In yesterday's post, one of the key things about seeing and realizing things about myself is because there are these wells of sadness and pain and false beliefs. Ignoring them isn't helpful for a happy and productive life.
That matters, but there is another facet to needing to know myself, and that is living with integrity, and without regrets.
I think it is sad that it is usually only antisocial criminals who tend to write manifestos, because I think there is a lot to be said on being clear about what you believe in and what kind of life that means you should live.
It concerns me that so many people have such twisted beliefs politically. That's on the right and the left both, and I am sure I will write more about that later, but often it seems to have not really been thought through. Do you really believe that? Do you really think this is okay? That policy would kill me, I get that you are not thinking about me dead personally, but since that would be the result can you put a little bit of thought into it?
I was recently told I had no honor, which in context seemed to mean automatic deference to law enforcement, so, okay, fine. I don't, but because I don't value that particular thing, it works out. I nonetheless need to live my life in accordance with what I do value.
Since I highlighted the various service activities for the Christmas in July songs, I have been thinking more about what I could do, and what is within my power. A very small one came up with https://greatergood.com/clicktogive/ggc/home
I know that the amount of good that daily clicking does must be small, but it also requires small effort so I do it. I had been bothered more and more, though, by my click for the Autism site, because one of the charities it gives to is Autism Speaks. A lot of people with autism hate them. It also seemed probable that at least sometimes donations might go to ABA therapy. Many autistic people find ABA therapy equivalent to conversion therapy for queer people. Some of my clicks might go to good things, but I started feeling more and more uncomfortable.
Okay, I could stop clicking, and I did, but that didn't feel like enough either. I ended up submitting feedback. I got an answer that it would be forwarded, which didn't feel like a big triumph, but if other people give feedback, maybe it will matter. (It's still more than I have heard back from my church on the hedge fund issue, but at least I tried.)
That's the thing: there may be many things I care about that I can't help, but I at least should be doing what I can. I am still figuring that out. A lot of it has been simply trying to reach out to people, and remember them, even if that's just sending a card or tagging them in a song that reminds me of an experience we shared. (All of those things that I do that may seem silly, even if they are also sweet, I think about them an excruciating amount.)
There are two more things I need to say on this topic.
First of all, the blogging seems really important, therefore I am trying to do better with that. It will require more planning ahead, and I am not ready to start reviewing new bands again yet (though I think I do understand what I need to do first). I think I will put the rest of my director spotlights in the Thursday and Friday slots, at least for now. I would love to start interviewing people again, but we are not there yet. Regardless, if I have a real talent, it is probably taking in a lot of different information from a variety of sources and synthesizing something cohesive from that. So, that's probably what I should do, even if there is no guarantee of impact. That feels right to me. Sometimes, in addition to explaining past and present, maybe I can also give a vision for the future.
The other thing is that in terms of that value and belief that I need to be acting on... this is what I can say about myself: I will not say that I completely comprehend the worth of souls, but I at least have a sense of it. That often comes out with my frustration with bigotry, but it is just as often a matter of things like people having food and clothing and shelter, and everything else on Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
That's where I am coming from, and I have no doubts about the rightness of it. Questions about how to get from here to there? Sure. Frustrations with individual humans? All the freaking time! But my North star is that people matter, and that they can be capable of great good, and that is where I am coming from.
And I will fight you.
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