Please don't stand by

It sure is getting hard to keep up.

I have noticed that the contents of my Sunday blog -- which started with a focus on emergency preparedness -- and this blog have been overlapping more.

Sunday, I referenced a book I had recently read; that has been more of a thing for the Friday posts. Today is going to reference some reading too.

Everything is topsy-turvy now, isn't it?

In this case it is from the preface of Let the Record Show: A Political History of Act Up New York, 1987 – 1993 by Sarah Schulman, which had been featured as part of my Pride Month reading:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/12/in-conclusion-pride-2024.html

I kept it for the maximum time from the library. I learned so much from it that I kind of hated to let it go. Doing so required typing out some quotes so I could keep them for reference.

For some context, Schulman was working on a documentary that ended up involving hundreds of interviews.  

She specifically was trying to find an answer for how change happens and if there was a common factor in the people on the front lines.

Here is the part from the preface, which is dense and references two other people's thoughts:

My perception is that the fate of society is determined by very small groups of people. Only tiny vanguards actually take the actions necessary, and even fewer do this with a commitment to being effective. The purpose of that combination is to open up new possibilities and set new paths for the larger community. I heard the second-wave feminist philosopher Ti-Grace Atkinson speak on the subject at the fortieth anniversary of the 1968 Columbia University student strikes, and she observed that women in society can only progress when men progress. If men do not move, women are suppressed. She suggested that these great leaps happen every forty years or so. Unfortunately, they cannot be forced; they depend on the zeitgeist. But in the interim periods, there are small groups of people practicing what the writer Gary Indiana called “the politics of repetition,” trying to stop the rate of giveback and regression. Yet when the zeitgeist moment hits – and AIDS activism was one of those moments – there is a mass surge forward as a movement forces the creation of social space where persistent voices can finally be heard.

I hope that is not true. I hope it doesn't take us forty years to be ready for change. I hope it doesn't depend on men. I especially hope that they aren't basing that on the Civil Rights Movement when I look back at how much has been undone and is still being attacked.

If it is true, I know which side I want to be on.

In addition, there was something else from the introduction.

After talking to many people who seemingly had very little in common, there was a click.

These were people who were unable to sit out a historic cataclysm. They were driven by nature, by practice, or by some combination thereof, to defend people in trouble through standing with them. What ACT UPers had in common was that, regardless of demographics, they were a very specific type of person, necessary to historical paradigm shifts. In case of emergency, they were not bystanders.

Whether that meant working with a hot line or organizing nursing or coming up with and carrying out creative political protests, they couldn't just watch it happen.

These are scary times. If you want to look for the helpers, do it for inspiration but then become a helper yourself. 

That may mean using talents and skills you already have or finding new ones. There are going to be a lot of things that need doing. 

For this blog space, Fridays are still going to be media, whether those works show up on other posts or not. (Some of them surely will.)

Otherwise, February is going to be a series of posts on loving forms of resistance (include self-care) and they will include potential action items.

I use the term "potential" because no one is going to be able to do them all. I do believe that everyone is capable of contributing.  

(I am not completely clear on whether that means just Tuesdays or will involve Wednesdays, Thursdays, and maybe even Mondays yet. Some of this will have to be made up as it goes along.)

Pleasantly surprised

This is a minor thing, but two more things were filled in, both in the realm of Halloween specials.

First of all, looking for more information on The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas, I checked out the Wikipedia article:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bear_Who_Slept_Through_Christmas

This told me that there was a plush Ted E. Bear (which I don't need) and that there was a Halloween special ten years later, The Great Bear Scare.

I kind of needed that.

As it was, it's a little weird that something that seemingly didn't get a lot of air time got a sequel and plush and that it happened ten years later. Maybe there was someone who remembered it fondly.  

The Great Bear Scare does not refer to The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas at all. There are some of the same characters and voices, though it looks like they mashed up Patti Bear with the Weather Bear and used a completely different voice.

The animation appears to be bit cheaper, and it's not as well told and sweet. Ultimately the message, that our fears are often not real, is a good one, and I am glad I saw it.

I also got an answer on the cheesy variety specials of the 70s, though this particular one is from 1980.

That's when it was made in Canada. It probably did not air here until a year or two later. I do know that it aired on WGN, one of the earliest local channels to do well on cable. Fortunately, there is a Youtube channel, Fuzzy Memories, devoted to their airings.

Before that, I had been talking about the variety specials with my sisters and they mentioned liking Boo! 

I was surprised that they remembered a name that I didn't, but a lead is a lead. Sure enough, there was Dionne Warwick.

I said I had tried to find it through her credits before, as her identity was previously my only solid lead. In my defense, she does have 437 credits as "Self", not even getting into her soundtrack credits.

She also sings Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are" to the monster, plus we get Rip Taylor, a Columbo impersonator, and maybe a Bob Newhart impersonator. In some cases it can be hard to tell what they are going for.

(There was also a guy who kind of looked like Rick Springfield, so maybe it was Chris Potter, a Canadian.)

No, it's not "good" if you want to get technical. I will watch it with my sisters at one point, and we will see if they still like it.  

It is Canadian comedians dressed as famous monsters and joking about variety being dead, hence the perfect vehicle for them. Like, this could be one of the works that inspired Strange Brew.

That's not the point; a memory is resolved. I like that.

There are still no signs of the small intestine poem, but after this, anything seems possible.

Anyway, "Boo! We're going to scare the pants off of you."

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/01/blast-from-past-star-wars-holiday.html  

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/01/remembered-christmas-specials.html 

Schadenfreude

I was downtown recently. On the streetcar a comment about ideas and money somehow led to a few people laughing about the fires in California.

I saw at least one of the passengers help another person, and it started a discussion about asking someone before you push their wheelchair; there were definitely caring people there. In fact, one person did point out that there are people suffering who are not rich.

Regardless, there were people very comfortable laughing at the misfortune of others.

I completely understand the temptation to laugh at James Woods. Of course, it turned out that he didn't lose his house anyway.

In fact, regardless of what losses happen -- probably including things with great sentimental value -- one of the great things about being rich is that it gives you resources for weathering losses.

As we pay more attention, though, there is a more disturbing picture.

One of the hard-hit areas is Altadena. When many other areas prevented African-American families from purchasing property, they could in Altadena. Many of the homes in that area would have represented a family's work and sacrifice to be able to own a home, part of the American dream that has been made unnecessarily hard for Black people. Those homes have been in families for generations.

Now, their ability to purchase that land at that time may indeed have meant that they were better off than some people, but that doesn't mean rich. Purchasing the land at today's prices may mean rich, but purchasing during the 40s and 60s was not the same thing.

There may be families who are not going to be able to recover from this loss.

There is a lot to be said for also caring about the air quality and the wildlife and the people on the ground fighting the fires. Many of the firefighters are prisoners who are not adequately compensated or cared for. At least one prisoner died in a different round of fire-fighting, Shawna-Lyn Jones in 2016.

No, these are not particularly dangerous, violent criminals.

(There is a book on some of this, Breathing Fire by Jaime Low, but I haven't read it yet.)

It may also be worth remembering that rich people have people they hire who could have been in real danger and may not have had great resources for evacuating.

We do know that there is one group that did not have great resources for evacuation: disabled people. 

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/disabled-people-in-fires-and-natural-disasters_l_67869984e4b0256f6fbf025b

The stories that we have been hearing have involved epilepsy, cerebral palsy, and amputation, but remember that just being elderly or having an extended illness can create obstacles where finding solutions quickly are almost impossible.

We can look back at almost any general hardship that affects wealthy white people and find that if you are not white or if you are disabled or if you are poor that you get hit harder. You get hit sooner. That is how the system works, and there is nothing funny about it.

I recently read something about schadenfreude; it just described it as taking pleasure from the misfortune of others. That was a little jarring for me because when I see examples, there is usually something that seems karmic about the suffering, "This person deserved it!"

But really, it's just pleasure in the suffering of others, making the pleasure sadism.

Maybe the point is to remember that as easy as the laughter can be, there is always more to the story. That more is probably something gross that says terrible things about humanity. 

Cheap jokes deflect the attention we should be paying to that.

It also seems worth mentioning that the pool of who gets dehumanized will always expand.

Performative colonialism

This is about things that Trump was saying between the election and the inauguration, so I realize there is a lot more to react to now. 

I am assuming that keeping up won't be possible. My desire to react may be frustrating, but it will just be one of many frustrations, and probably not the best way of picking blogging topics.

So let's talk about Greenland and the Panama Canal and the Gulf of Mexico.

It sounds ridiculous, right? That we might try and acquire Greenland and rename bodies of water in our own image and take over places run pretty well by respected international agreements.

That would be behaving like an old-time empire, something that started to get a bad name decades ago. 

That didn't prevent the ongoing problems with it, but nonetheless, countries kind of stopped doing that.

Part of that was being unable to deny the damage that was done, and that while there was a benefit to the general population in the colonizing countries, that the spoils did end up largely concentrated in the hands of royalty and some favorites.

While many have dragged feet on totally repudiating colonialism and its effects, there has at least been a general trend away from doing it more.

Except that Russia invaded Ukraine, and Israel keeps encroaching further into Gaza and then invaded Lebanon and seems to want an influence on Syria and there is this concept of "Greater Israel" that is concerning.

I read recently that Kim Jong Un's sister believes it is her mission to reunite North and South Korea.

So, really, by talking that way, Trump is showing his alignment. It is with the worst people in the world, but that's been kind of obvious all along, right?

Now, do I think he will really try and seize control of Greenland?

I don't know. As much as I believe in his tendency to shoot off at the mouth without following up, if someone who has bought enough of his meme coins without pissing him off by saying the wrong thing publicly... if someone like that wants Greenland's minerals, Trump might go for it, especially if all he needs to do is allow it, without handling the details.

When I was a kid, the majority of people would have been horrified having a president who aligned so much with someone like Putin. 

Now there are people who love it in Trump. 

They love it because they want to be the bullies, trampling all over others. They get the vicarious thrill of watching him, and they know that it gives them permission to be worse, even if on a lesser scale.

I know there are people who did not wholeheartedly embrace him and are starting to get nervous.

The word "performative" has been used dismissively a lot, implying that it is not sincere or will not be followed by appropriate actions.

That can be fair, but there is something to be said for clearly transmitting your beliefs and intentions. 

If that starts with objecting when terms like "woke", "politically correct", and "diversity, equity, and inclusion" are used derisively, that's a start.

There is no more destructive entitlement program than white supremacy, and colonialism was largely enabled by it. Greed was the driver, but the white supremacy helped it go down.

People aligned with white supremacy get nervous when it gets weakened.

Trump has promised to strengthen it, and he signals it over and over, especially because people cheer for him when he does so.

Let's be the chorus against. 

Remembered Christmas specials

When looking up forgotten Thanksgiving specials last year, we looked up a few Christmas specials that we had not known about as well.

That wasn't as impressive. We have kept up on Christmas specials much better, including going back and finding some less popular Rankin Bass specials several years ago.

We did turn up three, and we did watch them.

The Town Santa Forgot (1993)

This one was pretty good. I was in the mission field when it aired, so I would not have seen any publicity. Even if I were around, I might not have been interested at that time.

A Christmas Story (1972)

No, not that one. A dog and a mouse find their family's little boy's letter to Santa on Christmas Eve and try to get it delivered before it is too late. I believe it aired more than once and I might even have seen it, but I have no memories of it.

Casper's First Christmas (1979)

Hanna Barbara characters that we have seen in other specials end up in a haunted house with one nice young ghost and one older, crankier ghost (not Casper's usual three uncles). Pretty cute, and the first use of the song "Comin' Up Christmas Time", used in Yogi Bear's First Christmas one year later, which I do remember.

What all of that really did, though, is make me think about things that I kind of remembered but had only seen once.

The only extra viewing that gave last year was A Chipmunk Christmas (1981). We watched that and a few Christmas episodes of the show.

I made a note of The Little Rascals' Christmas Special (1979), which was the first one I tracked down this year.

It was not great. The basic story is cute, but the jokes they use to stretch it out pretty much all come down to the kids not being very bright. Well, I guess Alfalfa's singing is used humorously. One could wish it had been done a little better, and then maybe it would have aired more.

On the plus side, Spanky and Porky's mother was voiced by Darla Hood, the original Darla, and the butcher she visits was voiced by Matthew "Stymie" Beard. I assume that's the reason that they had Stymie in the gang instead of Buckwheat, whom I believe is better remembered. 

One thing that I can see looking at these dates is that if I remember things that my younger sisters don't, well, of course. I was young when these aired, but they were much younger. Of course they know Rudolph and Frosty, but those got played many times over many years.

There were two things that I had only seen once.

One was The House Without a Christmas Tree (1972). 

It must have played a few other times, because I am sure I do not remember the 1972 airing. As it was, all I remembered was a girl in long johns dragging a Christmas tree. I thought this was her bringing a Christmas tree into her own house, but in fact she was taking it to a neighbor after her cranky father got mad that she won it. (Then he comes around and brings back a Christmas tree on his own.)

Also, I remembered her as much older, but that was probably because of how young I was then.

The father who is harsh because of his own issues resonates a bit. I did not remember that, nor why there wasn't a tree in the first place. 

It's not bad. I'm glad I looked it back up.

The gladdest thing this year is that I finally identified something that had just been a memory of a cartoon Salvation Army band playing "Good King Wenceslas". When I saw it then I couldn't even identify that song. (It was instrumental, so there were no words to help me.)

I felt like it might be associated with Corduroy somehow. Well, there is a bear wandering a department store in The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas (1973).

I can't swear that I don't remember it from 1973. I don't have a lot of memories from when I was almost two, but there are some.

I was trying to find the name for A Christmas Story this year (it is a bit generic of a title, even without the more famous live-action film), and one of the "forgotten Christmas specials" articles came up. I saw a picture from The Bear and knew that was it.

I had looked for it a few times on and off, but I didn't have enough details to go on. Suddenly, there it was.

Also, it was really cute and I made my sisters watch it. While they were not sure about the ending (fair), I knew they would love the stewardess bears dancing on the wing of a plane in the Bear Air commercial. They did.

It is a very sweet show. It does seem to imply that a bear with a college degree who had a job and a roommate is becoming a toy or pet, but I am sure it all works out. 

But also, I got an old question answered. It was answered because I keep asking new questions.

It's a little late now, but Merry Christmas! 

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/11/thanksgiving-specials.html  

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/01/blast-from-past-star-wars-holiday.html 

Birthday wish

Finally, for my birthday I want you.

I want to see you all.

I am sure some of that relates to COVID and a lot of activities not being safe. Here we are getting on five years later and there are only more diseases floating around.

Maybe it's worse because our reunion is being delayed again. Now, I have had concerns about the gathering anyway, but it is still nice to have options.

It isn't only that. It is so easy to lose touch and to lose intimacy.

With social media there are ways in which it is easier to kind of have an idea of how people are doing -- if they post -- but you can miss a lot.

Part of it may be my job instability. The way modern life has worked is that your social group can kind of be your coworkers. 

That's not terrible, but then when your job changes, even when you think you are going to stay in touch, it is not the same.

Life can be pretty exhausting. It's hard to feel like there is time for a lot of getting together.

Plus, you never know how long you have. I've gotten some rude reminders of that. 

Even when you have these good intentions, it can be hard to work out.

For example, I have thought for some time that when my sisters and I go exploring, we should get in touch with the people we know in those areas. I know people in Salem and Canby for sure, and probably other places. 

Of course we are always running late and things come up... trying to add in other people can only add more pressure, except there might also be some nice visits.

I don't have an answer for that.

However, I want to find ways to see you.

I want to interview teachers and designers for more insight as I do my schooling.

I want to get together in the park. 

I want to hug.

And I want to go Halloween caroling, with costumes and simple choreography.

If there is anything you would specifically like to do with me, let me know.

The guiding goals

I have mentioned recently (more on the Sunday blog) that I am feeling compelled to ask more, like asking others for help.

It has been a reminder that even though I have grown past believing I need to take care of everyone else, my habits are still set in that mode.

Once upon a time I had briefly maintained a list of needs and wants so that if something came up I could remember what to say.

I probably need to do that again.

In addition, I have been getting very strong promptings over the past few months that I can't forget other people when my own issues are resolved.

I remember that clearly from when I was trying to get a new primary care provider for my mother and finding so many obstacles. It was eventually solved, but that is one person among many facing similar issues.

I can't forget that.

I am also running into it now where I have been facing multiple failed attempts to get one test completed. This is not an issue with my knowledge of the subject matter, but a technical issue with the testing application.

That is still unresolved. As far as I can tell, it's a not great tool that works mostly well enough that when there are issues the various organizations can keep passing the buck in a manner they would not be able to get away with if it were more consistent. I can find a lot of complaints, but not really any solutions. I assume most people eventually use another system or at a different time of day or something, and then put it behind in relief.

Honestly, that sounds pretty good, but it does not appear to be my path.

So the guidelines for 2025 are to remember myself and my needs as well as others and their needs.

I have not been particularly balanced in this area, ever.

Here's to new beginnings. 

Birthday promises

Perhaps because my birthday is so close to the start of the year, it gives me an extended period of time where I think about what I want for the upcoming year.

Based on the last election, I am confident I will be getting several things that I don't want. 

There are things I don't control, but that makes the things I can control even more important.

So, here are some of my commitments. If you want, you can think of them as gifts to you.

I am going to do my best not to spread disease. 

Yes, that means masking and washing hands. It's not just COVID anymore; there are so many terrible disease going around that you can't worry about only aerosols and fomites anymore; surface contact transmission is very much in play.

However, I have worried that my mask may cut me off from other people, making me look hostile or unapproachable. So, I have committed to radiating love as much as possible while masked, being glad to see people and beaming because of that. 

I am committing to love.

(I 'll try to still radiate love when not masked, but especially when masked.)

Loving doesn't always correspond to liking of course, but there are still things I can do there.

I commit to trying to appreciate the good things about everyone and anyone. 

I commit to understanding that no one is perfect, and that trying is worth a lot.

When I do like you, that is a joy. I am trying to be better about vocalizing that and remembering . 

I commit to working on that.

Of course, some people aren't trying very hard. I commit to being forthright about that, but not holding grudges from it. If I need to shut you out, I can still wish you well.

I commit to choosing kindness over comfort, and protection of the vulnerable over the ease of the powerful.

This may make me annoying sometimes, but it's worth it.

In a world full of a flood of misinformation and disinformation, worsened by people who have abandoned critical thinking, I commit to staying well-informed and staying honest.

When sharing can be helpful, I am going to try and do that, and do it with as much accuracy and clarity as possible.

This could also potentially be annoying. If so, that is not my intent. 

For what it's worth, I deliberately annoy my younger sisters at least once daily, and I adore them, so maybe it puts you in good company.

Blast from the past: The Star Wars Holiday Special

When going over forgotten Thanksgiving specials, I mentioned that the Star Wars Holiday Special kept coming up, though I associated it more with Christmas.

In fact, it did air before Thanksgiving. Life Day celebrations are held on November 17th, for those who celebrate.

Perhaps it was time to revisit the special; I was looking up some barely remembered things for Christmas as well.

As it is, I do remember the original airing on November 17th, 1978, though mainly only two things:

• I do remember the musical number, though I was thinking it was Dionne Warwick when it was actually Diahann Carroll.
• I remember being impatient with how long it was taking to see Han Solo. Probably Luke and Leia too, but mainly Han.

I remembered it more like they only showed up at the end, which wasn't the case. Maybe I picked up on the impatience of Chewbacca's family for him to actually be there.

I did not have a conscious memory of cartoon, but I remember that after seeing the commercial for his action figure I had bad dream about Boba Fett, where he had seemed like he was an ally, but he was really bad. That mirrored the cartoon. Had I kind of dozed off during the special and only taken part of it in? 

(And really, Luke, how do you see the way he treats the pink plesiosaurus he's riding and not know right off that he's bad?) 

Also, I did not remember how lewd Itchy was with the musical number. I remembered he was watching a personal video, but missed the overtones. It became kind of a running joke on how disturbing it was.

(My favorite was a brief cameo by Itchy -- still watching his videos -- in Mike Russell's Jaxxon's Eleven.)

I was assuming that it had been one of those things that was supposed to go over kids' heads and be amusing for the adults; a time-honored tradition in family viewing. 

This may have been more disturbing than amusing for the adults. I think Itchy's underbite made it worse somehow, but with Art Carney's set-up and the part about his fantasy forming, yeah, that's pushing the boundaries of good taste. Still went right over my head.

Some years back I had a chance to peruse the script for the special. I kind of got stuck on Harvey Korman hitting on Bea Arthur at the Mos Eisley cantina. Maybe it was better to forget.

There were a couple of things that helped this viewing. 

I watched the 2023 documentary A Disturbance in the Force first. I really enjoyed it. 

Also -- before that -- I was thinking about the cantina scene and remembered the tradition of '70s variety shows. Seemingly random actors popping in and doing musical numbers was custom of my childhood.

That was actually something that the documentary talked about, but as I had already been thinking about it then it was all very familiar. I remember watching Donny and Marie and The Brady Bunch Variety Hour. Of course I watched Shields and Yarnell; they were the Captain and Tenille of mime!

I don't remember Wayne Newton at Sea World, and I had forgotten about Mark Hamill and Bob Hope trapped in a toy store until watching the documentary. I don't think we watched Paul Lynde's Halloween special, but there's something else I can't forget.

I don't even know if it was one show or two different specials, but I remember two vignettes of something of which IMdB shows no trace. 

For one, the song was "Deja Vu", which is probably why I always thought it was Dionne Warwick. Dionne knocked on the door of a castle. A vampire (Al Lewis? Judd Hirsch?) let her in, then left her there, and she sang about how she couldn't remember the place, but she remembered the face. He came back and she asked if they had met before. Yes, a moment ago when he answered the door.

In the other segment, this weird Latin lover guy with an enormous pompadour (Eugene Levy but skinnier?) approaches a woman on the dance floor and wants to know what's inside her. She (Victoria Jackson?) recites that "the small intestine is rolled up in a ball. Otherwise we'd be twenty feet tall"

Memories like this prepared me to be less judgmental. 

I suspect part of the problem for the people who really think it's awful is that they don't have these memories. There has been worse, and the special itself could have been worse. Faint praise is still praise.

There are probably two main issues.

I think the biggest issue was the popularity of Star Wars making the network want to go with a two-hour instead of a one-hour special. It does drag out. Harvey Korman is really talented in his portrayal of a malfunctioning android, but it still slows things down. I found his four-armed Julia Child kind of charming, but it happened earlier.

The other issue goes back to a George Lucas idea -- no matter how much he disavows it -- to do something with Chewy's family on his home planet, which sets up a language barrier. 

I don't hate that. While the exterior setup reminds one of Endor, the interiors are much more modern with a nice open layout.  

The documentary counted down that you had over nine minutes with only Wookiee being spoken. That was probably not great, but as you got into it it was pretty easy to understand what Malla and Lumpy were conveying. 

That is a compliment for Mickey Morton and Patty Maloney, respectively. I think Paul Gale as Itchy probably did the best he could. Sorry, Paul.

The scene that really touched me was when Imperial troops, in searching Lumpy's room, tear the head off of his stuffed Bantha. When Lumpy finds it, he makes a sad sound, then gently picks up his broken toy, tucks it under a blanket on the bed, and gives it a kiss.

I made my sisters watch this, because I knew it would make them sad. It did. They said "That's terrible," and that's what they said later when our other sister asked what they thought about the special.

"It was terrible!"

I pointed out that most people are going to interpret that differently.

I did think it was weird that even though only Han and Chewy were traveling to Kashyyyk and Luke and Leia and the droids were just checking in on their progress, and Han leaves before the family starts the celebrations, that everyone was there for the final musical number. It looks like there was some kind of portal thing going on. Maybe wookiees have to physical travel to the portal but then they can summon humans?

I guess there are some mysteries we can never know.

Anyway, to the tune of the theme from Star Wars, 

Life Day! Have a good Life Day!
See Chewy's wife, Day!
Wear your red robes.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/04/comics-review-michael-e-russell.html

Three things: Gardens

This is not specifically about using home gardens to decrease your food budget and increase your food independence. 

I'm not against that in general, though initial attempts are often going to cost more money than they save.

Personally, I love growing pumpkins. I don't particularly love eating them or their seeds, so I can't say that my efforts are really for that; it's just something I like doing. It also helps me get away from lawns, which are not environmentally sound. 

I am not the best gardener, but often even the only partially successful attempts bring me a lot of joy. 

This year was especially bad.

In early summer, I planted many pumpkin and sunflower seeds. I also planted some green beans. 

Nothing grew.

I was worried that they were older seeds, but I had tested some. They all sprouted in the test, but then -- when it was not a test -- nothing.

Then it got weird. As we were getting into autumn, with fallen yellow leaves were dotting the yard, I thought I saw some yellow blossoms. In fact, I had one pumpkin vine in the front and another in the back. 

One even got fertilized, so there was at least one little green gourd growing. They just didn't have time at that point. The first frost was going to take them out, and did.

(There were some bite marks on the plant, probably from a squirrel, so that was my contribution to nature this year.)

I might not have thought about it too much, but talking to one friend, she had the same issue with her eggplants. 

That friend lives in Tigard, not too far away. Talking to another friend more recently, her tomatoes had a real case of failure to thrive. She lives almost 200 miles away. Other neighbors of hers have had similar issues. That's kind of the same region, but not merely a local issue.

I keep wondering why.

Usually there is something you can point too. For example, when the heat dome shriveled up all my lush clover, I understood that.

When extended rains poured and poured when it was time to prepare for planting, there was no mystery.

When we were replacing the carpet with vinyl plank, and all of the old carpet was piled in front of the house as they worked and it left this circle that really didn't grow anything for another year, it made total sense.

This didn't make sense.

If you have a reason, sometimes there are things you can do. 

People overcome longer cold seasons with greenhouses and cloches and tunnels. You can do things to retain water or improve drainage. I'm not sure anything would have helped with the heat dome, but there are things you can do for shading that might work if it is less extreme.

If you can't tell what you are up against, what then?

Three things: PTSD

There's this thing that keeps coming back to me since the election: you can develop PTSD from an earlier instance due to a second instance.

That is not a good way of explaining that, but I can make it seem worse.

I first read about it many years ago in an old Soap Opera Digest, a magazine I really enjoyed. 

If I remember correctly, Hope on Days of Our Lives had developed another persona -- maybe a cat burglar? It was related to one trauma, but there had been a much bigger trauma a few years previously.

One of the magazine features I enjoyed was when they would check with various experts to see how realistic plot points were. Often the events were not, but the emotional responses were. 

Having been suspended above a vat of acid and apparently falling in, then being presumed dead for a few years until  coming back with amnesia (but really it was Greta who fell in the acid, and that just led to some light scarring on her face that plastic surgery resolved) was not realistic. 

Having one near-death experience and seemingly handling it all right, but then not being able to handle a second incident later, even if you did not come as close to death... that was pretty realistic.

The underlying principle is that multiple traumatic events increase the likelihood of developing PTSD. Maybe that can be true even if you have successfully assimilated the earlier trauma, but it is also possible that the assimilation wasn't complete. Maybe parts of it were dealt with, or maybe it was pushed aside and compartmentalized and held off. When when additional trauma happens, the existing restraints can't hold anymore.

Since the election, I keep thinking about mental health. I keep thinking that there are people who have been pretty functional, despite the hate and the deaths and destruction, but that doesn't mean that they came through unscathed.

Now it is happening again, and it will be happening worse. It will be worse not just because of the court appointees and worse departmental picks and legislation on state levels happening since Roe v. Wade was overturned, but also because of the behavior that has been seen from neighbors and friends and family members.

I worry about how some people will fare. 

Sure, the loudest lamentations now are coming from people who did vote for Trump (or a third party) and are starting to realize it was a mistake. Good for them. I'm sure more will follow. That they were able to think that was a reasonable course indicates to me that they were pretty sheltered the first time around.

I am more worried about the people who are still carrying wounds from last time.

I don't have much in the way of good advice. If you can get treatment, great. There are a lot of factors that can affect what you need most, but there are options. 

Healing when the trauma keeps coming is harder. If there are some steps you can take to protect yourself, that's worth thinking about.

I feel I learned a lot from reading The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. There may be something in that for you.

Regarding helping others, I strongly recommend not telling anyone that we survived last time. Some people didn't. No, you're not going to be talking to those who died, but you may be talking to those who mourn them. 

Obviously, I recommend being kind to each other. More than that, I recommend being alert and being brave. If there is a chance to step in and make a difference, do it.

I could be recommending that to people whose PTSD makes it very hard. I do not have a solution for that conflict. 

Do what you can to extend healing. Do what you can to be healed. Maybe not in that order but it's really not a linear process.

See, expensive eggs was the easy part. 

Three things: Eggs

I am going to try doing some extra posts again, possibly for all of January. This week is about some concerns that may seem random.

Previously when people were complaining about the price of eggs, I had not really been finding it to be the case at Fred Meyer, where I do most of my shopping. Saturday those prices were high.

You may recall that part of the issue last time was price gouging, but this time bird flu is causing problems. I don't know how long that will last, but I also know that once prices go up --for any reason -- they often don't go all the way back down, record corporate profits, less competition than ever, and all of that.

It is possible that there was a surge in the Fred Meyer egg prices and I didn't notice because I don't buy eggs that often. There are some things that we use them for, so now I am thinking about that. 

For my household, my sisters do like the occasional scramble, but mainly eggs come up for breakfast at dinner and for baking.

If I am making waffles or pancakes from scratch, that requires eggs. If I use the Krusteaz mix, only waffles require eggs. (Bisquick requires eggs for both pancakes and waffles.)

Today I am making pancakes but with the Krusteaz mix. As is our custom I will fry an egg for each of us. 

That takes three of our six remaining eggs, but I am also going to make egg nog quick bread. That will take the other three.

No baking until I buy more, right? 

Well, have you ever seen that thing where you take a cake mix and instead of eggs, oil, and water you add a can of soda?

https://www.tasteofhome.com/article/2-ingredient-soda-cake/ 

There are options. They tend to involve processed foods.

My biscuit recipe (which is from scratch) does not use eggs; a fair amount of bread type things can be made without eggs, but some can't.

Will my new pattern to be only buying eggs at Costco and then doing a lot of backing in a short period of time? Maybe. Based on our egg use we will not be the most affected, but it will affect other things.

The price of Krusteaz could go up. The price of egg substitutes could certainly go up. Frankly, I anticipate labor and supply chain issues in many areas. Food storage is great, but not everything is shelf stable.

Just take it one step at a time.

You might use eggs a lot, which makes it a different level of concern. It should still be possible to analyze your use and think about what can be adjusted.

For some people, it has already been getting chickens. If that's the path for you, great; just do your research first.

Chickens are living beings, so they will require food and shelter. There is a lot of variety. If you want eggs like the ones you get at the store, that affects what breed you get. I cared for a vacationing  neighbor's chickens once and was allowed to keep the eggs. They were really small; fine for scrambling, but not ideal for recipes where the amounts need to match up.

https://grow.ifa.coop/chickens/best-egg-laying-chickens 

(I hear good things about Australorps.)

Also, living beings poop. That will often get on the eggs. Beyond that, small children should not have unpasteurized eggs. Maybe just make that anyone who might not have a fully-functioning immune system (the same people who should not be eating cold cuts). 

Naturally, bringing birds near your home could bring bird flu near your home.

The good news with all of that is that a lot of people have home chickens. There is a lot of information available, maybe even from friends and family. 

(Some of them will have strong feelings about not pasteurizing the eggs. I would not trust them with health information.) 

December's daily songs

Well, technically it started in November, with "Feliz Navidad" acting as a bridge between a very long musical celebration of Hispanic Heritage month into the holidays.

Last December I didn't really feel like doing Christmas songs and mostly I didn't.

This year was not quite as hard, I guess, but there still wasn't a coherent theme or anything.

Since I had "Feliz Navidad", it reminded me of songs that we sung in Spanish class and French class, and I did bring in some of those.

I also brought in random songs that happened to cross my mind. 

There were little mini-themes, like songs that people try to avoid and dance-related songs, but it was never planned out that far ahead and at the end it turned kind of dark.

I was thinking that maybe last year was harder than this year, but it was just differently hard.

Next year could be a doozy, but then I might overcompensate with my Christmas cheer.

It's just too early to say.

Daily songs:

11/24 “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano
11/25 “Cascabeles” from Love to Sing
11/26 “The ’59 Sound” by The Gaslight Anthem
11/27 “Grand Saint Nicolas” from Claudia AB
11/28 “Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)” by Sly & The Family Stone
11/29 “Il est né, le divin enfant” from The Best Christmas Songs
11/30 “Helena” by My Chemical Romance
12/1 “Un flambeau, Jeannette, Isabelle” by Cambridge Singers and City of London Sinfonia
12/2 “Patapan” by The Stairwell Carolers
12/3 “Calypso Noel” by Johnny Mathis
12/4 “Mary’s Prayer” by Danny Wilson
12/5 “I Wanna Be Rich” by Calloway
12/6 “I’m Still Standing” by Elton John
12/7 “It’s a Living Thing” by Electric Light Orchestra
12/8 “I Can Dream About You” by Dan Hartman
12/9 “We Need a Little Christmas” by the Muppets from A Muppet Family Christmas
12/10 “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by Band Aid
12/11 “Last Christmas” by Wham
12/12 “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey
12/13 “The Little Drummer Boy” by The Harry Simeone Choir
12/14 “Bring Me Love” by John Legend
12/15 “Life Day Song” performed by Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia in The Star Wars Holiday Special
12/16 “Christmas Waltz” by The Carpenters
12/17 “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee
12/18 “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms
12/19 “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Forever” by Perry Como
12/20 “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Thurl Ravenscroft
12/21 “Ring Out Solstice Bells” by Jethro Tull
12/22 “For Unto Us a Child Is Born” from Handel’s Messiah, performed by The Tabernacle Choir
12/23 “Happy Holidays” by Billy Idol
12/24 “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Spock” from John C. Worsley
12/25 “A Heart to Hold You” by Keane
12/26 “There’s Always Tomorrow” from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, sung by Janis Orenstein
12/27 “O Bambino (One Cold and Blessed Winter)” by The New Christy Minstrels
12/28 “Mistletoe Blues” by Prima Donna
12/29 “St. Elmos’s Fire (Man in Motion) by John Parr
12/30 “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” by R.E.M.
12/31 “Paint It Black”by The Rolling Stones 

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/12/daily-songs-for-hispanic-heritage-month.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/01/daily-songs-for-december-mostly.html 

The gift of vulnerability

It's the last day of the year and I have no recordings to share.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/12/a-gift-of-song.html

I did do a test file. While I might grimace at the quality of the singing, the real issue is that the application I was using, Voice Recorder, does not save the files in a way that would be easy to upload anywhere.

There are many other software options, including a reasonable amount of free ones, so that isn't a huge obstacle. However, I left it too close to the end of the year to not be rushed. Then Mom had a fall and PGE didn't get the check in time. Those things are all worked out, but they took up a fair amount of time and a significantly larger amount of emotional bandwidth.

The idea is not dead. There is a certain amount of annoyance that this means either posting Christmas songs far past Christmas, or waiting a long time to get to it, or posting other songs that I don't feel as strongly about.

There are also other things that I had been thinking about, like that maybe that "Wear a damn mask!" post should have been a vlog, or helping my sisters with some videos for their Poshmark closet, or even that for my schoolwork there are some ways in which it could be good to have some recording experience.

It may be more to the point that there seems to be a bigger trend going on of me being confronted by and having to be open about my weaknesses.

I had mentioned in a Sunday post having to ask for help with the electric bill. It was hard, but it was only after that I started seeing some progress in my job search.

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2024/12/the-things-you-have-to-do.html  

I needed to write about it on the blog, which was one thing. Then the check didn't get there, hence needing to call and verify dates and sort out whose names on are this very old account and tell perfect strangers that I have not been working. As part of that process, it also became something that I shared with other people at church and here it is in another post.

My sisters and I sometimes joke about there being no dignity. That does not feel like exactly what this is, but it does feel like if there has ever been any veneer of people thinking that I really have it together, that simply must be eradicated. 

I don't know. I guess what people usually think is that I am smart. I am smart. It has not made my life go smoothly. The current path seems to involve my needing to ask for help more, which is hard for me.

I was wondering if it was because pride was a problem, but that didn't feel quite right. 

I am sure that can be a factor in not wanting to ask for help, and maybe has been. There has also been this thing where I have felt such a need to compensate for everything that was wrong with me, and not annoy people, and prioritize everyone else.

I have made progress on those feelings, but there is some progress yet to make. Getting there is painful and confusing and uncomfortable.

But if that's what I need to do, then I want to get it done.

I had asked if there were any requests on Facebook for the upcoming year. One friend mentioned missing the daily selfies. 

I think this year, with this incoming administration and trying to get through school and almost certainly my mother's death... I anticipate a rough year, and I do not expect to look good.

That sounds about right. 

El Salvador: Hispanic Heritage Month

One of the books that I read for the Hispanic Heritage Month two years ago was What You Have Heard is True by Carolyn Forché.

That recounts experiences that Forché had in El Salvador when Leonel Gomez Vides (a political activist, but that is such an understatement) showed up at her door in 1977. He needed a poet to bear witness to what was happening.

It sounds like a such a strange idea, but it was a fascinating story and I felt like I wanted to know more.

I think it was also influenced by that being around the time I watched Machuca (2004). Father McEnroe's story was based on that of Father Gerardo Whelan. While his story is different, learning about him and about El Salvador combined to make me think of Archbishop Oscar Romero.

I started thinking I should watch the Romero (1989) movie. What You Have Heard mentioned a documentary that had to be The Houses Are Full of Smoke (1987). Then I thought I could read more of Forché's poetry and try and learn more about Vides.

Most searches on Leonel Gomez Vides bring up stories focusing on Carolyn Forché, but I did find an interview with him from 2003:

https://dc.suffolk.edu/moh/21/

When initially reading What You Have Heard, I remember being sure his work would get him killed. He was interviewed in 2003. While he did not create a perfect situation, there were accomplishments in El Salvador.

That in itself is amazing.

For Forché herself, I read four of her poetry books and a collection of photographs from El Salvador that she had worked on, showing the reality of the conflict there.

Gathering the Tribes 1976
The Country Between Us 1981
Blue Hour 2003
In the Lateness of the World 2020

El Salvador: Work of Thirty Photographers 1983

I have put them in chronological order, though that was not the order in which I read them. 

While there are some themes and language usage in Gathering the Tribes that carry through, I feel like her work got better -- maybe it is more accurate to say deeper -- after the time she spent in El Salvador.

Shouldn't something like that change us?

My thoughts at this point may appear a bit random.

One thing that struck me was a story of ears that had been cut off and they were dried up, but at least one was put in water and unfolded. It was an act of intimidation. I was told the story in around 6th grade, I think, but I remembered it as being from Cambodia. It was mentioned in at least one of Forché's books, happening in El Salvardor. 

Did I remember wrong, did the teller tell it wrong, or did it happen more than once? I have no idea.

As hard as it is to make good changes, there are times when it happens. One person can do significant good, but they generally need some help. Vides' interview is interesting for that as he gives credit to other people who were helpful, and those who weren't.

Then, about The Houses Are Full of Smoke...

First of all, I had not realized that when I was looking for it and saw three parts, those parts were each different countries. There are also parts on Guatemala and Nicaragua, but I only watched the part on El Salvador.

It is old and out of print, so I was watching a not great copy. A lot of the information has been known for a while now, where it probably would have been shocking then.

I'd almost say it doesn't matter now, except the thing that struck me is how easily some people lie. 

Well, I still see that, except they do it with a lot more smirking now.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/02/hispanic-heritage-reading-catching-up.html

A gift of song

Some time ago -- years ago in fact -- I mentioned the possibility of at some point making some songs of the day that were my songs.

I have written several songs, though "written" is a strong word.

There is a way in which it fits. I have written books and screenplays and blog posts and poems and scripts for graphic novels. Writing comes naturally to me and some concepts belong to certain forms. Sometimes there is music.

The way calling it writing doesn't fit is that I don't have a very good ear for figuring out the right notes. Even when I have an instrument to try picking it out on, I can never make it sound right. So I write lyrics and remember the melody. 

(I do have a surprisingly good memories for tunes.)

I also love music passionately. I am much better at appreciating music than performing it.

I do not doubt that I could get better with practice, but there are just other things that I need to do, especially including reading and writing. That's my thing. There are other people where music is their thing. That's okay; I can be happy appreciating them.

There was still always this idea that I should do something with one song that was very much a Christmas song, and also a realization that I have a few other Christmas songs. Well, one is really more of a solstice song, but close enough.

So while I have not generally thought of doing so with the other, not Christmas-related songs, the idea of at some point recording those few and putting them out there has been pretty consistent. 

As December rolled around I would wonder whether this is the year, except...

1. I am not a good singer. Sometimes I can sound okay, but it is not reliable.
2. I would not have the ability to have any instruments accompanying, which makes it even worse than my occasional karaoke participation.
3. I am not even sure how I would get it recorded. I haven't recorded a sound file for at least six years.

I would then think that maybe if I prepared a little earlier I could ask some friends to help. I do know a lot of people who are good at music, and own instruments and even record on a regular basis.

I did not do that this year, but doing it this year still feels imperative.

I suspect the reason is that I need to be okay with doing some things badly.

This is something that I care about, and feel is important, but where I also feel inadequate and unprepared, and where I know other people could do better. I am afraid that is going to be a very apt analogy for me for the next four years or so.

Before this year is over, expect some daily songs written and performed by me.

That is pretty vague. There are a few questions that I still need to resolve.

There are two songs that are definitely ready to be sung, and two that need a little work. 

Of those two, I need to locate the lyric sheet for one of them. I think I know where it is.

For the other two, I really only have the chorus for each. I kind of know how the verses would go, and working on them might be a nice creative way to finish the year, but I am not sure.

In addition, while I was able to update my Soundcloud login, the three files that I did for this class I took on music therapy -- which I believe published correctly at the time -- now show as the upload not having been completed. Would that work? Should I try Youtube?

As you can see, with this level of readiness, trying to rope in other people was never more than a pipe dream.

I remain much as I have ever been, but I will keep trying things. 

Maybe next year I will dance for you!

Cuentos! Hispanic Heritage Month

I was all set to call this "Olla Podrida".

That is a Spanish stew that came up a lot in crosswords. I started thinking must be kind of like hodgepodge, which started as a British stew or soup.

As olla podrida seems to be more of Spain -- rather than Latin America -- I was questioning whether it was really the best option, but then this post took on a theme, becoming less of a mix.

There were originally three books. 

Frizzy, a graphic novel by Claribel A. Ortega and Rose Bousamra, popped up in search results when searching for other things. The title spoke to me.

My kindergarten teacher sister occasionally acquires free books through book fairs and things. She gave me a copy of Esperanza Rising by Pam Muñoz Ryan.

Those were both for middle readers and both very good.

Then along came Celebrating Cuentos: Promoting Latino Children's Literature and Literacy in Classrooms and Libraries, edited by Jamie Campbell Naidoo. 

In addition to my normal interest in children's literature and representation, I am studying education. That was a very natural fit, and interesting to me, though it is geared more toward librarians.

It led me to several more books. 

Actually, I checked out Celebratng Cuentos because Yuyi Morales wrote the foreword, and many of her books were mentioned in it.

(Esperanza Rising was mentioned in it as well; Frizzy is too new.)

The book also introduced me to writer and illustrator Maya Christina Gonzales, whom I thought I should at least check out.

Written by Maya Christina Gonzales:
I Know the River Loves Me/Yo sé que el río me ama
Call Me Tree/Llamame arbol

Illustrated by Maya Christina Gonzales:
Animal Poems of the Iguazú/Animalario del Iguazú by Francisco X. Alarcón
I Can Be... Me! by Lesléa Newman
Fiesta Femenina: Celebrating Women of Mexican Folklore by Mary-Joan Gerson

There is a strong connection to nature in Gonzales' work, which made her a natural for the animalario.

There was also a section on legends and folklore.

Two of the books in that section are Christmas books (you can probably guess from the titles). Looking up holiday books gave me A Very Mexican Christmas: The Greatest Mexican Holiday Stories of All Time from New Vessel Press. I thought, why not? Because these are mostly a bunch of not great stories that are set around Christmas, maybe to make things more depressing or meaningful. 

Not all impulses work out.

Anyway...

Legends and folklore:

The Great Canoe: A Kariña Legend by María Elena Maggi and Gloria Calderón
The Miracle of the First Poinsettia: A Mexican Christmas Story by Joanne Oppenheim and Fabio Negrin
The Golden Flower: A Taino Myth From Puerto Rico by Nina Jaffe and Enrique O. Sanchez
Doña Flor: Un Cuento de Una Mujer Gigante con un Gran Corazón by Pat Mora and Raul Colón
El mejor regalo del mundo: La leyenda de Vieja Belen by Julia Alvarez

Of those, I liked Doña Flor the best for content (though Fiesta Feminina could also fit this category and was very good), but another tricky thing about it was that it was all in Spanish. Three of the Gonzales books had both, but here I was reading in only Spanish, and I had been kind of rusty.

That made it easier to read some shorter works in Spanish from Sandra Cisneros. 

Well, Puro Amor and Hairs/Pelitos both Spanish and English. Has visto a María? only had Spanish.

That felt like kind of a step forward for me. It is there, even though I don't end up using it too much. All of the Spanish works have been pretty short.

For the Cisneros books, Spanish translations were done by Liliana Valenzuela. Has visto a María? was illustrated by Ester Hernandez, and Hairs/Pelitos was illustrated by Terry Ybáñez,

Hairs/Pelitos is a children's book, but with some really good vocabulary stretching, relating to hair.

Has visto a María? could be enjoyed by children. There is some strong grief, but it might go over there heads and on another level it is searching a neighborhood for a cat.

The fun thing with Puro Amor is that it hasn't been too long since I have seen criticism on books about Frida Kahlo that focus on the animalitos. For this book the animalitos play an important role, but do so in exploring the relationship and her health and her relationship with Rivera.

(Cisneros also wrote the foreword to a poetry book I am reading now for Native American Heritage Month.)

Not surprisingly, Celebrating Cuentos spent some time on the various book awards for young readers.

I had previously read some Pura Belpré award winners and more recently become aware of the Tomás Rivera award. 

Two of the best books were focused on them. 

The Storyteller's Candle/La velita de los cuentos, by Lucia Gonzáles and Lulu Delacre, is about children and adults in the Puerto Rican community in New York feeling welcome at the library through Belpré's efforts. 

Tomás and the Library Lady -- Pat Mora and Raul Colón team up again -- is about young Tomás being helped in finding books and feeling welcome.

They are both beautiful examples of the influence a librarian can have.

Celebrating Cuentos is realistic about the challenges, but there is inspiration and motivation to overcome those challenges.

And between focusing on Yuyi Morales and selecting books out of Celebrating Cuentos, this month became mostly about focusing on young readers, which was fine.

There were also the movies, and one other post... 

Hey, some clarity!

There is a group organizing tonight; I had seriously thought about going.

I am not going to name them. They probably will bring some people in and may do good things. They may help people be more active than they have been, which can be really good.

But the more I looked over their materials, the more I revolted.

It feels like the Women's March all over again, where their main form of engagement is going to be applying pressure to elected officials, especially Democrats.

Allow me to say that I am really irritated at the progressives who seem angrier at the Democratic party for not saving them than at the Republican party for wholeheartedly embracing racist fascism. I get that the target is easier, and expecting better makes more sense, but to put that burden on the same people you show only contempt for is not merely counterproductive but also really irritating. Way to learn nothing!

Regardless, there should be organizing and people getting together now. I have been trying to decide what I should do and feeling pretty overwhelmed.

As I was trying to figure out how I felt about this thing specifically, some thoughts did take shape.

One big one was picturing a room full of people without masks. There tends to be a lot of ableism on the progressive side, which would not be helped in such a white area. Is that judging them, yes, but there was nothing in the materials indicating that was even a concern. There may be a possibility of applying positive pressure from within, but I felt tired just thinking about it.

I did remember that when the first Women's March itself turned out to be not what I was hoping for, the March for Equality and Justice was organized for the following week. That was something I could support, and did.

Of course, I suspect that was planned by Black women, and there have been statements that they aren't going to be doing the work for us anymore. That is completely fair.

I don't know that anyone else is going to organize something that will work for me. 

I don't know that I am up for organizing myself.

I do know what I value. That is where the clarity comes in.

First of all, I know that this country's original sin is white supremacy.  

Yes, I will bring in corporatism, capitalism, and colonialism and fold all of that into dominator culture, but the point is that if I do not see an effort to engage with that, I am pessimistic about how effective it can be.

So if there is any talk about focusing on "basics" -- meaning prioritizing class over race, meaning trying to lure in aggrieved whiteness -- I am not interested. We should reach out to people, but not by betraying the most important thing we need to change.

That is clear for me, but it's also a negative. What are my positives?

I think mutual aid is going to be very important, especially in terms of getting people food and shelter and necessities of life, including mental and emotional support. 

That organizing might look more charitable than political. You can run into a lot of white supremacy with NGOs, but that's still something to look for.

I know that libraries have been under attack, but that they are also one of democracy's most important tools. I can look out for the needs of libraries, especially my local one.

If I see organizing that looks at accessibility and disease prevention, we are probably going to be aligned in multiple areas.

I don't know where that will end up, but it's a start.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/01/i-did-not-march-rally-or-burn-anything.html  

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/01/my-first-march.html