Daily songs for December, mostly

This is out of sequence, as I have not written about November songs yet. That will be next week.

I had frustration for both months with not having a solid plan. It ended up being more personal for December; I could not bring myself to do Christmas music. I felt such an utter aversion to celebration I couldn't do it.

Well, I had been saving the "12 Days of Dim Sum" since May, so that was an easy starting place, but then I just didn't know. Christmas songs feel celebratory, and I don't.

My May music selections helped me again.

Youtube is always trying to get me to stay longer, but has to keep suggesting a wider range of songs, because I don't have easily discernible patterns in my listening. They offered me "Winter" by James Iha.

It occurred to me that songs about winter and cold weather might work, being seasonal but not Christmas-y, and often being real bummers. Maye with enough cold songs I might want to do some Christmas songs again.

I wasn't cheering up.

We didn't have a bad Christmas or anything, and some things were very meaningful, but my mother doesn't recognize me, and is in hospice, and work sucks. I feel that.

I thought I was going to run out of songs but fortunately I thought of searching on "December"; there's a ton of songs with that in the title.

A few things worked out unexpectedly.

First of all, I did find songs that I had not known that I really like. That was a plus.

Two of those songs came from Christmas albums that I did not know existed: Happy Holiday by Billy Idol and December by The Moody Blues.

Also, three of the videos did kind of have the vibe of weird Christmas specials (Fleet Foxes, Kate Bush, and George Michael).

George Michael's "December Song" -- subtitled "I Dreamed of Christmas" -- became the Christmas Eve song, followed by Christmas songs from Billy Idol and Ministry. 

(Ministry singer Al Jourgensen has his own version of "It's Always Christmas". I used the band version, but he came up with Cuban American singers in October.)

As the end of the year approached, I kept thinking about 41 by Reggie and the Full Effect. 

I reviewed 41 when it came out. Even though the album meant a lot to me, my writing is lackluster. The music affected me in a way that I could not write about then.

The album is based on a period of about a year where James Dewees lost his mother, his mother-in-law, and his marriage (while still being there for his soon-to-be-ex-wife and his mother-in-law.) 

The doctors' visits and hospital time (I think it was cancer in both cases) is best heard in "New Year's Day" (but also on "Maggie"). When I first heard it, I felt like I was hearing my future, though some of the other songs were my present. 

I think his year was worse, but for me it came at a time that was hard and getting harder. While it did get easier, it didn't end. I believe we are getting closer to that ending, so that song and some of the others were in my mind on repeat.

I remember an interview where he said part of it was that his mother had taught him music, which had been such a big part of his life that there was a question of "How" with the loss. How is this happening? How do I make it?

Again, not the same experience, but maybe some parallel feelings. 

Anyway, I had to use those three songs, except that it was also a year where I learned a lot, and was able to move past things. "Throw It Away" kept playing too. 

In November we watched the Arlo Guthrie episode of The Muppet Show (it was sort of Thanksgiving-ish), and one of his songs stuck with me, where solitude and journeying do not mean being alone or lost.

That's when the last few songs started to take place.

It didn't flow. There were two spaces that nothing seemed right for. With both "Each Tear" and "Move Along", I didn't figure them out until the night before, and I had to get to them through other songs. 

To work out right, it also needed to spill into January, so, this is messy, but that was true with the songs back in September and October too.

Ultimately what I have is a playlist that comes from exploring the new, sometimes finding great things, and sometimes just finding okay things, but then also needing to come back to the music that I love, often that I loved from the moment I heard it, and that helps me with the feelings that could be overwhelming.

Sometimes I like to do this sequence where there is a progression, but the sadder and more positive songs alternate in this.

My bad time is not over, but I am still here.

Daily songs

12/1 “12 Days of Dim Sum” by Only Won & Larissa Lam
12/2 “Winter” by James Iha
12/3 “Hazy Shade of Winter” by The Bangles
12/4 “Winter Marches On” by Duran Duran
12/5 “Love Like Winter” by AFI
12/6 “Wintertime Love” by The Doors
12/7 “Winter Sound” by Of Monsters And Men
12/8 “Valley Winter Song” by Fountains of Wayne
12/9 “Wintertime” by Norah Jones
12/10 “A Winter's Tale” by The Moody Blues
12/11 “White Winter Hymnal” by Fleet Foxes
12/12 “Misty” by Kate Bush
12/13 “Cold Weather Blues” by Muddy Waters
12/14 “Cold Chill” by Stevie Wonder
12/15 “I Felt the Chill Before the Winter Came” by Elvis Costello
12/16 “Snow (Hey Oh) by Red Hot Chili Peppers
12/17 “Angel in the Snow” by A-ha
12/18 “December (Again)” by Neck Deep ft. Mark Hoppus
12/19 “December” by Weezer
12/20 “A Long December” by Counting Crows
12/21 “December” by Collective Soul
12/22 “My December” by Linkin Park
12/23 “Decembers” by Hawthorn Heights
12/24 “December Song” by George Michael
12/25 “On Christmas Day” by Billy Idol
12/26 "It's Always Christmas Time” by Ministry
12/27 “The Horrible Year” by Reggie and the Full Effect
12/28 “Broke Down” by Reggie and the Full Effect
12/29 “Sailing Down My Golden River” by Arlo Guthrie
12/30 “Hourglass” by Mary J. Blige
12/31 “Each Tear” by Mary J. Blige ft Jay Sean
1/1 “New Year's Day” by Reggie and the Full Effect
1/2 “Throw It Away” by Abbey Lincoln
1/3 “Move Along” by The All-American Rejects
1/4 “Still Alive” by Social Distortion