You better check yourself before you wreck yourself

One thing that has been very inspiring for me in my quest for health was the book “Born to Run”. I actually read it twice because I wanted to make sure that I really had it down. Granted, I have not done much running yet. I did some really short running intervals when I was on the treadmill, but I can’t maintain it for any period. That will take a while. I do feel myself wanting to more—I actually dreamt I was running down up Baseline a couple of weeks ago—but I am focusing more on walking. (Though I recently did need to run for the bus, and I did pretty well for that short sprint.)

Anyway, there is a lot of good information in the book, and one point he makes is that you need to be doing status checks on a regular basis. Are you getting overheated? Dehydrated? Are you thinking clearly?

I could not have gotten into my current situation if I had done that. It is hard to think that there were times when I was relatively fit, but that I had the same or worse self-image that I do now. In ninth grade I rode my bike everywhere and I could roller skate for two hours and it was no big deal. In high school I felt tired running up and down a basketball court, but I could still do it, and I was decent at free throws. In college I could do many ballroom dances, and one classmate told me that during my tango final I did something with my shoulder that was grace personified. I cannot do any of those things now.

(And that’s just sticking with the physical, leaving alone things like not noticing that I was letting people I didn’t even like determine my self-worth, and all of that garbage.)

It is frustrating, but dwelling on it is not going to be helpful. I do want to learn from it though, so I need to be aware of myself now. Am I improving or backsliding? What can I do? Where do I need work?

Actually, in my current state I remind myself of this old TV commercial for a garbage bag. Comparing the advertised one and the rival, “Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy” “Hefty, hefty, hefty”, like they were opposites, but I am both. I cannot believe how weak I am in some ways.

That being said, I am doing more pushups and more crunches now on their respective days—still wimpy, but getting better. I see no improvement on the wall sits. I don’t know. Maybe that one doesn’t actually build muscle; it merely reveals the lack of it.

For the tapes (many of which I was once better at), sometimes it is a relief that I only have twenty minutes free anyway, other times I would be able to go longer. It depends on the tape. Some of those instructors are a lot more sadistic than others. Richard Simmons is a freak, but his workouts are the most accessible.

I don’t walk that fast, but my endurance is good. I’m still terrible once you throw in an incline, but also some of it is just pushing through. One nice thing about having a relatively low minimum of twenty minutes is that you know you can achieve it, so that gets you through the first five minutes or so, which is usually the rough part, and then by the twenty-minute mark you have gotten into the swing of things, and so you can add on.

I am feeling pretty good. I think both the exercise and the scripture reading are helping out there. I am not getting enough sleep, I know, but there is so much to do. After the forty days are up, and I have had a week, I will start a new thing, and blogging every day will not be a part of that, because it is a little burdensome for that part. Still, I think it is serving a purpose now, maybe getting me ready for the next step, and I’ll stick with it.

I don’t want to paint too rosy a picture. I still hate how I look (especially photographic evidence of it), and realistically, I would probably still have a hard time accepting romantic interest (give me a chance and we’ll see). However, I guess I am thinking about it less. I am thinking about health more, and depending on weight loss to fix my entire life, and that is good. I do see that no one else seems to be as bothered by my weight as I am (well, maybe Mom), and although I do get into these trains of though where I imagine things happening quickly, ultimately I am still on the five-year plan. (Four years would be better, though, because that’s Julie’s next sabbatical and she’s planning this European excursion and it would be nice to be fit for that.)

Anyway, things are good overall, and I am paying attention, and being in touch with my body, as cheesy as that sounds. I don’t want to overdo it though, because I have a whole other set of fears, which is probably what we will get to tomorrow.


Hula Workout (20/40)
Wall sits
John 1 – John 6