Falling for Fall Out Boy

It's been almost a year since I saw Fall Out Boy in concert. When I reviewed them, I said there were things I was not going to get into yet, so as I get to them now, I see that my lead time is about a year. That's a little worse than I expected.

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/06/fall-out-boy-this-isnt-just-concert.html

The review covered a little bit about how I got into them, but doesn't really explain how powerful it was. My Chemical Romance videos kept leading to suggestions for "Dance, Dance", and I liked it, but it wasn't a big deal. That led to suggestions for "Sugar We're Goin' Down", which was a bigger deal, and I started to realize "I think I love them." The music kept getting better. That's not to say that I love every single track, but I kept wanting to listen to more, and for a few weeks there, every time I woke up my brain would start playing one of their songs. In terms of personal impact, My Chemical Romance has still been bigger, but this was nonetheless very big.

I had different reactions to different videos, which we will spend more time on tomorrow, but one thing I remember very clearly is comments posted on the video for "Sugar We're Going Down" asking what it meant and trying to figure out, and it was so obvious. So that's what I want to write about today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhG-vLZrb-g

I doubt their issue was with understanding why Antler Boy was being picked on, or why it was so wonderful for him to find a girl who accepted him. I'm pretty sure that they understood why even with her acceptance he would still try to cut off the antlers, and be touched by her stopping him. No, what really seems to confuse them is the father's objections and prejudices, when he has had deer feet all along.

I guess it takes a little more time and self-awareness to learn that we can take the things we haven't accepted about ourselves and turn all of that frustration and fear and anger and turn it outward, despising others who are similar. It's worse if it's something you can hide, because successful suppression can hold off the time when you just need to face it about yourself.

Ultimately, it takes the father attempted murder and serious injury to reach the place where he can't deny it anymore: he has deer hooves. It is rock bottom, but then there's no place to go but up, and it's better. He's not just at peace with his daughter's relationship, but he's at peace with himself now. It is demonstrated by his no longer concealing his feet, but the body language and facial expression are more relaxed too; he is so much more relaxed. The burden wasn't having deer hooves, it was trying to hide it, even from himself. His self-acceptance is liberating and beautiful.

As satisfied as I am with that explanation, it does remind me of one other thing that I am going to touch on, which I started to notice as guys I went to school with started having baby girls who started growing up and just getting prettier and more likely to draw attention from boys. Suddenly, they start feeling a protectiveness that I suspect is worse if they were not always the most respectful dates in their own youth.

Until you see the deer hooves, and the acceptance that comes along with the reveal, it could easily look like that's where the video is going. This is especially true after the skirt incident, with maybe a little bit of extra rejection because she's dating a freak (conformity versus non-conformity being a constant struggle).

So we could go that way, except that so far I don't think any of my friends facing up to how much they wanted to touch girls would magically make them suddenly feel good about other boys approaching their daughters - the more they think about it, the worse it gets.

And, I wouldn't expect them to go that way. I don't know about director Nathan Killham at the time, but certainly no one in the band had a daughter until recently, and you wouldn't expect them to think that way, whereas self-acceptance is always important.

However, for new father of a daughter Joe Trohman, and for my friends with little girls, yes, she will grow into someone independent and this will cause some fear. You can't prevent that.

You can...

• make sure she always knows that you love her, and that she deserves that love
• if you help her find things that she's good at and acknowledge her success
• give her opportunities to play sports and hike and learn self-defense, so she sees the strength of her body, not just its appearance
• show her by your actions that you respect women as equals, and people, and that you are not constantly judging them by their looks and weight and clothes
• be a safe place for her when she's sad or scared and needs to talk

You can't stop her from growing up, but you can help her have the confidence and self-respect that will help her do it successfully, and make good choices.

Self-acceptance is a beautiful thing. Don't stand in the way of hers, or anyone's. If that means accepting yourself first, even more beautiful.