Professional?

A while back -- not long after people started talking about "quiet quitting" -- I saw a thread about how loaded the term "professional" is, and how it gets used.

I thought about that quite a bit; I am often told how professional I sound, and I try really hard to do a good job. Reading about the kind of behavior that is considered "professional" and the way some employers will try and leverage it to get people to take on more work without paying more, though ... well, I could see the point.

I am thinking about it again because work is so terrible right now. We are overloaded and there is no time between calls. I briefly had to have four windows open because there were calls I could not finish logging before the next one came in. I had to do two e-mail escalations, and it took me at least six hours due to all of the interruptions. Honestly, it was amazing that I could finish them without forgetting what I needed to send.

Staffing issues are a real thing, and my employers could be much worse. There are also some things that I believe they could handle better and I will be giving feedback on that.

However, as much as I want to scream and cry and run away, and as much as I am dreading getting up in the morning and logging in, I still sound smooth and kind and "professional".

I actually had to think about back then, because I would hear myself sounding so polished and calm and caring... I kind of felt hypocritical, you know? Am I a big faker?

As it is, my job performance has a lot to do with my values, but it also has a fair amount to do with my damage. 

The rest of it is just capitalism.

I recently figured out that when the phone rings, it triggers my fight or flight response; that is why my rage builds throughout the day. 

Despite that, when I answer that ring, there is a human being there. 

I talk to a lot of seniors. Often there are things that are confusing for them and seem unmanageable.I am usually able to help with that.

Sometimes they are quite rude or annoying, but even then, there is generally a vulnerability there. Often when someone is droning on, I can tell that they are lonely, and I can sympathize with that. If there is hostility, it may be a sign of fear, or frustration. People may realize they were wrong and not want to let on. I can be sympathetic to that.

My smooth voice and calm manner helps reassure them.

Every now and then, someone is just a jerk, and there is a certain type of old bag that I hope I never am, but I am also a very practical person; responding to that in kind is not going to make anything better.

That is where it is part of my values, and who I want to be. It pertains to how I treat my coworkers too, because they are all people, and people are important to me.

For my damage, well, I still have this neurotic perfectionism that tortures me sometimes. I am still cringing about a book I misplaced. I found it in time, and all as well, but I won't get over it easily. 

That's a process.

So, that's where I am now. It's not great for my physical or mental health, and I desperately want to be delivered, though there only seems to be one possible solution and it's a long shot. 

It is important to me that I am behaving in a manner true to myself, such as it is.

But, allow me to add the reminder that much of the reason that there are so many people calling and not enough staff to answer the calls is that we have an unnecessarily bureaucratic health care system that places an unfair burden on those needing care, with diminishing resources due not only to obstacles to education but increasingly due to choosing profit over public health, especially in regards to Covid.

Capitalism! (Socialism isn't the answer either, because there is still dominator culture.)