James Dewees is not a predator

This is not my story, but I am still aware of it and it bugs me.

James Dewees is my favorite musician, and the one whose work has meant the most to me personally. As I finish the retrospective it is appropriate to end with him, but as I thought about writing it I keep remembering the accusations. 

Previously when I have reviewed his work or given him one of the daily songs, there was a part of me hoping that someone would object so I could just go off and clear the air. That never happened, which may mean people will read this and think "Who?" All shall be explained.

James Dewees is a musician who has played with many bands, including New Found Glory and Coalesce, more famously The Get Up Kids and My Chemical Romance, and his own band, Reggie and the Full Effect.

Getting disclosure out of the way, we have talked at shows four times, the last time being June of 2018, and he has done video conferencing concerts for me twice, once through Kickstarter, and once through a promotion. We were also friends on Facebook, but I was added in with 200 over friend requests. I do follow him on Twitter and Instagram, and he does not follow back. 

He does recognize me and know me by name in person, and recognizes many fans that way. I am not sure he would recognize my Twitter profile as me. We are not in contact. I did send him e-mail that I was doing this, but I am not confident that he is checking e-mail. Most of what I know is from Facebook or Instagram, and I will specify where things came from.

The story is mainly from Instagram, and it starts here:

https://www.instagram.com/beentherefeltthatoverit/

The first accusations of James being a sexual predator came in August 2019, and I heard of it no later than September. 

My first reaction was that didn't sound like James, but that is a normal reaction; it doesn't get us anywhere to assume that someone is not abusive just because they have never abused you. The answer is to listen, so I read through every single post.

There was some bad behavior mentioned that I did not think sounded like James, but probably more to the point was that there wasn't really any predatory behavior described. They used the term "predator", but they didn't back it up.

I don't have perfect recall for this, because later they locked the page. When it was open again there were some things that I could tell had changed. 

Because of the changes, I created a document and started copying things in, just in case there were more changes or the page got locked again. There are some screen shots in my document, but most of the information was in the comments, so I copied and pasted it. I did that April 21st, 2020, and it was even more clear at that point that James is not a predator. 

There were two things that I remembered for sure that had changed. One was that before the lockdown they had said that before they released proof they needed to gain 50 likes. That is referenced on a post from September 9th, but they said that it was "sad that you can't make a joke". That was recanted so early I think they must have gotten a lot of criticism for it.

The other thing I remember for sure though was that they said he was threatening to release nudes of them, and that post was gone after they re-opened. There was a later reference to fear of him sending out nudes, but not that he was threatening.

To me, it looks like what happened during the locked period was a removal of anything that could easily require proof -- like a threatening text message -- if it came to a defamation case. 

They do post text messages, and we'll get to that, but in terms of specific accusations about harassment or grooming or anything like that, it was gone. Then it becomes things like, "She is an adult but she looked young!" which does not make someone a predator. There is a screenshot of an exchange with a woman who was creeped out after reading their page because James kissed her on the cheek once, though she wasn't opposed to it but now she felt weird... that also does not make him a predator. (9/9/19)

The earlier complaints seem to be more about money, implying that he used women for money, except it seems retroactive after there was no proof of other things.

A common case that you see on Judge Judy is that a couple will break up and separate. Then someone retroactively wants rent or money for food that was a "loan". The judge usually throws it out, because they were living as a couple and couples do share resources.

I suspect that what they really wanted to say is that James Dewees is a loser. Probably they could get James to agree to that, though I don't think that would really be right or fair on either side. Of course, if they made a page calling James Dewees a loser, many people would respond that they were mean or bitches, but that doesn't mean you get to lie.  

From Facebook and Instagram, I remember James having one fairly long relationship after his divorce, and then jumping into newer relationships quickly. Each time she was the kindest, sweetest, and most beautiful, and then those posts would disappear, implying a breakup. 

Some people have a really had time being alone; that doesn't make them predators. Even if you move in quickly because you are housing insecure, that is not necessarily predatory. (It is also unlikely to make them happy, and many of us have friends for whom that is an issue, but that is a separate problem.)

Here's what I remember about those relationships. He hired the first one as his tour manager and she was always posting pictures of going backstage at shows, constantly taking advantage of guest passes. The one after was a tattoo artist whom he was helping book new clients, including by taking her on the road, allowing her to make appointments at places on tour. For the one after that I remember him hunting down a video game part for her child. Maybe he was broke a lot, but he seemed to be contributing in other ways.

If you wanted to date a rich rock star, you needed to do it when people still regularly paid for music (or in his case, before his divorce).

By the time of the last post to date, June 26, 2020, the focus is on him throwing away friendships and using people. They hope he gets exposed for something; they don't care what.

One important thing to point out is the things that they use against him now are all things out in the open. James has used drugs; he wrote an entire album about rehab. They mention his issues with taxes; he has mentioned that himself. Their page header links to a Noisy article that criticized his Kickstarter for No Country For Old Musicians. That article was a piece of crap that I wrote about in 2013.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/11/bad-music-writing.html

Here is what they say about it (9/8/2019):

Enjoy this nice article someone kindly sent about his $$$Kickstarter asking fans for an ungodly amount of money to make a record. Pfffft, right... For a record... Click link in bio.

Having participated in a few Kickstarters, the project total was pretty reasonable, and he did make the record, but it was just about hating James, where he could not do anything right anymore.

They said they are tired of not feeling safe at shows (this was from Aug 6th, 2019, but appears to have been taken down) and want to make venues safer, but when someone mentions other unsafe musicians, "please stop mentioning people and bands that have nothing to do with this specific situation" (9/9/19).

When James tried to schedule things to make money, they replied on his page criticizing him for thinking of himself instead of the events in the world, then posted a screenshot of that, after he had announced a fundraiser, saying they could not trust him to donate (6/26/20).

They posted about someone not receiving merch that had been ordered, and scoff at people replying that they did get theirs. Yes, if you are accusing someone of sexual harassment, finding out that they fill orders promptly is not relevant. However, if in your case demonstrating that someone is a terrible person and should be unemployable and shunned, one of your strong points is that he does not fill merch orders, then that does matter. (9/8/19 "Oh geez here we go... So some of you got your merch. Good for you...")

That screenshot also criticizes him for not working through a legit label. Lots of musicians don't, and someone fired by their label might have a hard time doing it anyway, even if that were preferred.

On April 16th, 2020 there is a screenshot of a message exchange. As James admits he does not think he is being asked back to My Chemical Romance, he says "Gerard made some weird excuse" and Frank "danced around the excuse". Their response? "He talked about his friends, his brothers this way". "Weird" is not a condemnation of anyone in that band.

Here is the problem: people don't look into allegations. There were people who didn't believe right away, and they have said that they are getting some harassment from people who don't believe them. I believe that because it happens to everyone who makes accusations, and that is wrong.

But there are also people who accepted immediately and didn't even bother to understand. I saw a tweet that James was trying to do a Kickstarter for his next album and they were down on that; certainly not the worst takeaway from it all, but that was two albums ago.

That is still better than a reference to "pedo" James, when no one has said that, but because they said predator, that is what some people are taking away.

This does not help anyone. It doesn't make anyone safer.

I admit that going through their posts was and remains tedious, but the information is out there, it is faulty, and it is like it doesn't matter.

There are two things I notice this time around that I hadn't before. One, I think the key source of the anger may be found in a reference to someone's marriage breaking up (8/8/19). If I was in a stable relationship and threw that away for someone else that didn't work out, I am sure I would have some feelings. But I would still be the one who had the marital commitment. 

If James is a cheater, that will not be my favorite thing about him, but it's not something that tends to get musicians fired. 

I say "if" because while that one could be true, that there is so much other deceit makes me skeptical about everything they write, including whether it is really "they".

The other thing is that I had started feeling like all of the posts sounded like the same writer, despite an early post saying there were twelve of them. So that part about him targeting single moms and the sick and depressed (8/4/19)... okay, again his own Instagram posts, that one girlfriend would have been a single mother, and this other friend does have health problems... did someone assume all of the other former girlfriends would join in?

There is a post from June 26, 2020 where they refer to a women with James "whom we thought was one of our own. We hope she wakes up, if any woman has self worth they would stay away from this man" 

Because I also seem to remember a very warm Facebook message from James' ex-wife thanking him for his help with her dying mother during their divorce. Not all exes are bitter.

In one respect, the thing that seems the most damning is that James is no longer with MCR or TGUK. Neither band gave any details, but a post from March 26, 2020 seems to show Polyvinyl (The Get Up Kids' label) saying that they take these accusations seriously, and have no tolerance. It may have been a decision on the part of the labels. 

I have seen two bands break up because of one member being a sexual predator (Lostprophets and another that followed me on Twitter and then deleted everything right before I reviewed them). Both of them issued strong condemnations on the band member. That didn't happen here.

I also get that if someone in the band is always broke and moving around and wants to bring his girlfriend on tours but the girlfriends change, and also maybe sometimes he lets confidential information slip like that a very private member of the band has another child... maybe it is easier to just let go when one more issue comes up. 

And still, none of that makes him a predator. And if people would read things thoroughly, rather than deciding whether or not they can live without someone and simplifying matters that way, that would do much more to make venues safer and more equal.

This doesn't help anyone. It certainly doesn't get any money back to someone who doesn't feel like they got a good return on their investment. It doesn't repair a broken marriage, unless there was some weird pact where reconciliation depended on destroying the one who came between them.

If that was the case, I would think it worked. James hasn't posted on Instagram since September 21st, 2020, and his Facebook has been deleted (probably right after his father died, but I am not sure). You must be very proud.

I remain angry. It offends my sense of justice and fairness, it reinforces my frustration with ignorance, and it doesn't seem to have any higher purpose than pure spite. 

I do not know that this post will accomplish anything, but much like the school board elections, I had to do it, and I am not going to regret that.

The only thing I did not do was contact the reporter they said they were working with, marc@pitchfork.com whom they frequently asked people to send their stories too. On January 11th, 2020 they said they couldn't wait on Pitchfork anymore because they wanted to remain anonymous. I suspect there wasn't anything they could give to Pitchfork that wasn't posted; that declaring open season would bring out something incriminating, but it failed. However, I know that there is no benefit to the reporter to answering questions like that to an obscure blogger, and there could be definite liability.

Though if lawyers wanted to pursue defamation, I believe they could demonstrate material harm. 

I don't even know that's the answer, but this current result sucks.