There's always more

I got a lot of thoughts from watching the two documentaries. I'm glad I did. It wasn't just a coincidence.

When I was reading March Book 3 there was a reference to two other deaths in the aftermath of the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing. I had never heard about Virgil Ware and Johnny Robinson.

https://thegrio.com/2013/09/13/virgil-ware-and-johnny-robinson-2-black-youths-killed-in-1963-often-overshadowed-but-not-forgotten/

The article is worth reading, but perhaps the key is to remember that this incident that looks horrible to us now was a matter of celebration then, at least for white people. So when some white Eagle Scouts were on their way back from a segregationist rally and they saw two Black boys riding a bike - and had a gun with them - they fired shots "to scare" and killed 13-year old Virgil Ware. And when some other white teens drove by a demonstration hurling slurs while wrapped in a Confederate flag and the protesters threw some rocks in response, police showed up and shot Johnny Robinson in the back. No one was charged for Robinson's death, and the Eagle scouts got probation only.

I have written previously (2015) about how the movie Selma  changed my mental picture of the bombing, including realizing that there were many more injuries. I still didn't know that there were more deaths.

That was why I needed to watch 4 Little Girls. Honestly I think it only mentioned one of the boys - probably Robinson, but I don't remember for sure. Still, it filled in other things.

I suddenly understood something I had read earlier about one of the names being wrong. Cynthia Wesley had been adopted, but the adoption was never formalized. Her birth siblings think she should be remembered as Cynthia Morris.

I don't doubt that the grief of the Wesleys was real. I also suspect some feelings of "what if?" for the Morris family. There could have been some complications from that if she had lived, but the death just leaves a hole.

https://abc3340.com/archive/family-of-16th-st-bombing-victim-says-a-name-has-been-wrong-for-decades

I also don't remember the documentary covering much about the survivor, Sarah Collins Rudolph, but I believe that was in respect to her wishes.

https://www.birminghamtimes.com/2017/09/fifth-little-girl-gives-first-hand-account-of-horrific-church-bombing/

Those were all things that I had kind of known or recently learned, that I was looking for when I watched the documentary. There was still a lot there that I was not prepared for, but that totally made sense. Of course there are grieving families, but there are also grieving friends. There were people who could have easily been killed and weren't; living is good but there are times when it can feel wrong.

And there is PTSD. Specifically I remember a sister having to identify her sister's body. Other people remember the parents doing the identification, and maybe there were multiple identifications. Maybe some people had some things happen and heard other things and their memory became not quite accurate but still all too real.

When I use the present tense, that is completely accurate. Some of the survivors have died now, but it really isn't that long ago: September 15th, 1963. 55 years. There is still pain being carried.

One of the books I read was called The Half Has Never Been Told. That title has a specific source, and has specific meaning to that book, but it was still a phrase that reverberated because there is always so much more.

Yes, the movie is 4 Little Girls, and that's the phrase in the song, "Birmingham Sunday". Four little girls are a reasonable focal point, but there is always more. It is four dead little girls, and two dead boys, and 22 injured physically, and countless others hurt mentally and wounded with grief.

There can be a broader lesson there, that you need to be careful with your actions because you can't know the full impact. That should be reason enough to be kind and generous, and let those things echo instead.

But it is very important to remember not just the pain, and not just that there were people who deliberately caused it, but also that there were people who celebrated that pain. There were people who used it as an excuse to cause more pain.

They're still around too.

Fooled us

Last week my sisters and I went to a TV sitcom trivia night.

It was overall a good experience. We had fun, and it was well-organized, and I will do a full report of that in the travel blog Saturday.

There was one little snag. I think putting it in the review would be unfairly prejudicial, but it is interesting in its own way and I want to spend some time on that.

One of the questions was a show that starred Ted Danson, Woody Harrelson, and Kelsey Grammer, and gave its premier date. That date was in 1972.

That couldn't be Cheers. Without knowing the exact date off of the top of my head, Cheers was in the '80s. There was no way it was Cheers, but it was and we got it wrong.

We wracked our brains over this, resolved to look it up when we got home, and found the premier date of the show to be September 30th, 1982. I wrote to the people who do the trivia, and they were very nice and apologetic. Ultimately, it was just a typo from when they entered the data, which is a very simple explanation.

What interests me in retrospect are the mental gymnastics we put into it. A typo makes the most sense. I make them all the time, much to my chagrin, but we didn't think of that. We knew Cheers  didn't start in 1972, so maybe some other show did. Woody Harrelson would have only been 11 in 1972 (I did not know that exactly, but I knew he would have been a kid), so could it have been some kids show? There was a Bad News Bears television series. On looking that up, it didn't start until 1979, but that's what we put.

That is far less logical. If you watched a lot of television shows over time, you will see different faces pop up again and again. For example, I have seen Jane Leeves in Throb before Frasier, and Crystal Bernard in It's A Living, Happy Days, and Wings. Still, you don't usually see the same people work together (other than special guest appearances) unless there is some kind of friendship issue going on, like with Michael Landon and Victor French.

This may be one reason why everyone else just put Cheers, but we think part of the issue may be that it was a younger crowd. I would guess that most of the people there were around 28, so born well after Cheers started, maybe even after it ended. They may have still seen episodes - a lot of early adults now have a strong affinity for Friends - but it doesn't end up firmly occupying the same place in time for them. No one else even seemed to blink at the date, but we were there in the '80s, and we know that's when Cheers started.

But we didn't know it started in 1982 specifically. If we had known that, the possibility of a typo might have occurred to us more easily. Also, if anyone else had done a double-take that would have provided some validation. Everyone accepting the wrong answer was very disconcerting, and of course we couldn't look it up then because we were playing a trivia contest.

I realize I may be making too much of this, but I just finished reading a book about cognitive fallacies and things, and in that context I have found this interesting and pertinent.

Also I overthink things. Regularly.

Musician Review: Dustin Phillips

Based on when Dustin Phillips followed me, I should have reviewed him in March, if not January. A twisting path led me to what we have today, which is not quite a normal review.

When I first entered him onto the review list, I assumed I would review The Ataris, for whom he plays drums. Then, as it came closer to the time, I saw that he also had his own project: You Jump, I Jump. I thought I should give his own project preference, but there was only one song. I tried waiting for a while to give him a chance to upload more music.

The last time I checked, based on Phillips' personal page, he is focusing more on The Ataris, as well as touring drumming, audio production, and audio mixing. The best option then seemed to be reviewing The Ataris, but also highlighting his other projects in the review. That led to two other twists.

I preferred the idea of reviewing You Jump, I Jump because back when I was listening to The Ataris for my Nothing Feels Good listening, I hadn't liked them that much. This time I liked them a lot.

That is worth mentioning as a reminder that our initial responses to music aren't necessarily a matter of them being good or bad or something we like or don't like. I have written before about always wanting to keep in mind that just because I may not like a band it doesn't mean that others won't, or that their taste isn't valid. In addition, just because you don't like a band at one time doesn't mean that you will feel the same way at a different time.

The one-to-grow-on moment was good, but also as I was preparing to review The Ataris I noticed that not only are they on tour, but they will be playing in Portland in a few weeks. Since I like them now, going and doing a concert review could easily be the way to go, but then does it make sense to review them today?

And yet, the title today is not "Band Review: You Jump, I Jump", even though that could have made perfect sense.

I have listened multiple times to the You Jump, I Jump track "Nostalgia". It's pretty good. Going to Phillips' bandcamp and listening to it makes total sense, as would buying the track for just .99. (Trying to find a video, on the other hand, will just keep giving you the same Titanic clip over and over again.)

So I do recommend that, but it is probably more to the point to recommend Dustin Phillips as a drummer that you could take on tour with you (though not during August, which looks pretty booked) or for studio work with mixing and production.

So that's what I'm doing instead.

http://www.dustinphillipsmusic.com/

https://youjumpijump.bandcamp.com/

https://twitter.com/dustinphillips

Band Review: Anewta C

One of the interesting things about Anewta C. is that she started out by studying opera, beginning to practice singing pop music later. I believe her early experience has informed her songwriting now, often making for more dramatic explorations of the vocal range.

It is not that her music sounds like opera, though it is a little moody and atmospheric for straight pop. I could believe that she has studied some trance and shoe-gaze too.

Oddly, her music reminds me most of some of the more Celtic inspired groups. Fans of Clannad, Enya, and Loreena McKennitt might appreciate Anewta C, and (in one of these things is not like the others) she might also attract fans of Stevie Nicks. I know it sounds weird, but listen to "Say One Thing" and see if I don't have a point.

I am reviewing Anewta C due to a Twitter follow, and her profile uses the Linktree page. I don't think she needs it, because it looks like the home page will take you everywhere relevant. All links are below, but the home page is listed first, and looks like the best starting place.

http://www.anewtac.com/

https://www.facebook.com/AnewtaC/

https://www.youtube.com/AnewtaC

https://linktr.ee/anewtac

https://twitter.com/AnewtaC

2018 Black History month reading

In addition to the six picture books written about yesterday, there were two comic books, between one and three books of poetry (I will explain that), thirteen other books, and two documentaries. That may seem like a lot, but I am planning out next year and it is going to be much more intensive. Once again, this is why I never really finish during the month in question.

Poetry

I wanted to make my poet of focus Maya Angelou, and my library searches kept giving me things about her or things she was mentioned in. I did find one themed collection of poems - Phenomenal Woman: Four Poems Celebrating Women - which I took as a good start, but also the biography in the book gave the names of her different other works. That led me to Maya Angelou: The Complete Poetry, which is what I'd wanted all along. Keyword searches have their place, but sometimes knowing the exact title is much more helpful.

In addition, I read Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds. This was another book to receive Coretta Scott King honors. It reads as a story, but the formatting is really more poetry, and pretty cleverly done without taking away from the emotional impact of the book.

So yeah, I read three books of poetry, but every poem in the first book was in the second book, and the third book was also kind of like a YA novel.

Comic books

Also looking back at the Coretta Scott King awards, I think I saw March Book Two  for last year, but this year I read March Book Three, by John Lewis and Andrew Aydin, with art by Nate Powell. The whole series has been so good, but this particular segment made me think of some things that will lead to at least two additional blog posts. I cannot recommend the series highly enough.


Bingo Love by Tee Franklin, art by Jenn St-Onge, colors by Joy San, and letters by Cardinal Rae. I have been following Tee Franklin and her efforts to promote other writers and books for some time, and I was thrilled to be able to support her Kickstarter for her own work. I know there have been a lot of ups and downs, but I am glad she has done this, and I hope she has some idea of the inspiration she has been.

Other Books

Without meaning to find a children's book, I did anyway. Searching for a different book on Harriet Tubman I found Harriet Tubman, Secret Agent: How Daring Slaves and Free Blacks Spied For the Union During the Civil War by Thomas B. Allen. I checked it out from curiosity, and I think it's a pretty good treatment. It is meant for younger readers, clearly, but it gives a good introduction to the Black Dispatches and the Combahee River Raid, and maintains good excitement.

Three of the books were ones whose names had stuck out in my mind. They may follow a similar naming style, but also two of them are very old and have been referenced a lot, but then were kind of frustrating, with the newer one being really excellent. There will be more on that, but for now, know that I read The Strange Career of Jim Crow by C. Vann Woodward, Been in the Storm So Long: The Aftermath of Slavery by Leon Litwick, and The Half Has Never Been Told: Slavery and the Making of American Capitalism by Edward E. Baptist.

Also a book referenced in other reading, it really felt like time for Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present by Harriet A. Washington. However, that also went with reading Maureen K. Lux's Separate Beds for my Native American Heritage reading, and God's Hotel by Victoria Sweet, and other books about healing, some read, and some still to be read.

Speaking of healing, that led to reading Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America's Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing  by Joy DeGruy. That made an interesting counterpoint to Debby Irving's Waking Up White and Finding Myself in the Story of Race. I will write about the two of them in conjunction with So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo,

I finally got around to reading Bone Black by bell hooks, and The Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler. I had not meant to read more non-historical books really, but then so many things in Butler's book appeared so pertinent to our times, that I had to read its follow-up, The Parable of the Talents. Believe me, I will write more about that.

The first non-picture book I read was Ain't No Makin' It: Aspirations and Attainment in a Low-Income Neighborhood by Jay McLeod. The last was Building a Movement to End the New Jim Crow: an organizing guide by Daniel Hunter. Their order largely came from having copies of them - one physical, one electronic - and not having to get them from the library. In their own way they do kind of go together too, as one is looking at the problems and one is looking at the solutions. It's just a different perspective.

Documentaries

Believe it or not, I have previously never seen anything by Spike Lee. I had specific reasons for needing to watch 4 Little Girls, and then that made me think I should really watch When the Levees Broke, and they both inspired many thoughts as well.

Anyway, there will be lots of messy thoughts coming, so please enjoy the relative organization of this particular post. I would say I will start going through them Monday, but I may need to spend some time first on the garbage that is Lars Larson.

Children's Books: Coretta Scott King Book Awards

The Coretta Scott King Book Awards are given annually to outstanding African American authors and illustrators of books for children and young adults that demonstrate an appreciation of African American culture and universal human values.  The award commemorates the life and work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and honors his wife, Mrs. Coretta Scott King, for her courage and determination to continue the work for peace and world brotherhood. 

http://www.ala.org/rt/emiert/coretta-scott-king-book-awards-all-recipients-1970-present

One of the things I really enjoyed about this list is that the books I found seemed to focus on celebrating artists. I don't see any evidence that it is deliberate, except possibly the focus on culture, but seeing the way artists attempt to capture art, dance, and music was really fascinating.

Little Melba and Her Big Trombone by Katheryn Russell-Brown, illustrated by Frank Morrison

Trombone Shorty by Troy Andrews, illustrated by Bryan Collier

It is not just that these are both about trombone players, but they are both artists I have reviewed, even having seen Trombone Shorty live. That was a neat connection. I am more fond of Frank Morrison's art, which does a wonderful job of creating a time and place, but it may be more helpful for some children that Trombone Shorty is playing now. They could see him. They could practice like him. Both books are about gifted artists, but those gifts were helped not just by their hard work, but also with helping hands in their environments. There is a good sense of community, especially for New Orleans for Trombone Shorty.

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2018/02/band-review-melba-liston.html
http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/03/band-review-trombone-shorty.html

Josephine: The Dazzling Life of Josephine Baker by Patricia Hruby Powell, illustrated by Christian Robinson

Firebird: Ballerina Misty Copeland Shows a Young Girl How to Dance Like the Firebird by Misty Copeland, illustrated by Christopher Myers

I was not sure how well Josephine Baker's life would work in a children's book, but they even show the bananas and it is still fine. I was impressed with that. Very engaging artwork by Robinson, and it is easy to take a different slant with Baker's story, but this is inspiring and it works.

The art is a bit modern for my taste in Firebird, but the way her dance is spread over the city is inventive and holds interest. I also appreciate the overall message, wherein a young ballerina does not believe in what she can achieve, but finds inspiration and encouragement through Copeland.

Radiant Child: The Story of Young Artist Jean-Michel Basquiat by Javaka Steptoe

This handles some of his traumas and difficulties very well, which I think makes it a very useful book. Steptoe does the illustrations on found wood, which makes the artwork stand out visually, and feels like an appropriate tribute for Basquiat.

Nelson Mandela by Kadir Nelson

The artwork is amazingly realistic. The content might be a bit much for younger children; I would think appropriate for eight and up. Except I think this might also be the book I accidentally got in Spanish, so my appraisal may not be completely fair. I mean, I know Spanish, but there are things that might have come across differently in English and I wouldn't know.

Little Melba and Josephine were my definite favorites, where you should just take some time to appreciate the pictures.

The other thing that was interesting is that even though at this point I was not seeking out anything other than picture books, I ended up reading one of their Honors books (Long Way Down) based on seeing a friend's review via Goodreads.

More on that tomorrow.

The other thing that I hope comes through from these reviews collectively is an appreciation for how many wonderful books are out there. You can just keep finding more and more, and the supply never needs to run out.

Don't worry about missing some; just find it exhilarating that they are there.

Children's books: Pura Belpré Award winners

The Pura Belpré Award, established in 1996, is presented annually to a Latino/Latina writer and illustrator whose work best portrays, affirms, and celebrates the Latino cultural experience in an outstanding work of literature for children and youth.

http://www.ala.org/alsc/awardsgrants/bookmedia/belpremedal

You may be thinking that it would make a lot of sense to have looked up this particular award in September, National Hispanic Heritage month.  The idea is sound, but here is where I admit something embarrassing: I thought I was looking up the Schneider Family Book Awards, the category below it on my list.

Both awards are given - along with many others - through the American Library Association, so the first parts of the web address were the same. I was typing in a bit and looking to type more, and it was easy to get confused.

As it happens, the first book title I saw was Lucky Broken Girl, which could easily have fit into both awards. I did start noticing that the theme seemed different than what I expected, but I was requesting books as I looked them up. By the time I figured it out I just went with it.

Eventually I hope to have explored many categories, and it may not be in a completely logical order. I remain uncommitted to exploring diverse erotica.

Lucky Broken Girl by Ruth Behar was the children's book. Parents are very frustrating in this book, and also sympathetic and loved, just like in real families. The protagonist herself does not always take being confined to a body cast well, nor the therapy that comes after, and that may provide some relief for young readers who struggle with their own obstacles. Some of the language is sometimes stilted, possibly an effect of attempting to portray non-native English speakers.

Picture books

The Princess and the Warrior: A Tale of Two Volcanoes by Duncan Tonatiuh

La Princesa and the Pea by Susan Middleton Elya and illustrated by Juana Martinez-Neal

I did not love the stories for these two. The first is an adaptation of a legend about the creation of two mountains, and the second is a version of a fairy tale that is not my favorite. They are still worth checking out for the gorgeous artwork.

Martinez-Neal takes her inspiration from different regional costumes of Peru, and since we are in Peru adds in guinea pigs for good measure. Tonatiuh's work is inspired by Aztec art. Both make good use of color, and are fascinating to look at.

Referencing something that exists visually already but may not be familiar to children leads us to...

Frida Kahlo and her Animalitos by Monica Brown, illustrated by John Parra.

As luck would have it I had just finished an art class that talked about gender and art, and spent some time on Kahlo and her use of animals in her art. That class went against the idea that the animals were substitutes for her children, which this book kind of perpetuated (that may be a long-standing orthodoxy). Regardless, it was wonderful to learn more about her history with her animals, to know that you can still go to the house and see the pyramid that she had Rivera build for them, and to appreciate the way Parra reminds you of Kahlo's art, opening the door for young readers to appreciate it. As they get older there will be so much more to it than cats and monkeys. Definitely recommended.

All Around Us by Xelena González, illustrated by Adriana M. Garcia

The most interesting thing about this book is that while it focuses on circles a lot, often only part of the circle is visible - not all of the connections and cycles are in view, but they are still there. That works well for a book on inter-generational relationships. That also leads us to...

Mango, Abuela, and Me by Meg Medina, illustrated by Angela Dominguez

True confession time: I had an aunt who would sometimes visit from Italy. I loved her but I would also get frustrated with another person in the house, and the language barrier, and the different ways of doing things. (I was more appreciate and mature by the time I started going to visit her and disrupting her household.) As the protagonist learns to adapt to her previously unfamiliar grandmother coming to live with them, I related to that. There is also a nice nod to the importance of pets.

Obviously I liked some of the books better than others - that's just inevitable - but I can see any and all of them inspiring good discussions, and being good reading experiences.

Band Review: Treading Paper

Treading Paper is a solo project from Michael David Miller.

Despite his background in punk music, Treading Paper is something much more mellow and fluid. At times it sounds religious.

Without being completely acoustic, the sound is stripped down, focusing on melody, but with strummy accompaniment.

"Cessation" was my favorite track, but it also had the fastest tempo and the most complex accompaniment. "Danny" is more typical.

There are currently no shows listed, but the web page does indicate that a new EP will be released later this year.

https://www.treadingpaper.net/

https://www.youtube.com/user/MrPunkdude3456

https://twitter.com/MichaelMeraki

Band Review: Na Unt?

I am actually not positive that is the right title. There does seem to be a band called Na Unt? (German for "So What?"), and one of the members seems to go by Mister Tetzentheil, though I don't think that is anyone's last name. But Mister Tetzentheil could also be a band, maybe.

Some of the confusion may be that I don't speak German, but I swear the page layout just changed. I can no longer find the songs today that I have been listening to this week. That being said, the Twitter profile refers to ska, punk, and comedy, and I am not sure I found any of those things.

I guess the lyrics are kind of punk, but the music seems slower and less aggressive. Some of the background accompaniment could be kind of ska.

Ultimately, I do not feel qualified to do this review. Perhaps things would have become clear with one more listen, but the confusion could have remained; I have no idea.

I do remember a strong feeling that the recording equipment could use an upgrade. It felt like the vocals and instruments don't balance. However, I also remember once mentioning the muddy recording quality to a friend back in college regarding his band's first demo, and it turns out that was on purpose. (It was the early '90s, and there was some musical trending in that direction that I was not aware of.). It got kind of awkward. Anyway, I think Na Unt? might want to try backing up from the mic, but I acknowledge that it could be on purpose.

So - just to be fully clear - I am not giving this band a bad review. I am withholding a review because I don't know what I am listening to. It's not completely satisfying, but it will have to do.

https://mistertetzentheil.com

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDCzd6blNRcZVRHb0xZcidw

https://twitter.com/mister_tetzenth

Three for the Fourth

I know, yesterday was three more things, but that was a group of three things that I need to work on. Today is more about three random things that I should get out of the way, and then move on and keep going. That being said, two of them are about difficulties in moving on. Maybe all three are.

One thing is frustration with my desk and dresser. I have always had a tendency toward clutter, which I am not proud of. As things have piled up on me and my ability to get through them has diminished, I have a network of piles of books and mailings and notes about things to do. Redundancy is an issue; I am on my 7th foreclosure notice. I guess that means they have no confidence in registered mail, or me. (Probably me.)

I had felt like I couldn't get started on other things until I could really get to the bottom of this clutter. It appears all this does is prevent me from starting on other things. I have been knocking bits of it away, but my grand idea for just focusing on a giant push through so it is gone was never realistic. It wasn't even that glamorous a fantasy! Instead, opportunistically, when I have a few minutes I grab a few things.

Overworked, overtired, but persistently working my way through, but not letting that reality keep me from other things -- that is what I need to accept. Moving on.

I have also been a bit stymied with what to do with the blogging. There were things I knew I wanted to blog about, and other things that seemed to need it. I hate the lack of order, but they all blend together messily anyway. If I am concerned about political discourse and situations in the world, they often relate deeply to what I am reading and why.

I just finished my 2018 Black History month reading. I am still working on the post-inauguration reading that I started in January 2017. I hope to finish by September, but there are no guarantees. I believe that Monday and Tuesday I will cover some children's books, Wednesday I will summarize the Black History month reading that was not picture books. Then, as I get into additional detail on some of the books in the following weeks, maybe that will give me the path to talk about other things. It will be messy and without clearly-defined boundaries, but maybe that's just life.

Which leads to the third thing.

I have enough problems in my own sphere to keep me plenty busy, but the pressures of the rest of the world are felt too. They are felt hard.

They are often felt worst by those who are trying to help and make positive changes. There are policies that make things harder, attitudes that make abuse more prevalent, and caring even when you are not directly affected can be overwhelming. There have been some notable suicides, but there are also ones that probably aren't noticed. There have been attempts.

That can be really easy to get mired down in, and I am not in this post going to tell you anything to fix it. I just ask that we be kind. Keep an eye on people who might be struggling, whether you know them or not. A small bit of kindness can still be enough to get someone to the next bit.

It was not that long ago that I tried to really make a point of keeping in touch with the people I cared about. Then the world crashed down. I am lucky that there are people who keep track of me. I can try and be better, but my point is that it takes everyone.

You do what you can. You may save lives. You may save your own soul.

Don't give up.

Three more things

I knew if I didn't post before I left for my eye exam today, the day would get away from me. I didn't, and it did. Still, today's post should be pretty simple.

Around October 2015 I was writing about problems and wants that I had and things that I needed to do, and I shared that and started working on those things. It certainly was an outgrowth of the Long Reading List and other things, but it was also its own phase. Some good things happened as I worked on it.

It is an amazing thing to like myself now. Although I needed to get past believing that there was something inherently lacking in me, figuring that out didn't automatically change the feelings. That took some time. Given that time, though, I have grown. While there has definitely been growth during this time of unemployment and care-giving, there are also parts of it that might have been impossible without what I had already done.

I have also found some improvement in family relations, which is not only dear to my heart but at times seemed impossible.

When my computer died and I lost all my data, that included the spreadsheet where I was tracking my progress on those specific areas. I have not been able to completely recreate that, but I know that there are three specific areas that I still had to work on. Those are the ones that are firmly in my mind. They are the ones that I know I need, and so I hope they might be the ones that allow me to move to the next phase of my life, which I hope will be the phase with less poverty.

There is always some fear, because one big source of stress is my mother's condition, and there is pretty much only one way for that to end. There are no happy thoughts there. It is easy to get stalled on that. If I am perfectly candid, part of what made the difficulties mentioned yesterday so hard was that along with the time needed for regeneration I also needed some time to grieve. She lost some ground after the hospital stay, and some of it doesn't look like it will be coming back. That always requires some adjustments to our routines, but also it requires some time to mourn a little.

I suppose one of the key growth areas required has been learning that there are things that I can't fix, though I had gotten really used to fixing things and taking care of things in my life before. I can be grateful for the good that has come through this, and I will learn to be grateful for what comes, but I know there are hard times ahead, and I am not at all eager for that.

Nonetheless, there are those three things that I know I haven't really gotten to yet, and I can be eager to do those, and believe that good things will come from them.

One is driving. I will not be able to start on that for about two weeks most likely, but the last time I was working on it, I was doing pretty well, so maybe the loss of two weeks won't matter. There were times when I thought it would be okay to only have my permit and be comfortable driving, but I probably just need to go ahead and get my license.

I also need to finish transcribing my mission journal. I am not going to go back and recreate what I already did, because I still hope that some day data can be recovered off the hard disk. Maybe the point isn't so much to have it as just to have written it. Anyway, I'm going to do it.

Finally, there is that focus on health, and meeting my physical needs, which is so much a part of the self-care.

As I think about the stress, I keep wanting to go for walks outside and meditate, and then not leaving myself the time. That needs to change. I have been getting in short meditation sessions for the last few days, but my walks have all been kind of accidental, like missing a bus and just walking to the train. I would like to be more deliberate. Mindful, if you will.

I have this notebook for the caregivers program that is a 6-week program, so if I go through that, and work on the journal and practice driving over the next six weeks, then I feel like something else will come clear. I will know what to do, or something will happen. This has always been based on feelings anyway. (Feelings that read a lot.)

Anyway, that's what I'm going to be working on. If something interesting happens along the way I may write sooner, but I'll write on August 15th with an update for sure.

One more thing about the concert (I did miss a bus that night): the last song was "Ten Minutes". It repeats several times "Everything will work out". It doesn't mean that in the context of the song, because he is asking how she can say that, but that night, after an emotional roller coaster, I took it that way, and I still am.

Besides, he says she is always right in the song too. Sure, I think he means that she always acts like she is right, but the failure of the boyfriend to see the girlfriend's rightness should not necessarily be accepted at face value.

Here we go again

I'm a bit disappointed in myself.

I wrote less than a month ago about realizing the need for self-care and balance, and trying to work on that, and I am still stuck there. Let me back up a little.

Longtime readers may remember that latent in my body is an old infection that will spring back to life if my immune system takes enough hits. Back when I was still learning how to deal with it, any illness at all would bring it back up, but I have successfully navigated several illnesses without it.

The past three months have just been a lot. I was getting through them pretty well anyway, but I started feeling the warning signs last week and really started worrying. It wasn't just a fervent desire to not get sick - though that was real - but also that I had things I really wanted to do coming up. I had a concert Wednesday night (both reviews last week mention my trying to take it easy at the concert) and then Thursday I was supposed to visit Fort Vancouver with a friend.

I worried about both of them. As I try to find this balance, I see three things that I need that it is easy to skimp on.

Good nutrition and water intake is important, but because I cook for my family and try to keep them healthy too, and because my water consumption has become pretty much a matter of habit, those things more or less work out for the most part. I have no guarantees on sleep, alone time, or social time. If I get low on any of them - and especially on all of them - I start feeling frayed and weepy and the worse the need gets the harder it gets to even be able to identify a plan for mitigating the need.

(Logically I probably should always start with sleep, because it requires the least planning, but it can be hard to sleep when you are feeling all drawn out.)

It had started getting better with some friends coming through anyway, so I'd had some social time. but at that point it felt kind of too late. I had these two things that I very much wanted to do, and that would give me new interaction and blogging material, and I was scared to go.

I ended up splitting the difference. I went to the concert but stayed seated and was not at all wild. It was still a late night, but worth it. The words and music are still running through my head. I canceled my Thursday plans, and focused that day on trying to get better.

That remedy is rest, with lots of leg elevation, and lots of water (more than usual), along with not much in the way of carbs. It's not as relaxing as it sounds, but it was less so this time because Mom needed so much attention.

With the Norovirus, she was asleep during my worst symptoms (3 to 6 AM), and she had just gotten out of the hospital and wasn't particularly energetic herself. She is feeling a lot better now, so has more energy, but doesn't know how to direct it without some guidance.

That is what I am here for, and while it does have its frustrations it generally works out. We do not have a sick days process in place.

My thought at the time was that clearly I cannot be sick and take care of her, so I need to do whatever it takes to not get sick. It shows a charming naivete about how much is in my control.

I cannot tell you how many people have told me that when you are a caretaker you need to take care of yourself. I haven't argued with any of them, because I know they're right, but no one tells you how to do it. They probably don't know. I surely don't.

So yes, I am still working on trying to take good care of myself, which I have learned how to do for pretty much everyone but me. Oddly, my response ended up being more work, which sounds like I haven't learned anything at all, but I think I know what I'm doing. Somewhat. I'll write more about that tomorrow.

Also, the house is in foreclosure. I think it will be okay, but I don't know how that one is going to work out either.

Concert Review: The Get Up Kids

The Get Up Kids' Portland show sold out in two weeks. This may give you an approximate idea of the crowd. (Doug Fir Lounge capacity is 299.)

They opened with "Action & Action", which felt perfect, and then it just kept getting better.

Singer Matt Pryor had expressed some reservations about the venue's suitability for a rock show. There are ways in which the Doug Fir feels a lot like a basement, though it has a much bigger bar than even the best-equipped suburban rec room. One attempt at crowd-surfing turned out to be ill-advised, but there did not appear to be any permanent injuries.

(Personally I love the decor, but the lighting is terrible, and if you look at the photos and wonder why I even bother, sheer obstinacy, I guess. Plus love for the band.)

Ultimately, the rock worked out. The band knows what they're doing, the audience was receptive, and a good time was had by all.

Given the size of the band's catalog, they clearly didn't play everything, but it still managed to feel like they did. Nothing was missing.

Ryan Pope's drumming made me especially happy; I don't know why. In the past when this has happened, it has always been drummers with Italian last names (Ronnie Vannucci Jr., Roxy Petrucci), but I guess "Pope" is Italian-adjacent.

(Jim Suptic is really in most of these pictures, I just couldn't get a good focus on him. It was touch and go with Rob Pope.)

I appreciate that while the band clearly do not take themselves that seriously, they take the music really seriously. Specifically I always learn new things from watching James Dewees play.

I don't know that I would say it was a better than the 2015 show at the Hawthorne Theater. There was a kind of a cumulative effect between all of the bands that night that created its own energy. Wednesday night felt more intimate, perhaps because of the smaller size, and maybe the amount of friends and family in the audience. Doug Fir feels like a family place since the last time I saw Matt Pryor there anyway.

(And maybe I felt less of the energy because I was staying on the sidelines trying to not push my body into relapse too. I mean, that could have been a factor.)

It was nonetheless an excellent experience. The Get Up Kids are on tour through most of July, but if you want to see them in Portland, keep an eye out for when sales start and buy early. Or maybe they should get a bigger place. Either way.


http://smarturl.it/kicker

https://www.thegetupkids.com/

https://www.facebook.com/TheGetUpKids

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDnNtREEWYJs3RiRc7oFR2A

https://twitter.com/thegetupkids

Concert Review: The Casket Lottery

I had not previously been aware of The Casket Lottery, until this tour. I started listening to them this week in preparation for the show, but I'm sure I'm still missing a lot.

I did find it cool to have two bands with Kansas City roots touring together, and they got a strong crowd response. They may not have been the headliner, but they clearly have a strong fan base in Portland.

While looking into The Casket Lottery I found this description on their Facebook page:

"bummin' you out since '98"

That earned a laugh, and a thought of how emo it is, but while it would be easy to hear the music and be bummed, it would still be an exaggeration. It's not just that the band has fun between songs, but there is a lot of range in their overall body of work.

Possiblies and Maybes, from 1999, takes interesting curves, perhaps justifying it's title. "Myth", from their 2012 split with Touché Amoré, is beautiful and intricate and clear proof that there is more to The Casket Lottery.

So I wasn't that bummed out.

The Casket Lottery has one date left with The Get Up Kids (this review is from their Portland performance last night at the Doug Fir Lounge) in Salt Lake City tomorrow night, and then a 20th Anniversary party in Kansas City July 7th.

Constant bummer or not, it's still an anniversary.

https://www.facebook.com/The-Casket-Lottery-193550150664833/

https://twitter.com/casketlottery98?lang=en

(Pictures are worse than usual, even for me. I am trying to stave off collapse by exhaustion, so I stayed on a bench on the sidelines for the entire show. Remember, I wrote about being old for this four years ago: http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2014/02/your-aging-concert-correspondent.html)

APAHM 2018 reading and the Asian Pacific American Awards for Literature

Last month I read an interesting thread on libraries and diverse books:

https://twitter.com/TirzahPrice/status/998569959281385473

I mentioned the Ontario Library Association list, and she was glad to hear about it, but also pointed out that these books really aren't that hard to find. The problem tends to be a lack of interest. She was terribly right.

Oddly, that made me feel that I need to keep reviewing these books and making a bigger deal of the groups that award them. Maybe it isn't so much illogical as that I hope in my own way I might help generate some interest. Also, maybe every time I see that our library system has these books, that's a good sign. Maybe if something is missing, I can gift it.

Anyway, this time the books are from The Asian Pacific American Awards for Literature:

http://www.apalaweb.org/awards/literature-awards/

The goal of the Asian/Pacific American Award for Literature is to honor and recognize individual work about Asian/Pacific Americans and their heritage, based on literary and artistic merit.

Most groups award one picture book a year, possibly with an honorable mention, so I usually go back a few years, until I get at least five. Without realizing it I got a children's book - not a picture book, but one with chapters - into the mix, and it seems right to keep that up.

Picture Books:

Puddle by Hyewon Yum - This one is pure fun, with a rainy day leading to a kind of bratty mood, but all that mood needs is to embrace the rain. Well, there might be some mischief in that too. At times the artwork practically leaps off the page to pull the reader in.

The Nian Monster by Andrea Wang, illustrated by Alina Chau - This is a good introduction to Chinese New Year traditions. The story is a little cutesy, but there are some lessons in needing to continually adjust, and also in seeking help from the community and working together.

Juna's Jar by Jane Bahk, illustrated by Felicia Hoshino - By total coincidence I read another book about a friend moving away, Jane Clarke's Gilbert the Great, around the same time. This one handled the emotions a lot better, although Gilbert being a shark may have affected that. Both are reassuring that eventually you make new friends, but the issue of finding comfort with the loss, rather than just moving on to the replacement, seemed like that would make Bahk's book more helpful for thoughtful children.

A Different Pond by Bao Phi, illustrated by Thi Bui - There is a lot of melancholy in this book as a refugee family resettles, but sometimes that sadness is real. This book can be helpful for that. I mentioned yesterday the emotional impact of the non-fiction books; of the children's books, this is where I felt that the most.

Drum Dream Girl: How One Girl's Courage Changed Music by Margarita Engle, illustrated by Rafael López - The artwork is pretty imaginative for how it conveys what is real and what is dreamed, and also for how it conveys the musical elements.

Set in Cuba, it might seem to have come from the wrong list, and I think it received some other honors as well. As it is, the book is based on the true story of Millo Castro Zaldarriaga, a Chinese-African-Cuban girl. I have also recently learned that many Jews fleeing Europe went to Cuba, though many had to flee again after Castro. One thing these books can do is remind us how much different people get around, which leads to our final selection.

Children's Book:

Step Up to the Plate, Maria Singh by Uma Krishnaswami - There was a time when many Sihk and Muslim men from India came to the Americas to work, and then were not able to bring families over. Interracial marriage was outlawed in California, but the Indian men were allowed to marry Mexican women, leading to many families sharing two cultures.

That is a factor in the book, as well as how the tensions of WWII can strain the community relationships, but really, the book is about Maria's love for baseball, redirected into softball, but still facing some obstacles with learning how to take coaching, how to interact with her teammates, and how to work with her parents so that they can be happy with her participation.

I was talking to a parent recently who was shocked at some of the heavy topics that end up in books for fairly young readers (about fifth grade in that case). What I immediately felt strongly - and told her - is that when they encounter heavy issues (and they will, long before fifth grade for lots of kids), those books will gave them ways of thinking about things, and being able to communicate about them. I hope it will help them find ways to cope.

Reading children's books again after a long time, I was caught off guard by the immaturity of the characters, but that's real. These are the ages when all the often embarrassing but really needed lessons happen, and when you do start to grow up.

It is vital that many different children can see themselves inside these stories.

Asian Pacific American Heritage Month 2018 reading

As committed as I am to the concept of these months, my execution may miss the point. For example, Grace Kelly is an American artist with Asian heritage. However, Chillitees are based in the Philippines, and RiL seem to be based in Japan. Shing02 is a transplant to the US, but as much as Kitcha sounds like he is from the US, he seems to be operating in Sweden.

One issue with that is that there aren't that many Asian-American bands. The Slants call themselves the only Asian-American dance band, and if they took off the "dance" they might still have a point. I might focus on bands with Asian-American members at some point, but also I worry that if I focus on splitting hairs too much, that it could go wrong in a different way.

As it is, my book selection could be questioned as well.

River of Lost Footsteps: Histories of Burma by Thant Myint-U

Bamboo Palace by Christopher Kremmer

Perfume Dreams: Reflections on the Vietnamese Diaspora by Andrew Lam

When Broken Glass Floats: Growing Up Under the Khmer Rouge by Chanrithy Him

The first two are histories, specific respectively to Burma and Laos. The second two books contain personal experiences from authors who were displaced by war and did end up coming to the United States, although in Chanrithy Him's case, the book is mainly set before she comes to the US.

(Also, Thant Myint-U was largely raised in the United States, with his family being based here after his grandfather, U Thant, went to work for the United Nations.)

If I were thinking about trying to know more about the specific topic of the month, it would make sense to read about the annexation of Hawaii, and the Chinese Exclusion Act and the building of the railroads. I'm sure I will end up reading more about those.

Instead, these were books that had been on my radar, and largely because of my mission.

I served with Lao refugees in Fresno and Modesto. It was over twenty years ago, but the memories are still warm. I met many Cambodian and Hmong refugees. I did not meet many Vietnamese, but a good friend of mine in junior high was, and then Burma, Vietnam, and Cambodia all bordered Laos (along with China). There was a map that a lot of the Lao families had on their wall, with the countries and the different groups in them.

(The only Lao joke I know is "How many legs on a Burmese chicken?" It's a pun because the word for Burma sounds like you are saying "man, horse", so with a chicken and a man and a horse it is eight legs. It's funnier in Lao.)

Yesterday I wrote about why there is value in reading about other countries, and I stand by what I wrote. In addition, lots of them have had to come here. That would give them a part in US history, even if we were not often a large part of the reason they had to come.

It touched a lot of tender feelings. There's a part of my heart that is always going to be in the San Joaquin valley, but also a part that goes out to those countries as I think about the people that I knew and loved and what they have had to go through, there and here.

Food for thought that will continue is how important rivers have been in the history. The "perfume" in the title of Lam's book refers to the Perfume River. Before this reading, my associations were always with the Mekong, but that is not the only important river in South East Asia. When you think of agriculture and fishing and setting international boundaries and transportation, we may have gotten away somewhat from remembering how important rivers are here, but it makes sense. The Columbia and Willamette have played a huge role in shaping us here.

I will continue thinking about politeness. It seems that the strict social rules and expectations about showing emotion and affection could inhibit some important things, but then when the Khmer Rouge or the new Lao government forbids all the old signs of respect there was a lot of harm with that as well.

I have been reminded of the power of kindness, and the harm of a lack of kindness. Too often there is cruelty that seems senseless and so unnecessary, but the point was for people to die. Yes, a few small changes could have saved lives, but that wasn't what they wanted, whether they openly admitted that or not.

This obviously resonates with the current immigration discussion, but we don't talk enough about how economically destructive it is. Human suffering should be more important than money, but people should also be aware of how much the suffering will spread. It wouldn't matter if we were better people, but there's too much evidence that we aren't.

On the most personal level, the reading filled in a lot of blanks, and led me to realize that the blanks that were there were are least partly because they tended not to talk about it. Most of the information I had came second-hand. The worst story I ever read had been written as a school assignment. Some of the things that happened in re-education camps I learned from other missionaries who had been out longer. And no one talked about the refugee camps unless they still had people in them, and then it was just about trying to get them over.

There were some self-effacing aspects to their culture where it might feel inappropriate to talk about themselves. There was certainly a focus on the present and what was needed now. That's not necessarily unhealthy, but I worry about unprocessed grief now. I don't think asking more direct questions would have been good, but I wonder now if there were things we could have done to empower them more for telling their own stories.

The month did improve my historical knowledge. It also emotionally put me through the wringer. There was a family that I had kept in touch with until they moved and I did not get a forwarding address. Even the youngest would be 26 years old now. I actually do know that the father in a different family I knew has died. I have feelings.

That may be the most important part of doing this. Knowledge and context are important, but empathy is desperately needed. We do not have the only experiences worth knowing.

I will do the children's books tomorrow. I did not read any poetry. I wanted to find some of Teiko Tomita's poetry (she was a picture bride who came to the Pacific Northwest), but I didn't find any collections. Poetry in this case might require anthologies or online sources.

For comics, I read the first volume of Monstress by Marjorie Liu, and I caught up on the Amulet series, reading books 5, 6, and 7.

I'm glad I stuck with the Amulet series. I wasn't sure after the first one, but I have come to really appreciate it. Monstress is a little dark for me, but it was stunningly gorgeous. I know I will want to check out more of Sana Takeda's book.

Reading about other countries

I pretty successfully observed May's Asian Pacific American Heritage Month (I probably could have done better), and so the next two posts are going to be about things I read, with bands that I listened to during May having already been reviewed.

Before that, I want to revisit a question from five years ago. No, I hadn't realized it was from that long ago until a laborious search through my archives.

There had been a lot of talk about white pride on Facebook. No, the talk wasn't so much about the toxicity of white supremacy, but aggravation that everyone was allowed to be proud except for white people. I did write about how it was possible to connect to your heritage without making it a matter of white supremacy, with a little bit of background on when being "white" started being a thing, but there had been another question that inspired two blog posts.

I can link them at the end, though looking back at old posts I see them as being embarrassingly uninformed and wordy, but the question itself was not so much a sincere question as a complaint that why stop at having a Black history month and a Native American Heritage month? Why not study every country?

Without making you read those posts, my answer was that in telling the story of US history we often neglect to cover how much of the building and fighting and planning was done by people who were not white men. There has been that unbalanced view of history for long enough that these special months give us a chance to correct. Sure, honest and integrated history would be better, but having months where we focus on marginalized groups can prepare us to understand that big picture.

Even at the time, though, I thought about how making a point of studying a little about every country would teach us a lot. I have tried to incorporate that a little more into my life, but I have some additional thoughts now.

When I was doing my War is Hell reading, there were some reminders about this via the history of the Philippines, and US involvement there. That was reinforced a bit later as one of the other narratives spent some time in a refugee camp in the Philippines.

In addition, I have heard many times how it seemed odd that the US would have been on the side of North Vietnamese Army instead of the Viet Cong. After watching the documentary, that was a direct result of our relationship with France. Our presence started while France was still in control, and continued to support the government France left, even though many Vietnamese were not happy about that. Russia was happy to offer them the support we didn't. Colonialism strikes again.

Yes, reading about different groups and their experiences within the United States is important, but that is not the full sum of our history. Things we have done in Central America are affecting many lives today.

The interactions are often complex. Maybe it was the Soviet Union who invaded Afghanistan first, but supporting the freedom fighting Taliban there had consequences here.

It is not always the government. Reading about the actions of Dole or Coca Cola in other countries might tell us some things too. Maybe they are things we aren't going to want to hear, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't know.

There are good things to know too. For example, one thing I read about was Burma going all nativist and kicking out foreigners, and absolutely devastating their economy that way. Maybe we could learn from others instead of repeating the same mistakes.

It's at least worth thinking about. You know, rather than being condemned to repeat it.

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/03/why-have-special-history-months.html
http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/03/why-have-special-history-months-part-2.html

Band Review: Steven Cravis

Steven Cravis is a soundtrack composer and producer.

I have listened to soundtrack composers before, and I generally enjoy that, but there is much more than usual here.

The first thing to really catch my attention was that there was a whole section on soothing alarm clock sounds. It was surprising, but why not? Lots of people use their phones for their alarms, it is easy to download different tones onto phones; why not choose something less jarring than the standard jarring buzz?

Given some of the other albums, I have to assume that relaxation and wellness are important to Cravis on a personal level.

I am not into that enough to judge it. There is an 18-minute meditation music track; I do not know if it would be a good accompaniment for meditation. There is a whole suite of Healing Piano music that associates each chakra with a key and works through them. It seems possible that there could be a wonderful yoga session that goes through this, and again I don't know if it works, but I love the idea. I like that someone is putting it out there.

Much of the music is instrumental, but there were some interesting vocal tracks. I particularly enjoyed "April Rain".

The word I keep coming back to is interesting. There are definitely pretty tracks and there are a lot of peaceful tracks, but putting them together was really interesting.

I believe his catalog could be fun to explore for anyone, and perhaps contain extra delights for those who are more adept and meditative practices.

https://www.stevencravis.com/

https://www.facebook.com/stevencravismusic/

https://www.youtube.com/user/officialstevencravis

https://twitter.com/StevenCravis

Band Review: Jour Majesty

Jour Majesty is a project of Michael C Perry, who has come to making his own music via a path of directing videos and commercials, then learning sound engineering.

While definitely country-tinged, the overall feeling is more joyful, though quietly so. Perhaps the best word is "mellow", with the added thought that people who enjoy roots music and folk could enjoy Jour Magesty.

I found "Tanner Street" particularly beautiful, though I appreciate the hint of honky-tonk on "Carnival Kid".

Otherwise, a lot of it does blend together, but it is pleasant background music, and can be a completely difference experience via the videos.

https://jourmajesty.com/

https://soundcloud.com/jourmajesty 

https://jourmajesty.bandcamp.com/releases


https://www.youtube.com/user/jourmajesty/featured

https://twitter.com/JourMajesty

The attacks of our friends

There is a lot more to say about what is being believed on the right, but there is something else important happening on the left.

One of the most common lies being spread around is that separating families is an Obama (and sometimes they even say Clinton) policy, and why do we only care now?

Operation Streamline was started under George W. Bush. That allowed for faster processing and deportation. It largely continued under Barack Obama. In addition, there started to be more unaccompanied minors during the Obama era, and policies were set up to deal with that. Therefore, you can see pictures of children in a cell from the previous president, and say "Zero Tolerance" was his thing, and it is not completely false. It still ignores a pretty important truth, though, in that the ripping of children away from their families and sending them to other states for mass holding as they get more of them - that is Trump. He started it, did not need an executive order to stop it, and the executive order he did sign includes some nasty militarization into immigration that we don't need. So, for anyone feeling particularly relieved, there is still a lot to do.

When conservatives blame a Republican thing on Democrats - especially Obama - that is nothing new.

When people see a horrible policy and their first complaint is why do we only care when Trump does it, even when  you know it is based on a lie, it still shows a disturbing lack of priorities.

But when people who call themselves progressive in a moment of crisis caused by Trump spend more time blaming Obama and Clinton for what is happening, that is frustrating.

We should care about things that Obama did wrong. For example, this executive order does not fix immigration and still leaves a lot of room for abuse. The people who were working on immigration then, and have complaints about Obama's policies are some of the best-informed as we look for what we need to do.

I'm not saying we should march in lockstep, or ignore internal problems. That is precisely what has allowed conservatives to get so bad.

However, when you have Bill Maher asking Bernie Sanders - who is not a Democrat - what Democrats should do, and when all of the news seems to focus on how unorganized and rudderless Democrats are even though they are pulling off some pretty impressive victories, I think we need to look at what is driving that.

And when so often the voices criticizing the Democrats are saying really similar things to what Republicans are saying, we really need to think about that.

Remember, the Republicans started out with some great ideas, but when the Democrats started supporting civil rights, the Republicans started running against that, more and more openly, until Trump was the logical nightmare result. And yes, racism is worse under him, and sexism and every other kind of bigotry, but the problems are not going to stay limited to that. So I don't care whether your preferred word is liberal, progressive, or Democrat, but if your plans call for holding back on equality to fix something else first, the answer is a resounding no. If that could work, it would have worked already, much like Brownback's plans for the Kansas economy.

I don't believe everyone who goes this way does so knowingly. Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself:

• Do I only ever give praise as a counterpoint to criticism of someone else? (For example, at least he's not as bad as so-and-so.)
• Do you normally not comment on anything because you really don't care, but when you do have criticism it tends to only be - by complete coincidence - for women and people of color?
• Even if you voted for Obama, did you vote in mid-term elections to give him a Congress he could work with instead of one that was rooting for him to fail?
• Do you still think - after multiple attempts at travel bans, trade wars, alienation of our closest allies to cozy up with despots, people losing health care coverage, and babies in cages - that there is no difference between the two parties?

They sometimes say, "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." That is a reasonable statement, but I can't help but feel like the problem isn't so much perfectionism as it is just preferring being an enemy. And hey, if you want to feel big by picking on someone, the stakes are much lower for picking on the liberals than on the conservatives.

It also gives you a rapidly worsening hell scape. 

Don't think that it's not going to burn you too.

Lies, errors and exaggerations, but mainly lies

I understand that in many cases the people who do approve of the family separations don't view it in the same light. There is a fundamental difference in perception. I understand that better after catching a short bit of Lars Larson. I hope to do some deconstruction there.

I will probably refer to some things that I have heard in other places. Some of the things he has said are not original to him. For example, I think Ann Coulter is saying the "human shield" thing too. I don't know if she is the source, but that might be worth finding out.

One pretty amazing thing is that the amount of time I spend listening is about the time it takes to move one load of laundry from the washing machine into the dryer and put a second load into the washer. A shocking amount of falsehood can be crammed into these few minutes.

The interesting rhetorical point is that Larson used some examples before to give plausibility to what was coming, except that they were completely implausible. He said that there are magic words to use with law enforcement. For example, if you are caught with a stolen car you can say that a friend loaned it to you and you don't remember the name of the friend, and they will let you go. Another good one is that you can say that you swallowed your drugs if you are taken on, well, presumably drug charges, but I suppose if that one works it should work on anything.

I hate to think it might be at all necessary to point out the flaws in these arguments, but just in case, no, those are not magic words. If you can name a friend who loaned you the stolen car, the police might call that person in, and maybe if they have a record and you don't, you might not be charged as an accessory. And while there certainly are some notable cases of police withholding medical aid, assuming that they do take you to get your stomach pumped - while it might be easier to escape from a hospital than a holding cell - police have nonetheless successfully been able to maintain custody of people getting medical treatment many times.


I have noticed more conservative criticism of law enforcement lately, so maybe those examples play into that - they are not always only trying to accomplish one thing. Regardless, these are shockingly stupid examples that should tell you not to trust anything the speaker says.

And this is what follows: the magical excuse to give for illegally crossing the border is that you feared for your life, but also no one wants to arrest little kids, so the coyotes who cross just grab some kids to take along as insurance. That way they probably aren't even related, so the separation is no big deal.

Shades of false flags and crisis actors! But as stupid and fake as it sounds, Tom Cotton is using it to say that not separating families will increase child trafficking.

I understand if the second part of Larson's theory sounds worse. You can think of the recording of the children's cries, and the father who killed himself, and so many examples telling you that these are families in anguish. I feel that too. It is still important to point out that taking fear for one's life and turning it into a magic excuse to get away with something instead of an actual reason that people will take long and dangerous journeys is also an important part of the dehumanization.

Hearing someone confidently state those views is pretty horrible. Right now I actually have more contempt for Larson than for Limbaugh (which will probably only last until the next time I hear Limbaugh), but later yesterday Larson was only doubling down on it. Today he was talking about how they are getting better care and better supervision and meals. Now it's a favor to the children to detain them.

Clearly the children don't know, based on their crying. Even if I hadn't seen (and posted) that article about inadequate resources for supervision, though, if you have a detained teenager teaching the other detained children how to change diapers, that implies there is not adequate support.

Taking care of children can be hard under good circumstances. It doesn't get easier when you shove a lot of traumatized children together into a place that is not designed for caring for children. That's when you might end up having inadequate heating or cooling, or putting the kids in cages.

There is plenty of information out there, and a lot of it is lies. It tends to fall on one side of the political spectrum, and yet there are some problems on the other side too, and that's something else I need to get to tomorrow. For now...

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/was-law-separate-families-passed-1997/

Family values hypocrisy?

I had just convinced myself that I should put off that one thread I was trying to pick back up, get back to blogging about books and movies, and not pick up on all of that again until I finish my post-election reading. After all, the subject matter was related. But I think that was wrong.

Many of you may be horrified by the forced separation of families by immigration. That is understandable. It cruelly adds trauma to people who have already been through enough. It runs the risk of permanent separation, as young children (like a breast-feeding four month old baby) may not even know their family names yet, and even with older children who remember their former addresses, it is questionable whether that home is still there and whether their parents would make it back there. When you send a woman back to Guatemala without her child, I question whether they could ever be reunited:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/17/us/immigration-deported-parents.html

It doesn't even have the questionable benefit of being efficient. It is much easier to have detained parents care for their own children than to hire and train enough people to adequately meet required ratios even without factoring in language differences and the effects of trauma.

https://www.theroot.com/ex-shelter-worker-says-new-staffers-received-just-1-wee-1826918434

In short, there are a lot of horrible things about this, where the horror is a feature not a bug, and it makes the mind recoil. So many of you may be horrified, and if you are a regular reader of this blog you probably are, but there are many people who are fine with it.

http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/392817-poll-trump-approval-rating-ties-highest-point-of-his-presidency

https://www.thedailybeast.com/poll-republicans-approve-of-trumps-family-separation-policy

I wondered about that. For the candidate who ran on racism and where we have seen racist incidents increasing, it's kind of not surprising, but it still feels like there should be some push back. For the people who voted for Trump because Democrats are okay with killing babies, shouldn't at least some of them be upset about babies being torn for their families and held in empty Wal-marts and tent cities with inadequate supervision that would be enough to cause severe permanent psychological trauma even assuming that no other abuse happens (which given everything is very unlikely)?

Apparently not.

It is easy to be horrified by the people too. Tomorrow I want to spend some time on how they can justify it. Those justifications are way off, which leads us into another problem area, and then we will be getting closer to what I have been trying to say.

Band Review: 18th & Addison

18th & Addison is a New Jersey rock band with some punk and pop roots.

Overall enjoyable, there is also an earnest quality to their music, especially with songs like "My Old Skin" where relatable emotions come through. They feel free to pull from other influences as well, as on the mellow and touching "Fix Me Again".

The band is a joint effort of Tom Kunzman and Kait DiBenedetto. Although both sing, it is especially refreshing to hear DiBenedetto's voice, and something that sets 18th & Addison apart from similar bands.

18th & Assison just released the 4 song EP Vultures, with plans for more shows on the way.

https://www.facebook.com/18thandAddison/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6yVg1azrzYyidLjikooJ6w

https://twitter.com/18thAddison

Band Review: Ya Ya Logic

Ya Ya Logic is a band from West Malvern. They self describe as drawing upon alt rock, punk, and prog. To my ears, part of it reminds me of garage rock, but when the harpsichord kicks in, like on "Cage Bird", that sends me more specifically to The Doors.

Okay, they're probably not quite as weird as The Doors could get, but it's kind of nice to hear some of those elements back in play. Start with "Cage Bird" to see if you hear it to, then listen to "Boom Town" for a counterpoint. If that works for you, you'll probably enjoy the rest of the Own the World album.

Fans of The Paul and John might also enjoy.

https://www.yayalogic.co.uk/

https://www.facebook.com/yayalogic/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOaFQLlkSxx56VBrdP6XxOQ/videos

https://twitter.com/yayalogicband

Busy

I'm not sure I won't do regular posts this week, but current activities include finishing up three online classes, preparing study material for a Spanish file, and trying to sterilize every surface in the house just in case Norovirus is still lurking somewhere. Ironically, one of the common Spanish homework and test items is a blog post. They're hip.

Anyway, I'm around, lots going on, and normal, then.

Band Review: Pure Colors

Pure Colors is basically techno, I guess. There is a lot of mixing, and when dialogue gets added to the music it reminds me a little of what Plug88 was doing, only that was more interesting. Some of Plug88's samples came from Gorillaz, but they can be a lot more fun. I have not been finding Pure Colors interesting or fun.

It sounds like a lot of his process is to be experimental, and there may be a lack of focus in the approach that could be fine-tuned, but as of now I cannot recommend.

https://www.purecolorsmusic.com/

https://www.facebook.com/purecolorsmusic/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVTh6ZQXiQu97SSGntrxFGQ

https://twitter.com/purecolorsmusic

Band Review: Francesco Liccari

Francesco Liccari's 2016 EP Raw Notes starts with the track "Long Winter", and I think in that way shoots Liccari in the foot.

Just under five minutes, the dismal tune does have something in common with a long, cold, and hopeless season. It then colors the rest of the EP, which is not quite as dreary.

It might have worked better as the closing track, but I suppose it depends on what you want to say. I think Liccari's downbeat manner is generally intentional. In some ways, opening with "Long Winter" could act as a positive, because it all gets better after that.

But somehow it doesn't feel that way.

This might be a good fit for Smashing Pumpkins fans.

http://francescoliccari.it/

https://francescoliccari.bandcamp.com/album/raw-notes

https://soundcloud.com/francesco-liccari

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCP9PzgCttvHeMGelWMjvgzA

https://twitter.com/Franz_Liccari

One more personal truth

In April I went to see Timothy Snyder speak:

https://www.pdx.edu/judaic/event/11th-annual-sara-glasgow-cogan-memorial-lecture-timothy-snyder?delta=0

I was really impressed by his book, On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons From the Twentieth Century and I think everyone should read it. Obviously, I was excited to get a chance to hear him, and he did a great job.

Out of many memorable things he said, the one that is pertinent to this post is when he said of the things that we see there is one study that can tell us more and predict and that is history. It gave me a little thrill, because I have always felt that, and that is a big part of how history ended up being my thing. Yes, maybe some of it is just wanting to know everything, but I also want to know what to do, and how you fix things, and history is better for that than anything else.

Over the past section of my life, I have been learning things about myself. That includes learning that I have value, and understanding that some previous beliefs were false, and even gaining some perspective on things that seem contradictory but aren't (like yes, you deserve downtime, but this particular way of spending downtime does not work well for you).

In addition, lately I seem to be discovering three defining traits. I am a caretaker. I am a writer. I am a historian. If all three of those are essential to me, then that could explain a lot about me.

I might have previously guessed that my religion was more defining. It is important to me, and it affects a lot, but there are lots of Mormons who manage to feel very differently and act very differently. If I broaden the definition from being Mormon to Christian, it's still true. Taking care of others feels like a natural extension of my religious beliefs, but maybe that is who I would be anyway, and that part of me is something that responds to the religion.

And it is something many other people don't seem to interpret the same way, but maybe if there is another care-taking student of history out there who has to write about everything, maybe we would have a lot in common. Because I know that when Snyder said that, that thrill wasn't only that this is something for me, but also that I am not the only one who feels that way.

There is something wonderful about finding your people, but it is also pretty good finding yourself. It's not that I didn't know that writing, caring for others, or history were important to me before; I knew.

Instead, this is more that hey, this is you. It is good and you need it, and you will do good things with it. Hang onto it. It is a call and response in conjunction with the universe. It is connection both with self and beyond self.

And no matter how different those answers might be for a different person, I believe they are out there all the same.

Balancing

A few months ago I wrote about realizing that I am a caretaker.

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/11/i-care.html

Two months ago that got a bit scarier, when I felt a little overwhelmed with my responsibilities, based on having two sick people in the house with me and no one else. Then, when Mom never really bounced back from that, it started to feel like maybe that was going to be all I could do for a while.

We have a better understanding now of what was going on, and that's good, but there's this one area where I am still having a really hard time, and that is including self-care with my care.

There are things that I have been meaning to do for so long, but I keep putting it off because there is always something else that needs to be done. I also feel flabby, overly tired, and I don't know that a stronger immune system would have made a difference last week, but it couldn't have hurt.

I know that I need to take care of myself. I know that if I don't take care of myself, I will not be much good for anyone else. It's still really hard to get there.

When I was reading the badly-written book on Asian health secrets and the better-written but poorly thought out book on Ayurveda, one of the frustrating aspects was that there was always this assumption that something would be wrong with you: you would be out of balance in some way.

Without it making either of those books any better, I think there might be some truth in that. There are always a lot of things to attend to, and you are not getting to them all, and at some point you will need to shift in some way.

I can accept life being cyclical, and that being fine. That doesn't change that right now I am performing sub-optimally, and it's in a pretty clear direction.

One of the things I have not been spending enough time on is increasing my walking distance in preparation for the Turkey Trot. I have done a few miles, and they are fine, but one thing that I notice is that sometimes I feel this tightness in my body that it is pretty clear is stress. I don't worry about it because it is so clear that it is stress, but what is the point of clarity if you don't do anything about it?

So that's what I need to work on, and I am focusing on myself this week, even though I know there were previously existing threads that I dropped right when I started barfing.

I know I lost some readers when I stopped blogging after my computer died, and I think I lost a few this week as well. I am pretty sure that if I chose titles more carefully and promoted differently I could grow my readers that way too. Still, the most important thing right now seems to be becoming whom I need to be, and there have been messages all around about that.

Sometimes it means asking for help on something, and seeing that I can get it. Sometimes it means simply realizing that I can't do it all and prioritizing differently.

And apparently sometimes it will have to mean choosing me, but still being aware of those who rely on me.

It will have to mean finding a balance.

Plague! Pestilence! Fire!, or why I haven't blogged for a few days

Last week I hinted that there were stressful things going on, but I didn't explain further and also, I kept the blog up, kind of impressively, but then more stuff piled on. Such is life.

Last Saturday night (so the Saturday night of Memorial Day Weekend, not of the Starlight Parade), my mother had two fainting spells and we took her into the ER, which resulted in her being admitted into the hospital.

That was the first source of stress, and also the first source of being reluctant to give details. After all, it is more her story than mine, and there are confidentiality rules about medical status. Of course, we have been giving every friend all of the details upon request, but that has been one on one. Anyway, she had some issues that are being treated.

I was not too surprised (though a little dismayed) when the hospital attending doctor had a completely different course of treatment in mind than the ER attending doctor; television has prepared me for different mindsets there. I was much more dismayed when every shift change in the hospital brought a different resolution. I was getting pretty murderous by the time we finally got Mom home Wednesday evening. It was still a relief.

Now, hospitals can be scary, lonely, and disorienting under the best circumstances, but with memory issues it can be worse, not only for remembering what is going on but remembering whether you are allowed to get up and walk around without staff present (no), so it seemed best to have someone there with Mom as much as possible. I spent many hours there, which I believe is germane (keyword: GERM) to what happened next.

Mom was discharged at 6 PM Wednesday. We came home, I threw dinner together, we ate, and I collapsed on my bed, exhausted, until about 3 AM Thursday morning, at which point I spent the next three hours violently expelling everything from my digestive system.

(I have not blogged since Thursday.)

At first I thought it could be that had been holding so much stress in that a brief relaxation of tension let everything loose. Plausible, but then I remembered that I had foolishly consumed some raw cookie dough before dinner. I knew dinner was fine, because everyone else was fine so far. Okay, food poisoning, brought on by my own bad decisions, but I would live and not spread things around.

Friday afternoon, Mom started to throw up. This is really scary with someone who just got out of the hospital  - and who would be very reluctant to return to the hospital - and is on some new medications. Except, her symptoms were remarkably similar to mine. Timing, textures, color (I had to check for possible side effects, okay?) was exactly like mine. And then my siblings started to fall. Friday evening. Friday night. Saturday morning. And finally, just when we thought she was going to escape it, my final sibling succumbed yesterday.

We had all been together Wednesday evening for our mother's return. We ate together. It wasn't the food, though, it was me.  I believe I picked up something (I suspect Norovirus) at the hospital, and have now demonstrated its extreme communicability.

I have been mostly okay since Friday. I mean, my stomach knows something happened, but it is digesting normally. I have also been trying to do a good job of getting things cleaned up, though it is hard to do a thorough disinfecting of the house when it keeps getting more infected.

Part of that is laundry. I wanted to wash all sheet sets today, except just on a normal load of clothes last night the dryer stopped turning and started to smell really hot. So, no, not fire, but if we hadn't unplugged it, who knows?

On one level it feels like time for a primal scream of "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????????", but at this point I am kind of just laughing at it. I don't know what happens next. I should probably be scared. I'm not.

I do have a greater understanding of how there is so much that you can't control, and yet it doesn't meant that things don't matter. It does mean that you should use time wisely, but I have wasted a lot of time and I don't care enough about that either. I may not have the energy to care quite yet. We'll see how I feel later.

But also, last night I woke up from a really interesting dream that has some good stories in it. It's not like I didn't already have things to write about, but something new is always exciting.

Of course, I'm probably not going there, but I do also have plenty of material for a gross-out comedy!