I am currently working on
a pilot set at a small women's HCBU. A lot of the shows that I had been
watching have concluded lately, and I realized that I wasn't watching any
dramas. Past television viewing counts for something, but it is good to have
some connection to what is current as well.
I had heard good things
about Queen Sugar and was already a fan of Ava DuVernay, so
that seemed like a good starting point. As luck would have it, all of the first
season was being rerun right before the start of the second season. I set the
DVR to record and started watching.
It is a well-written and
performed drama in many ways, but it hit me harder because of where my life is
right now.
If you haven't watched,
Ernest Bordelon has some good land for growing sugar cane that he has not been
able to farm for two season, largely due to financial issues. His death brings
his three children together as they try to honor their inheritance.
(This is a gross
oversimplification, but it gets you started.)
Initially I thought it
might be about an ailing parent rather than a lost parent; when Ernest first
collapsed I thought he was gone, and then when he was in the hospital I
thought, okay, he can get better. Maybe it was foolish to hope.
From that point on, there
were many things felt deeply while watching the siblings navigate the death. No
one tried to hurt anyone, but they kept managing.
You might think going
through the personal effects quickly is doing them a favor, but maybe one of
them needs that experience as a way to connect and grieve. A family member with
more money might want to handle the financial part, but not comprehend the need
of the others to pay an equal share. There can be deep disagreements about how
to manage the funeral. There can be deep disagreements about what to do with a
shared inheritance.
For every time that they
hurt each other, they supported each other too. When they stood together at the
funeral home, and sat together at the funeral, there was strength and support
and unity. One of the best parts of watching the show is watching them
strengthen those connections.
Other things have come
up. It recently came out that Ernest had also been working as a janitor, which
he had not told his children. The timing, with when and how it hit, hurt. Nova
picked up his effects, consisting of work gloves and a picture of Blue. That
created an image of her father killing himself with overwork to support his
grandson while his son was in jail. A new revelation about a second will hurt
her while she was still processing that.
I won't say that the show
is the only thing that helped me write to my siblings; my aunt's death and a
visit with the neurologist influenced that too. I do think it was the show that
made me feel the importance of communicating now the most.
We have our own flaws
too, and no one has committed to anything, but at least they have been asked.
What will be of most comfort to you? Is there anything you want to say to Mom
or do with her now? Anything you want to ask? Are there personal items you know
you will want?
It was also a chance to
prevent surprises. I assumed everyone would know the financial realities, but
that was an assumption. That information is out there now. With all of us
around, our mother has had less opportunities for secrets, but there can still
always be things that someone knows but not everyone has heard. Let's get that
out in the open now.
I do know that one of my
mother's worst fears before was that we wouldn't stay close after she was gone.
As tempting as some aspects of that could be, it's probably not best. Not
falling that way will require communication.
We don't have an Aunt Vi
to push us to work things out. We'll have to make it work on our own.
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