Lest I give the wrong impression; my friends were not turning their backs on me. We still did some things together. In general, drama productions and the club and all of that took up a lot of time and shaped a lot of the social life.
For my sophomore year, I was not hanging out with anyone anymore. I tried a lot of different clubs. I rattled around at different service opportunities, based on what was posted at school. Most of that did not stick after I started working regularly, but that didn't happen until summer.
Obviously I was already at the point where I started using activities as my entry into socialization, but most of them didn't take enough time.
When I heard that the basketball team was looking for a manager, it seemed like an answer.
On the most basic level, for my needs, it was. It gave me something I could participate in where I had something to offer, and where there was a lot to do. It gave me something to focus on and kept my nights busy.
With the coaches and some of the fathers, it gave me some men to look up to, though that became much more of an issue the following season. (We will get into that next week.)
There were times when it wasn't so fun, and I didn't know if I wanted to continue. Grant was a big help there. I knew I would finish the season, but was not positive that I would keep doing it. By the end of the basketball season, I offered my skills to the baseball coach.
He didn't want me, but then the track team snapped me up, and the soccer team recruited me, and I became a three-season non-athlete.
Truly, it was tailor-made for someone who always felt there was something wrong for her, tried to make up for it by taking care of other people, and who was using organized activities and service as a means of feeling like she belonged anywhere.
It had its ups and downs.
It definitely raised my profile around the school. Lots more people recognized me, which was initially pretty uncomfortable, but not actually bad.
Really, it was quite a ride. My junior year, the basketball team made the Final Four, and still made playoffs the year after that. The soccer team made the State Championship. Both teams had started out with a lot of the players on both the JV and Varsity teams, because there weren't enough players to fill out the roster otherwise. That changed. By my senior year, both of those teams had full rosters and there was also a full Sophomore basketball team.
I was glad I was there for that, but they weren't my accomplishments.
(Track was different, because there is an overall team score, but from individual events. There were some good wins, and I think some champions, but it played out differently.)
It was not great for self-esteem. Yes, I was able to quickly and efficiently fold sweats and fill cups of water. I could carry things. I was great at caring about people.
It was not the same as being able to perform a show-stopping musical number or complete a complicated math problem or win a trophy of my own. And having some self-worth shouldn't need to depend on proof that you have excelled in something competitive, but since that void was already there, being a sports manager couldn't make up for it.
It did help me get through, which is probably the only fair expectation for a school-based activity.
Yes, parents, you really do have more influence on your children than their friends. Remember that.
Related posts:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2020/04/object-subject.html
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/05/volunteering-as-crutch-for-socially.html
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