, including that song. This may have been a bad idea, because I kind of hated the song by then.
I don't hate Gordon Chambers, but the reviewing experience did get off on the wrong foot. I think starting there is still the best approach for exploring the artist's strengths and weaknesses.
"Get To Know" has too many effects on it for my taste. Other songs that have more of an emphasis on the keyboard accompaniment sound more authentic and engaging. The real problem with "Get To Know", though, is that the rhymes are overly obvious and the song lacks emotional depth. It is trying to say something, but the real feeling is lacking.
As Track 5 on Love Stories, "Get To Know" is immediately followed by "Wish I Was In Love" which has similar problems. I was thinking that maybe romance just isn't his strong suit. The closing track on Surrender, "I Surrender All", sounds like it could be romantic but felt much more religious, and it was much stronger. Someone whose strength lies in religious inspiration may not have as much facility with romance.
However, after "Wish I Was In Love" came "Unfair", which was really good.
But then there was also "I Can't Love You (If You Don't Love You)". I understood the point it was trying to make, and it is not completely wrong, but it was also terribly condescending. That is not romantic. There were a few other songs that had that problem.
The interesting thing is that - while being a fine singer - Chambers is more acclaimed as a songwriter for others. He can channel that emotion and sincerity for other people, but on his own it sometimes falls flat. He can be very real and he does great then, but sometimes there is (in my opinion) an attempt to conform to expectations that suffocates the songwriting.
You can dress that up with a digital audio workstation, but it doesn't make for a better song.
http://gordonchambers.com/
https://www.facebook.com/GordonChambersMusic/
https://www.youtube.com/user/GCham69
https://twitter.com/gordonchambers/
Every function was demonstrated on a small sample from "Get To Know" by Gordon Chambers. I didn't count the number of times I heard it, but it was a lot. I decided to check out the artist's total body of work, including that song. This may have been a bad idea, because I kind of hated the song by then.
I don't hate Gordon Chambers, but the reviewing experience did get off on the wrong foot. I think starting there is still the best approach for exploring the artist's strengths and weaknesses.
"Get To Know" has too many effects on it for my taste. Other songs that have more of an emphasis on the keyboard accompaniment sound more authentic and engaging. The real problem with "Get To Know", though, is that the rhymes are overly obvious and the song lacks emotional depth. It is trying to say something, but the real feeling is lacking.
As Track 5 on Love Stories, "Get To Know" is immediately followed by "Wish I Was In Love" which has similar problems. I was thinking that maybe romance just isn't his strong suit. The closing track on Surrender, "I Surrender All", sounds like it could be romantic but felt much more religious, and it was much stronger. Someone whose strength lies in religious inspiration may not have as much facility with romance.
However, after "Wish I Was In Love" came "Unfair", which was really good.
But then there was also "I Can't Love You (If You Don't Love You)". I understood the point it was trying to make, and it is not completely wrong, but it was also terribly condescending. That is not romantic. There were a few other songs that had that problem.
The interesting thing is that - while being a fine singer - Chambers is more acclaimed as a songwriter for others. He can channel that emotion and sincerity for other people, but on his own it sometimes falls flat. He can be very real and he does great then, but sometimes there is (in my opinion) an attempt to conform to expectations that suffocates the songwriting.
You can dress that up with a digital audio workstation, but it doesn't make for a better song.
http://gordonchambers.com/
https://www.facebook.com/GordonChambersMusic/
https://www.youtube.com/user/GCham69
https://twitter.com/gordonchambers/
Friday, February 22, 2019
Band Review: Princess Nokia
I had been reading about Princess Nokia lately and thought I would give her a review. I do keep questioning myself as to whether I should call her Princess Nokia or Destiny Frasqueri, but as a music review it seems to make more
sense to use the stage name.
If you start with her 2017 studio album, 1992 Deluxe, it is often disconcerting, especially for the first half. Assume that it is deliberate and has a purpose, and keep going. Later tracks provide different sounds and construct something different. "G.O.A.T." doesn't even sound like the same voice, but is. "Flava" makes effective use of spoken word.
Also, do not stop at the studio album; there is more out there.
I am intrigued by the mix tapes, especially Metallic Butterfly. So often the music incorporates metallic sounds - sometimes abrasive and sometimes otherworldly -- and it all strikes me as very consciously chosen.
My favorite tracks overall are probably "Dragons" and "Soul Train", but "Young Girls" is meaningful as both a song and a video.
http://princessnokia.org/
https://www.facebook.com/princessnokia92/
https://www.youtube.com/user/dnfrasqueri
If you start with her 2017 studio album, 1992 Deluxe, it is often disconcerting, especially for the first half. Assume that it is deliberate and has a purpose, and keep going. Later tracks provide different sounds and construct something different. "G.O.A.T." doesn't even sound like the same voice, but is. "Flava" makes effective use of spoken word.
Also, do not stop at the studio album; there is more out there.
I am intrigued by the mix tapes, especially Metallic Butterfly. So often the music incorporates metallic sounds - sometimes abrasive and sometimes otherworldly -- and it all strikes me as very consciously chosen.
My favorite tracks overall are probably "Dragons" and "Soul Train", but "Young Girls" is meaningful as both a song and a video.
http://princessnokia.org/
https://www.facebook.com/princessnokia92/
https://www.youtube.com/user/dnfrasqueri
Wednesday, February 20, 2019
Band Review: Mary J. Blige
Everything about this review feels inadequate.
It was supposed to go up Friday, but I didn't feel like I had spent enough time listening yet. I know the initial recommendation had come from someone specific, but that is in a lost file somewhere. Even having listened to a really large body of her work, I'm sure I am missing things.
I don't know that the extra listening time even significantly changes the review, but I also don't regret the time. It has at least cemented my favorites. Also, I now know that Blige is playing Cha-Cha in The Umbrella Academy, which I find awesome. So there's that.
The overall impression is to be impressed with the development over time. Her 1992 debut, What's the 411, was successful critically and commercially, but there has been so much maturity, growth, and richness over time. That is true looking solely at albums, but it is worth noting how she is able to incorporate her presence into acting as well, as Evillene in The Wiz Live! if nothing else. I loved that performance.
Perhaps the most impressive thing is that even if you do separate different fields of her career - so only television or only hip-hip or only her work on Mudbound - there is still so much.
Obviously, I did focus on the music, and my most powerful impression overall is feminine strength, like she is built of iron and did not have to compromise any of her identity to be that way.
"Mary Jane (All Night Long)" is a classic, and "Give Me You" off of Dance For Me is wonderful, but I would like to give a special mention to tracks 5-7 off of Stronger With Each Tear. Each one individually - "I Feel Good", "I Am", and "Each Tear" - is great, but then together it is just a sequence that I could listen to over and over again.
Very glad to have listened.
http://www.maryjblige.com/
https://www.facebook.com/maryjblige/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj5CgwX_iJEqJsqUJyYjg4A
https://twitter.com/maryjblige
It was supposed to go up Friday, but I didn't feel like I had spent enough time listening yet. I know the initial recommendation had come from someone specific, but that is in a lost file somewhere. Even having listened to a really large body of her work, I'm sure I am missing things.
I don't know that the extra listening time even significantly changes the review, but I also don't regret the time. It has at least cemented my favorites. Also, I now know that Blige is playing Cha-Cha in The Umbrella Academy, which I find awesome. So there's that.
The overall impression is to be impressed with the development over time. Her 1992 debut, What's the 411, was successful critically and commercially, but there has been so much maturity, growth, and richness over time. That is true looking solely at albums, but it is worth noting how she is able to incorporate her presence into acting as well, as Evillene in The Wiz Live! if nothing else. I loved that performance.
Perhaps the most impressive thing is that even if you do separate different fields of her career - so only television or only hip-hip or only her work on Mudbound - there is still so much.
Obviously, I did focus on the music, and my most powerful impression overall is feminine strength, like she is built of iron and did not have to compromise any of her identity to be that way.
"Mary Jane (All Night Long)" is a classic, and "Give Me You" off of Dance For Me is wonderful, but I would like to give a special mention to tracks 5-7 off of Stronger With Each Tear. Each one individually - "I Feel Good", "I Am", and "Each Tear" - is great, but then together it is just a sequence that I could listen to over and over again.
Very glad to have listened.
http://www.maryjblige.com/
https://www.facebook.com/maryjblige/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj5CgwX_iJEqJsqUJyYjg4A
https://twitter.com/maryjblige
Tuesday, February 19, 2019
Book irritation
This next book coincidence is less cute.
I recently mentioned that we had a hold on the Marie Kondo book at the library.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2019/02/organizing-and-tidying-up.html
I did not mention in that post that I have seen a lot of discussion on Twitter regarding criticism of KonMari, along with things that criticism misses and ways in which the criticism seems racist.
I wasn't writing about that yet, though I had posted an article on Facebook precisely because of that.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/marie-kondo-white-western-audineces_us_5c47859be4b025aa26bde77c
I also did already know this had happened, though I did not see the article until today:
https://globalnews.ca/news/4926946/barbara-ehrenreich-criticized-xenophobic-tweets-marie-kondo/
I didn't mention it in that other blog post, because not only was the Marie Kondo book on the way, but I also had books on hold for me from Elaine Showalter and Barbara Ehrenreich. I believed I would have more to say after I read them all.
I will say that until I looked up the article, I did not know about Ehrenreich's previous tweet. In light of that, it looks like her real issue is imperialistic in nature, but when she realized she had gone over the top there, she tried to transfer it more to a curmudgeonly personal dislike of one person.
I guess Katha Pollitt handled it best, because instead of deleting tweets she added one promising to consider the issue more closely. Perhaps to be completely fair I should have gotten a Katha Pollitt book out too, but I am not enthusiastic about it because the Ehrenreich and Showalter books were so annoying.
At first I questioned the headline of the article because it referred to these women as feminists. After reading their books I question whether Ehrenreich or Showalter are. However, the headline says "white feminists", so for the brand of feminism that does not realize how enmeshed in patriarchy it is and that often misses key points that would lead to meaningful discourse, yeah, that's fair.
That is also exactly how the books failed.
To be fair, I was already planning on taking Showalter's book - Hystories: Hysterical Epidemics and Modern Media - with a grain of salt. I had seen a reference to her writing on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and I was curious about that, but also skeptical based on what I had read. Seeing that she treated it with alien abductions, recovered memories, and the Satanic ritual abuse panic seemed at least a little questionable.
Before I proceed, I am going to admit to having fallen for the Satanic ritual abuse thing myself. I saw a TV movie in 1989 (Do You Know the Muffin Man) and they said that's where most child abuse comes from. I was like, okay. I was also 17 years old.
I don't regret it now. Not only did I not do anything with the information, but I think having accepted that as plausible - despite how very implausible it was - and learning later that it was ridiculously, flagrantly wrong was ultimately good for my critical thinking.
There was not enough critical thinking in Hystories. There were little things that were way off. Thinking that finding out that other girls had eating disorders (especially pre-internet) did more to spread eating disorders than pressure on physical appearance and the limited things that are within many teenagers' control was a big one. Another was finding it ironic that is was political conservatives and religious fundamentalists that spread the SRA panic when it specifically targeted daycare. That's not ironic; that's logical. (It didn't seem to be delivered as a joke.)
Beyond that, a lot of areas that would have seemed critical for understanding weren't really explored. I thought to some extent it was because so many of these issues were issues of leading the patient, and even though she kind of acknowledged that Freud did that, maybe she was a Freudian and just couldn't bring herself to condemn him. Showalter isn't even a psychologist. Her specialty is Victorian literature. I can see how there would be ways of viewing that through a Freudian lens, but disengagement should still be possible.
Overall, though, I think I find her to be too invested in the status quo. My issue was the lack of depth, but I think that lack was the result of the hold the patriarchy has on her.
I had similar issues with Ehrenreich, but she should have been able to do better. She considers herself a "myth-buster" and "muckraker". She has participated in the Democratic Socialists of America. That's someone who wants to fight the power, not fold to it, right? That was not evident in The Hearts of Men: American Dreams and the Flight from Commitment.
She did get somewhat better in the last chapter, which had more of an economic focus, but most of the book was sociological and psychological. It was really not good, and desperate for some intersectional analysis. I guess that makes her a "vulgar" socialist, though, which makes the DSA a good fit.
All of that also makes their tweets make total sense, but not in a good way. You can see why I am not eager to try a book by Katha Pollitt, even though she may be the best of them.
KonMari's book was delightful, but I am still reflecting on that. I will probably write about it more.
Otherwise, it feels like all of February - Black History Month - has been a solid stream of white people needing to do better. I may also write about. I will see how it goes.
For now, the book I am currently reading is good, and that is a relief.
I recently mentioned that we had a hold on the Marie Kondo book at the library.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2019/02/organizing-and-tidying-up.html
I did not mention in that post that I have seen a lot of discussion on Twitter regarding criticism of KonMari, along with things that criticism misses and ways in which the criticism seems racist.
I wasn't writing about that yet, though I had posted an article on Facebook precisely because of that.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/marie-kondo-white-western-audineces_us_5c47859be4b025aa26bde77c
I also did already know this had happened, though I did not see the article until today:
https://globalnews.ca/news/4926946/barbara-ehrenreich-criticized-xenophobic-tweets-marie-kondo/
I didn't mention it in that other blog post, because not only was the Marie Kondo book on the way, but I also had books on hold for me from Elaine Showalter and Barbara Ehrenreich. I believed I would have more to say after I read them all.
I will say that until I looked up the article, I did not know about Ehrenreich's previous tweet. In light of that, it looks like her real issue is imperialistic in nature, but when she realized she had gone over the top there, she tried to transfer it more to a curmudgeonly personal dislike of one person.
I guess Katha Pollitt handled it best, because instead of deleting tweets she added one promising to consider the issue more closely. Perhaps to be completely fair I should have gotten a Katha Pollitt book out too, but I am not enthusiastic about it because the Ehrenreich and Showalter books were so annoying.
At first I questioned the headline of the article because it referred to these women as feminists. After reading their books I question whether Ehrenreich or Showalter are. However, the headline says "white feminists", so for the brand of feminism that does not realize how enmeshed in patriarchy it is and that often misses key points that would lead to meaningful discourse, yeah, that's fair.
That is also exactly how the books failed.
To be fair, I was already planning on taking Showalter's book - Hystories: Hysterical Epidemics and Modern Media - with a grain of salt. I had seen a reference to her writing on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and I was curious about that, but also skeptical based on what I had read. Seeing that she treated it with alien abductions, recovered memories, and the Satanic ritual abuse panic seemed at least a little questionable.
Before I proceed, I am going to admit to having fallen for the Satanic ritual abuse thing myself. I saw a TV movie in 1989 (Do You Know the Muffin Man) and they said that's where most child abuse comes from. I was like, okay. I was also 17 years old.
I don't regret it now. Not only did I not do anything with the information, but I think having accepted that as plausible - despite how very implausible it was - and learning later that it was ridiculously, flagrantly wrong was ultimately good for my critical thinking.
There was not enough critical thinking in Hystories. There were little things that were way off. Thinking that finding out that other girls had eating disorders (especially pre-internet) did more to spread eating disorders than pressure on physical appearance and the limited things that are within many teenagers' control was a big one. Another was finding it ironic that is was political conservatives and religious fundamentalists that spread the SRA panic when it specifically targeted daycare. That's not ironic; that's logical. (It didn't seem to be delivered as a joke.)
Beyond that, a lot of areas that would have seemed critical for understanding weren't really explored. I thought to some extent it was because so many of these issues were issues of leading the patient, and even though she kind of acknowledged that Freud did that, maybe she was a Freudian and just couldn't bring herself to condemn him. Showalter isn't even a psychologist. Her specialty is Victorian literature. I can see how there would be ways of viewing that through a Freudian lens, but disengagement should still be possible.
Overall, though, I think I find her to be too invested in the status quo. My issue was the lack of depth, but I think that lack was the result of the hold the patriarchy has on her.
I had similar issues with Ehrenreich, but she should have been able to do better. She considers herself a "myth-buster" and "muckraker". She has participated in the Democratic Socialists of America. That's someone who wants to fight the power, not fold to it, right? That was not evident in The Hearts of Men: American Dreams and the Flight from Commitment.
She did get somewhat better in the last chapter, which had more of an economic focus, but most of the book was sociological and psychological. It was really not good, and desperate for some intersectional analysis. I guess that makes her a "vulgar" socialist, though, which makes the DSA a good fit.
All of that also makes their tweets make total sense, but not in a good way. You can see why I am not eager to try a book by Katha Pollitt, even though she may be the best of them.
KonMari's book was delightful, but I am still reflecting on that. I will probably write about it more.
Otherwise, it feels like all of February - Black History Month - has been a solid stream of white people needing to do better. I may also write about. I will see how it goes.
For now, the book I am currently reading is good, and that is a relief.
Monday, February 18, 2019
Like-minded
Clearly I am not doing well on the blogging. Busyness and tiredness are coming into play, and a lot of people have been dying. (None of my family members.)
One issue was not getting enough time to listen to the Friday music review subject as much as I wanted to, so she is going up Wednesday, with three reviews this week. I will get back to the Sunday blog next week, I think. This week has a lot of medical stuff coming up, culminating next Monday, and I am going to be pretty stressed out. None of it is particularly bad, but that is not the point.
Anyway, the two non-review posts this week are going to be about books, and today's post is just a fun little thing that happened.
I requested Celluloid Indians (by Neva Kilpatrick) through Inter-library loan. When you are looking it up, you get a number of how many libraries in the program have the title, but I don't actually know how they decide which library sends. The copy I got came from Portland Community College.
A checkout receipt was still in there. I often use those and hold slips as bookmarks, even though I have several actual bookmarks. As far as things to leave in the book go, the hold slips have your name, and the checkout receipts don't, so that is probably the better choice. It may also be longer, depending on how many books you checked out.
At 1:28 PM on January 16th, 2013 (due February 6th), someone checked out Celluloid Indians, along with Killing the White Man's Indian, Crazy Horse: A Lakota Life, and Sacajawea: A Biography. The authors appear to be (respectively) Fergus Bordewich, Kingsley Bray, and April Summitt, based on a title search, but authors are not on the checkout receipt.
I haven't read any of the other books, and I'm not sure that I necessarily want to. It was still kind of fun to think that there was someone else in the Portland Metro area who observes Native American Heritage Month.
But wait! That is in November, and these books are being checked out in January. Yes, but I am always running behind on books. I looked up my blog post for that year, and one of the books I read was S. C. Gwynne's Empire of the Summer Moon. I finished it in February 2013. In fact, I was looking at the wrong blog post at first, because the 2013 books are the ones I was reading and wrote about in 2014. The books I was reading in January 2013 were for November 2012. (Though I did read a book about Crazy Horse in 2014.)
Realistically, this was probably for some kind of assignment or research paper, and not any kind of heritage month. I did not do much discretionary reading in college. I'd say that there wasn't time, but there were ways in which there was more free time in college than at any later points in adult life. Maybe it just feels that way because I was able to function on a lot less sleep then. However, most available brain space was reserved for processing information that I was going to be tested on or write papers about.
But it's nice to think I have a kindred spirit out there.
Related posts:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/03/2012-native-american-heritage-month.html
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2014/04/native-american-heritage-month-2013.html
One issue was not getting enough time to listen to the Friday music review subject as much as I wanted to, so she is going up Wednesday, with three reviews this week. I will get back to the Sunday blog next week, I think. This week has a lot of medical stuff coming up, culminating next Monday, and I am going to be pretty stressed out. None of it is particularly bad, but that is not the point.
Anyway, the two non-review posts this week are going to be about books, and today's post is just a fun little thing that happened.
I requested Celluloid Indians (by Neva Kilpatrick) through Inter-library loan. When you are looking it up, you get a number of how many libraries in the program have the title, but I don't actually know how they decide which library sends. The copy I got came from Portland Community College.
A checkout receipt was still in there. I often use those and hold slips as bookmarks, even though I have several actual bookmarks. As far as things to leave in the book go, the hold slips have your name, and the checkout receipts don't, so that is probably the better choice. It may also be longer, depending on how many books you checked out.
At 1:28 PM on January 16th, 2013 (due February 6th), someone checked out Celluloid Indians, along with Killing the White Man's Indian, Crazy Horse: A Lakota Life, and Sacajawea: A Biography. The authors appear to be (respectively) Fergus Bordewich, Kingsley Bray, and April Summitt, based on a title search, but authors are not on the checkout receipt.
I haven't read any of the other books, and I'm not sure that I necessarily want to. It was still kind of fun to think that there was someone else in the Portland Metro area who observes Native American Heritage Month.
But wait! That is in November, and these books are being checked out in January. Yes, but I am always running behind on books. I looked up my blog post for that year, and one of the books I read was S. C. Gwynne's Empire of the Summer Moon. I finished it in February 2013. In fact, I was looking at the wrong blog post at first, because the 2013 books are the ones I was reading and wrote about in 2014. The books I was reading in January 2013 were for November 2012. (Though I did read a book about Crazy Horse in 2014.)
Realistically, this was probably for some kind of assignment or research paper, and not any kind of heritage month. I did not do much discretionary reading in college. I'd say that there wasn't time, but there were ways in which there was more free time in college than at any later points in adult life. Maybe it just feels that way because I was able to function on a lot less sleep then. However, most available brain space was reserved for processing information that I was going to be tested on or write papers about.
But it's nice to think I have a kindred spirit out there.
Related posts:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/03/2012-native-american-heritage-month.html
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2014/04/native-american-heritage-month-2013.html
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Band Review: Tiki Lewis
I wanted to check out Tiki Lewis after reviewing IAMOMNI, who has collaborated with her.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/02/band-review-iamomni.html
I was surprised at how difficult it was to find any information. There are generic videos on Youtube and music available on various streaming services, but I could not find any other profiles or pages.
Her album, Too Much and Not Enough, is from 2008, when social media engagement was not as standard as it is now. She also has two collaborations in 2015, which does not indicate a total disappearance. I don't know what's going on.
It is interesting that Lewis' collaborations seem to be more hip hop, because on her own she has more of a pop sensibility. I really like the title track; emotional but not sappy. Other tracks like "Second Chance" have beats that could be easily adapted into club mixes.
I don't know how invested Lewis is, but if she wanted to do more I think she could make it work.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQk6x1sMixFwQQfRJ2gv21w
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/02/band-review-iamomni.html
I was surprised at how difficult it was to find any information. There are generic videos on Youtube and music available on various streaming services, but I could not find any other profiles or pages.
Her album, Too Much and Not Enough, is from 2008, when social media engagement was not as standard as it is now. She also has two collaborations in 2015, which does not indicate a total disappearance. I don't know what's going on.
It is interesting that Lewis' collaborations seem to be more hip hop, because on her own she has more of a pop sensibility. I really like the title track; emotional but not sappy. Other tracks like "Second Chance" have beats that could be easily adapted into club mixes.
I don't know how invested Lewis is, but if she wanted to do more I think she could make it work.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQk6x1sMixFwQQfRJ2gv21w
Unexpected
Back to the situation with our mother, we have had two things work out well without planning on them.
Recently we visited the Oregon Rail Heritage Center.
https://sporktogo.blogspot.com/2019/02/pdx-oregon-rail-heritage-center.html
It was just something that we wanted to do. We took Mom because if something is not going to be too much for her, she should be doing different things. We expected her to like it, but she loved it; it brought back many memories for her.
Her father was an engineer, and one of her brothers worked in the railroad office.
I did know, but I never thought about it too much. All of my grandparents died before I was born, and when I first got to meet my uncles they were long retired. The information was there, but it wasn't quite real to me.
It should have been, because I knew that they lived in railroad housing. There is a double row of homes that the railroad built for their employees. One of my cousins still lives there, as well as at least one family that was there during my mother's childhood. When they were young, though, it was all railroad families. They visited back and forth, and sometimes their kids married each other, and they all got railway passes. Yes, they would have talked about trains a lot.
That was not something she had thought about for a long time, but then seeing the trains it was there.
The other thing is that we recently watched Fantasia.
Well, not all of it. We meant to just watch "The Dance of the Hours", and then we watched some other things too, but we started with the dance. I had forgotten that is Ponchielli (Italian name), and that is the ballet part of an opera, La Gioconda.
My grandfather also loved opera, and sang it all the time. Again, it is not something I have personal experience of. When I think of it, I think mainly in terms of Verdi, his favorite. But actually it wasn't just opera, but also symphony, and he played records too. It's not really that surprising, either based on what I know about him or what I know about us. It gave us another moment of recollection, and happiness in the recollection.
When I write that there are good things too - amidst all this stress - it is often something like this. I could not plan it, but things work out.
I realize that this next thing I write is going to be over-the-top cheesy, but so be it. This world is hard, but it is wondrous too.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/12/music-and-memory.html
Recently we visited the Oregon Rail Heritage Center.
https://sporktogo.blogspot.com/2019/02/pdx-oregon-rail-heritage-center.html
It was just something that we wanted to do. We took Mom because if something is not going to be too much for her, she should be doing different things. We expected her to like it, but she loved it; it brought back many memories for her.
Her father was an engineer, and one of her brothers worked in the railroad office.
I did know, but I never thought about it too much. All of my grandparents died before I was born, and when I first got to meet my uncles they were long retired. The information was there, but it wasn't quite real to me.
It should have been, because I knew that they lived in railroad housing. There is a double row of homes that the railroad built for their employees. One of my cousins still lives there, as well as at least one family that was there during my mother's childhood. When they were young, though, it was all railroad families. They visited back and forth, and sometimes their kids married each other, and they all got railway passes. Yes, they would have talked about trains a lot.
That was not something she had thought about for a long time, but then seeing the trains it was there.
The other thing is that we recently watched Fantasia.
Well, not all of it. We meant to just watch "The Dance of the Hours", and then we watched some other things too, but we started with the dance. I had forgotten that is Ponchielli (Italian name), and that is the ballet part of an opera, La Gioconda.
My grandfather also loved opera, and sang it all the time. Again, it is not something I have personal experience of. When I think of it, I think mainly in terms of Verdi, his favorite. But actually it wasn't just opera, but also symphony, and he played records too. It's not really that surprising, either based on what I know about him or what I know about us. It gave us another moment of recollection, and happiness in the recollection.
When I write that there are good things too - amidst all this stress - it is often something like this. I could not plan it, but things work out.
I realize that this next thing I write is going to be over-the-top cheesy, but so be it. This world is hard, but it is wondrous too.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/12/music-and-memory.html
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Growing in the chaos
Yesterday's post was about feeling out of control, and then seizing little bits of control that you can. It was all true and valid, but there are other sides too.
One is that for all of the ways in which care giving is stressful, there are rewards to it as well. We are at a point where it is taking more out of me, it is true. Probably every time we start doing well on getting respite time in, we hit a new knot and have to adjust all over again. There is still a lot of love in it, and there are rewards to that.
In addition, I have grown a lot as a person, and in my understanding of things. The big leaps forward have mostly come out of bad times.
Some of that I have blogged about, like understanding how much respite time I need and how I need it to work by not getting it, or finding the last obstacle to liking myself in thinking that I hate my family.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/11/introvert-and-my-love-language-is.html
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-power-of-hate.html
Something more recent from a different blog was an experience that I had with prayer where it was really more the desperation that worked.
https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2019/02/hang-in-there.html
I write a little about how I try to pray in there, and that is often how I pray, but lately my mind has been going off in tangents. It's not really surprising, because there are so many different things that I am worrying about, but it still feels ineffective and kind of rude to God.
I had noticed the chaos, resolved to do more to meditate and focus before praying, and then there I was and my thoughts scrambled all over the place just as if I had no control.
And then an answer came anyway. It may not even have been in spite of the chaos; the chaos might have helped. I mean, I can overthink things.
I remember reading an article once about someone whose trainer had her put on a Bosu ball. She hated it, because she was always having to correct and keep from falling. It also really strengthened her muscles, because she was always having to correct and keep from falling.
This is not my favorite part of my life, but it is an important one.
I know some people view God as a micromanager where everything is custom-designed for you to grow exactly the way you need. I don't, believing that a planet full of other people with their own moral agency plus entropy provides plenty of opportunity for growth.
I do believe that as situations arise there are good and bad ways of responding, and that some ways are much better and much worse. A lot of prayer for me is trying to get to the much better responses, and comfort and strength for that.
Sometimes, however, I beg for intervention, or merely ask for it because I am in a state of torpor that can't manage more, and sometimes I can't seem to form a coherent thought. All of those different things can end up working somehow.
I have written a lot about trying to find balance, but I have thought of balance as keeping things that are in opposition but are still valid in mind at the same time. It is starting to feel more like balance is about taking turns, and rotating through. Maybe that eventually achieves a more discernible order, like my original concept of balance is the ending point but I am still at the beginning. I don't really know how things will turn out.
I am still surviving.
One is that for all of the ways in which care giving is stressful, there are rewards to it as well. We are at a point where it is taking more out of me, it is true. Probably every time we start doing well on getting respite time in, we hit a new knot and have to adjust all over again. There is still a lot of love in it, and there are rewards to that.
In addition, I have grown a lot as a person, and in my understanding of things. The big leaps forward have mostly come out of bad times.
Some of that I have blogged about, like understanding how much respite time I need and how I need it to work by not getting it, or finding the last obstacle to liking myself in thinking that I hate my family.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/11/introvert-and-my-love-language-is.html
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/01/the-power-of-hate.html
Something more recent from a different blog was an experience that I had with prayer where it was really more the desperation that worked.
https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2019/02/hang-in-there.html
I write a little about how I try to pray in there, and that is often how I pray, but lately my mind has been going off in tangents. It's not really surprising, because there are so many different things that I am worrying about, but it still feels ineffective and kind of rude to God.
I had noticed the chaos, resolved to do more to meditate and focus before praying, and then there I was and my thoughts scrambled all over the place just as if I had no control.
And then an answer came anyway. It may not even have been in spite of the chaos; the chaos might have helped. I mean, I can overthink things.
I remember reading an article once about someone whose trainer had her put on a Bosu ball. She hated it, because she was always having to correct and keep from falling. It also really strengthened her muscles, because she was always having to correct and keep from falling.
This is not my favorite part of my life, but it is an important one.
I know some people view God as a micromanager where everything is custom-designed for you to grow exactly the way you need. I don't, believing that a planet full of other people with their own moral agency plus entropy provides plenty of opportunity for growth.
I do believe that as situations arise there are good and bad ways of responding, and that some ways are much better and much worse. A lot of prayer for me is trying to get to the much better responses, and comfort and strength for that.
Sometimes, however, I beg for intervention, or merely ask for it because I am in a state of torpor that can't manage more, and sometimes I can't seem to form a coherent thought. All of those different things can end up working somehow.
I have written a lot about trying to find balance, but I have thought of balance as keeping things that are in opposition but are still valid in mind at the same time. It is starting to feel more like balance is about taking turns, and rotating through. Maybe that eventually achieves a more discernible order, like my original concept of balance is the ending point but I am still at the beginning. I don't really know how things will turn out.
I am still surviving.
Monday, February 11, 2019
Selfie-aware
I am hating my pictures this time around.
The first time I did it, it took me about three months to start feeling good about my photos, but the second time it only took about three weeks. It appears that I have lost ground.
On the most shallow level, my unhappiness focuses on the roundness of my face and the total lack of cooperation from my hair, which has been sadly neglected.
I am thinking about going back to cutting my own hair, because if it comes to a choice between that and Supercuts (or something like them), I do a better job. I can only manage short hair, though, and that won't be flattering to this round face.
On a somewhat less shallow level, I suppose part of the dissatisfaction is how out of control everything feels. Trying to track down issues from my mother's hospitalization - which is now eight months ago - has led to a lot of appointments. That means bills - copays add up really quickly - but in a way the appointments are worse just for the time. Arranging the transportation is one stress, but going to appointments is something that gets in her mind. Even when the news is good, or at least not bad, it unsettles her. I am pretty patient with answering the same questions over and over again, but for medical things it doesn't allay the worry. So there's that.
Some of my stress right now is book-related. I try to pace myself appropriately with book checkouts, but there are things that can throw you. One of them is that sometimes my brain just won't accept any new information. Another is inter-library loan.
It is impossible to predict when the ILL books will come through. This is a common problem with the local library books that have multiple holds. Beyond that, it is also impossible to predict how long you will have to read them. One book that was picked up Friday is due Sunday. In general the program has broadened my book access a lot, but right now I have two books due Friday (I finished one of them today), one Sunday, and one next Thursday, and it may not be impossible to renew them, but it is not easy. (There are other books, but I am mainly stressing over those four.)
Obviously that is one reason for all the book selfies.
That leads to another thing that I am thinking about, is that maybe my selfies need to be more interesting. This is largely a reaction to a series of shots very close together where every single one was taken after I had gotten ready for bed and then remembered.
I have been thinking about doing monthly themes. Different concepts I have considered have included a month of book selfies, a month where every shot is outdoors, a month with shots of food, a month with products I like, and maybe selfies round the clock. That would probably not be a full 24 hours, but I could do 16. (I can't imagine being committed enough to wake myself up after I have gone to sleep.)
I had also thought about a month of selfies with other people, but that would probably just be a month of shots with my mother, and maybe a few other people if I try really hard. I could do more variety with animal selfies, because I only have one mother, but there are six pets, Still, that would probably annoy them a lot. Five of them are cats.
As pointless as this is, then I get interested and kind of excited, because it is something that I can do. Any (or all) of those months would take some effort and remembering, but they are doable, and easy compared to other things.
But the inter-library loan books have a special sleeve, so they all look the same in the book selfies,
The first time I did it, it took me about three months to start feeling good about my photos, but the second time it only took about three weeks. It appears that I have lost ground.
On the most shallow level, my unhappiness focuses on the roundness of my face and the total lack of cooperation from my hair, which has been sadly neglected.
I am thinking about going back to cutting my own hair, because if it comes to a choice between that and Supercuts (or something like them), I do a better job. I can only manage short hair, though, and that won't be flattering to this round face.
On a somewhat less shallow level, I suppose part of the dissatisfaction is how out of control everything feels. Trying to track down issues from my mother's hospitalization - which is now eight months ago - has led to a lot of appointments. That means bills - copays add up really quickly - but in a way the appointments are worse just for the time. Arranging the transportation is one stress, but going to appointments is something that gets in her mind. Even when the news is good, or at least not bad, it unsettles her. I am pretty patient with answering the same questions over and over again, but for medical things it doesn't allay the worry. So there's that.
Some of my stress right now is book-related. I try to pace myself appropriately with book checkouts, but there are things that can throw you. One of them is that sometimes my brain just won't accept any new information. Another is inter-library loan.
It is impossible to predict when the ILL books will come through. This is a common problem with the local library books that have multiple holds. Beyond that, it is also impossible to predict how long you will have to read them. One book that was picked up Friday is due Sunday. In general the program has broadened my book access a lot, but right now I have two books due Friday (I finished one of them today), one Sunday, and one next Thursday, and it may not be impossible to renew them, but it is not easy. (There are other books, but I am mainly stressing over those four.)
Obviously that is one reason for all the book selfies.
That leads to another thing that I am thinking about, is that maybe my selfies need to be more interesting. This is largely a reaction to a series of shots very close together where every single one was taken after I had gotten ready for bed and then remembered.
I have been thinking about doing monthly themes. Different concepts I have considered have included a month of book selfies, a month where every shot is outdoors, a month with shots of food, a month with products I like, and maybe selfies round the clock. That would probably not be a full 24 hours, but I could do 16. (I can't imagine being committed enough to wake myself up after I have gone to sleep.)
I had also thought about a month of selfies with other people, but that would probably just be a month of shots with my mother, and maybe a few other people if I try really hard. I could do more variety with animal selfies, because I only have one mother, but there are six pets, Still, that would probably annoy them a lot. Five of them are cats.
As pointless as this is, then I get interested and kind of excited, because it is something that I can do. Any (or all) of those months would take some effort and remembering, but they are doable, and easy compared to other things.
But the inter-library loan books have a special sleeve, so they all look the same in the book selfies,
Friday, February 08, 2019
Band Review: Stephanie Mills
Despite the length of her career, I really only became aware of Stephanie Mills fairly recently, when she played Aunt Em in the live televised version of The Wiz.
At the time there were raves about her voice that caught my attention, though I was still thinking of her primarily in relation to Broadway. Having dug in a bit deeper, now I know that her career goes far beyond that. It includes a Grammy for a song that I did know, "Never Knew Love Like This Before".
It has been somewhat interesting to think about why so much was unfamiliar - the age at which you start paying attention to artists, the fact that most of our Broadway shows were on 8-tracks and did not last long, and (always) who got play on MTV. A more encouraging lesson is that music has great depths that you can explore in multiple directions over and over again.
For this period of listening, I believe my favorite album was 1989's Home. Not only does it feature the title track - Mills' signature song - but it also has "Love Hasn't Been Easy On Me". The latter does not seem to rank among her hits, but it struck a chord with me.
Because the other great thing about music is how it can touch you, and how that can be timeless.
https://www.facebook.com/Stephanie-Mills-144723545586719/
https://www.wlatalent.com/stephanie-mills/?rq=mills
https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/stephanie-mills/42543
https://twitter.com/PrettyMill1
At the time there were raves about her voice that caught my attention, though I was still thinking of her primarily in relation to Broadway. Having dug in a bit deeper, now I know that her career goes far beyond that. It includes a Grammy for a song that I did know, "Never Knew Love Like This Before".
It has been somewhat interesting to think about why so much was unfamiliar - the age at which you start paying attention to artists, the fact that most of our Broadway shows were on 8-tracks and did not last long, and (always) who got play on MTV. A more encouraging lesson is that music has great depths that you can explore in multiple directions over and over again.
For this period of listening, I believe my favorite album was 1989's Home. Not only does it feature the title track - Mills' signature song - but it also has "Love Hasn't Been Easy On Me". The latter does not seem to rank among her hits, but it struck a chord with me.
Because the other great thing about music is how it can touch you, and how that can be timeless.
https://www.facebook.com/Stephanie-Mills-144723545586719/
https://www.wlatalent.com/stephanie-mills/?rq=mills
https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/stephanie-mills/42543
https://twitter.com/PrettyMill1
Thursday, February 07, 2019
Band Review: Dubzy
I was followed by Dubzy in November.
It looks like lately he has been focusing more on acting and fashion than music, but the music is what I have been listening to.
Beats are all right, though it is often the accents that draw me in, like a chime or what sounds like a concertina. There is nice funk on "Just Friends", though I believe my favorite track was "Malice". Good use is made of collaboration.
One interesting thing from the bio is that the new focus is partly an attempt to self-distance from some bad elements in his past. In that case, it could be interesting to see what happens after a pause and a change in direction.
https://www.dubzy.co.uk/
https://www.facebook.com/DubzySnazz/
https://soundcloud.com/dubzysnazz
https://twitter.com/DubzySnazz
It looks like lately he has been focusing more on acting and fashion than music, but the music is what I have been listening to.
Beats are all right, though it is often the accents that draw me in, like a chime or what sounds like a concertina. There is nice funk on "Just Friends", though I believe my favorite track was "Malice". Good use is made of collaboration.
One interesting thing from the bio is that the new focus is partly an attempt to self-distance from some bad elements in his past. In that case, it could be interesting to see what happens after a pause and a change in direction.
https://www.dubzy.co.uk/
https://www.facebook.com/DubzySnazz/
https://soundcloud.com/dubzysnazz
https://twitter.com/DubzySnazz
Wednesday, February 06, 2019
Organizing and tidying up
Almost a month ago I wrote about anxiety over changing to the new computer system:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2019/01/picking-pictures.html
I have actually done it now. There were a lot of false starts.
I uploaded files to Dropbox. I transferred the same files to a USB drive. I kept remembering other things that I had not thought about previously, like looking in the Downloads folder after checking both Documents folders. I suddenly remembered Bookmarks. Then I remembered that I should probably clear all of those documents and empty trash, just in case. Eventually there were no more false starts: I switched over and sent off a lot of e-waste.
The dead hard drive with all of my lost files is waiting in a sealed bag until I can afford a recovery attempt. I kept a few spare charging cables. I replaced the printer cable with a newer one after discovering that I had three printer cables, then let the other two go. I have accumulated so many extra cables over the years that it made sense to clear some out. As part of that, I accidentally discarded the power cable for the laptop I am keeping. That felt like a really boneheaded move for someone being so neurotically careful.
I have used one cable wrapper to protect the most prominent cables against cat chewing. It looks like they are willing to go behind and around things for good chewing, so I will probably deploy some more.
Overall it has gone okay, and that is reassuring.
I know that some of my paranoia about loss is not related to computers, and I am working on that.
Otherwise, there is more space now, and I am working on organizing that space. It hasn't gone completely as planned.
There is a goal to reduce clutter. Part of that is making everything easy to find, especially things I want to be working on. Materials I want nearby are my mission journals, because I want to get back to transcribing them; my Spanish materials, because I want to up my tutoring game (it turns out the confidence-destroying teacher was better at transmitting knowledge that this current teacher); materials from the study I participated in (because I want to review in retrospect and re-evaluate); and it seemed reasonable to keep my bass books out because I am going to start practicing that sucker some day.
That may all be overly ambitious, but I do understand the value of proximity and ease of access. I want to get some of my art materials out too.
I feel like I should have made more progress by now, but I felt that way about the new computer for a long time. It arrived on Black Friday. From what my sister said I was only expecting a monitor, so I needed to make more of a mental shift, but still, I could have gotten switched over in December, probably, if I'd tried harder.
We are in line for Marie Kondo's book at the library. I was so thrilled that my sisters showed interest in a manga! They don't actually know it's a manga, but that's okay. Anyway, I have been seeing a lot of discussion on the book, and I think my goals generally work for me. If she has some tips to ease the path, I will take them.
I suspect, though, that a lot of my progress will relate more to the reading on death and grief that I am doing. Even if you suspect your anxiety about losing the cable is not really about the cable, the feeling is still there.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2019/01/picking-pictures.html
I have actually done it now. There were a lot of false starts.
I uploaded files to Dropbox. I transferred the same files to a USB drive. I kept remembering other things that I had not thought about previously, like looking in the Downloads folder after checking both Documents folders. I suddenly remembered Bookmarks. Then I remembered that I should probably clear all of those documents and empty trash, just in case. Eventually there were no more false starts: I switched over and sent off a lot of e-waste.
The dead hard drive with all of my lost files is waiting in a sealed bag until I can afford a recovery attempt. I kept a few spare charging cables. I replaced the printer cable with a newer one after discovering that I had three printer cables, then let the other two go. I have accumulated so many extra cables over the years that it made sense to clear some out. As part of that, I accidentally discarded the power cable for the laptop I am keeping. That felt like a really boneheaded move for someone being so neurotically careful.
I have used one cable wrapper to protect the most prominent cables against cat chewing. It looks like they are willing to go behind and around things for good chewing, so I will probably deploy some more.
Overall it has gone okay, and that is reassuring.
I know that some of my paranoia about loss is not related to computers, and I am working on that.
Otherwise, there is more space now, and I am working on organizing that space. It hasn't gone completely as planned.
There is a goal to reduce clutter. Part of that is making everything easy to find, especially things I want to be working on. Materials I want nearby are my mission journals, because I want to get back to transcribing them; my Spanish materials, because I want to up my tutoring game (it turns out the confidence-destroying teacher was better at transmitting knowledge that this current teacher); materials from the study I participated in (because I want to review in retrospect and re-evaluate); and it seemed reasonable to keep my bass books out because I am going to start practicing that sucker some day.
That may all be overly ambitious, but I do understand the value of proximity and ease of access. I want to get some of my art materials out too.
I feel like I should have made more progress by now, but I felt that way about the new computer for a long time. It arrived on Black Friday. From what my sister said I was only expecting a monitor, so I needed to make more of a mental shift, but still, I could have gotten switched over in December, probably, if I'd tried harder.
We are in line for Marie Kondo's book at the library. I was so thrilled that my sisters showed interest in a manga! They don't actually know it's a manga, but that's okay. Anyway, I have been seeing a lot of discussion on the book, and I think my goals generally work for me. If she has some tips to ease the path, I will take them.
I suspect, though, that a lot of my progress will relate more to the reading on death and grief that I am doing. Even if you suspect your anxiety about losing the cable is not really about the cable, the feeling is still there.
Tuesday, February 05, 2019
Garden reading list 2018
This is a good example of mission creep, again.
Two years ago I wrote about going through several books on plants and gardening.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/02/the-gardening-reading-list.html
That was a pretty expansive list, but in the process I found four more that I wanted to read. I started reading those in October:
The Edible Front Yard: The Mow-Less Grow-More Plan for a Beautiful, Bountiful Garden by Ivette Soler
The Kitchen Gardener's Handbook by Jennifer Bartley
The Berry Grower's Companion by Barbara Bowling
Fruit Trees in Small Spaces: Abundant Harvests From Your Own Backyard by Colby Eierman
I learned the most from Eierman. Bowling's book was the least practical for home use, as she primarily focuses on larger scale agriculture. The other two focus a lot on aesthetics, and they are not necessarily wrong for that, but I am most interested in practical information.
Unsurprisingly, I found two more books that I wanted to read, but that it was only two seemed like a good sign. However, sometimes things intersect in interesting ways.
As I started my Native American Heritage reading, I read Buffalo Bird Woman's Garden: Agriculture of the Hidatsa Indians.
That is just what it sounds like. Anthropologist Gilbert Wilson interviewed Buffalo Bird Woman extensively about the growing practices of her, her family, and her people. That covered the planting and harvesting, but also storage. I know it would have meant more to me if I had done more gardening, but there is still a lot to think about.
Sometimes you hear about Three Sisters gardening, with corn, beans, and squash. All of those plants were important for the Hidatsa, but they planted in rows, not mounds. Sunflowers were an important crop as well. Some people are starting to talk about four sisters, but if it's a different planting method, does it make sense to try and fit it onto the other paradigm?
As I was reading more gardening stuff, it felt like I should go ahead and grab those other two books that had come up. As it is, the Edible City Resource Manual by Richard Britz is pretty hard to find, but I am currently reading Edible Estates: Attack on the Front Lawn by Fritz Haeg.
Much of this rabbit hole does come from knowing lawns are bad but having a hard time finding a good alternative. I have gained a lot of ideas from this, but execution is still difficult.
And, direction is kind of changing too. Future knowledge will probably come more from talking to other people, watching videos, and building on things that don't work well when I try them. (Or that do work well; I'm not completely pessimistic.)
However, if we look at the greater reading list, of all the books I would like to someday read, I do have a lot of books by the Salatins on there, which could end up being read together in two years or so. Their farm was featured in The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan, but I have known about them for a long time since a Smithsonian article, which was also where I first heard of mound farming and the three sisters.
It all connects.
Two years ago I wrote about going through several books on plants and gardening.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/02/the-gardening-reading-list.html
That was a pretty expansive list, but in the process I found four more that I wanted to read. I started reading those in October:
The Edible Front Yard: The Mow-Less Grow-More Plan for a Beautiful, Bountiful Garden by Ivette Soler
The Kitchen Gardener's Handbook by Jennifer Bartley
The Berry Grower's Companion by Barbara Bowling
Fruit Trees in Small Spaces: Abundant Harvests From Your Own Backyard by Colby Eierman
I learned the most from Eierman. Bowling's book was the least practical for home use, as she primarily focuses on larger scale agriculture. The other two focus a lot on aesthetics, and they are not necessarily wrong for that, but I am most interested in practical information.
Unsurprisingly, I found two more books that I wanted to read, but that it was only two seemed like a good sign. However, sometimes things intersect in interesting ways.
As I started my Native American Heritage reading, I read Buffalo Bird Woman's Garden: Agriculture of the Hidatsa Indians.
That is just what it sounds like. Anthropologist Gilbert Wilson interviewed Buffalo Bird Woman extensively about the growing practices of her, her family, and her people. That covered the planting and harvesting, but also storage. I know it would have meant more to me if I had done more gardening, but there is still a lot to think about.
Sometimes you hear about Three Sisters gardening, with corn, beans, and squash. All of those plants were important for the Hidatsa, but they planted in rows, not mounds. Sunflowers were an important crop as well. Some people are starting to talk about four sisters, but if it's a different planting method, does it make sense to try and fit it onto the other paradigm?
As I was reading more gardening stuff, it felt like I should go ahead and grab those other two books that had come up. As it is, the Edible City Resource Manual by Richard Britz is pretty hard to find, but I am currently reading Edible Estates: Attack on the Front Lawn by Fritz Haeg.
Much of this rabbit hole does come from knowing lawns are bad but having a hard time finding a good alternative. I have gained a lot of ideas from this, but execution is still difficult.
And, direction is kind of changing too. Future knowledge will probably come more from talking to other people, watching videos, and building on things that don't work well when I try them. (Or that do work well; I'm not completely pessimistic.)
However, if we look at the greater reading list, of all the books I would like to someday read, I do have a lot of books by the Salatins on there, which could end up being read together in two years or so. Their farm was featured in The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan, but I have known about them for a long time since a Smithsonian article, which was also where I first heard of mound farming and the three sisters.
It all connects.
Monday, February 04, 2019
2019 Music Goals - Phase 1 completed
You may remember that I set forth some musical goals for 2019 about a month ago:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2019/01/2019-my-year-for-music.html
Reviewing what I call my "new emo" bands was not the first goal mentioned, but I decided it would be the first one to do.
At some point it may be great to go over how Twitter has sent me down different paths, and each project has led to the next, but that has been partially documented. The relevant part for today is that around the same time that I started studying emo and seeing the passion that fans had for it, I was finding many younger friends who had that same kind of passion for other bands, though I wasn't really sure how they were musically. Some of them might have been called emo, but most of them did not sound much like the various stages of emo that I have listened to. However, now I know what they all sound like.
http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/07/going-emo.html
I will write some notes on that, but I want to take a moment to be glad that it went so quickly. It helped that so many of my January reviews were for live shows, and for bands with small catalogs. Some of the musicians I am reviewing in February have huge catalogs. I will not start the next phase - bands from the Nothing Feels Good book that I want to get back to - until March.
In March I am also going to start giving these bands a song of the day. I don't think there are any of them that I dislike so much that I can't, though one comes close.
Until then, I am finally going through my Stevie Wonder tribute.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/02/band-review-stevie-wonder.html
After I reviewed him, there were so many good songs (talk about your large catalogs!) that I knew I wanted to do something special, but I wasn't sure what. I decided the perfect thing would be to have him play from Martin Luther King Day through to the beginning of Black History Month, but I couldn't make it work last year, and I still would have had to trim too many songs. He is playing through Valentine's Day, and I have some requests from people and it is meaningful and good.
For the rest of the month, I started thinking of all of these classic songs by other Black men, so I am going for that. I wondered if I should worry about not representing any women, but there was that time I was doing only Black women and girls, and it went from February 1st through July 23rd, so I think it will be okay. I will keep listening and reviewing, and it will all work out.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2015/07/musical-black-girls.html
Mainly, finishing one of the goals up so early makes me optimistic about finishing all of the other goals. Of course I can do it. I mean, I already made it through the Nothing Feels Good bands (the first time) and the Stereogum comments on the Greatest Guitar Songs; I have shown my ability to get through things!
http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/08/greatest-guitar-songs-trouble-with.html
Without further ado, here are my thoughts on listening to these bands.
One thing to remember is that sometimes the true size of the following gets clouded. I think I only had one Twitter mutual who was really into Lana Del Rey, but I believe she retweeted many people.
Technically, I probably should have included Demi Lovato, because I am connected to many of her fans. However, I had listened to her before in connection with the pop princesses listening, so that felt like enough.
I did not fall in love with any songs or bands, but I was impressed at the variety. I was a little afraid they would all be screamo, and that wasn't the case.
I swear there was someone else like Ed Sheeran, but I can't remember him now.
My favorites were probably Avenged Sevenfold, Black Veil Brides, and Falling in Reverse. I don't know that I like them enough to do full reviews of them. If I do, I will decide that after their daily song.
After listening to both Sleeping With Sirens and Bring Me the Horizon, I think I better understand the spirit of Oli Sykes' criticism of Kellin Quinn, but that doesn't make it right.
http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/08/and-dialogue-begins-with-kellin-quinn.html
After listening to Blood on the Dance Floor, I totally get why Morgan was always making fun of them. She was not wrong. Still, I am pretty sure I will give them one song of the day.
Then there is the complicated band, Lostprophets.
They disbanded when their lead singer turned out to be a pedophile. I don't think I will do a song of theirs, but the rest of the band reformed as No Devotion, whom I have reviewed and given them a song, and I can do that again:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/01/band-review-no-devotion.html
The thing I want to say about that now is that when the other band members were asked about the abuse, they said they had no idea (which I believe) but that he was horrible to work with. A lot of things have come out about abusers since then, maybe more in film and television than music, but a lot of people who abuse in illegal ways tend to be horrible in legal ways as well. We accept it - often excusing it on account of "genius" - and we need to stop that.
No Devotion sounds great. Great movies can be made without Weinstein or Tarantino or Spacey. Just keep on going down the list, we don't need abusers, on any level.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2019/01/2019-my-year-for-music.html
Reviewing what I call my "new emo" bands was not the first goal mentioned, but I decided it would be the first one to do.
At some point it may be great to go over how Twitter has sent me down different paths, and each project has led to the next, but that has been partially documented. The relevant part for today is that around the same time that I started studying emo and seeing the passion that fans had for it, I was finding many younger friends who had that same kind of passion for other bands, though I wasn't really sure how they were musically. Some of them might have been called emo, but most of them did not sound much like the various stages of emo that I have listened to. However, now I know what they all sound like.
http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/07/going-emo.html
I will write some notes on that, but I want to take a moment to be glad that it went so quickly. It helped that so many of my January reviews were for live shows, and for bands with small catalogs. Some of the musicians I am reviewing in February have huge catalogs. I will not start the next phase - bands from the Nothing Feels Good book that I want to get back to - until March.
In March I am also going to start giving these bands a song of the day. I don't think there are any of them that I dislike so much that I can't, though one comes close.
Until then, I am finally going through my Stevie Wonder tribute.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/02/band-review-stevie-wonder.html
After I reviewed him, there were so many good songs (talk about your large catalogs!) that I knew I wanted to do something special, but I wasn't sure what. I decided the perfect thing would be to have him play from Martin Luther King Day through to the beginning of Black History Month, but I couldn't make it work last year, and I still would have had to trim too many songs. He is playing through Valentine's Day, and I have some requests from people and it is meaningful and good.
For the rest of the month, I started thinking of all of these classic songs by other Black men, so I am going for that. I wondered if I should worry about not representing any women, but there was that time I was doing only Black women and girls, and it went from February 1st through July 23rd, so I think it will be okay. I will keep listening and reviewing, and it will all work out.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2015/07/musical-black-girls.html
Mainly, finishing one of the goals up so early makes me optimistic about finishing all of the other goals. Of course I can do it. I mean, I already made it through the Nothing Feels Good bands (the first time) and the Stereogum comments on the Greatest Guitar Songs; I have shown my ability to get through things!
http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/08/greatest-guitar-songs-trouble-with.html
Without further ado, here are my thoughts on listening to these bands.
One thing to remember is that sometimes the true size of the following gets clouded. I think I only had one Twitter mutual who was really into Lana Del Rey, but I believe she retweeted many people.
Technically, I probably should have included Demi Lovato, because I am connected to many of her fans. However, I had listened to her before in connection with the pop princesses listening, so that felt like enough.
I did not fall in love with any songs or bands, but I was impressed at the variety. I was a little afraid they would all be screamo, and that wasn't the case.
I swear there was someone else like Ed Sheeran, but I can't remember him now.
My favorites were probably Avenged Sevenfold, Black Veil Brides, and Falling in Reverse. I don't know that I like them enough to do full reviews of them. If I do, I will decide that after their daily song.
After listening to both Sleeping With Sirens and Bring Me the Horizon, I think I better understand the spirit of Oli Sykes' criticism of Kellin Quinn, but that doesn't make it right.
http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/08/and-dialogue-begins-with-kellin-quinn.html
After listening to Blood on the Dance Floor, I totally get why Morgan was always making fun of them. She was not wrong. Still, I am pretty sure I will give them one song of the day.
Then there is the complicated band, Lostprophets.
They disbanded when their lead singer turned out to be a pedophile. I don't think I will do a song of theirs, but the rest of the band reformed as No Devotion, whom I have reviewed and given them a song, and I can do that again:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/01/band-review-no-devotion.html
The thing I want to say about that now is that when the other band members were asked about the abuse, they said they had no idea (which I believe) but that he was horrible to work with. A lot of things have come out about abusers since then, maybe more in film and television than music, but a lot of people who abuse in illegal ways tend to be horrible in legal ways as well. We accept it - often excusing it on account of "genius" - and we need to stop that.
No Devotion sounds great. Great movies can be made without Weinstein or Tarantino or Spacey. Just keep on going down the list, we don't need abusers, on any level.
Friday, February 01, 2019
Band Review: Jussie Smollett
In addition to focusing on Black artists in February, I am reviewing Jussie Smollett because of the attack. That is partly my way of showing support, but also I had previously thought of him as an actor. Having since learned that he co-wrote two of the songs on Empire and that he released an album - Sum of My Music - last spring, the least I could do was check that out.
I like the album a lot. It opens with "Insecurities", a very personal song that many should be able to relate to. My favorite is the third track, "Hurt People", which is really beautiful. What I especially appreciate about that arrangement, with "Catch Your Eye" in between, is that they all feel really different and cover a broad range. It is a very strong opening.
Later songs reflect more of an R&B feeling, with some techno elements. It would be easy to expect Empire to have an influence on his music, but Smollett's performing history goes back much further than Empire. Sum of My Music is very much about being himself.
https://wtop.com/music/2018/03/jussie-smollett-finds-his-voice-and-builds-his-own-empire/
That being said, there might be some John Lee Hooker and Marvin Gaye influence too, but as undertones, rather than the overall sound.
http://jussiesmollettmusic.com/
https://www.facebook.com/jussiesmollett/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4mLR80wPrMB4p1Hay_Gv3A
https://twitter.com/JussieSmollett
I like the album a lot. It opens with "Insecurities", a very personal song that many should be able to relate to. My favorite is the third track, "Hurt People", which is really beautiful. What I especially appreciate about that arrangement, with "Catch Your Eye" in between, is that they all feel really different and cover a broad range. It is a very strong opening.
Later songs reflect more of an R&B feeling, with some techno elements. It would be easy to expect Empire to have an influence on his music, but Smollett's performing history goes back much further than Empire. Sum of My Music is very much about being himself.
https://wtop.com/music/2018/03/jussie-smollett-finds-his-voice-and-builds-his-own-empire/
That being said, there might be some John Lee Hooker and Marvin Gaye influence too, but as undertones, rather than the overall sound.
http://jussiesmollettmusic.com/
https://www.facebook.com/jussiesmollett/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4mLR80wPrMB4p1Hay_Gv3A
https://twitter.com/JussieSmollett
Thursday, January 31, 2019
Band Review: DaQuashia
I am reviewing DaQuashia because her sister recommended her. I am not sure now how I saw it, but sisterly support warms my heart, and I am always looking for new music.
Of the available songs, I do think they sound a little overproduced, which seems pretty common with newer artists. Vocally I don't think she needs it.
There are some interesting texture choices - especially on "Change Up" - which I believe comes from the experimental mixing. It does have a value. Balancing the emotion and the achievement can take some time, but has great possibilities.
DaQuashia's music focuses more on setting a mood than on dance beats, at least for now.
https://soundcloud.com/DaQuashia
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/whats-going-on-single/1387898386
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAf0BqI0sZI1s4QYzGe_4Sg
https://twitter.com/DaQuashiaS
Of the available songs, I do think they sound a little overproduced, which seems pretty common with newer artists. Vocally I don't think she needs it.
There are some interesting texture choices - especially on "Change Up" - which I believe comes from the experimental mixing. It does have a value. Balancing the emotion and the achievement can take some time, but has great possibilities.
DaQuashia's music focuses more on setting a mood than on dance beats, at least for now.
https://soundcloud.com/DaQuashia
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/whats-going-on-single/1387898386
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAf0BqI0sZI1s4QYzGe_4Sg
https://twitter.com/DaQuashiaS
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
Hispanic Heritage Month 2018 odds and ends
I don't know if any of these would need a full blog post. Maybe "needs" is an exaggeration for anything I write. (I am still feeling pretty subdued.)
Anyway, I have three thoughts left:
First, in Searching for Sugarman, Sixto Rodriguez was a huge hit in South Africa (though royalties didn't make their way back to him), but did not do well in the United States. One factor that seemed to hurt sales here is that his name led people to expect "Mexican" music, and they weren't interested in that. It's not mariachi music or son or tejano or anything like that; Rodriguez sounds most like Bob Dylan, except with a better voice. If he had used a different name, who knows?
It is fascinating to me that it was South Africa that embraced him. They were not a country free from racial stereotypes or prejudice. The people drawn to his music apparently were often against the government, so probably against Apartheid, and I think there is an interesting story there, but still, it was different prejudices. A name that sounded Mexican would not mean the same things on the other side of the world.
Next up, in reading many books about Cuba, mostly by people from Cuba, there was a lot about Columbus. That was mainly about the beauty of Cuba and his instant recognition of how beautiful the island was. Often there was also mention about how that was not great for the original inhabitants of the island, often mentioning the Taino by name.
It is interesting to me that the richer people get, the more insistent they are that there were no Taino left; they were all eradicated.
There was some serious genocide, that's for sure, but there are still Taino people. Often they are not only Taino, having African and Spanish blood mixed in as well. If they are in Cuba, there are also reasonable chances of Jewish and Chinese ancestry, I have learned now. It was just fascinating how much some people refuse to entertain it. Is it guilt? They are acknowledging the past, but it is erasure in the present. The worst one had already lost any possessions he had in Cuba, so he shouldn't have been worried about reparations. Mainly it strikes me as an oddity now. I am in the middle of Native American Heritage Month 2018 reading, and I might have more thoughts as I finish that.
Finally, the next thought is from The Boys from Little Mexico: A Season Chasing the American Dream by Steve Wilson. He followed the players of Woodburn's soccer team in their last season before the leagues were revamped.
While the soccer team was highly skilled, with almost all of the players having Mexican heritage, the rest of the teams and the school size and other factors were likely to result in Woodburn playing in lower leagues. For the soccer team that would mean it would be easier to dominate their league, but harder to draw recruiters and scholarships.
There were many frustrating things about education and accessibility and racism, but my biggest takeaway is that no one should have to need it so much. It's a ridiculous thing that access to a college education should depend not just on being really good at a sport, but being good at the right sport, and being seen by the right person who is interested and has something to offer. Yes, we are doing everything possible to slash at the advantages that a college education brings, but that is not part of an overall positive flow.
There are really a lot of ways in which we need to do better.
Anyway, I have three thoughts left:
First, in Searching for Sugarman, Sixto Rodriguez was a huge hit in South Africa (though royalties didn't make their way back to him), but did not do well in the United States. One factor that seemed to hurt sales here is that his name led people to expect "Mexican" music, and they weren't interested in that. It's not mariachi music or son or tejano or anything like that; Rodriguez sounds most like Bob Dylan, except with a better voice. If he had used a different name, who knows?
It is fascinating to me that it was South Africa that embraced him. They were not a country free from racial stereotypes or prejudice. The people drawn to his music apparently were often against the government, so probably against Apartheid, and I think there is an interesting story there, but still, it was different prejudices. A name that sounded Mexican would not mean the same things on the other side of the world.
Next up, in reading many books about Cuba, mostly by people from Cuba, there was a lot about Columbus. That was mainly about the beauty of Cuba and his instant recognition of how beautiful the island was. Often there was also mention about how that was not great for the original inhabitants of the island, often mentioning the Taino by name.
It is interesting to me that the richer people get, the more insistent they are that there were no Taino left; they were all eradicated.
There was some serious genocide, that's for sure, but there are still Taino people. Often they are not only Taino, having African and Spanish blood mixed in as well. If they are in Cuba, there are also reasonable chances of Jewish and Chinese ancestry, I have learned now. It was just fascinating how much some people refuse to entertain it. Is it guilt? They are acknowledging the past, but it is erasure in the present. The worst one had already lost any possessions he had in Cuba, so he shouldn't have been worried about reparations. Mainly it strikes me as an oddity now. I am in the middle of Native American Heritage Month 2018 reading, and I might have more thoughts as I finish that.
Finally, the next thought is from The Boys from Little Mexico: A Season Chasing the American Dream by Steve Wilson. He followed the players of Woodburn's soccer team in their last season before the leagues were revamped.
While the soccer team was highly skilled, with almost all of the players having Mexican heritage, the rest of the teams and the school size and other factors were likely to result in Woodburn playing in lower leagues. For the soccer team that would mean it would be easier to dominate their league, but harder to draw recruiters and scholarships.
There were many frustrating things about education and accessibility and racism, but my biggest takeaway is that no one should have to need it so much. It's a ridiculous thing that access to a college education should depend not just on being really good at a sport, but being good at the right sport, and being seen by the right person who is interested and has something to offer. Yes, we are doing everything possible to slash at the advantages that a college education brings, but that is not part of an overall positive flow.
There are really a lot of ways in which we need to do better.
Tuesday, January 29, 2019
Aching
I was trying to finish my writing about my Hispanic Heritage Month reading this week, but other things are pressing on me. I think I will write about that tonight, and just throw all remnants from that month into tomorrow's post.
Most of my sadness seems to be centering around Chicago.
A big part is the attack against Jussie Smollett. Homophobia and racism and a reminder that there are MAGA supporters even in big cities - which I knew. I mean, we have been aware of the growing incidences of both, but it caught me off guard anyway.
There is also the Polar Vortex.
It's been a few years since we went to Chicago. We liked it a lot, but I remember noticing people who were clearly homeless but not panhandling, which led me to believe that they were not allowed to.
We had just had our first authentic Chicago pizza at Giordano's and were walking back. There were three of us, and the pizza was cut into eight slices. We each had two, and we had the two remaining slices in a box. I remember seeing a man on the sidewalk. I was going to ask Maria to give the pizza to him, but she did it on her own. He had such kind eyes.
If you are in a heated home, and can afford warm clothing and shelter, I am sure there is still inconvenience with this kind of severe weather, but it's survivable. There are others for whom survival is literally a question.
I keep thinking about that man, who honestly could already be dead. It's silly to focus on him; we saw other homeless people and I know that there are many we didn't see. It's just that it puts a human face on it for me.
The milder weather in Portland doesn't make homelessness here a picnic, but our weather is off too. That is global warming. I don't expect Trump to understand that any better than he understands anything else, or to care, but that doesn't make it less depressing.
Ultimately, all of that together is weighing on me tonight, and I cannot write about anything else until I write about that.
I know other people are thinking about it too. I know there are warming shelters set up. I know of at least one individual who has gone around checking in on vulnerable people today. But structurally there is so much suffering so some people can be rich, and it is supported by bigotry, and it all keeps circling around and around. Tonight it feels overwhelming.
And I have still done normal things today, like posted a selfie and a song. My big contribution to Jussie Smollett will be reviewing his music this week, because I don't know what else I have to offer. In general, I think that continuing to do those things is an important part of emotional survival, and of keeping me connected. I stick with it, but there are times when it feels worse, and I wonder how much worse things will get.
My physical survival is not threatened tonight. For other people it is. And I am upset about that and needed to get it out.
Most of my sadness seems to be centering around Chicago.
A big part is the attack against Jussie Smollett. Homophobia and racism and a reminder that there are MAGA supporters even in big cities - which I knew. I mean, we have been aware of the growing incidences of both, but it caught me off guard anyway.
There is also the Polar Vortex.
It's been a few years since we went to Chicago. We liked it a lot, but I remember noticing people who were clearly homeless but not panhandling, which led me to believe that they were not allowed to.
We had just had our first authentic Chicago pizza at Giordano's and were walking back. There were three of us, and the pizza was cut into eight slices. We each had two, and we had the two remaining slices in a box. I remember seeing a man on the sidewalk. I was going to ask Maria to give the pizza to him, but she did it on her own. He had such kind eyes.
If you are in a heated home, and can afford warm clothing and shelter, I am sure there is still inconvenience with this kind of severe weather, but it's survivable. There are others for whom survival is literally a question.
I keep thinking about that man, who honestly could already be dead. It's silly to focus on him; we saw other homeless people and I know that there are many we didn't see. It's just that it puts a human face on it for me.
The milder weather in Portland doesn't make homelessness here a picnic, but our weather is off too. That is global warming. I don't expect Trump to understand that any better than he understands anything else, or to care, but that doesn't make it less depressing.
Ultimately, all of that together is weighing on me tonight, and I cannot write about anything else until I write about that.
I know other people are thinking about it too. I know there are warming shelters set up. I know of at least one individual who has gone around checking in on vulnerable people today. But structurally there is so much suffering so some people can be rich, and it is supported by bigotry, and it all keeps circling around and around. Tonight it feels overwhelming.
And I have still done normal things today, like posted a selfie and a song. My big contribution to Jussie Smollett will be reviewing his music this week, because I don't know what else I have to offer. In general, I think that continuing to do those things is an important part of emotional survival, and of keeping me connected. I stick with it, but there are times when it feels worse, and I wonder how much worse things will get.
My physical survival is not threatened tonight. For other people it is. And I am upset about that and needed to get it out.
Monday, January 28, 2019
Focus on Margarita Engle
In a way, most of the mission creep of my National Hispanic Heritage Month 2018 goes back to Margarita Engle.
The School Library Journal article that gave me the reading list (assuming we are not blaming the We Need Diverse Books spreadsheet that gave me the article) focused on Engle, and the changes she has seen in her regular visits back to Cuba.
https://www.slj.com/?detailStory=viva-cuba-focus-on
The recommended books included five by her. For grades 1-5 they recommended The Wild Book and Tropical Secrets: Holocaust Refugees in Cuba, as well as Drum Dream Girl: How One Girl's Courage Changed Music. Then under Memoir and Poetry they recommended Enchanted Air: Two Cultures, Two Wings: A Memoir and The Firefly Letters: A Suffragette's Journey to Cuba.
That was already quite a bit, I thought, but then when I went back to the article to check my progress, I noticed that there were two other books mentioned when they were giving her background: Newberry Honor winner The Surrender Tree: Poems of Cuba's Struggle and The Poet Slave of Cuba:A Biography of Juan Francisco Manzano.
Maybe I should blame Sean Qualls; The Poet Slave of Cuba was already on my reading list after I had liked some of his work and decided that I wanted to check out more.
When I keep going like that, a compulsive need for completion might be a factor. (This is one reason I now shun collectibles.) However, I really liked Engle's work.
Most of the book I read were told in verse. It was not rhymed verse, and it was strongly narrative, so it was not really like reading poetry, but it was more impressionistic than reading a novel.
(Because I read Drum Dream Girl for something else, I am thinking more of the other books.)
Enchanted Air is her own story, but the others are historical. There are often personal connections. The Wild Book is based on Engle's grandmother's struggle with dyslexia, and other books cover events to which her family was connected even if the main characters in the books are not related.
Most of the books switch the point of view, so you gain insight into multiple characters, coming from multiple countries of origin and social rungs. They cover the history of slavery, feminism, and war in Cuba, and they do it in a way that creates a feeling and sense of it. Notes at the end often give directions for more research if it is desired.
Putting them together I have to appreciate the rich tapestry that is Cuban history. The US point of view tends to focus on Castro, even considering our involvement in other events.
Also, I appreciate Engle's voice. It ultimately ends up being one of decency, hope, and growing courage. I would not hesitate to read any of her other works.
The School Library Journal article that gave me the reading list (assuming we are not blaming the We Need Diverse Books spreadsheet that gave me the article) focused on Engle, and the changes she has seen in her regular visits back to Cuba.
https://www.slj.com/?detailStory=viva-cuba-focus-on
The recommended books included five by her. For grades 1-5 they recommended The Wild Book and Tropical Secrets: Holocaust Refugees in Cuba, as well as Drum Dream Girl: How One Girl's Courage Changed Music. Then under Memoir and Poetry they recommended Enchanted Air: Two Cultures, Two Wings: A Memoir and The Firefly Letters: A Suffragette's Journey to Cuba.
That was already quite a bit, I thought, but then when I went back to the article to check my progress, I noticed that there were two other books mentioned when they were giving her background: Newberry Honor winner The Surrender Tree: Poems of Cuba's Struggle and The Poet Slave of Cuba:A Biography of Juan Francisco Manzano.
Maybe I should blame Sean Qualls; The Poet Slave of Cuba was already on my reading list after I had liked some of his work and decided that I wanted to check out more.
When I keep going like that, a compulsive need for completion might be a factor. (This is one reason I now shun collectibles.) However, I really liked Engle's work.
Most of the book I read were told in verse. It was not rhymed verse, and it was strongly narrative, so it was not really like reading poetry, but it was more impressionistic than reading a novel.
(Because I read Drum Dream Girl for something else, I am thinking more of the other books.)
Enchanted Air is her own story, but the others are historical. There are often personal connections. The Wild Book is based on Engle's grandmother's struggle with dyslexia, and other books cover events to which her family was connected even if the main characters in the books are not related.
Most of the books switch the point of view, so you gain insight into multiple characters, coming from multiple countries of origin and social rungs. They cover the history of slavery, feminism, and war in Cuba, and they do it in a way that creates a feeling and sense of it. Notes at the end often give directions for more research if it is desired.
Putting them together I have to appreciate the rich tapestry that is Cuban history. The US point of view tends to focus on Castro, even considering our involvement in other events.
Also, I appreciate Engle's voice. It ultimately ends up being one of decency, hope, and growing courage. I would not hesitate to read any of her other works.
Friday, January 25, 2019
Concert Review: Cedars & Crows
https://www.cedarsandcrows.com/
https://www.facebook.com/cedarsandcrows/
https://cedarsandcrows.bandcamp.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLSM5jRotLtindDVB2sTBXw
https://twitter.com/CedarsandCrows
Thursday, January 24, 2019
Concert Review: Aaron Baca
What information is available is listed below:
https://www.facebook.com/aaronbacamusic/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpkPncNhOQFbm8gYj20ca1w
https://twitter.com/bacasongs
Wednesday, January 23, 2019
Machismo
There were four books where I kept encountering machismo.
The basic definition is just "strong or aggressive masculine pride". It makes sense to use it here because I have always associated that particular word with the Spanish language. I do not necessarily want to call this toxic masculinity, though it does seem to exist on a spectrum. We will get into that more later, but for right now I just want to focus on the Latin American side of that.
From two novels, one novel that was historical fiction based on true characters, and one history, it came up a lot. The men with this trait - fictional and real - came from Cuba, Panama, Mexico, and the Dominican Republic. There were some traces of how it could developing with younger characters in some of the other works, but it is enough to focus on the men.
I read the history - Queens of Havana - first, and that spanned a longer time period. As the Castro (not that Castro) sisters formed their band, part of that was due to the disruption of education and a lack of job opportunities for women, going from before Batista until well after the Revolution. The way it was most noticeable was in relationships.
It was common over time that married men would date without revealing that key information. A woman might not find out that her boyfriend was married until after he proposed and needed to get a divorce, though there would often then be no divorce nor new marriage.
Under those circumstances, it was very hard to form lasting and satisfying relationships. How could you trust?
As the history, that was probably the most accurate representation: independent women often end up missing out on marriage and children. I felt that loss for them.
In the historical fiction, In the Time of the Butterflies, deeply passionate relationships happened with a lot of sacrifice and trust, but somehow there were still other women. Is it so hard to conceive of a man who never has to cheat, for both men and the authors who write about them? I don't know; it was starting to feel that way.
Although that was something where I felt the loss for women more than for men, I have to believe that there is a loss for men too, both in terms of the depths of intimacy and communication available and in the loss of integrity.
In the last two novels, Memory of Silence and The Book of Unknown Americans, adultery is not a primary issue. Sexuality is still important, but there at least seems to be some fidelity. Gender roles harm the men and women in other ways.
It could be something so simple as refusing to let the wife work, because the man is supposed to be the breadwinner, even though it leaves them poorer and the wife bored and unsatisfied. It could mean going into a dangerous situation without knowledge and ending up dead. Always there is the need to be in control and fix things, despite some fixes being unnecessary and some impossible.
In Memory of Silence that pressure killed both husbands, but it broke them first. It did not matter how much love they'd had for wives, children, and friends, what connections they had to life, or what good they could have been capable of doing. The demands that they felt were on them as men became intractable. Something had to give, and their lives were the only real possibility.
(Also, during the process of their breaking, they were often not great husbands.)
Learning to accept, adapt, and heal is something women have to do, but it ultimately works for our good. It's not like refusing to accept when you are wrong makes you right.
It would have been easy to take the combined influence of those works as an indictment of Latin American masculinity, except that Gloria Anzaldúa had already covered that in Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza. She acknowledged the stereotypes, and then pointed out that they weren't that different from North American demands on masculinity. I had to admit that she was right.
Because of that, as I read each of these books and found the topic recurring, it became a universal theme, and a tragic one.
The basic definition is just "strong or aggressive masculine pride". It makes sense to use it here because I have always associated that particular word with the Spanish language. I do not necessarily want to call this toxic masculinity, though it does seem to exist on a spectrum. We will get into that more later, but for right now I just want to focus on the Latin American side of that.
From two novels, one novel that was historical fiction based on true characters, and one history, it came up a lot. The men with this trait - fictional and real - came from Cuba, Panama, Mexico, and the Dominican Republic. There were some traces of how it could developing with younger characters in some of the other works, but it is enough to focus on the men.
I read the history - Queens of Havana - first, and that spanned a longer time period. As the Castro (not that Castro) sisters formed their band, part of that was due to the disruption of education and a lack of job opportunities for women, going from before Batista until well after the Revolution. The way it was most noticeable was in relationships.
It was common over time that married men would date without revealing that key information. A woman might not find out that her boyfriend was married until after he proposed and needed to get a divorce, though there would often then be no divorce nor new marriage.
Under those circumstances, it was very hard to form lasting and satisfying relationships. How could you trust?
As the history, that was probably the most accurate representation: independent women often end up missing out on marriage and children. I felt that loss for them.
In the historical fiction, In the Time of the Butterflies, deeply passionate relationships happened with a lot of sacrifice and trust, but somehow there were still other women. Is it so hard to conceive of a man who never has to cheat, for both men and the authors who write about them? I don't know; it was starting to feel that way.
Although that was something where I felt the loss for women more than for men, I have to believe that there is a loss for men too, both in terms of the depths of intimacy and communication available and in the loss of integrity.
In the last two novels, Memory of Silence and The Book of Unknown Americans, adultery is not a primary issue. Sexuality is still important, but there at least seems to be some fidelity. Gender roles harm the men and women in other ways.
It could be something so simple as refusing to let the wife work, because the man is supposed to be the breadwinner, even though it leaves them poorer and the wife bored and unsatisfied. It could mean going into a dangerous situation without knowledge and ending up dead. Always there is the need to be in control and fix things, despite some fixes being unnecessary and some impossible.
In Memory of Silence that pressure killed both husbands, but it broke them first. It did not matter how much love they'd had for wives, children, and friends, what connections they had to life, or what good they could have been capable of doing. The demands that they felt were on them as men became intractable. Something had to give, and their lives were the only real possibility.
(Also, during the process of their breaking, they were often not great husbands.)
Learning to accept, adapt, and heal is something women have to do, but it ultimately works for our good. It's not like refusing to accept when you are wrong makes you right.
It would have been easy to take the combined influence of those works as an indictment of Latin American masculinity, except that Gloria Anzaldúa had already covered that in Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza. She acknowledged the stereotypes, and then pointed out that they weren't that different from North American demands on masculinity. I had to admit that she was right.
Because of that, as I read each of these books and found the topic recurring, it became a universal theme, and a tragic one.
The Bossy Gallito and Medio Pollito
One of the picture books from the Viva Cuba! article was The Bossy Gallito. As I was reading, it sounded vaguely familiar.
When I was young, we had a Reader's Digest book of fairy tales that pulled from various sources (possibly condensing them). One of the stories was "The Half-Chick" from Andrew Lang's Green Fairy Book
The half-chick, Medio Pollito, only has one leg and eye, but he is bold and adventurous and wants to meet the king. He sets off on a journey to Madrid. His mother tried to discourage him, but failing that she advises him to be polite and helpful. As water, fire, and wind ask for his assistance, he is neither helpful or polite.
In The Bossy Gallito a rooster is heading to a wedding, but shows poor self-control in not being able to resist some grains of corn in mud, dirtying his wedding finery. He asks the grass for help getting clean but is refused. The rest of the book is him asking various entities to punish his refused requests, going up the line in search of vengeance and coming up empty-clawed.
Add together those two tales and "The Little Red Hen", and it would seem that poultry tales must be about assistance getting requested and refused. I think I could make "Chicken Little" fit into that framework too, but I digress.
Medio Pollito ends up needing help from water, fire, and wind, and finds them to be a bit vindictive. While he does get out of the palace cooking pot, he ends up stuck on a weather vane, sadly overlooking the city.
While the rooster is initially asking for help and getting refused, his bossiness does not seem right. Then by being so vindictive, with all of his other requests being for revenge, he seems like an unsympathetic character. I was expecting there to be some comeuppance.
I was so wrong.
Finally he gets help from the sun, who will gladly punish for his friend (there is a special relationship between roosters and the sun). In the end the rooster gets exactly what he wants, despite being a jerk.
How did this happen?
In a way it is the same, where there is punishment for being unhelpful, but children's stories are often about encouraging behavior. Still, with the rooster as the protagonist, and his ultimate success, this seemed like a strange thing to encourage.
(In that way the story was very unsatisfying, though Lulu Delacre's illustrations of the avian wedding party were gorgeous.)
Based on other reading, I think it came down to machismo.
Tomorrow I want to spend some time on that.
When I was young, we had a Reader's Digest book of fairy tales that pulled from various sources (possibly condensing them). One of the stories was "The Half-Chick" from Andrew Lang's Green Fairy Book
The half-chick, Medio Pollito, only has one leg and eye, but he is bold and adventurous and wants to meet the king. He sets off on a journey to Madrid. His mother tried to discourage him, but failing that she advises him to be polite and helpful. As water, fire, and wind ask for his assistance, he is neither helpful or polite.
In The Bossy Gallito a rooster is heading to a wedding, but shows poor self-control in not being able to resist some grains of corn in mud, dirtying his wedding finery. He asks the grass for help getting clean but is refused. The rest of the book is him asking various entities to punish his refused requests, going up the line in search of vengeance and coming up empty-clawed.
Add together those two tales and "The Little Red Hen", and it would seem that poultry tales must be about assistance getting requested and refused. I think I could make "Chicken Little" fit into that framework too, but I digress.
Medio Pollito ends up needing help from water, fire, and wind, and finds them to be a bit vindictive. While he does get out of the palace cooking pot, he ends up stuck on a weather vane, sadly overlooking the city.
While the rooster is initially asking for help and getting refused, his bossiness does not seem right. Then by being so vindictive, with all of his other requests being for revenge, he seems like an unsympathetic character. I was expecting there to be some comeuppance.
I was so wrong.
Finally he gets help from the sun, who will gladly punish for his friend (there is a special relationship between roosters and the sun). In the end the rooster gets exactly what he wants, despite being a jerk.
How did this happen?
In a way it is the same, where there is punishment for being unhelpful, but children's stories are often about encouraging behavior. Still, with the rooster as the protagonist, and his ultimate success, this seemed like a strange thing to encourage.
(In that way the story was very unsatisfying, though Lulu Delacre's illustrations of the avian wedding party were gorgeous.)
Based on other reading, I think it came down to machismo.
Tomorrow I want to spend some time on that.
Tuesday, January 22, 2019
Found in translation
As I was deciding what to read for National Hispanic Heritage Month 2018, it occurred to me that I ought to read some Sandra Cisneros. In Spanish courses in college I learned a little about her and her influence, but I have really only read some short stories by her. I searched on her name for availability, and titles popped up in both English and Spanish.
It was really Woman hollering creek that got me. That is a short story, but it is in the title for a collection of short stories. In Spanish it came up as El Arroyo de la Llorona.
That's about La Llorona?
The story may not be, but that the title meant it could be changed my perception. I know who La Llorona is. I would be more likely to call her Weeping or Wailing Woman, instead of Hollering Woman, and I feel like the ghostly aspect is significant. Still, I was shocked that I missed that.
That started the idea that maybe I wanted to read multiple works by Cisneros in both Spanish and English. That made it a bigger deal, requiring more time, bumping it to September 2019. I still ended up getting three chances to read the same work in both languages.
The Memory of Silence by Uva de Aragón was not an auspicious beginning. I toyed with whether it was better to read the English or Spanish first, and whether to complete a work first or alternate by chapters. Starting with the preface and first chapter I discovered that I did not like this book enough to read it twice. At all. I still think I learned things from the attempt that will come in handy when I do get to Cisneros.
The most interesting point was probably that the Spanish parts took up fewer pages. Is Spanish more compact than English? However, my other chances to try that this year were poetry, and then the length and volume was the same. To maintain a rhythm, translations were chosen not just for meaning but for pattern. I don't know how much that changes the translation process. I gained a new appreciation for that.
There were two other things that stuck with me, language-wise.
One was from Gloria Anzaldúa's Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza.
That book was fascinating and timely in many ways, and makes a good companion piece with Leslie Marmon Silko's Yellow Woman and a Beauty of Spirit (which I just finished). However, I think every Spanish student and possibly every language student would benefit from reading Chapter 5 - How to Tame a Wild Tongue.
The other was another title, and it was another translated title: Always Rebellious/Cimarroneando: Selected Poems by Georgina Herrera.
"Cimarron" is a common place name, but in this case it refers to African slaves escaped from the Spanish. It is generally thought to come from a Spanish word for "wild" or "untamed" that derives from an older Spanish word for "thicket"
I thought of "Maroons", a term used similarly, and with the a similar etymology. I had always thought it came from "marron", the French word for chestnut that gets used to mean brown.
I guess I had thought the term was more racially based than it was, though applying a word used for cattle that had escaped and gone feral to darker-skinned people might still be pretty racist. Of course, it could be hard to disentangle the relationship between racism and chattel slavery from the language.
Still, once the word was in my head, I kept coming back to the conjugation. Cimarroneando.
I think Herrera made up this word to suit her purpose. Google Translate says it means cramming, but translates cramming as "abarrotar". I'm sticking with my theory.
In Spanish, there can be some blurring between verbs and adjectives. That construction gives an impression of the rebellion being currently happening, and therefore constantly happening, but it also gives an impression of the subject being described as having been permanently transformed. It's not a contradiction; it's just interesting.
(That book was one of my favorites. I ended up recommending Herrera to two other people before I had even finished it.)
I have described myself as a word nerd before, and I do like word games and play, and sometimes enjoy language for the sheer beauty of it. That is all true, but language is much more important for me is as a way of exchanging knowledge and understanding things.
On that level, language remains amazing.
It was really Woman hollering creek that got me. That is a short story, but it is in the title for a collection of short stories. In Spanish it came up as El Arroyo de la Llorona.
That's about La Llorona?
The story may not be, but that the title meant it could be changed my perception. I know who La Llorona is. I would be more likely to call her Weeping or Wailing Woman, instead of Hollering Woman, and I feel like the ghostly aspect is significant. Still, I was shocked that I missed that.
That started the idea that maybe I wanted to read multiple works by Cisneros in both Spanish and English. That made it a bigger deal, requiring more time, bumping it to September 2019. I still ended up getting three chances to read the same work in both languages.
The Memory of Silence by Uva de Aragón was not an auspicious beginning. I toyed with whether it was better to read the English or Spanish first, and whether to complete a work first or alternate by chapters. Starting with the preface and first chapter I discovered that I did not like this book enough to read it twice. At all. I still think I learned things from the attempt that will come in handy when I do get to Cisneros.
The most interesting point was probably that the Spanish parts took up fewer pages. Is Spanish more compact than English? However, my other chances to try that this year were poetry, and then the length and volume was the same. To maintain a rhythm, translations were chosen not just for meaning but for pattern. I don't know how much that changes the translation process. I gained a new appreciation for that.
There were two other things that stuck with me, language-wise.
One was from Gloria Anzaldúa's Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza.
That book was fascinating and timely in many ways, and makes a good companion piece with Leslie Marmon Silko's Yellow Woman and a Beauty of Spirit (which I just finished). However, I think every Spanish student and possibly every language student would benefit from reading Chapter 5 - How to Tame a Wild Tongue.
The other was another title, and it was another translated title: Always Rebellious/Cimarroneando: Selected Poems by Georgina Herrera.
"Cimarron" is a common place name, but in this case it refers to African slaves escaped from the Spanish. It is generally thought to come from a Spanish word for "wild" or "untamed" that derives from an older Spanish word for "thicket"
I thought of "Maroons", a term used similarly, and with the a similar etymology. I had always thought it came from "marron", the French word for chestnut that gets used to mean brown.
I guess I had thought the term was more racially based than it was, though applying a word used for cattle that had escaped and gone feral to darker-skinned people might still be pretty racist. Of course, it could be hard to disentangle the relationship between racism and chattel slavery from the language.
Still, once the word was in my head, I kept coming back to the conjugation. Cimarroneando.
I think Herrera made up this word to suit her purpose. Google Translate says it means cramming, but translates cramming as "abarrotar". I'm sticking with my theory.
In Spanish, there can be some blurring between verbs and adjectives. That construction gives an impression of the rebellion being currently happening, and therefore constantly happening, but it also gives an impression of the subject being described as having been permanently transformed. It's not a contradiction; it's just interesting.
(That book was one of my favorites. I ended up recommending Herrera to two other people before I had even finished it.)
I have described myself as a word nerd before, and I do like word games and play, and sometimes enjoy language for the sheer beauty of it. That is all true, but language is much more important for me is as a way of exchanging knowledge and understanding things.
On that level, language remains amazing.
Friday, January 18, 2019
Concert Review: Switchblade Romeo
I am so glad I made it.
The performance was a blast: fun and friendly and filling the venue with sound.
I think there are a few key factors that work in Switchblade Romeo's favor.
First, the band pulls from a wide variety of musical traditions. Dewey himself, on guitar, has previously played bluegrass and folk. Singer Jeremy Barlow and drummer Jason Lusk were in a punk band together. You don't necessarily hear those elements blended into a Switchblade Romeo set, which has a more traditional rock feel. However, every member of the band - rounded out by Lee Dawson on guitar and Gabe Fischer on bass - is skilled and ready to deliver for their part of a great show.
That great show also really appears to be a good time for them. There is an easy camaraderie and interplay within the band. Barlow took time last night to acknowledge which members had written which songs, indicating an equality in who gets to contribute to the overall sound. Some bands really capitalize on unhappiness and stress, but this (despite a seemingly boundless energy) felt relaxed. They are having a fun and they bring the audience along.
One very real reason they were free to so much fun is that each band member is working in the comics industry. That may make them the most Portland band in the area. (You could argue for that making them the most Milwaukie band too.)
In any case, that means music is not their main gig. Therefore I only have one link for them, and I don't know when they are playing next.
However, if you get a chance to see them, go for it. It should be a blast.
https://www.instagram.com/switchbladeromeo/
Thursday, January 17, 2019
Band Review: You Jump, I Jump
You may remember that in July I reviewed Dustin Phillips, but there was a roundabout process there:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/07/musician-review-dustin-phillips.html
I had not been sure whether to review his solo project You Jump, I Jump, or The Ataris for whom he drums, and then I realized I could see The Ataris live and review the concert (which I did), but I only saw one song for the other, and so I just kind of reviewed him as a musician who does other things.
Except there were more songs, that I completely missed. Sometimes Bandcamp navigation is not great, and least for me.
I have listened again and I really like what he is doing. Having listened to him more as a drummer previously, suddenly there is a lot of synth. That seems like an opposite end of the music spectrum, but I know three keyboard players who started as drummers, and they are all really good. Perhaps it is natural for some of the best musicians to explore the opposites. That would make sense.
"Blank Space" may be the best example of how Phillips plays with tempo and patterns. My greater appreciation is for the emotion that comes through, and listening to the album Reckless gives the best idea of that. I do really like the texture of the guitar on the title track, and the energy of "Slip Away".
Here is the funny thing: I listened to Reckless before. I reviewed You Jump, I Jump back in 2014.
That review came from being followed by the YJIJ Twitter profile. When Dustin followed me himself four years later, it didn't ring a bell. I was looking at old posts and accidentally found the old review. So this is not my 602nd band reviewed, because he was already reviewed.
That's okay; this year is shaping up to be about reconnecting with old friends. I will still listen to a lot of new bands, but a lot of already seen bands are making their way back to Portland, and I am all for it.
That is part of what makes this so special. In the first review, I was a little jaded by how the Youtube channel had so many covers. That seemed like an odd choice to me (says the person who recently had to examine her thoughts on tribute bands).
I like You Jump, I Jump much better now than I did then. I am sure that some of it is my growth, listening to so many different styles and learning to appreciate new things. Some of it may be personal affection for Phillips after some Twitter exchanges and listening and seeing him live.
There is also his growth. I am listened to many people with Youtube channels full of covers; if that's as far as they go, that's okay, but that doesn't have to be the ending point. Dustin Phillips is a producer, and he has made his own tracks, and he has toured and I have seen him.
I have written before that it has felt like a privilege to have bands invite me to check out their hearts and talents and efforts. This is more. This is watching a continuing journey, that I couldn't predict. Watching Dustin specifically has become my second favorite story in my music blogging.
But that's not as important as that he makes good music.
http://www.dustinphillipsmusic.com/
https://www.facebook.com/youjumpijumpmusic
https://youjumpijump.bandcamp.com/
https://www.youtube.com/user/youjumpijumpofficial
https://twitter.com/YJIJofficial
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/07/musician-review-dustin-phillips.html
I had not been sure whether to review his solo project You Jump, I Jump, or The Ataris for whom he drums, and then I realized I could see The Ataris live and review the concert (which I did), but I only saw one song for the other, and so I just kind of reviewed him as a musician who does other things.
Except there were more songs, that I completely missed. Sometimes Bandcamp navigation is not great, and least for me.
I have listened again and I really like what he is doing. Having listened to him more as a drummer previously, suddenly there is a lot of synth. That seems like an opposite end of the music spectrum, but I know three keyboard players who started as drummers, and they are all really good. Perhaps it is natural for some of the best musicians to explore the opposites. That would make sense.
"Blank Space" may be the best example of how Phillips plays with tempo and patterns. My greater appreciation is for the emotion that comes through, and listening to the album Reckless gives the best idea of that. I do really like the texture of the guitar on the title track, and the energy of "Slip Away".
Here is the funny thing: I listened to Reckless before. I reviewed You Jump, I Jump back in 2014.
That review came from being followed by the YJIJ Twitter profile. When Dustin followed me himself four years later, it didn't ring a bell. I was looking at old posts and accidentally found the old review. So this is not my 602nd band reviewed, because he was already reviewed.
That's okay; this year is shaping up to be about reconnecting with old friends. I will still listen to a lot of new bands, but a lot of already seen bands are making their way back to Portland, and I am all for it.
That is part of what makes this so special. In the first review, I was a little jaded by how the Youtube channel had so many covers. That seemed like an odd choice to me (says the person who recently had to examine her thoughts on tribute bands).
I like You Jump, I Jump much better now than I did then. I am sure that some of it is my growth, listening to so many different styles and learning to appreciate new things. Some of it may be personal affection for Phillips after some Twitter exchanges and listening and seeing him live.
There is also his growth. I am listened to many people with Youtube channels full of covers; if that's as far as they go, that's okay, but that doesn't have to be the ending point. Dustin Phillips is a producer, and he has made his own tracks, and he has toured and I have seen him.
I have written before that it has felt like a privilege to have bands invite me to check out their hearts and talents and efforts. This is more. This is watching a continuing journey, that I couldn't predict. Watching Dustin specifically has become my second favorite story in my music blogging.
But that's not as important as that he makes good music.
http://www.dustinphillipsmusic.com/
https://www.facebook.com/youjumpijumpmusic
https://youjumpijump.bandcamp.com/
https://www.youtube.com/user/youjumpijumpofficial
https://twitter.com/YJIJofficial
Protecting children
There was a scene in one of the books - I think Leaving Glorytown - where the adults are not in agreement about how much information to give the children. They end up being open because a lack of information can be very dangerous, and any attempts to hide things are getting more and more likely to fail.
It reminded me of some different entertainment issues.
One was an editorial from a woman with small children who was complaining about the darkness of children's movies, like Mufasa's death in The Lion King. Her idea of appropriate peril would be a witch threatening to cast a spell so that there were never cupcakes again.
It also reminded me of a forum discussion once marveling at how dark Little House on the Prairie was for a family TV show. You know, like with that illiterate preacher woman trying to turn the townspeople against Mary when she was substitute teaching for them, or when that guy from The Dirty Dozen put on a clown mask and raped Sylvia.
Going a little further down the rabbit hole, I remember people marveling over how My Neighbor Totoro had no villains. It didn't seem like such a big deal to me at first, but that is pretty unusual, and it is special.
Even with no villains, your mother can be sick, and you can miss her a lot, and you can get lost. There is danger there, even without villains.
This world has villains.
So in Cuba there were teachers who might not excuse a child to go to the bathroom until he soiled himself, and grade him down on tests even when he got the answers right, and allow other students to beat him up because his parents were worms who wanted to leave the country instead of joining the party. In Cambodia there were children who were also called names while doing forced labor to the point of exhaustion, losing family members to illness and starvation and execution along the way.
In both countries there was often a lack of food and medicine.
In my country, homelessness happens, and violence and abuse and hunger happen, even to children.
Well, saying these things "happen" misses something, in that there are reasons they happens, and people behind those reasons. It's important to remember that.
Illness also happens, and though less obvious there are often human factors in that. There are some very human factors to the measles currently going around.
Here's the thing: is it more important to work on protecting children from entertainment, or to protect them from violence and lack of necessities?
It seems like a pretty obvious answer, but I think a lot of people find the larger problems intractable, while censorship is very doable. As dishonest as it is to portray a world where these bad things don't happen, many will settle for that if they think those things won't touch their children.
Obviously there is a need to consider the level of information that children are getting, and the manner in which they are getting it. I was scarred at a young age by The Dirty Dozen playing on television (along with several Clint Eastwood movies). My father probably could have been more responsible there.
(Also, I guess I have an issue with Richard Jaeckel.)
One more tangent: there was an article recently about adults missing the point of Mr. Rogers' advice to "look for the helpers". When children see the bad things in the world, one reasonable way of helping them deal with that is pointing out that we don't just let the bad things happen, we do things to make them better. That should be the job of adults.
A focus on the superficial will never work. Helpers need to be grounded in reality. Also, they need care more about that then the appearance. That is better for both adults and children.
It reminded me of some different entertainment issues.
One was an editorial from a woman with small children who was complaining about the darkness of children's movies, like Mufasa's death in The Lion King. Her idea of appropriate peril would be a witch threatening to cast a spell so that there were never cupcakes again.
It also reminded me of a forum discussion once marveling at how dark Little House on the Prairie was for a family TV show. You know, like with that illiterate preacher woman trying to turn the townspeople against Mary when she was substitute teaching for them, or when that guy from The Dirty Dozen put on a clown mask and raped Sylvia.
Going a little further down the rabbit hole, I remember people marveling over how My Neighbor Totoro had no villains. It didn't seem like such a big deal to me at first, but that is pretty unusual, and it is special.
Even with no villains, your mother can be sick, and you can miss her a lot, and you can get lost. There is danger there, even without villains.
This world has villains.
So in Cuba there were teachers who might not excuse a child to go to the bathroom until he soiled himself, and grade him down on tests even when he got the answers right, and allow other students to beat him up because his parents were worms who wanted to leave the country instead of joining the party. In Cambodia there were children who were also called names while doing forced labor to the point of exhaustion, losing family members to illness and starvation and execution along the way.
In both countries there was often a lack of food and medicine.
In my country, homelessness happens, and violence and abuse and hunger happen, even to children.
Well, saying these things "happen" misses something, in that there are reasons they happens, and people behind those reasons. It's important to remember that.
Illness also happens, and though less obvious there are often human factors in that. There are some very human factors to the measles currently going around.
Here's the thing: is it more important to work on protecting children from entertainment, or to protect them from violence and lack of necessities?
It seems like a pretty obvious answer, but I think a lot of people find the larger problems intractable, while censorship is very doable. As dishonest as it is to portray a world where these bad things don't happen, many will settle for that if they think those things won't touch their children.
Obviously there is a need to consider the level of information that children are getting, and the manner in which they are getting it. I was scarred at a young age by The Dirty Dozen playing on television (along with several Clint Eastwood movies). My father probably could have been more responsible there.
(Also, I guess I have an issue with Richard Jaeckel.)
One more tangent: there was an article recently about adults missing the point of Mr. Rogers' advice to "look for the helpers". When children see the bad things in the world, one reasonable way of helping them deal with that is pointing out that we don't just let the bad things happen, we do things to make them better. That should be the job of adults.
A focus on the superficial will never work. Helpers need to be grounded in reality. Also, they need care more about that then the appearance. That is better for both adults and children.
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Understanding and not understanding
There were four books from the Viva Cuba! article that I have to consider together:
My Havana: Memories of a Cuban Boyhood, by Rosemary Wells
90 Miles to Havana, by Enrique Flores-Galbis
Waiting for Snow in Havana, by Carlos Eire
Leaving Glorytown: One Boy's Struggle Under Castro, by Eduardo F. Calcines
All of them have a young male protagonist who leaves. It was often via the Pedro Pan program where youth came alone, living in youth homes or foster homes with the expectation that parents would be able to come later. That did not always work out.
Usually before leaving there was a lot of abuse, with informers spying and bullies (including teachers) abusing, not to mention a lack of food. When I read those books - especially the books from Eire and Calcines - the anti-Castro hostility of the refugees transplanted to the United States makes sense. They hate him, his death has not changed that, I get it.
(90 Miles to Havana was the most even-handed.)
But then, on another level, I am not sure it makes sense.
The book from my May reading that relates the most is When Broken Glass Floats: Growing Up Under the Khmer Rouge, by Chanrithy Him. Her physical suffering was worse, the name-calling and dehumanization was similar, but there isn't that same bitterness. Having known many refugees from Southeast Asia with similar experiences, I notice that as well. They may not love the Communists, but there doesn't seem to be the same hate.
There are ways in which the Cuban revolution seems to have gone better. It had definite cruelty, corruption, and incompetence, but the medical and educational systems built seem far superior than those of countries who went through similar turmoil. Is it because Russia was a better helper than China? Is it because the country was so much smaller, and perhaps had a better climate? I don't know. Regardless, that does not seem to get much credit on this side of the Straits of Florida. They don't care about the literacy rate.
Economic factors could have played a role, with wealthier people being the most likely to flee and take a leadership role in the States (and write about their experience). However, often the refugees from Southeast Asia were at least somewhat better off financially, if not truly wealthy. The Cuban narrators all explained why they were actually poorer than the other people around them, but that's a thing rich kids do.
Some of it could be gender. One of the other books, The Memory of Silence by Uva de Aragon, has twin sisters separated as their husbands follow different paths. The sister in the States did not have that bitterness, but her husband did. At the same time, her brother-in-law both loved the revolution and was broken by it.
(We will spend some time on masculinity in a different post.)
Maybe it was just that Castro lived so much longer than Ho Chi Minh or the Khmer Rouge (though the communists are still in power in Laos, and that doesn't seem to have embittered Laotian refugees in the same way.)
I am glad I read books about people who stayed as well, and their various experiences. I am glad that I read In the Time of the Butterflies to get the Dominican view of Castro and Guevara as well. It's not even that I can defend Castro, but we lean toward the simplistic view, and that is not helpful.
One strong memory from high school is watching Univision to try and improve my Spanish. Game shows went too fast and frenetic for me, and I got really into one telenovela, Rubi, but the most important thing that I ever watched was probably the news. I remember that the way they talked about the Contras was not the way our news talked about the Contras. Communism - and the US horror of it - had a lot to do with that as well. That has not always made us act wisely.
My Havana: Memories of a Cuban Boyhood, by Rosemary Wells
90 Miles to Havana, by Enrique Flores-Galbis
Waiting for Snow in Havana, by Carlos Eire
Leaving Glorytown: One Boy's Struggle Under Castro, by Eduardo F. Calcines
All of them have a young male protagonist who leaves. It was often via the Pedro Pan program where youth came alone, living in youth homes or foster homes with the expectation that parents would be able to come later. That did not always work out.
Usually before leaving there was a lot of abuse, with informers spying and bullies (including teachers) abusing, not to mention a lack of food. When I read those books - especially the books from Eire and Calcines - the anti-Castro hostility of the refugees transplanted to the United States makes sense. They hate him, his death has not changed that, I get it.
(90 Miles to Havana was the most even-handed.)
But then, on another level, I am not sure it makes sense.
The book from my May reading that relates the most is When Broken Glass Floats: Growing Up Under the Khmer Rouge, by Chanrithy Him. Her physical suffering was worse, the name-calling and dehumanization was similar, but there isn't that same bitterness. Having known many refugees from Southeast Asia with similar experiences, I notice that as well. They may not love the Communists, but there doesn't seem to be the same hate.
There are ways in which the Cuban revolution seems to have gone better. It had definite cruelty, corruption, and incompetence, but the medical and educational systems built seem far superior than those of countries who went through similar turmoil. Is it because Russia was a better helper than China? Is it because the country was so much smaller, and perhaps had a better climate? I don't know. Regardless, that does not seem to get much credit on this side of the Straits of Florida. They don't care about the literacy rate.
Economic factors could have played a role, with wealthier people being the most likely to flee and take a leadership role in the States (and write about their experience). However, often the refugees from Southeast Asia were at least somewhat better off financially, if not truly wealthy. The Cuban narrators all explained why they were actually poorer than the other people around them, but that's a thing rich kids do.
Some of it could be gender. One of the other books, The Memory of Silence by Uva de Aragon, has twin sisters separated as their husbands follow different paths. The sister in the States did not have that bitterness, but her husband did. At the same time, her brother-in-law both loved the revolution and was broken by it.
(We will spend some time on masculinity in a different post.)
Maybe it was just that Castro lived so much longer than Ho Chi Minh or the Khmer Rouge (though the communists are still in power in Laos, and that doesn't seem to have embittered Laotian refugees in the same way.)
I am glad I read books about people who stayed as well, and their various experiences. I am glad that I read In the Time of the Butterflies to get the Dominican view of Castro and Guevara as well. It's not even that I can defend Castro, but we lean toward the simplistic view, and that is not helpful.
One strong memory from high school is watching Univision to try and improve my Spanish. Game shows went too fast and frenetic for me, and I got really into one telenovela, Rubi, but the most important thing that I ever watched was probably the news. I remember that the way they talked about the Contras was not the way our news talked about the Contras. Communism - and the US horror of it - had a lot to do with that as well. That has not always made us act wisely.
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