As has not been at all
uncommon, because there are many interrelated topics that interest me deciding
the order of the upcoming blog posts has been difficult. (If you read
regularly, you have heard that one before.) I was thinking about it when I went
to bed last night and when I woke up this morning.
I often do a little
scripture study before I pray, suspecting that my brain will be working a
little better and that my prayer will be a little more effective when I get to
it. Having my mind both alert and focused in the morning is not really easy for
me.
Today I studied first,
and I can't exactly say that it worked because as soon as I knelt down my mind
starting going all over the place, but then one thought sent me down a path that
it needed to go.
That one may be a little
too personal to talk about right now. I can say that it was important, and that
it removed some pressure from me. It also was not what I was expecting; currently
morning and night my primary thought is always what do I need to do to get some
money and get these bills paid. Given my situation (two months behind on
everything), that is a very reasonable prayer. (Maybe I can also say that the
unexpected path was related to my other main concern.)
So I took that path, and
then as I was wrapping up I tried to return to my primary purpose, and my brain
started squirreling around again. As I started to get frustrated with that, I
had another thought.
There are two frustrating
things that my mind does. It will often circle round and round, continuously,
turning over the problems that I can't crack. At other times it will get
distracted, continuously thinking of new things to look up, like Red Riding
Hood seeing another clump of wildflowers until hopelessly drawn from the path.
They seem opposite in
nature, perhaps similar in mental energy, but they are different ways of
spending the energy and they feel different. Visually, one is a circle and one
is a branch, and what really unites them is whether or not I should have been
doing something else the entire time.
What came to me today is
that this is how my knowledge base is built. The things that I know, I know
because of this.
There was probably
something else that helped. Another person read Cara, and she
came to me Sunday and while she thought the story was cute, what really
impressed her was how I explained various gospel concepts in the novel, because
they were so clear. And I was thinking, that's what I do: I explain things. And
I can explain things because of how my mind works.
When you combine the
circles and the branches you get a network, a web, a database with a helpful
reference guide --- I don't know; it's something.
This is how I am made and
it serves a purpose.
I will not be frustrated
with it anymore.
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