A few more thoughts post-reunion

I intended to do a recap of various concerts I have attended today, to balance all the things that I want to go to but haven’t yet. Since I just came from an 80’s party, it seemed like good timing.

However, it would be so long! I have been to a fair amount of concerts, and with comments on each of them, well, it would just end up being a lot. I have been thinking if there is some way to break it down into smaller posts, like maybe categorizing them, but there are a lot of blurred boundaries. For example, the Presidents are like the Daddies, in that they are bands that I wished I had seen in Eugene, but then saw at the Crystal, which is part of a larger subset of shows seen at the Crystal. However, I also saw them at the Rose Festival, which would put them with Violent Femmes, but the Femmes are part of the disappointing shows group, but disappointing in a different way than most of them. Anyway, I’m still figuring that one out.

Since the party was thrown by a school friend, post reunion stuff works here too.

I have already mentioned people telling me I look great, or haven’t aged, and my theory that it is because I set the bar so low. Tonight I was actually told that I looked better than in high school. Well, if so, I can say that I am carrying a lot less baggage than I was then. I have worked out some issues, and even if others are still there, it does make me more confident and more peaceful, and that should help.

The other thing is that there are a few people who seem to just think the world of me, and I kind of don’t get it, but all I can come up with is that I was nice to them, except that it shouldn’t have been that rare, and if it was rare, I didn’t know it.

Pauli mentioned being relieved that I don’t remember her being mean to me, because I did remember when her outlook changed—it just never resulted in her picking on me. I understand that, because when I was looking at old yearbook inscriptions I remember being relieved to see so much gratitude from the younger kids. I was pretty sure I had always been nice to the lower classmen and looked out for them, but it was nice having it confirmed. I would have felt really guilty about picking on anyone younger.

I do remember times of saying mean things, or realized that I had hurt someone or was coming close to annoying them, and I remember those things clearly and with great shame, so it amazes me that people remember good things about me.

Maybe it is because those events were rare that they stick with me; perhaps if you are mean regularly it all just blurs together. Maybe I did not notice other kids being mean to each other, but it was happening.

All I really know is that after the feeling of amazement passes I am left with gratitude. I don’t seem to have done anything too terrible, and I am left with a good reputation. That’s good. I do have good friends who are close, and beyond that I have others where we are not close but where there is warmth and support, and I’m grateful for that.

I know that I was really messed up in some ways, and there were a lot of potential pitfalls, but somehow I still ended up with a pretty good life. I am amazed and humbled by that. I have to believe that things will continue working out, because they have in the past. What I haven’t been healed of yet, will come in time. And the more I talk to other people, the more I find things in common.

In general, the reunion has been a really good gift. I know it wouldn’t be that way for everyone, but I’ll take it.

There is one thing that I would like to see changed though, and I will address that in a separate post.


25 minutes walking outside
Crunches
Acts 25 – Romans 8