Barney Miller: The Child Stealers

It is hard to pick a favorite episode, but this one -- episode 15 of season 6 -- is right near the top.

Part of that is our love for Marty and Darryl, played by Jack DeLeon and Ray Stewart, but I would not write a post just for that. There is a dynamic in play that I think is really important, but that gets overlooked.

Marty and Darryl are both gay men. We first meet Marty as a purse snatcher and shoplifter, but Darryl always seems to have been well off financially. Reading one thing about this episode, the writer mentioned Darryl's clothing (a suit and overcoat) as a move away from the stereotype. Even when he is dressed more flamboyantly it is with excellent taste, including a handmade sweater from Italy.

I think the suit is because he is being business-like, wanting to be taken seriously; his ex-wife is no longer honoring the visitation granted in their custody agreement. 

Captain Miller is sympathetic, but that is outside of their jurisdiction. When Marty and Darryl try and snatch Darryl's son Jason from his school, that is very much in police jurisdiction.

For queer representation, this episode is more important for Officer Zatelli outing himself when tensions get high as Eleanor -- Darryl's ex-wife -- insinuates that her son should not be corrupted by exposure to the gay lifestyle.

That was not really her problem.

In fact, there had been a growing resentment that when Jason was with Darryl, his time consisted of going to Broadway shows and the ballet and the best restaurants, and then she had to be the one telling him to do his homework and go to bed and that they couldn't afford truffles.

The custodial parent having to be the heavy while the non-custodial parent gets to be the fun one is a common enough conflict that it has shown up in other television shows, and in real life.

While it was not discussed, it was also always more likely that the man was going to have more financial resources. We have been talking about gender-based pay disparity for years without much progress, and this was 1980.

Getting those issues worked out is not easy in the best of circumstances. As things get worked out, Eleanor asks Darryl to bore Jason once in a while. Maybe it would be nice if he gifted her tickets sometimes, or invited her to dinner. Once the worst of the tension subsides, you can tell there is still affection between them.

(That is one of the things I admire about acting: the performers having probably never worked together before, and yet you feel all of this unstated backstory.)

I would say that I know a surprising number of couples who have gotten married and then split up because one of them was gay, except it's not really a surprising number. I am Mormon, and my friends were largely getting married in the 90s. Things were starting to get better, but a lot of people were still remaining in the closet and feeling pressured to do so. They were not all from church either.

Who knew that getting married to someone of the opposite sex would not relieve the pressure?

Some of the eventual breakups were more acrimonious than others. I can only imagine the hurt and sense of betrayal. That so many of them have been able to successfully co-parent is a wonderful thing. 

That is worth thinking about, but here is the point that I really want to make...

It was easy for Eleanor to blame it on Darryl's sexual orientation.

Maybe it was embarrassing to admit that she was jealous and frustrated, but it was easy to not even mention that because so many people were going to be supportive. If there was still some sting from losing her husband because he was gay, maybe that's just gravy.

As long as we have groups that are marginalized, people will use that. 

Sometimes they are just being jerks, but taking those easy targets can keep us from really getting at the root.

Cutting Jason off from his father wasn't good for anyone. She might have been able to influence a judge to cut off visitation because of Darryl's sexual orientation, but who would that have helped? She would have been left with her resentment, her son would have one less person who loves him available, and Darryl would have been very hurt (which would only bring a temporary and wrong satisfaction to Eleanor).

The truth sets us free, but sometimes it requires digging.