Imbalance of power

Picking up where we left off, I am no longer ashamed of being poor or fat (at times I have to fight it harder) because of an awareness of systems that make it very hard -- if not impossible -- to change some of those things. 

That tendency to be ashamed and blame it all on personal flaws works to create misery and prevent finding and achieving what is possible.

It has taken me a while to understand how difficult it is to escape class. I say this even though one of the perceived escape routes was much easier for me when needed than it would be now.

When I went to college, it was relatively affordable.

For the record, I started college at the University of Oregon, Winter term 1991. Out of the 180 credits needed for graduation, I brought 51 from AP tests, plus one writing course taught at a college level for credit but offered at the high school. 

It was a late start because of needing to work. There was a lot of time taken off for work, as well as 18 months for a mission. I ended up taking eight terms of classes, spread out over the years so I graduated in June of 1996.

The fees for the AP tests were my first credit card charges. I finally became eligible for student aid in my senior year. (The 18 months of no income while on the mission really helped with that.) 

With all of that, working while in school and taking terms off to do nothing but work, I graduated with about $2300 in debt. If I had not gotten close to a third of my credits in high school, if I had not taken such a heavy course load, or if I had not been able to work while in school, it would have been more, possibly triple, but still...

Students today should be so lucky. 

Just in the last 20 years college tuition and fees have grown twice as fast as the consumer price index. This has not been due to the quality of education rising or the jobs that you could get rising, but rather to increased administrative costs and because capitalism allows profits to be extracted from any public good, even at the expense of the public good.

I was also fortunate in that the interest rates were not unreasonable at the time, and that a college degree really did increase your earning power. My personal struggle with interest rates is more that I have already paid enough to equal the cost of my initial mortgage, with hardly any decrease in the principal. By the time it is paid off -- if everything goes according to schedule -- I will have paid its value four times over.

I get pretty regular offers to take it off my hands. They generally offer an amount that would pay off the mortgage and most of my personal debt. Taking that would leave me with no assets and no place to live.

It is also a sever undervaluation. Now, the Zillow estimate is way too much, but potential buyer could get significantly more out of it than they are offering me. 

As they don't need a home, they could make a large profit on the sale. What they might be even more likely to do is to make it a long or short-term rental, continuing to restrict the supply of housing that makes it such a seller's market right now.

It would be easy to look at the numbers and think that you would have to be stupid to fall for it, but you don't; you only have to be desperate. There are a lot of ways for that to happen.

The offers were even more persistent when I was in foreclosure, and this isn't even touching on reverse mortgages preying on the elderly.

For years I was told to avoid debt, except for a house and schooling. 

It is more common now that people will advise holding off on college, and maybe choosing a trade school (like those never load people down with debt), but there was a lot of time in between where people who were doing everything they say is right have been getting screwed for it, ending up poorer while the haves get richer.

I have a lot of feelings about that, but I am past feeling shame for it.

The funny thing about this post is I started with education because I was going to go to one specific place.

That's just going to have to wait until next week.

Memoirs: Black History Month 2024

There is such a wide variety with this group, it follows that there are some I liked more than others.

The other thing is that sometimes the lines blur. 

There are ways in which Ibram X. Kendi's How to Be an Antiracist was so personal that it was almost a memoir. 

I almost put Frederick Douglass's autobiography in history, because it contains so much history (as many of them do). Since it is his personal story -- while also showing a broader landscape that he was a key part of -- it belonged here.

The Pretty One: On Life, Pop Cultere, Disability, and Other Reasons to Fall in Love With Me by Keah Brown

I first heard Keah Brown speak at AffectConf, so of course I wanted to read her book.

Brown was born with cerebral palsy, and a twin who did not have it. That did not help with body image issues, yet so much of it sounded familiar (especially for women), even without having those issues. Kind of more bubbly and cute than deep (maybe that is my age speaking), but still with a lot to relate to.

Piccolo is Black: A Memoir of Race, Religion, and Pop Culture by Jordan Calhoun

Brown delivers on pop culture much better than Calhoun. The order of the sub-title does put pop culture last (though I would say religion -- featured second -- is featured more prominently than the first-mentioned race), but the main title sounds like there is going to be more on that, and it was disappointing. 

One big reason I read it is to find out about "Piccolo". Yes, I knew Panthro was Black, but who was Piccolo? So, just in case you are wondering, he's from Dragonball.

Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement by Tarana Burke

This is a good and important book, but I think the best thing I can say about it is exactly what I wrote when I originally reviewed it on Goodreads:

There is a lot of wisdom in here about healing and empathy, but perhaps the most important lesson is that carrying around your own wounds -- no matter how far down you push them -- limits your ability to help others.

Burke did a lot of good before dealing with her own abuse, but it does not compare to what she could do after.

We're Better Than This by Elijah Cummings

I read this shortly after Cummings' death, having not thought about him much before except that he really looked like John Lewis. 

I found a warm man full of integrity, who continued to work hard while facing grave health problems. 

A little repetitious at times, but still worth the read.

Act Like You Got Some Sense and Other Things My Daughters Taught Me by Jamie Foxx

We read this because we were watching and enjoying Beat Shazam, with Foxx and his older daughter Corinne. Very entertaining, but still heartfelt.

Becoming by Michelle Obama 

This was my favorite of the bunch. Obama's voice really comes through, and I like her. A lot of the information was interesting, but simply spending time with her was enough to be worthwhile. 

Life and Times of Frederick Douglass by Frederick Douglass

Riveting for the most part, and even though it is older, and it is very readable, which is not always guaranteed for books written over a century ago. A very brief account of his limited time with his mother shows the heartbreak of slavery, and then its brutality comes through later.

Look for editions published after emancipation. In earlier versions he does not give the details of his escape. While it was relatively simple, it is still interesting.

Circling around the point

My initial plan was to circle back to economic inequality and how it affects political power. There are  some timely examples! 

As soon as I finished writing the last post, I knew I would have to write more about fat.

That was exacerbated by two articles and a conversation. 

Both of the articles were about medications that were initially developed for diabetes but are now being seen as "miracle" weight loss drugs.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/07/opinion/ozempic-weight-loss-drugs.html?utm_source=pocket_saves

https://www.latimes.com/science/story/2024-04-15/how-miracle-weight-loss-drugs-made-health-disparities-worse#:~:text

The New York Times article is about how the real problem is satiety, and that is caused by poor food quality, so really we should be uniting against the manufacturers of processed foods.

The LA Times article is about how this increases already existing health disparities because the people who don't generally have access to healthy foods and health care also don't have access to the drugs.

I'm not saying they don't have points, but they are missing some points too. 

First I am going to backtrack to Metformin.

One nice thing about Metformin is that it has been around since the 1950s in Europe, though it was not approved for use in the United States until 1995. It is generic and cheap. 

It also helps some people lose weight, so it gets prescribed a lot for people who do not technically have diabetes yet but might get it.

It does not help everyone lose weight. I know at least two people who have lost weight on it without changing diet or exercising more. It can happen; it's just not guaranteed.

One of Metformin's functions is to suppress your liver from releasing too much stored glucose during fasting periods, like at night. If you are having insulin problems, that release can raise your blood sugar, which can have extra wear and tear on your organs. If you have plenty of insulin, that extra blood sugar can be used or stored as fat. 

It totally makes sense that taking Metformin would help with weight loss for some people but not all people.

That makes sense for any drug. 

For people getting all excited about a new "miracle" weight-loss drug, it makes sense, but those could be false hopes. 

I suspect that is a large part of why the hype keeps migrating. It was Ozempic, but then it was more Mounjaro that was going to give us all our dream body. Then before Wegovy got to really be the big one, Zepbound started stealing its thunder. There are always studies showing this one may be more effective or this one interacts with two receptors instead of only one, and then there's this thing called "super responders" who skew the results.

What really brought it home for me was hearing someone referred to as "skinny fat".

I'd heard the term before, but kind of forgotten about it. In this case, the speaker did not like the person he was talking about, and I think it was just very hard for him to give credit for that undeserved body shape. 

I don't know whether the subject in question is healthy or not, but neither does he. It might even be an appropriate description if she has an unhealthy level of visceral fat, but he doesn't know that either.

It frustrates me how little we benefit from what we know. We know that Body Mass Index does not correlate with health, nor was it intended to, but we still use it. We know that things that are health indications -- blood sugar, blood pressure, and cholesterol -- do not automatically correlate with body size. 

We still get hung up on it. 

Fat people -- especially fat women -- have a hard time getting a diagnosis or remedy beyond "lose weight!"

If we were better at listening to women, we might know a lot more about myalgic encephalomyelitis (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). Because it was first seen in a hospital environment, the majority of the sufferers were nurses, and women. Even though they were medically-trained, professional women, it was still assumed to be hysteria. If we had paid attention to long-term effects after an infection then, it could be helping us with Long COVID now.

Of course, we have a hard time getting people to believe in that too.

Incidentally, COVID does seem to be bringing on diabetes for many patients. If we are determined to stigmatize diseases, there are more opportunities coming.  

The main point I want to make is that if we really want people to be healthy, well, yes, we needed to mentally divorce "healthy" and "thin", but also, we are going to have to include not only access to health care, but also access to healthy food and activity and living conditions. 

That will not come from a pharmaceutical company. However, it might take a miracle.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/05/shame.html

Antiracism: Black History Month 2024

"Antiracism" was going to be a book category for this anyway, but having just done the spotlight on Stamped, I realized that I should really get around to reading Kendi's How to Be an Antiracist.

So I did.

"Antiracism" was already going to be a category because there were three other books on that topic for this round of reading and blogging. There have been another five that I have written about previously, and there are at least two on my reading list that I have not gotten to yet. 

I could say that some are better than others. It might even be quantitatively true where you could look at how well-written each book is and how well-resourced, but that would be largely beside the point.

Even on the same topic, they come from different viewpoints and different areas of expertise. Some of those may be more resonant for you because of your own experiences or interests, and some might do a better job of filling in the gaps in your own knowledge.

Therefore, the most useful thing I can do is probably just to cover the niche of each book, and then readers can choose which book sounds most appropriate for them.

I have not ruled out writing an overall summary when I finish those last two, but by then there will almost certainly be new books available (unless we get racism fixed by then).

Regardless, here is my most recent reading:

How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

I loved Stamped, but it was long and detailed in a way that could be intimidating for some readers. This book is much more approachable.

Kendi starts right off with his own racism and continues to give personal examples. I won't say that makes the reading process comfortable, necessarily, but I think it does help the reader not feel judged. 

What it also does is make the book intensely personal, as we get all of the points and influences along his journey, right up until the necessity of writing this book. 

I recommend it.

Nice White Ladies: The Truth About White Supremacy, Our Role In It, and How We Can Help Dismantle It by Jessie Daniels

This is another one that is really accessible, despite the academic rigor behind it. 

The title describes the focus perfectly, so this is a good one for white women who do not think they are "Karens" -- maybe even find that term offensive -- yet still might benefit from looking into it a little more.

Dear White Peacemakers: Dismantling Racism with Grit and Grace by Osheta Moore

This one is pretty faith-based. I appreciated that in Austin Channing Brown's I'm Still Here, but not quite as much in this one. I still gave it four stars, but I have given a lot of these five stars. It may still fill an important role, and the focus on making peace and building community is admirable.

The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together by Heather McGhee

This is well done, and a strikingly different approach in that it examines the literal cost of racism through an economic lens. 

Even while I doubted if that would move people (because people ignore their self-interests in favor of racism pretty frequently), I was still impressed with information.

Shame

It's not easy casting off shame.

Even now, where I am fairly advanced with it, I still feel a certain defensiveness writing about it. It tempts me to add all of these justifications and clarifications to prove that I am not just in denial.

I suppose that is why I wrote about the various employers screwing me over rather than some other topics, including how interest -- and therefore debt -- drives the economy, so is encouraged and reinforced, even though individuals will have their debt attributed to bad choices.

As it is, I have seen and elucidated clear examples of racism and sexism creating problems, and then people who were invested in the status quo continued to deny and downplay. There is often a limit to how much that type of engagement helps, though you don't always know that going in.

Therefore, I know as I write these things I am leaving myself open to judgment, but I also know that the people most likely to discount what I say are also the least likely to read what I write. I guess that works out.

What I am driving at is that some of what I write about is so baked into societal beliefs that if the initial response is denial that is not even weird. Keep an open mind, and reach out if you have questions.

Getting back to those three employers, the first one did not end up making much of a difference, but the other two really set me back. There were other factors in that (a worldwide financial crash, my mother's dementia), but I lost ground that I never regained.

This is pretty normal. If you have more resources, even setbacks can work in your favor. For example, that worldwide financial crash did affect the stock balances of rich people, but if they didn't need to sell so were able to hold out, there was a big rebound coming. 

That was not how it worked for us.

That could be a reason to be skeptical about those arguing for the privatization of social security, but I am mentioning it more to get to the other area where I needed to let go of shame...

I am no longer ashamed I am fat.

I admit this is not the same as being happy about it.

I recently told a friend (who had been fat-shamed by her doctor) that if I had never dieted I would probably be about sixty pounds lighter.

That's only an estimate, and I would definitely still be considered fat (otherwise there wouldn't have been all of the dieting attempts along the way). It still would have been better. It would have made clothes shopping easier (though I hated clothes shopping back then too).

This is a thing that is remarkably well-known: 95% of dieting attempts fail, with the dieter gaining back anything lost, plus a little extra. Since even people who know that are desperately hopeful of making that 5%, the diet industry makes billions annually. Not millions; billions.

There are so many problems with that I can't even get into it now, but my point is how brilliantly this fits into dominator culture, and why people have such a hard time letting go of it. 

You can see if someone is fat -- though not if they are healthy -- by looking at them. Judging people by color has developed a bit of a stigma, but judging by body size is still A-okay. That is strong motivation to change, but in reality you just end up getting farther behind, probably poorer, probably less healthy from the strain, and almost certainly with a bit more heft to be judged by. Then no amount of science will convince hordes of people that it is not because you are just a slug who doesn't even try, and you don't deserve to ever taste anything good or ride on an airplane.

Incidentally, I have read that when it became common to judge people by their weight, assuming the sin of gluttony, it was partly because it was becoming too unpopular to criticize the greed of capitalists.

It tracks, doesn't it?

I think the order that makes sense here is to return to financial issues next Tuesday, but I am going to leave one thought here first:

The primary purpose of emphasizing personal responsibility is to weaken collective power.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/04/changed.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/05/anger.html

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2023/07/reparations.html

Spotlight on STAMPED -- Black History Month 2024

Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America, by Ibram X. Kendi, was published in 2016.

True to it's title, it goes over the history of racism and its influence on the United States, preceding the formation of the country with racialized justifications for a shift in the slave trade from Slavs to Africans under Prince Henry the Navigator in Portugal, including the first introduction of Black slaves to the American colonies in 1619 and the legal changes in response to Bacon's Rebellion a few decades later. It then goes all the way through to the presidency of Barack Obama.

For those who read a lot of Black history, a lot of the names will be familiar, but there will still be some new information, and a lot of good analysis. For those less familiar, it is a good and thorough course.

I first added Stamped to my reading list in 2017, not too long after it was published. I just finished it this week.

That wouldn't necessarily merit its own post, except for all the other versions read before.

The first version I read was Stamped: Racism, Anti-Racism, and You, an adaptation (actually a remix) by Jason Reynolds. 

This was published in 2020, and I was gifted it shortly thereafter. I have some fondness for Reynolds anyway, and I thought it was really well done. 

I would say the target audience is teens. Shortly after reading it I passed it on to some teens who also liked it.

I always knew I would still read the original, but then I came upon two things I wasn't expecting:

Stamped from the Beginning: A Graphic History of Racist Ideas in America

This graphic novel was adapted and drawn by Joel Christian Gill, published in 2023. Of course I had to read that, but it still didn't change any plans.

2023 also saw a movie on Netflix: 

Stamped from the Beginning

The feature, directed by Roger Ross Williams, combines interviews, animation, and narration to essentially cover the same ground. 

That made me wonder if I was missing anything. It turns out that I was:

Stamped (For Kids): Racism, Anti-Racism, and You

Sonja Cherry-Paul adapted Jason Reynolds' adaptation, with illustrations by Rachelle Baker. It came out in 2021.

I think the fact that people keep finding different ways of getting out the material testifies to its importance. 

There should be a version that works best for you.

Some people would rather watch a movie, but then there are all those people who always believe that the book was better.

I think the graphic novel is the most faithful to Kendi's original structure of following five historic figures through the time periods. I also found it a little crammed and hard on my eyes.

The "For Kids" version is not for small children; more for older kids. I think they might just as well wait for the version for teens, which has more information but is still not overwhelming.

The full, original version gives the most complete picture, and that is worth a lot. However, if you are not ready for just over 500 pages, well, maybe go for the Reynolds adaptation.

And remember that the subject matter is important, and worth seeking out.

Anger

Again, from the sheet...

I am angry that I have had three employers screw me over.

Significantly, I only started allowing myself to feel anger at anyone but myself in January 2018, so this came about 18 months later.

The reason I include it is that this is a big part of me no longer being ashamed of being poor.

Now, I know "poor" is a relative term. There can be a lot to be explored there, but right now I want to focus on digging into those employers, which I will nonetheless do without naming them.

The first one I started working for about a month after I got back from my mission. I went back to her on school breaks, and when I was about to graduate she asked me back and raised my pay. I thought "Great!" 

I went back in June. She started messing with my hours while it was still summer, supposedly due to lack of work. I actually took a temp job while I was technically still working for her, and it didn't interfere at all.

Since I was looking for other things, I did not come out and quit, but that is what she was trying to make happen. One night as I was walking out the door she said that since I was doing a lower class of jobs, without the more complex ones coming in, she would have to lower my wage. I told her I would just look for something else, and not to worry about it.

That was not good enough. She called me while I was on my way to the bus and asked me, "Are you saying you quit?" 

I was so done with her; I said, "Yeah, fine. I quit." 

What I did not realize -- but she understood perfectly -- is that she was guaranteeing I could not collect unemployment.

Shortly after, I got a call. In fact, one of the clients had been desperately trying to get her to take their money, and she kept putting them off. A few of us were shortly reunited on the client's site. It was temporary, but through that contractor I got two other assignments with that client, and was kept busy for over a year.

The explanation I got later was that the boss had a faulty heart valve and was not getting enough oxygen to her brain, making her behave irrationally.

Personally, I think she was trying to work out a business loss for tax reasons. I say that because in retrospect I recognized behavior I had observed with other employees as being really unfair and manipulative. It was uncomfortable at the time, but I was giving her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe these people really were thieving and irresponsible and bad. After all, she was always good to me... until she wasn't. 

She was a small business owner, but the next time it happened with a big corporation. Two, actually. 

The client did kind of set things in motion, with one VP getting a plan to outsource our entire department. They offered retention bonuses to the crew, but not the manager. He found another job by the time the outsourcing vice president was fired and the switch was deemed impractical. We had a succession of weak, disinterested, and corrupt managers after that. 

I needed some extended time off, which would involve one unpaid week. The one corrupt manager knew and was fine with it, but he didn't get it on the books. He was replaced by a different corrupt manager who wanted to teach me a lesson. 

I admit I asked the wrong question to corporate. I asked what I needed to do to get it arranged, but what they really were researching was if they could just not save my job for me. They told me the day before I left, but even then they were lying and thanking me for being so professional and please call when I get back. Once again I was jobless and with no unemployment.

It screwed them up really badly, too, because they had a hard time finding someone, settling for someone incompetent and a little irrational, but at least I learned I wasn't special to them.

Finally, another big corporation did send our jobs to India, but they promised they weren't going to. The training in India was just for the overflow. I don't even think they were deliberately lying; they were probably just like "Wow, this is so much cheaper!"

At least in that case, I was able to get unemployment. Still, some advance notice would have been nice. There were coworkers who saw the writing on the wall, but I was too preoccupied with my mother's decline.

I am not saying that there were not any bad choices on my part. There was certainly naivete, more than once. 

However, circumstances always favored the big guy, and the big guy also was way more likely to be a creep. Also, the big guy was not always making smarter choices or choices that were better for the economy.

That is not coincidental.

(For this last job, no one really screwed me over. The problem there is that health care is collapsing. While that is an important issue and there are economic principles that could have some overlap, that's a whole different subject.)

Back to the '70s: Daily Songs for March and April

I'm taking a quick break in the Black History Month reviews because I just finished two months worth of songs.

It has been an ongoing project, but I had been choosing ten charting songs per year, starting in 1980. 

(I did not blog about the songs in the 80s, but I have the links for the posts on the 90s songs down below.)

The initial impulse partly came from loving the '80s and a lot of the '90s, but also the thought that someday I might want to go on Beat Shazam. It made sense to see if there were hit songs where I didn't remember the title.

Having gone through 1999 on the last round, I fully meant to keep going forward into the 2000s, but then I didn't want to. There were too many unfamiliar songs, and I suspected that a lot of them would suck. Sure, I would probably find some cool things, but it would take so much effort.

I decided to go the other direction: 1979 - 1974.

That's been much groovier.

I will eventually get back to 2000, but currently 1973 is more appealing.

Just in case anyone is wondering how far it can go, Billboard started tracking end of year hit songs in 1946. There are 35 songs, but also going through 41 for that year, which may have been due to different listings for individual sales and jukebox play. The "Hot 100" debuted in 1958. 

I can definitely see myself going back to 1958, and potentially to 1946. 

It would not be impossible to go back further, but then the popularity indicators become harder to define, including it moving away at one point from recordings to live performances and sheet music sales. 

That is not insurmountable, especially since I am choosing popular songs based more on my liking of them than their overall popularity.

For now, I will just keep doing a few years at a time, here and there, for as long as it's interesting.

Wherever the music takes me, kitten.

1979

3/2 “My Sharona” by The Knack
3/3 “Music Box Dancer” by Frank Mills
3/4 “What A Fool Believes” by The Doobie Brothers
3/5 “My Life” by Billy Joel
3/6 “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor
3/7 “Le Freak” by Chic
3/8 “September” by Earth, Wind, & Fire
3/9 “Heart of Glass” by Blondie
3/10 “A Little More Love” by Olivia Newton-John
3/11 “I Was Made For Lovin' You” by KISS

1978

3/12 “Sweet Talkin' Woman” by Electric Light Orchestra
3/13 “Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood” by Santa Esmeralda
3/14 “Blue Bayou” by Linda Ronstadt
3/15 “Come Sail Away” by Styx
3/16 “On Broadway” by George Benson
3/17 “Feels So Good” by Chuck Mangione
3/18 “Love Is in the Air” by John Paul Young
3/19 “Can't Smile Without You” by Barry Manilow
3/20 “Last Dance” by Donna Summer
3/21 “Sometimes When We Touch” by Dan Hill

1977

3/22 “Sir Duke” by Stevie Wonder
3/23 “You Make Me Feel Like Dancing” by Leo Sayer
3/24 “On and On” by Stephen Bishop
3/25 “Margaritaville” by Jimmy Buffett
3/26 “Don't Give Up On Us” by David Soul
3/27 “I Just Want to Be Your Everything” by Andy Gibb
3/28 “Hotel California: by Eagles
3/29 “Jet Airliner” by Steve Miller Band
3/30 “The Rubber Band Man” by The Spinners
3/31 “Best of My Love” by The Emotions

1976
4/1 “The Boys Are Back In Town” by Thin Lizzy
4/2 “Right Back Where We Started From” by Maxine Nightingale
4/3 “A Fifth of Beethoven” by Walter Murphy & The Big Apple Band
4/4 “Boogie Fever” by The Sylvers
4/5 “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen
4/6 “Saturday Night” by Bay City Rollers
4/7 “Theme From Mahogany (Do You Know Where You're Going To)” by Diana Ross
4/8 “I'd Really Love to See You Tonight” England Dan & John Ford Coley
4/9 “You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate
4/10 “You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine” by Lou Rawls

1975

4/11 “Love Will Keep Us Together” by Captain & Tenille
4/12 “The Ballroom Blitz” by Sweet
4/13 “At Seventeen” by Janis Ian
4/14 “Why Can't We Be Friends” by War
4/15 “The Hustle” by Van McCoy & the Soul City Symphony
4/16 “Dance With Me” by Orleans
4/17 “You're the First, the Last, My Everything” by Barry White
4/18 “Before the Next Teardrop Falls” by Freddy Fender
4/19 “Best Of My Love” by Eagles
4/20 “Sister Golden Hair” by America

1974

4/21 “Love's Theme” by Love Unlimited Orchestra
4/22 “Come And Get Your Love” by Redbone
4/23 “Hooked On A Feeling” by Blue Swede
4/24 “Annie's Song” by John Denver
4/25 “The Joker” by Steve Miller Band
4/26 “Takin' Care of Business” by Bachman-Turner Overdrive
4/27 “Please Come to Boston” by Dave Loggins
4/28 “Time In A Bottle” by Jim Croce
4/29 “Rock the Boat” by Hues Corporation
4/30 “Tell Me Something Good” by Rufus & Chaka Khan 

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/05/april-daily-songs-top-songs-1991-1994.html

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/09/daily-songs-1995-1999.html

Changed

After writing a week ago that I am generally better rested -- with some emotional complications dealing with my mother's dementia -- well, I am super tired today.

It was a combination of things. I got a cold. While I am on the upswing from that, it is not quite in the past. In addition, yesterday I spent some time sheet mulching.

In the best of times that turns me into the wimpiest weakling. Healing from a cold... and I am not even done yet. 

I gave myself permission to not do any more today, not just because of the cold but also because the forecast shows lightning. Who needs that?

(I do appreciate the rain, because thorough watering is important.)

Naturally, I am already behind schedule. Part of that is too many other things to do, but part of it is that it is much harder now to find old newspapers. There has not been a total switch to electronic media, but the change is significant. 

I am worried about how long it will take me to get the other spots laid out, and I am already confident that my initial ambitions will not be met. There will be no strawberries or potatoes this year, and we will still need some mowing. 

It is disappointing, but it is being realistic. I am not capable of doing everything that I want to do. That is true for a single day, and I have made progress by being more realistic about the individual days. There are still some things that have to drop off, even when looking at many days. Some things may fit in later, but some won't.

I can bear that because I have been able to drop (for the most part) the belief that not only should I be able to do everything, but that I must.

That is probably a big part of being able to feel less tired now overall; the responsibilities I took upon myself were ridiculous. That was mainly mental, because I was getting the things done that most needed to be done, but I was still being bugged by everything I could not do.

An accurate understanding of your abilities and what you can even control makes a huge difference.

Getting back to the paper, I mentioned last week that the "I want" and "I need" categories were exactly the same: money, love, and rest.

I am actually in a better place with all three of them, though they remain not completely resolved.

Let me bring up on more category with its entries:

I am ashamed...

• that I am fat.
• that I am poor.

The correlation between being poor and the need for money may be more obvious, but I promise you that I believed being fat had everything to do with not being loved.

I am still fat and still poor. 

Well, "poor" has a lot of nuance there. We could be worse off, I was worse off then, and there are definitely bills that will come due that need money to come in to pay them. I am mostly confident that it will work out, but there is enough uncertainty to keep things interesting. 

There are two things that help with both issues.

One of them is knowing what is not in my control.

It seems that this will require at least one other post.

1 play, 6 movies -- Black History Month 2024

Most of these I watched a while ago and really wanted to. 

Three of them were last minute additions, two of which I felt very critical of, but possibly unfairly.

The movies:

The Lovebirds (2020)

This one just looked like fun, and it was. 

I saw the trailer in the theaters, but ended up seeing it on Netflix, just seeing that I could. (That is how I ended up watching most of these.) It was nice because previously I had only seen Issa Rae in The Photograph (also 2020), which had not been fun (it was a romantic film, but very solemn and serious.). She is known for comedy, so I felt like I was missing out. Now I have seen her as President Barbie as well. 

Enjoyable, and actually some pretty realistic points about relationships.

42 (2013)

A little ponderous, but there is a good cast and it covers important material. 

There have been other media that told me more about Jackie Robinson, Branch Rickey, and baseball in general, but one of the really interesting and unexpected things here was the story of Wendell Smith, a Black sportswriter who faced similar obstacles and isolation to Robinson, with much less publicity.

Becoming (2020)

Behind in my viewing, I had not realized how many of these came out the same year.

Obviously you get more from the book, but this gives you the opportunity to hear from other people, the chance to observe her interacting, and a few fun surprises.

Rustin (2023)

This is where I started impulse watching and then not being sure that I was glad I had.

In this case, there were things that I worried they made worse than they needed to be for dramatic impact. That it is normal with movies -- you combine and compress -- but then I was not sure if they were making it less true. For some of the emotional things... he had been doing this for a long time by then, which doesn't mean it wasn't hard, but did they give you an accurate idea of Rustin himself?

Except... one thing they really drove home is how much work really good organizing takes, as they work out sound systems and latrines and food and temperatures and chartering buses and fundraising, all while dealing with the racism and the homophobia. (I don't think that was exaggerated.) There was so much, and while Rustin did not do it without help, he was amazing at it and a big part of motivating and instructing that help. Could they have pulled off the March on Washington without him? Maybe, but it would have been much harder.

American Symphony (2023)

Going over Jon Batiste's preparation for an upcoming symphony performance while also having an amazing year at the Grammy's and facing the recurrence of his wife's cancer. There is a lot going on.

I was not familiar with him before, and this was a good introduction.

It probably is also an indication that in my current space, I am happier with documentaries where you hear the voice of the subjects than historical features where you don't know how much is the screenwriter and crew.

Shirley (2024)

This is again one where I was not sure how well they were representing, and worried by that.

On one level, I felt like it was kind of portraying her as Bernie Sanders -- too honest and ornery to succeed, at least in getting elected president. However, in the text at the end they show her as an effective legislator, bringing forward a lot of legislation, so the comparison ends there. 

It did bring home how difficult campaigns can be, especially for family members.

The Play:

Seven Guitars 

Well, the August Wilson play debuted in 1995, but it's set in 1948, and I saw it in 2023. 

My eventual goal is to have seen Wilson's entire Pittsburgh Cycle. This put me at 30%. I will say that after some online searching trying to understand what was going on with the rooster, I understand some things about Fences better. There was no rooster in Fences, but getting some ideas into the symbolism made Troy Maxson's arc and the ending more clear.

Note: I did also see Origin this year -- which is super current for me -- but I think I will write about it at a  different time.

Limbo

I mentioned the different categories on the paper last week, but I did not mention that two of them were exactly alike.

I want..

• money
• love
• rest

I need...

• money
• love
• rest

I was so tired then. 

That is still a factor in our lives, but the difference is still notable.

When I was caregiving for Mom, I had an official diagnosis of "Caregiver Burnout" (which is still on my chart). I had never thought we would put her in a facility, but then it was what she needed, and it was right, but it still had a lot of hard emotions associated with it. Once she was gone, I immediately had to start job hunting, and that was a very discouraging process. 

I don't remember ever feeling good.

Going from another time of burnout (this time from the call center) to job hunting could easily have been terrible, but there have been differences.

I didn't have the same level of emotional attachment to my job as to my mother, so that can only help. I also gave myself a cushion so there could be some time to get into the job search slowly. Then, some really cool things have been happening. 

I feel pretty good.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/03/in-good-place.html

There is still a tiredness relating to Mom, and the whole household has that.

Currently, she has been in hospice since July, so that has been a while.

If we count back further, to when she went into the facility, or when she no longer remembered us, or when she could no longer be left alone... there is a long trail of discouraging milestones.

For the terminology that is used in psychological reading, you can always have grief, but mourning is part of healing, and that can't begin until the loss is done. 

I swear I remember someone referring to Alzheimer's as the never-ending death once, but that's not true; at some point it will end. The more accurate expression seems to be "the long goodbye".

We miss her, but there is a time when we will miss her more, or differently, and we don't know when that will happen, so it's just always hanging there.

There are still goof things that happen, and we have been blessed in a lot of ways, but there is also this one factor that is always there, dragging along behind.

 That won't get better until it gets worse.

Other works for younger readers -- Black History Month 2024

I wanted to go over a few more books, in a few more categories.

Picture Books that are not by Pinkneys:

Big by Vashti Harrison

Bedtime Bonnet by Nancy Redd, illustrated by Nneka Myers

Cape by Kevin Johnson, illustrated by Kitt Thomas

First of all, I cannot adequately express how beautiful and needed Big is.

Vashti Harrison has appeared before as the illustrator of Sulwe and Hair Love. She is a wonderful illustrator, but this is all her, written with sensitivity and love.

Cape is good for dealing with grief. It hurts, but for children who are hurting it may help.

Bedtime Bonnet is a fun book about a girl searching for her bonnet at bedtime. In the process, we see other ways of caring for hair, and get a laugh at the eventual location.

Longer Picture Books:

Curve & Flow: The Elegant Vision of L.A. Architect Paul R. Williams by Andrea J. Lonely, illustrated by Keith Mallett

I saw this at the Neon Museum in Las Vegas, which incorporates some of Williams' work. He did more design in Los Angeles, but it would be easy to not know about him, and it is good to know anyway.

Swish! The Slam-Dunking, Alley-Ooping, High Flying Harlem Globetrotters by Suzanne Slade, illustrated by Don Tate

Even though I watched the cartoon, saw them visit Gilligan's Island, and even saw them live once as a kid, there was a lot that I never knew about the Harlem Globetrotters, including how long they had been around. I saw them live again a few months after reading this, and it gave me a greater appreciation.

Chapter Books:

Just Like Martin by Ossie Davis

I think this originally ended up on my reading list because there is an edition where Andrea Davis Pinkney did the foreword. That was not the edition I read, but it is a good treatment of non-violence and commitment, suitable for (probably) ages 10 and up.

The Port Chicago 50: Disaster, Mutiny, and the Fight for Civil Rights by Steve Sheinkin 

Just Like Martin is historical fiction, but The Port Chicago 50 is non-fiction, and again, it is something that it would be easy not to know about, but that we should know about.

Comic Books:

Twins by Varian Johnson and Shannon Wright

As the older sister of twins, I may have felt the angst a little more here. Francine is trying to differentiate herself from Maureen, and Maureen takes it hard. Themes of finding yourself and growing up.

Run: Book One by John Lewis, Andrew Aydin, Nate Powell, and L. Fury

I loved the March series, and John Lewis in general. This is a good book, but I can't help but feel the loss of the other two books that surely should have come if he had lived longer.

Cheer up; it may never happen!

In sorting through old things, I came upon something that I knew I needed to spend more time on.

I originally started using those big at-a-glace calendars because I liked that they could hold a lot of notes (maybe small drawings) and were easy to read. I later began liking them even more for those big empty back sides, which I would sometimes use more creatively.

I have one that I filled up with short statements.

The date on the front is July 2019. Based on what I wrote, it was definitely after October 2018 and before July 2020. I guess this was right in the middle.

When I say "filled", there are 70 statements, in groups starting with things like "I am sad...", "I am angry...", "I need..." and things like that. 

It's a good record of where I was at the time. 

I knew I wanted to capture it in my journal, but as I did that there was so much emotion and so much growth, that it is also getting at least one blog post.

The first thing that stands out is that the biggest category-- with 25 statements -- is "I am afraid":

• I am afraid that I will never get out of debt.
• I am afraid that we will go into foreclosure again.
• I am afraid that it will never get any better -- just sadness and drudgery from here on out.

A lot of them have to do with Mom, and were pretty specific:

• I am afraid that Mom will accidentally let Adele (our dog) out.
• I am afraid that Mom will take off without me knowing, maybe when I am in the shower or asleep.
• I am afraid that Mom will lock me out of the house when I go to get the mail.
• I am afraid that she will become non-verbal and be unhappy but won't be able to tell me.
• I am afraid that something will happen where I don't know what to do.

Therefore, the most wonderful thing about this is how much of it never happened.

I still think it was valuable going over it. Sometimes you need to get things out, and sometimes it is good to realize that you should never leave the house -- even just to go to the mailbox -- without taking keys.

Not everything is definitively resolved. I am not out of debt, I am not positive that I have not permanently damaged my health. While Biden did get elected I am not positive that democracy has fully recovered. (Not all of my fears were about Mom.)

I could still end up having to be a caretaker for other family members. Some of them have much worse personalities than Mom.

However, my friends are still my friends, I have been on vacations. While things were often difficult, Mom has stayed safe. 

I was always given clarity of thought on what needed to be done.

Even though the fear was real, it wasn't all I felt.

From other sections...

• I am grateful that we have made it this far.
• I trust that I will not injure Mom, or desert her, or do anything terrible.
  

Spotlight on Brian Pinkney: Black History Month 2024

I have reached another milestone in my attempts to read everything by the Pinkney family.

There is a lot here, even with all of his work that was already covered. 

I have broken it down into different categories for easier perusal. 

By himself:

Puppy Truck
Time For Kenny
Jojo's Flying Sidekick
The Adventures of Sparrowboy
On the Ball
Hey Otter! Hey Beaver!
Thumbelina
Hush, Little Baby

There are two main art styles that Pinkney switches between, and you can see both of them in this selection, and get an idea of how the different styles may serve different types of stories. 

Sparrowboy is done kind of comic book style, while still primarily being a picture book. That makes sense for the subject matter. 

Puppy Truck was surprisingly charming.

With Andrea Davis Pinkney:

Hey, Baby Girl!

I was confused that I had missed this, because it seems to fit in perfectly with the Bright Brown Baby books, but I forgot how recent they were. Hey, Baby Girl! came out in October 2023, months after I posted https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/06/spotlight-on-andrea-davis-pinkney.html.

What I will add is that even if your baby is not brown, these types of books -- loving and affirming -- are good. Even white babies will be helped, not harmed, but seeing this kind of representation.

With Robert D. San Souci:

Cendrillon: A Caribbean Cinderella
Sukey and the Mermaid
The Boy and the Ghost
The Faithful Friend
Cut From the Same Cloth: American Women of Myth, Legend, and Tall Tales

I have mainly enjoyed these, but with his priority on being a folklorist, San Souci is often a bit wordy for children's books.

With Patricia McKissack:

Let's Clap, Jump, Sing and Shout: Dance, Spin, and Turn It Out!
The Dark-Thirty: Southern Tales of the Supernatural

I kind of associate McKissack with San Souci, though I think it is fair to call her more of a historian than a folklorist. Also, I like her writing better.

Other folklore:

The Ballad of Belle Dorcas by William H. Hooks
A Wave in Her Pocket: Stories from Trinidad by Lynn Joseph
The Elephant's Wrestling Match by Judy Sierra
The Story Teller by Derrick Gantt
In the Time of the Drums by Kim L. Siegelson
Busy-Busy Little Chick by Janice N. Harrington

I would probably recommend A Wave in Her Pocket and Busy-Busy Little Chick most out of this group.

History:

Jackie's Bat by Marybeth Lorbiecki
The Stone Lamp: Eight Stories of Hanukkah Through History by Karen Hesse
Happy Birthday Martin Luther King Jr. by Jean Marzolla
Harriet Tubman and Black History Month (Let's Celebrate) by Polly Carter
Julie Brown: Racing with the World by R.R. Knudsen

The last one may be questionable as "history" as this is a fairly recent athlete, but Julie Brown is a real person. I did not love her story, but that was more due to her coaches. Otherwise these are mostly fine, though none of them were my favorites.

For history, I find his work with Andrea to be more interesting. They make a good team.

With Carol Boston Weatherford:

Dreams for a Daughter
In Your Hands

Weatherford's writing is beautiful and inspirational.  

With music:

We Are One by Ysaye M. Barnwell
Little Diva by LaChanze
Hip-Hop Lollipop by Susan McElroy Monanari

Well, the last one does not have an official recording, but you can listen to it read aloud with a pretty good bass track, kind of like "Rapper's Delight":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhTTV6GjcIw&t=70s

There is also a similarly named song with Bootsy Collins and Fantaazma that I do not believe has any affiliation, but I also can't recommend it because to work in the lollipop they infantilize Fantaazma. Without being at all familiar with her, I think it sets a bad precedent.

With Maxine Rose Schur:

Day of Delight: A Jewish Sabbath in Ethiopia
When I Left My Village

The first book is an interesting account of a closely knit group and their communal Sabbath worship. That makes the disruption of the community by prejudice, governmental land changes, and necessary flight more heartbreaking.The protagonist's eventual arrival in Israel is supposed to be a happy resolution, but the displaced Ethopian Jews have historically faced prejudice in Israel as well, even without taking the current situation into account.

By Linda Sue Park:

Nya's Long Walk: One Step At a Time
A Long Walk to Water: Based on a True Story 

Pinkney did not illustrate the second book, which is a chapter book rather than a picture book. However, it was interesting to have the expanded story. We have another refugee story here, this time from Sudan.

Poetry Illustrations:

The Dream Keeper and Other Poems, by Langston Hughes
The Lost Zoo, by Countee Cullen
Jump Back Honey: The Poems of Paul Laurence Dunbar, by Paul Laurence Dunbar, with Ashley Brian, Carole Byard, Jan Spivey Gilchrist, and Jerry Pinkney

Honestly The Lost Zoo was a little too silly/not lyrical enough for me, though when Cullen is describing his relationship with his cat it strikes a chord. The other two collections are better, and of course overall these are some really important poets.

Pathways:

Where Does the Trail Lead? by Burton Albert
A Walk in the Woods by Nikki Grimes, with Jerry Pinkney

If Where Does the Trail Lead? (which I enjoyed) fit anywhere else, I would have put A Walk in the Woods by itself. 

I might have classified it under "working with family", but of course we have Brian's work with Andrea (his wife) and he collaborates with Jerry (his father) on Jump Back. In addition, there will be a later spotlight (next year) on work with his mother, Gloria Jean Pinkney. (Jerry will get his own spotlight then too.)

However, this one is different, and hits hard. 

Grimes was originally working on the book with Jerry Pinkney, who had completed the sketches but not added color when he died. Brian finished his father's work, and he finished it on a book about a boy grieving the loss of his father. 

It hurts but it is ultimately beautiful.

Plodding along

About a month later, I am no longer giddy. 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/03/in-good-place.html

I am not unhappy, but the euphoria has worn off. 

Part of this is that every thing I do seems to lead to more things to do. Sometimes there is a lot of hurry up and wait.

I had indicated this before, but I had a long list of jobs and programs that I wanted to look into, even before I quit.

Now I am doing that, but of course if you look into one program, and then you apply, you may have to wait for your application to be examined, or submit other materials.

Also, while I have not applied for that many jobs yet, I am getting a few rejections. They were expected, so that is not terrible, but that's why I'm not giddy.

I am guided by that long list.

Every Sunday I create a set of goals for the coming week. Then, each morning I figure out what things should be done today. (I will sometimes sort that out before I go to bed as well.)

I am getting a little better at setting realistic goals, but I am still not the most patient person.

This is the thing that is cool, though, and the reason I am sharing it.

A long list of things to do could be something that would weigh me down. If I did not have time to work at it, it would.

Instead, it is acting more like ballast. 

Why isn't something happening? Well, you still haven't done these things, Gina. In fact, there are some key things you won't get to until next week, and there are some important things for the week after that.

That is keeping me fairly well aligned, and that is helpful.

Plus, all the bills for this month are paid, we are well-stocked on groceries, and I take time to lay down with cats every day.

Those things really help, but so do achievable goals!

Spotlight on Amanda Gorman: Black History Month 2024

I had gotten out of the habit of reading poetry with these months, but this time around it occurred to me to read through Amanda Gorman.

Now, if I look at her Wikipedia entry there is some other work listed, but this was all I could find in books:

The Hill We Climb: An Inaugural Poem for the Country

Call Us What We Carry: Poems

Something, Someday (illustrated by Christian Robinson)

Change Sings: A Children's Anthem (illustrated by Loren Long)

I suspect that her other work may have appeared in literary magazines and student publications, so may not be too easy to locate.

What I found I enjoyed a lot.

I want to focus on Call Us What We Carry. 

If felt very much like a part of student work, but not because of the quality level. The quality was amazing.

As it was, the different sections played with different formats, and there were classical allusions but also bits of history and science. It reminded me of that mix of being a college student with so much information available all around you.

It was invigorating.

At the same time, it was a record of the pandemic, and the grief and fear that went with that.

It was emotional, and I felt that, but then what stuck with me was the ability to pull from so many sources and combine them into new, interesting, and evocative forms.

Gorman is incredibly skilled and so young that it is wonderful to think that we could have her and new work from her for many years. 

Opening up

Recently I wrote about noticing people having unmet needs for talking:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/03/shortcuts-in-speech.html 

I have a lot of sympathy for that, but there was something else recently that gave me some trepidation:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15307068/ 

The Mother of All Lies is a 2023 Moroccan film that recently played at the Cascade Festival of African Films. 

The film is not linear.  

In 1981, heavy price increases for basic food supplies led to the Casablanca Bread Riots, which inspired a heavy government crackdown. The official government death toll was 66, but the opposition reported 637, which seems more likely.

To protect that lie, bodies were taken and dumped in a mass grave, buried over and locked away. 

One thing that aided the government's ability to tell their lie is that there is only one known photograph, and it doesn't show much.

The movie starts with a much simpler lie. When she was a child, director and narrator Asmae ElMoudir wondered why there were no pictures of her. Her mother said there was and brought her a photo, but it was a photo of three strangers.

Later it turns out that her mother stole that photo from the school, so her daughter would have something. There were no photos because grandmother (Asmae's mother's mother-in-law) forbade them. 

One early segment of the film reenacts young Asmae sneaking out and getting a photo taken and hiding it, the only photo of her when young.

From what we know at that point, Grandma is an old bag -- that is made clear early on -- and there is a nasty scene of her calling Asmae's mother a thief and a liar. The mother doesn't even deny those words, just repeating that it's her daughter and she will tell her what she wants. When her mother sees the picture Asmae took all those years ago, she commends her. "Good for you."

Still later we learn that the grandmother was married when she was twelve and gave birth to twins, who died shortly after having their photo taken.

Some rules about idolatry can seem to forbid photos of humans, but most people don't interpret them that way, perhaps unless the worst happens.

For Asmae, at the time she felt like with no photos you have no history. One can see how she got into film. 

As we go over national and family history, the re-enactments are done with little clay figures in a small replica of the neighborhood. Asmae's trip to the photographer happened there, but so did the Bread Riots, the subsequent arrests, and the disappearances.

Being in the space away from home (at home the walls have ears) and having those visual reminders -- to jog the memory but also to provide some distance -- is how Asmae gets her family members and two of their neighbors to talk about what happened. 

You would hope that over forty years later there would be no fear in talking about it, but even with a memorial, there are still protesters trying to get more information. They wave photos of their dead. One woman cannot get her sister declared dead unless she affirms that she died of natural causes. 

Using toys or drawings or other ways to get at trauma is not unknown, but the area where I started to get nervous was as people did start talking about the events, and how much it hurt them. One wished he were dead. 

They were struggling as they faced these memories, and I worried for them; were they gong to be okay?

There is so much more in the movie than that, but that was when I was most alarmed. Could they bear up under facing that past and speaking their pain?

I remember a period in my life when I felt so fragile that a kind word would have shattered me into a million pieces. I was just trying to hold it together.

And yet, in that non-linear film, it did seem that everyone was a bit lighter after they came out on the other side, including Grandma.

It can be okay, but it can be a messy process getting there. 

There can be a lot of drama that does not result in healing, but sometimes the only way to healing is through mess.

We need to be able to make space for that.

Daily Songs: February

This list of songs jumped all over the place. Much of it was inspired by reading, but not all.

First of all, one thing I enjoyed at Christmas was a White House video showing off some decorations with an ensemble from Dorrance Dance:

https://www.dorrancedance.com/

They used a jazzy version of the Waltz of the Flowers, "Dance of the Floreadores", by Duke Ellington.

I had almost started the next idea, but then some people being ridiculous about the Grammys inspired me to include not just "Fast Car" but also two other songs where you have Black people participating in country. 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/02/fast-car-discourse.html 

"Texas Hold 'Em" wasn't even out yet! What is wrong with people?

I had also started thinking about the different songs that related to books I had been reading. That was especially true of books by Jerry Pinkney and Brian Pinkney. That is where we get "We Are...". "Little Diva", "Swing Shift", and "God Bless the Child". 

They also worked on a book with Gloria Jean Pinkney, Music From Our Lord's Holy Heaven. She recorded songs for it, and there was a CD included, but they are not on the internet. Mahalia Jackson's version of "Go Tell It On the Mountain" was used as a nod toward that.

I am still going through the works of Jerry and Gloria Jean, Brian's parents, but I did finally finish going through the work of Brian himself, and there will be a spotlight on him.

(You may remember a previous spotlight on his wife Andrea.)

I also focused on the poetry of Amanda Gorman this Black History month (that will be another spotlight) and Change Sings really did seem to sing. I did find a version set to music. I don't know that it is officially endorsed, but I used it.

That is not very many songs.

In terms of things that were missing, it really feels like there could be some good songs from the work of Paul Laurance Dunbar. I suspect there are some, but I didn't know where to find them. (I have read some of his poetry before, but there was an illustrated collection that both illustrating Pinkneys contributed to that came up recently.)

Also, Amerie is a singer, and it really seems like You Will Do Great Things could work sung.

Most of the remaining songs came from listening to some artists from Rip It Up: The Black Experience in Rock 'n' Roll, edited by Kandia Crazy Horse.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/09/black-music-month-2023-final-thoughts.html

I have so many bands to listen to, from both her and Maureen Mahon's writing; this is just a drop in the bucket, but I am glad I at least got that drop in.

And for Leap Day, I don't see how it could have been anything but "Jump". 

You may notice that even though this February had an extra day, that I still went one day into March. I wanted the next segment to be equally divisible by ten.

More on that later!

Songs:

2/1 “Dance of the Floreadores” by Duke Ellington
2/2 “We Are...” by Sweet Honey in the Rock
2/3 “Little Diva” by LaChanze
2/4 “Swing Shift” by International Sweethearts of Rhythm
2/5 “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman
2/6 "Old Town Road" by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus
2/7 “Mountain of Love” by Charley Pride
2/8 “Last White Christmas” by Basement 5
2/9 “Black Lightning” by the BellRays
2/10 “Cola Bottle Baby” by Edwin Birdsong
2/11 “Go Tell It On the Mountain” by Mahalia Jackson
2/12 “Somebody Up There” by The Blackberries
2/13 “Forbidden Love” by Bronx Style Bob
2/14 “Steppin' Out Tonight” by Beckie Bell
2/15 “Civil Rights” by The Bus Boys
2/16 “Wishes” by Jon Butcher
2/17 “Time Has Come Today” by The Chambers Brothers
2/18 “My Mom” by Chocolate Genius
2/19 “Parting Ways” by Cody Chesnutt
2/20 “Finally Peacefull” by Sam Clayton
2/21 “Searching For the Right Door” by Billy Cobham
2/22 “Bumble Bee Blues” by Papa John Creach
2/23 “Killing Floor” by The Electric Flag
2/24 “Baby Come Back” by The Equals
2/25 “Ghetto Heaven” by The Family Stand
2/26 ”Can You Get To That” by Funkadelic
2/27 “Hero In Me” by Jeffrey Gaines
2/28 “God Bless the Child” by Billie Holiday
2/29 “Jump (For My Love)” by The Pointer Sisters
3/1 “Change Sings” by Felix Glenn

Commemorating

I thought I would write some more about getting things out, but I think I need to finish at least one other book first. 

Instead I am going to write about one of the other things I am doing now: Celebrating National Days!

Both of my sisters are really into themes (as well as the whole family being pretty into holidays), and the teacher one tries to be aware of things that go along with the themes.

Therefore, it has been a pretty normal part of my life to hear that in two days it will be National Tater Tot Day, or something like that.

This year I decided to follow along and try and incorporate it more. 

I decided this before I quit, so it was not related to that. I suppose it is more fun now, but so is everything else.

Mainly, I try and incorporate it into meals, but in my own way.

For example, March 17th was not just Saint Patrick's Day, but also Corned Beef and Cabbage Day.

I love corned beef, but cooking does terrible things to cabbage (I don't care for it fermented either) so I always make it with carrots, and that is what I did again. I also made Sloppy Joes for March 18th, National Sloppy Joe Day. At that point we had too many leftovers to celebrate National Ravioli Day on March 20th, though I had nothing against that. 

Frankly, I had stew meat that I needed to use Sunday, so we are celebrating National Cheesesteak Day two days late, but I did get French Bread on the correct day, March 21st.

A lot of it does not make sense. Why is Peach Cobber Day on April 13th? Peaches are a summer fruit. I mean, if you have canned peaches that you set up the previous summer, maybe it can remind you to use them, but I don't know how many people still do that.

It is not all about food. There is a National Reconciliation Day coming up on April 2nd, and National Sorry Charlie Day on April 6th encourages us to view rejection from a different perspective. 

The first Wednesday in April is National Walking Day, though January 20th is Take a Walk Outdoors Day, so there is some repetition.

We "joke" that every day is Cat Day and Love Your Pet Day, at least in our house.

There are a lot that I just ignore, but I am at least aware of what's coming up. In fact, it was useful the other day that I knew that National Ferret Day was April 2nd, which I was not personally planning on celebrating.)

(I will celebrate National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day that same day, but I will celebrate it with jam.)

https://www.nationaldaycalendar.com/

NAHM 2023: Indigenous Identity -- Oklahoma

I don't have links for all of this, but I will include a few links. Two different examples, with two different tribes, but the same state.

I had been aware for some time that Oklahoma governor Kevin Stitt's membership in the Cherokee Nation may not be a result of actual Cherokee ancestry.

That was not completely surprising after reading Angie Debo's And Still the Waters Run, but I didn't pay a lot of attention to it. That original article pointed out that there is no process for removing someone's Cherokee citizenship.

His name would come up a lot for other things -- generally negative -- and that would make me think about the people attacking Buffy Sainte-Marie, Sacheen Littlefeather, and Lily Gladstone and wondering if there might not be a better use of their time.

Fairly recently, I saw an interview with the principal chief of the Cherokee Nation, Chuck Hoskin Jr.

Although he was asked specifically about Stitt, and expressed frustration with how much he is going against the interests of the tribe, he never brought that up. In fact, when asked about it he declines to discuss it: 

https://apnews.com/oklahoma-governors-tribal-fight-raises-ancestry-questions-61f53c6a2094c89f90b1a4190f08a7db

After all, it's not that anyone questions whether Clarence Thomas is Black.

Governor Stitt is also a bad actor in this next example, but he is not the main point.

https://ictnews.org/news/students-death-after-attack-elicits-calls-for-accountability

Nex Benedict was at one point incorrectly identified as Cherokee. The tribe confirmed there was no record, but still expressed sympathy.

In fact, Nex's mother is a Choctaw citizen, but Nex was not enrolled.

Choctaw Chief Gary Batton later released a statement Wednesday saying Nex’s mother is a Choctaw citizen.

“The loss of a child is always difficult for a community and a family to accept. Although Nex does not appear to be affiliated with our tribe, their mother, Sue Benedict, is a registered member. Nex’s death weighs heavily on the hearts of the Choctaw people. We pray Nex’s family and their loved ones will find comfort,” he said.

Many issues have been raised about identity and how it is defined over this posts. Is the tribe defined as a sovereign nation or a group determined by blood? Is there federal recognition or recognition on lower governmental levels? Is there a means to change that? What would the benefits be?

I don't intend to pose any suggestions for that; it would be very inappropriate for me to do so. 

However, I think there are good examples from both chiefs here. There may be official connections that we don't want, and there will be people connected but not officially. Handling that with grace and caring and a focus on what is important strikes me as the best way forward. 

That is how we place healing over harm, and that is very needed.

Shortcuts in speech

As much as I acknowledge the inadequacy of "She's slowing down", there are good reasons for it. That also came up in Origin.

I don't want to spoil the movie, so let's just say that the protagonist suffers multiple personal losses throughout. While talking to a friend, she talks about trying to navigate and communicate without screaming. One believes that if she wanted to scream, her friend would let her, but the friend's husband has just taken their children to bed... that would be very disruptive.

It is reasonable not to disturb others around you -- that is just being considerate -- but then we get this stigma where if you are too loud or disruptive you are seen as not fitting in.

Plus, what if we are allowing terrible situations to continue because everyone except psychopaths are being too considerate to get the issues out there?

(That is a real concern, but I am going to stick with the individual today.)

I remember once being in the middle of hard times, but I was going to be at an amusement park. I thought, "Well, I better scream when I am on the roller coasters and get it out."

I am not generally a screamer (roller coasters are more likely to make me laugh), but I tried it. 

It did not really help, maybe because that isn't my thing, or maybe because it was still too controlled.

As it is, not everyone who asks how my mother is doing needs the whole story. I have regular communication with my family, and the blog gets a lot of things out for me. I am probably okay, except there is this other thing I have noticed.

I keep finding other people who just have so much to say.

In one way, they aren't so much saying a lot as they are taking a long time to say it, like once someone is listening it unleashes some kind of desperation.

Personally, I have seen that with myself more since the pandemic started. Sometimes a conversation starts and I just can't stop talking.

So the thing that I am worried about is that we have something missing, where people have all of these pent up emotions that they can't express productively; are there things we can do to improve that?

Not all expression is productive. I think it goes better when the person talking has done some thinking about it beforehand (perhaps writing about it, in my case). However, if someone listening just helps affirm that the speaker is cared for, that can be worth a lot.

For a second "however", that can also end up being really draining for the listener.

Maybe everyone just needs to go into therapy, to have a trained professional guiding them among the landmines, but there's a shortage of people available. I know various people seeking therapy who have a hard time finding openings.

They can look because they have coverage. Not everyone does.

I don't have an answer here. I can only offer my sympathy and a general wish for kindness and consideration.

I am grateful that I am part of a good household situation and that I have a blog.

Do you have what you need?

Do you know what you need?

At least give it some thought.

NAMH 2023: Indigenous Identity - complexity

We have already covered some of the complexity behind how identity can be defined, but I want to cover a little more, mainly from things read in Indian Country Today newsletters.

Let's start with an article about Lily Gladstone and her Oscar nomination:

https://ictnews.org/news/a-wave-of-emotions-after-oscars

I have seen some messages previously with people irritated about her being called the first Native American nominee for best actress, with mention of Yalitza Aparicio's 2018 nomination for Roma.

North America has the descendants of the original inhabitants in Canada, the United States, and Mexico (and all of the Central American countries), and tribal boundaries often cross the national boundaries. Gladstone is the first indigenous nominee from the United States for best actress.

The ICT article gave a good perspective (without it being the main focus of the article) because it also mentioned Keisha Castle-Hughes, who is half Maori, as the first indigenous nominee for best actress in 2002.

Then, there was this one:

https://ictnews.org/news/winter-olympics-feature-three-indigenous-women

The focus is on hockey players, but there is a mention of Inuk biathlete Ukalek Slettemark, representing Denmark. Inuit for Denmark? Yes, because Greenland is an autonomous territory of Denmark.

This might have been more surprising for me, but Notable Native People mentioned Holly Mititquq Nordlum, an Alaska native who went to Greenland to learn traditional Inuit tattooing arts, Denmark apparently having been less persistent in eliminating indigenous culture.

Remember, I have been catching up on old articles, as well as reading various books, so these two articles are just a part of what I have been thinking about. I will try and make some coherent points.

https://ictnews.org/news/ncai-vote-to-exclude-state-recognized-nations-fails

There are tribes that are federally recognized, and tribes that are not. For tribes that are not currently federally recognized, starting that process can be expensive, and may not be easily within reach.

It is worth remembering that tribes are not a monolith, and there can be very different views -- even among neighbors -- about desired outcomes, though that may not justify invalidating the views opposite yours.

The concern raised about "fake" tribes sounds very similar (in my opinion) to the people attacking "pretendians". 

I was surprised reading comments on an interview with Rita Coolidge where she mentioned working with Robbie Robertson. Commenters were calling both her and Robertson fake. Also, the things they were saying, like there being no reason not to be enrolled... no, that doesn't hold up.

Which leads to one more article:

https://ictnews.org/news/fighting-for-native-honor

You can find native people who support native mascots. They may mean well, but I noticed this...

Several association members’ Facebook accounts feature Native American imagery, stories supporting nicknames and imagery mocking politicians, including President Joe Biden.

You might be drawing a certain type, and that's worth thinking about. 

That's not even that they are going to be conservative (though that is certainly more likely), but if all they can do is mock and attack, that's what you are going to get.

There are other ways of being, and I will try and wrap this up next week, but first, a reminder that anytime something like tribal termination or blood quantum or the Dawes Rolls were introduced, it acted as a way of transferring land to the settlers.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/01/native-american-heritage-month_26.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/02/native-american-heritage-month.html

How's your mom?

Have you seen Origin?

Directed by Ava DuVernay, the film goes over the genesis and content of Isabel Wilkerson's book Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents. 

I assure you that description does not do it justice.

This post is just based on one very small bit, though, where in asking about someone's parents, the answer is given "They're slowing down."

I have said that so many times, and I have heard it from others. I had just said it recently, so it stuck out more.

It's an accurate response, but realizing how common it is highlights how non-specific it is.

There are reasons we do that, and I think I want to get into that more next week.

This week, I want to answer the question.

Yes, she is slowing down. As she was starting to fall more, she has been spending more time in a wheelchair. She has always had a tendency toward swelling in her ankles, so they switched to a Geri Chair, which allows for some foot elevation and reclining.

It has definitely helped. There have been no falls and the swelling went down. 

It may also make it easier for her to doze off, but that wasn't hard before.

Recently we had been in a pattern for our visits. I would arrive and she would be dozing, but I would take her hand and she would wake up and start chatting. Although she is kind of past where her speech is coherent, there would be times when I could tell she was joking, or at least being kind of funny. Then she would get a little tearful, cheer up again, and doze off. 

The entire sequence would take about fifteen minutes. 

That had been the phase. We have been through other ones. There were times when she would talk for much longer, and it was speech I could follow, even though she was referring to events that never happened, or talking about recently being with people who were long dead, or naming children who never existed.

In the recent phase, it is not just that her words don't really make sense, but also that I can tell she is not really processing the things she hears and sees well. I say something, and she will look puzzled, then find something to say, but it doesn't relate.

This has alleviated fears I had that she would switch back to Italian and no one would be able to understand her; communication is not about words now.

She does hold my hand very firmly, so I feel like that's the most important thing I do now.

Well, there is value in getting a visual and staying on top of things... that would be important even if she were completely unresponsive. In terms of what she notices, though, I think the hand holding is now the most important thing. That is a change, but dementia is a process of constant adjustment.

So, here's the thing: on my last visit she barely woke up. 

She opened her eyes a few times,  and said a few words, but it was another downgrade.

My overall feeling is that she is sinking further away from the surface. Getting to her is harder. 

But that's such a long answer, and I don't know how long it will be accurate.

She's slowing down.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/08/more-about-my-mother.html

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/09/the-next-mourning.html

NAMH 2023: For "younger" readers and viewers

Last week's "Hodgepodge" was for works that didn't necessarily seem to go with anything else, but there was another category taking shape. I reserved those items for this week.

The tricky part is that "younger" is a fairly broad category (and there can be a fair amount of overlap even with those breakdowns), and it wasn't only books this time.

Pre-school:

Spirit Rangers (animated series, Netflix)

The Skycedar siblings (Chumash and Cowlitz) live in a national park with their park ranger mother and scientist father. They serve as junior rangers, but also as Spirit Rangers, where they can go to the Spirit Park and assist the spirit beings there. 

It's CGI, which I know not everyone loves, but the vivid colors really make the park beautiful, especially with the hot springs and other water.

There are simple lessons about things like courage and sportsmanship, with some extra fun for adults in hearing familiar voices, like Wes Studi as Sun and Tantoo Cardinal as Moon.

Remember by Joy Harjo, illustrated by Michaela Goode 

The artwork is really gorgeous here, with the important thing to remember being the connection to other life, and all life.

My Powerful Hair by Carole Lindstrom, illustrated by Steph Littlebird

This goes over the significance and history of hair really well, so covering times when hair was taken in residential school, times when hair was judged, but also when cutting hair can be appropriate and helpful. It provides good context that children can understand.

Elementary school:

Molly of Denali (animated series, PBS Kids) 

With a more traditional animation style, this is also the first nationally distributed children's show in the US to feature an Alaskan native.

One thing I appreciate is that the show features a much larger human network, with neighbors, friends, and extended family, but it is also clearly meant for older children, with more sophisticated concepts. It also teaches more about Alaska, with viewers submitting questions that Molly answers with filmed segments.

The Rez Detectives by Steven Paul Judd and Tvli Jacob, drawn by M.K. Perker

The humor in this comic book is a little juvenile, mostly being about how clueless the narrator is (setting up as a detective, no less), plus one of the villains. Then there are some surprisingly sophisticated site gags, and issues that one might not think of, like the residents of the reservation wanting ice cream on a hot day but being mostly lactose intolerant.

Notable Native People: 50 Indigenous Leaders, Dreamers, and Changemakers from Past and Present by Adrienne Keene, illustrated by Ciara Sana

This covers a wide range of people in different areas and with different origins and time periods. There are historical segments in between that can provide context for the lives featured as well. The individual stories can be inspiring, and give ideas for reports.

Teens and older:

Surviving the City # 1 by Tasha Spillett, illustrated by Natasha Donovan and Donovan Yaciuk

Set in Winnipeg, this graphic novel treats the issue of Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, imaginatively showing the influences and "ghosts", and also showing how easy it would be for someone to fall between the cracks. Nothing too terrible happens in this one, but the readers are very aware of the potential.

Frybread Face and Me

This movie -- currently available on Netflix -- focuses on teenagers, but as a coming of age story may mean more to adults who remember their own struggles.

Benny is sent to live with his Navajo grandmother while his parents split up, and has to deal with that, the displacement, and the judgment he faces from others as he becomes his own person.

"Frybread Face" is his cousin, Dawn, part of a tradition of teasing by aunts and uncles, mostly good-natured but not helpful, especially with the real issues the they face with families and life in general. Often there are not choices, but sometimes you can assert yourself, and sometimes you need to.

This is perhaps a minor detail, but the grandmother speaks only Navajo. When she is speaking to Benny, who cannot understand her, there are no subtitles, but when she is talking to Dawn, who does speak it, there are subtitles. It balances the empathy for not understanding with the need to know what is going on.

Anything I read or watch related to Native American Heritage going forward will not be written about until November 2024, probably.

I am still going to try writing some more about identity though.

In a good place

I am so happy.

It is not my intention to do a weekly update with what's happening on the job front -- I have plenty of other things to write about -- but I am so happy!

I knew I was not happy with my job, but based on the rebound in good feelings, it was worse than I realized.

It almost feels wrong, you know... so glad to be not working, one of those lazy entitled people the liberals think we should support...

Well, I do think it should be possible for people to enjoy their work, or get sufficient compensation that it makes up for not enjoying their work.

I also understand that a big part of my being able to enjoy this is that I can pay the bills for a few months without anything else happening, which is really important. I am aware of a ticking clock.

However, there is something else that is helping.

I have very ambitious plans for things I want to get done each day and week. While I have been getting some of them done, it is never all of them.

I was initially discouraged by that, except that I can see that I am making progress. 

What really helped was writing the post for the Sunday blog. 

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2024/03/changing-things-up-scripture-study.html 

It was about scripture study, but in writing it I realized that there were things that I had once wanted to do that I did not think would be possible, and yet I am working my way through. It took time and sometimes false starts and starting over, but the progress is real.

I have mentioned catching up on e-mail. From over 500 I am currently at 86, and having good experiences going through them.

I am getting somewhere. 

It is possible that I set unrealistic expectations for myself, but they are not wild fantasies either; they just require more time than I initially think they well.

I can deal with that. 

Lots of stuff to do though, so getting back to it.

NAHM 2023: Hodgepodge

I first abbreviated Native American Heritage Month last week, after realizing that when I was trying to search for specific posts, the opening was obscuring the relevant part.

Adding the year is acknowledging that I am trying to get to the end of this current section of writing and move on to other things, and that we are already in a new year. As it is, of the books I have not blogged about yet, the first one read was completed in March 2022.

Life circumstances put a pause on the blogging, but not on the reading, even if it slowed.

There are things that I know I still want to write about, but a lot of these don't fit into any particular theme. They had ended up on the reading list for various reasons, I read them, but even if there were strong reactions at the time they did not happen at a time when I could write about them.

Here are thirteen books in the order in which they were read, covering (but not exclusively) a period from March 2022 to December 2023.

No Turning Back: A True Account of a Hopi Indian's Girl's Struggle to Bridge the Gap Between the World of Her People and the World of the White Man by Polingasy Qoyawayma

Qoyawayma was a child when the white man started a school for white children and making attendance mandatory. She was initially hidden, but then sought out the school and eventually went away to school and became a teacher. 

The book deals with her acknowledgment of the ways in which that changed her, including disrespect for the culture of her birth, and her eventual reconciliation with that. The subtitle is overly long, but it was a real struggle for her, and I think that title felt honest for her.

Partial Recall: With Essays on Photographs of Native North Americans by Lucy Lippard 

Different writers are given historical pictures and write essays on them. The concept is interesting, and the execution fluctuates, as was practically inevitable. My favorite pieces were by Joy Harjo, Leslie Marmon Silko, and Gail Tremblay, who was new to me.

Pretty-Shield: Medicine Woman of the Crows by Frank Bird Linderman 

Pretty-Shield tells her life to Linderman, and it is really interesting and entertaining.

They were working with an interpreter and using signs, and there are times when that process leaves weaknesses, that is expressed in the text. 

The book is known for being the first of its kind about a woman. Reading it for the historical significance, it was much more enjoyable than I had any right to expect.

Trickster: Myths From the Ahtna Indians of Alaska by John E Smelcer 

This again is one that reads more smoothly than might be expected. I really appreciated the personal touch. The Ahtna are a small group, so Smelcer is working with family and acquaintances, making it very personal.

Legends, Traditions, and Laws of the Iroquois, or Six Nations, and History of the Tuscarora Indians by Elias Johnson

Conversely, while the tales are interesting here, there is a lot of treaty information and context, some of which drags.

That's the thing about history: things that are very important to understand can involve some very dry digging and delving. That's why when something is also enjoyable, I make a big deal out of it.

And Still the Waters Run... The Betrayal of the Five Civilized Tribes by Angie Debo

Speaking of... this book is dry sometimes, but it provided such important context for things that I read later and shed light on things that I had already read so that I can't have any regrets about reading it or surprise when other writers refer back to it. Foundational.

Raccoon by Daniel Heath Justice

This is part of a series of books about different animals, going over some of the zoological information but also lore and fashion and how the animal interacts with humans. It only ended up in this list because the writer is Cherokee, and yet that did have an influence on his understanding of the lore, and it was interesting, if a bit wandering. I would not be against checking out other books in the series, though there are lot of other books in the way.

Medicine River by Thomas King

Speaking of... I had realized at one point that as important as history is, to really have an understanding of people you need to read about them today, their fiction and memoirs and also in their own words. King is also part Cherokee.

I had read about this book in another book, and gotten it mixed up with This House of Dawn. 

I was frustrated by the inertia shown by so many of the characters. They had reasons for it, but it was aggravating.

An Act of Genocide: Colonialism and the Sterilization of Aboriginal Women by Karen Stote

This might be one of the more dry ones, technically, but there are two things that are really important about it. First of all, it is one illustration of genocide, which is real and must not be ignored. 

In addition, there is a lot to admire about how the data was compiled and reported, what the difficulties were, and what some of the solutions were. For someone taking on issues requiring research, there is some serious guidance here.

Native American Renaissance by Kenneth Lincoln

Published in 1983, it is a loving record of what is going on with art and literature and poetry right then, but it doesn't really hold up. It might be more interesting for people who were reading then, acting as a time capsule.

In the Beginning, The Sun: The Dakota Legend of Creation by Charles Alexander Eastman (Ohiyesa)

This gives the feelings of the winter teachings for the Dakota. Compiled in 1939, it was only published last year, and is a valuable resource.

Aboriginal Education: Fulfilling the Promise edited by Marlene Brant Castellano

Speaking of... One of the points mentioned here is that in traditional aboriginal education, the students would be taught by people who cared for them and about them. Ohiyesa'a writing demonstrated how that would be.

The book is primarily about different initiatives, with the methods and difficulties. It is probably due for update now, but there are some good points.

Men As Women, Women as Men: Changing Gender in Native American Cultures by Sabine Lang 

Speaking of dry... this is a really exhaustive account of what anthropologists had about transgender and two spirit people up to that time. There is a great deal of time spent on terminology, and it attempts to be respectful, which I appreciate. There is no overarching theme, as there is so much difference between the different groups and time periods. Probably the most interesting thing to me was how much it related to gender roles, which seemed to be much stricter in a preindustrial society, though I also could not help but wonder about the Observer effect.